Hi! I'm back (again)!
(guys run into the charred remains of my writing place)
Heh... idiots, my security system can withstand a nuclear explosion! (BOOOOOOOOOM!)
I hope my insurance covers that...
Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, the DMV, Family Guy, Charlie's Angels, Monty Python, Duel Masters, Jack Daniels, or that small reference to some action movie where they raid some cottage. God that's a lot.
CHAPTER 2: I'M CONFUSED…
Mario, Goombella, and Koops wandered (my, we just love doing that, don't we) and found a little gray thingy in the sewers.
"Hi, I'm Punio, of the Punies!"
"You're damn well puny!" Mario said.
"Mario, there are children present!" Goombella scolded.
"Actually, I'm 33." Punio interjected.
"Exactly! I mean… wait… what? You're smaller than that tooth that seems to inexplicably stick up in my mouth if you look closely at the game or at a picture of me!" Goombella exclaimed.
"Gotcha! I'm only 13, but if you listen to my elder she curses a lot more than that fat guy."
"You mean Goombella, right?" Mario said.
"Uh, no, you."
"Ooh… yeah… wow… awkward moment…"
"Can we get a move on? Who are you, why are you here, and why can't the narrator get on with the plot?" Koops interjected.
"Right!" the narrator said.
"Okay then… let's all just forget this conversation and instead opt to move on." Mario suggested.
They all walked through the pipe to the Boggled Woods, around the Not-So-Great Boggled Tree.
"Hey, wait, you didn't answer my questions!" Koops realized.
"Oh yeah… I'm Punio of the Punies, I'm running from some freaks in weird costumes, and I dunno." Punio answered.
"Oh… okay!"
They all wandered some more and passed three purple THINGS (no interest), a small cottage (no interest), and the Not-So-Great Boggled Tree (some interest). They decided to go to the tree.
They walked up to the tree, which had a door with a traffic light over it. The light was red.
"Dammit! We can't go past a red light!" Punio complained.
"Why not?" Goombella asked.
"Because, the DMV Driver's Manual says you can't."
"Damn, you are puny." Mario commented.
"Can't you just wait? Honestly, lights really last about 3 minutes. At least they do where I'm from."
"Hey! Wait! Madam Flurrie can help us! There's some secret entrance, and only she knows where it is." Punio remembered.
"Where does she live?" Koops asked.
"That cottage we passed earlier."
So, the quartet (yes it's a word) wandered back to the cottage, where you could hear screaming, sobbing, and occasional blubbering. They ram the door open with a battering ram, then pull guns out and walk with their guns pointing up and against their ears. They walk towards the other door, and attempt to kick it open. But just as Mario's foot touches the door, a voice rings out. Or, really, sounded like a category 5 hurricane.
"DON'T OPEN THE DOOR! IT'S TOO HORRIFIC! I'M TOO UGLY WITHOUT MY NECKLACE!"
"Okay… wait, is that you, Madam Flurrie?" Punio asked.
"Oh, it's just you, Punio? Uh… ahem… yes, it's me, and I lost my necklace. I can't go out without it, I'd look too horrific."
"If we get it, can you help us getting into the tree?"
"Sure!"
The quartet walks out and passes by the purple THINGS, who notice them and block their way, forming a Charlie's Angels formation.
"Ahem… we were sent by Sir Grodus to stop you!" Beldam declared.
"We are… the Charlie's Angels!" Vivian said.
"No we're not, you idiot! We're the three Shadow Sirens! SHADOW SIRENS! For this incompetence, you must get a punishment too harsh for your actions that might either harden you for life or give you an everlasting loathing of me! Crucifix!"
"Beldam! You already gave me the crucifix! Remember?"
Flashback"Vivian! What are you doing?" Beldam asked angrily.
"Uh, breathing, living, vital life processes, otherwise, nothing really."
"What? How dare you! CRUCIFIX!"
End Flashback"Oh yeah… then I'll just send you to the Gorge of Eternal Peril or something…" Beldam sighed.
"Buh…" Marilyn, uh… said. Translation: "Damn you, vile woman! One of these days you'll kill her! Now I'm off to conquer the world! And I'm not a Stewie Griffin ripoff!"
The Shadow Sirens left, leaving Flurrie's necklace behind. Mario picked it up, and brought it back to the cottage. He slid it under the door, and after a bit, Flurrie came out, with a bunch of withered roses.
"Holy god! I liked it better when you were behind the door!" Mario screamed.
"My eyes! It burns!" Goombella and Koops screamed in unison.
"You get used to it." Punio said.
Mario ran up to Flurrie, ripped off the necklace, torched it, stabbed it, buried it, brought it back to life, killed it again, dunked it in lava, made it watch an hour and a half of Duel Masters (I hate the show), and finally threw it in the bottomless pit outside.
Madam Flurrie gasped, went through convulsions, and locked herself in her room before finding a new necklace.
"I promise you Mario, I will find revenge!" Flurrie screamed maniacally.
"How do you know my name?" Mario asked.
"Um… uh… I need a plot hole!"
A plot hole appeared, and Flurrie jumped into it.
Everyone went back to the tree, and light was now green.
"Told ya so." Koops remarked.
"Shut up." said Punio.
Suddenly all the Punies came out, being held hostage by two X-Nauts.
"Like, dude, surrender or they'll, like, die, man."
"Dude, totally."
"Dude, aren't we still waiting for those raises, man?"
"Oh yeah, dude."
The X-Nauts walked away, forgetting about the Puni hostages. Lord Crump also came out in his robot thingy.
"Now you will die!" Crump screamed.
Mario simply walked over and kicked the robot in that accordion-like leg which I never really got the point of. I mean honestly, can't you make it out of something sturdy, like steel or something? And-
"GET ON WITH IT!" a group of angry Vikings screamed.
Okay, okay! Anyway, the robot fell on its back and did that thing from Family Guy described in Chapter one (grabbed its knee and took deep breaths).
"Is that even possible?" Punio asked.
"Shut up. Never try and defy video game physics. At least, don't try to in a video game. In real life, defy them all you want. Just not here." Mario scolded.
"Sorry."
Crump suddenly stood up, chucked the Crystal Star at Mario, and then ran.
Mario, Goombella, and Koops wandered back to the sewers, where they did the cheesy sequence again and the author drew another star on the map.
"Hey, isn't that Blitzburg?" Koops asked.
"Blitzburg?"
"Yeah! They have this gladiator-type place."
"Wow. You'd think they'd excel in football or something." Mario commented.
Meanwhile…
Another random time, the moon
Peach was again drunk and in Grodus' office, but by invitation.
"So, Princess, I have a proposition for you. Do you want to, when we open the Millennium-Old Door Thingy, be possessed by some evil demon that destroyed the original America and thus cause the downfall of the human race?" Grodus asked.
For the references, go back to Chapter one. It's in italics.
"Will you give me a Jack Daniels?" Peach asked.
"Uh, sure." Grodus answered.
"Okay!" Peach said before passing out.
Well, that was less odd. I like how I portrayed the Shadow Sirens, especially Marilyn as being the smartest of the three. Well, R&R, and don't forget to not flame!