Hey guys! (guys are gone)
Hey, where'd they go? Oh, great, they found that hole.
At least I'm insured.
Here's the not-penultimate chapter (hey, we gotta have an epilogue!), hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, NASA, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and Star Fox (technically a part of Nintendo). New low brand name record!
CHAPTER 7: WE'RE TAKING THIS BABY TO THE MOOOON!
The group takes a subway (yeah, apparently there is one in Thiefplace. Rogueport, however, isn't as lucky) to the friendly local NASA base.
NASA Spokesperson: Hello, and welcome to NASA. My name is (CONFIDENTIAL!) and I'll be leading you o our tour.
Mario: Yeah, we don't have time for a tour. Can you just launch us into space?
Spokesperson: Well, that depends, how much cash do you have?
Mario: Uh… 250 coins.
Spokesperson: Oh, sorry, you'll need another 70,000 to get a launch. However, at the fee of a wild goose chase, you can get shot into space.
Koops: Ah, okay.
Spokesperson: Okay, you're going to have to find Goldbob to get a pass to go on, and find General White to be able to use it.
Goombella: I understand the pass, but do we need to find General White when there are engineers?
Bobbery: Shh, Goombella! Don't question their superior logic abilities!
Viv: Fine, okay.
The group heads out, and finds Goldbob in Rich and Snooty Ville.
Mario: How much for a pass to get shot into space?
Goldbob: All of your wealth.
Viv: REALLY?
Goldbob: Just kidding, personal joke. It's free, no one even gets shot now anyway.
Koops: Thank God, now I can get a Wii!
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The group, after going to every place that they've been to, go back to the NASA base without General White.
General White: Hi, I'm General White.
Goombella: YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME?!?!?!?
Gen. White: Yeah, been here 20 years.
Bobbery: The spokesman said to find you on vacation!
Gen. White: Oh, that's just a joke. Every spokesman does it. Do you have a pass?
Mario: Yep.
Gen. White: Okay then, prepare to be fired!
The group follows him to a randomly placed square in the ground.
Gen.: Okay, just stand here and we'll load you in.
Viv: Is this safe?
Gen: Of course not! If it was, people would use this more!
A giant cannon comes up out of the ground.
Koops: They're shooting us out of a huge beer bottle? Seriously, How can a beer bottle fire something out?
Bobbery: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THEIR SUPERIOR LOGIC?
The group gets shoved in by Bobbery, and blasted out and land by the X-Naut base.
Goombella: Wow, the moon IS made of cheese!
Koops: No, that's just yellow rock.
Bobbery: Ew…
The group finds the X-Naut Base, and a huge army of X-Nauts start to file out.
Viv: Holy shit…
Mario: Don't worry, they'll just be sucked into the cold vacuum of space!
Koops: Why aren't we?
Mario: Video game physics, remember?
The group walks past the asphyxiating X-Nauts and into the fortress, where they walk past a couple of floor tiles (the switch for the electricity was by the door), and stumble upon a robotic Thwomp.
Thwomp: You are now going to take a quiz OR DIE! First question: 2+2 A)4, B)5, or C) Minute rice?
Viv: A?
Thwomp: OH MY FUCKIN GOD, THEY GOT IT RIGHT! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!
The group walks out and heads to a different area, which has Lord Crump.
Crump: Ha! You're here! You'll never defeat me in my newly upgraded Magnus Von Grapple robot that has only a new paint job and pointier hands! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mario: Jeez, do we have to fight you AGAIN? It's been, like, three times already!
Crump: Well, uh… you see… DIE!
Crump charges at the group, who then sidestep (unlike those stupid DBZ people who always decide to run away instead of actually sidestep) the robot. Magnus falls off the ledge and makes a large hole in the ground, when Bobbery decides to be useful and just blow the damned thing to kingdom come.
Crump: Ooh… yeah… uh… LOOK! A DISTRACTION!
No one looks, and Crump doesn't move.
Crump: Uh… great, I'm out of ideas.
PLOT HOLE!
Mario: Whoa, what just happened?
Viv: Great, a plot hole. Now we have no idea what happened.
Koops: That sucks.
The group leaves the building, completely ignoring the computer that has the capacity of emotion and has figured out the Question to Life, the Universe, and Everything (which we currently believe is 'what is six multiplied by nine?'). After stealing some flares from inside the base, they see a nearby Arwing.
Bobbery: What the hell is Fox doing here?
Mario: Who cares?
Mario lights the flares (don't give me the oxygen problem, we already went over that), and the Arwing lands.
Fox: What the hell? Dammit, I knew I made a wrong turn! Now Andross is gonna win…
Koops: Don't care.
They hop inside the ship and take off, leaving Fox there.
Fox: HEY! WAIT UP! Ah crap, now the Lylat System is screwed! DAMN YOU MARIO!
On the Arwing…
Goombella: Hey Mario: We didn't find Peach there, did we?
Mario: Nah, I think somewhere in that plot hole Crump told us what's going on. Peach is in the Millennium-Old Door Thingy.
Goombella: Oh, okay. Hey Mario, do you know how to land this? The ground's coming up fast.
Mario: No, now shut up and find the manual.
Goombella: That's kind of useless, we're crashing now-
BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
The group, luckily having read the stupid little safety instructions, have all survived thanks to tiny rubber rafts.
Viv: Hey, where are we anyway?
Koops: Let's see… that sign over there says Thiefplace.
Bobbery: Good thing I sold all my stock.
The group is apparently right in front of the Door, due to the landing, and open it by making the Author do it. Jeez, these guys couldn't do it themselves? Lazy bums…
And in they go!
Yay! Final boss fight ahead! Also note- less narrator! Yay? Boo? Ah, whatever. R&R please?