Hey, I'm back! Sorry abou the wait, my Gateway's acting more like a Gateway than it should be.

Don't worry, it's fine now.

Well, here we are, Chappie 1.

Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo or any of the many brand names noted in this chapter.

CHAPTER 1: A DUNGEONS&DRAGONS-RIPOFFED TITLE

(or: are we getting the title too close to the game's?)

Mario and Goombella sprung out of the pipe, landed, and wiped the gunk off their shirts.

"Like, doesn't anyone, like, clean those things?' Goombella asked.

"The world may never know. Like the licks to the center of a Tootsie Pop, or if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about, or even where the crap Waldo is."

They both pondered, then off they wandered.

The author (me) is sometimes credited for being a poet without even knowing it.

Anyway, the duo wandered, past a relatively medium-sized dragon swooping by, barely missing them, and just going after a Toad instead (the heroes showed no interest), some stone thing (a little interest), and some annoying Koopa (any more interest and Bill Gates would be out of a job). This part is about the Koopa.

His name's Koops. He's very annoying. And right now he wants to go with Mario and Goombella.

"PLEASE LEMME PLEASE LEMME PLEASE LEMME GO WITH YOU!" Koops screamed.

"Hell no! You're more annoying than Toadsworth is boring!" Mario rejected.

Koops face lit up as he got an idea.

"Would you do it for a Klondike bar?"

You could see Mario struggling, but he just had to say…

"…yes… Alright, I said it. PLEASE GIMME THE KLONDIKE BAR!"

"OH YEAH!" Koops hollered.

"OH YEAH!" Mario said, munching on his Klondike bar.

"Oh nooooo…" the Kool-Aid Guy said as he keeled over from too much sugar.

The trio finally headed to Flowerburg and made it. There they found Kroop, who said they needed the stone keys to get to the Barbguy (the relatively medium-sized dragon)'s castle. So they just went to Barbguy and mugged him for the regular keys. They then went to that area by the castle and ran, bongo drums seemingly playing. Two guards outside just saw Mario running, bongos playing. They looked at Mario again, bongos playing, and just shrugged. Mario was still running, bongos playing. They looked closer. Mario kept running, bongos playing. Suddenly, Sir Lancelot ran by, killing everybody he ran by, Mario behind him. They got to the top, Lancelot left, and they found Barbguy again.

"Hey, that wasn't nice earlier!" Barbguy scolded.

"You want to see nice?" Koops said.

Mario suddenly pulled out a machine gun.

"Say hello to my little friend!" Mario screamed, as he tried shooting. He heard clicks.

"Dammit!"

So they all just took out brass knuckles, sticks, chains, and pipes, and mugged him again. The thing the author drew on the map (a crystal star) appeared, and Mario seized it, laughed like a giddy schoolgirl, and ran, taking Koops with him.

"Okay, that was, like, totally weird!" Goombella stated, and then chased after Mario.

Back at the place with the pedestal and stuff, Mario, Koops, and Goombella did the cheesy sequence again, and the author drew another crystal star on the map.

"Like, that's, like, the Not-So-Great Boggled Tree!" Goombella said.

Meanwhile…

"Does anyone care about my existence?" the second black box said.

"Blahblahblah me!" Prof. Frankly replied.

"Oh…zzzzz… dear…zzzzzz…."

Another meanwhile…
Some random time, the moon.

Peach, drunk off her ass, walked into Grodus' office.

"hic Hello… hic… I'm Peach…" She slumps over and goes unconscious.

"God, she's been doing that for the past two hours. Guards! Take her into her room and lock the door this time!"

Two X-Nauts walked in.

"Like, sure, dude. Want a pizza?"

"Like, sure, man. Yo, dude, are we ever gonna get that raise, man?"

"Dude, I dunno. I dunno, man."

The X-Nauts took her back. She woke up 15 minutes later, found a can of whiskey, and got drunk. The door out of her room opened up mysteriously. Peach again walked up to Grodus' office, and the scene happened again. TEC laughed his virtual reality ass off.

Well, that was... odd to say the least. Still fun.R&R, don't let the flames bite/go anywhere near me!