Author's Note: The next few chapters are going to be a big flashback. Thanks for the reviews everybody, they're appreciated
Disclaimer: I do not own The Suite Life of Zack and Cody
Cody sent the finished message and rolled onto his back again, staring at the calming blue of the ceiling. As he waited for her reply, his thoughts began to drift back towards how he met her...
His eyes opened, but he couldn't see anything. Everything was out of focus. He blinked a few times, but everything was still a blur. He stood up, bracing himself against the wall. As he slid up the wall, he lost his balance and almost fell. Slowly, his head began to clear, and the blurred colors slowly became recognizable shapes. He was in his room, that much he knew. He tried to think back to how he ended up on the floor. He couldn't. He looked at the clock. "SHIT!" he thought. Did he black out?
The clock said 12:30. Had he really just passed out for two hours? He tried to remember, but all he could recall was standing one moment, then the next moment he was opening his eyes in a daze two hours later.
"What's wrong with me?" Cody said to himself. He'd been falling apart. Emotionally and physically. After somewhat regaining his composure, he sat down at his computer. He reached over and shut off the cool, dull lights; surrounding himself in inky blackness.
Cody let himself sink into deep thought, shutting out the world. "Why does it hurt so much? Everybody around me is happy, and has friends, and has people who care about them. Why don't I? Why am I so alone?" He stared off into the darkness. Nobody really cared what happened to him anyways.
Cody turned on his computer screen, blinded by the blue light as it bathed the room in it's cool glow. He opened his iTunes and went to his playlists. Which one tonight? Misery? Sorrow? The Edge? Depression? He settled on Loneliness and played it. "My Immortal" began to play as he sat in the dark. He brought up a word processor. He began to write yet another poem of his pain and the darkness that he could not escape as it drowned him.
As the sun rises every dawn
I don my mask and I am gone
I hide my sadness and my pain
And step into the falling rain
Behind this mask my sorrow lives
The tears are all my sorrow gives
The mask is black as is my mind
And 'mongst the tears I start to find
I am alone – alone to die
I am alone – alone I lie
Waiting for what I do not know
As I lay herein my lowest low
Blackness is all that does surround me
Darkness – it is all around me
And as the night comes closing in
I know that I can never win
The pain I carry never wanes
My sorrows are like iron chains
And no one comes to set me free
And no one tries to heal me
They look in and they pass me by
They pass me by and watch me die
And once the mask falls off they see
The scars the world has given me
They see my sadness and my pain
My sadness like the falling rain
And there they see me as I lie
For they just stood and watched me die
He finished typing and turned off the screen, still listening to the music. "What reason do I have to live?" he thought. "If I died tonight, not one person would miss me. My parents would feign sadness just because it's what is expected of people. My brother wouldn't really care. He hasn't cared since the start of high school. That was a year ago. I've lost all my friends in one way or another. Even Max, who I'd secretly been in love with, abandoned me and went off with Zack to join the preps of the school. That hurt the most of all. I have nobody. I am alone. Completely and utterly alone. Max had told me she was my best friend and that I was hers. But friends don't abandon each other. Especially at times like this."
He reached over and picked up a knife from the desk and flipped it open. He held it above his arm, ready to cut himself as deeply as he could. "Nobody would miss me if I accidentally cut a vein and bled to death. And nobody would bother to notice the scars if I were to cut myself." And he held the knife there for more than an hour, thinking of how nobody cared about him. And how him cutting himself and nobody noticing would prove that.
But then, Cody heard the door opening and closing and knew that Zack was home from whatever party he had been invited to this weekend. Cody folded the knife and put it away, bracing himself for what he knew was coming in a few moments.