As promised, this chapter is dedicated to THE ONLY MRS MALFOY! Yep, the correct answer is "Dance Dance" by Fallout Boy! Anyway, congratulations, winner! By the way, I took a look at your profile and by some freakish coincidence, I have a friend who's also "in love" with Draco Malfoy and her name's Kari too! Oh my. Hahaha.
Well, this is my longest chapter to date. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All rights go to Higuchi Tachibana.
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Two Quarters And A Heart Down
8: To Be With The One You Love
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What?
"Why?" I asked softly, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.
The girl visibly cringed from my incomprehension. "You want to know why!" she screamed, whirling her head to face me. I could see my lost, olive eyes twinkling in her furiously blazing teal ones.
"I hate the Academy!" she shrieked, shaking her head dramatically. She pointed an accusing finger at my father. "You people… You took everything away from me! The Academy deserves to be destroyed!"
I watched as her knees buckled and she buried her face in her hands, sobbing hysterically.
I wonder… what could the Academy have done to make this girl hate the school so much? I mean, I know that Natsume used to be really angry at the Academy too back when we were in elementary school but he was only mad at the adults; the higher-ups who manipulated him to do their bidding. He never directly wished doom on the Academy itself.
As for me, I can't say the last six years of my life have been very pleasant, either. My muscles ached just thinking about the training… But still, I don't regret any of that.
In the past, I genuinely enjoyed my time in the Academy. There were days that were so wonderful I never wanted them to end. I loved the people around me and even though I knew I wasn't allowed to write to Jii-chan, I was alright. The people and the atmosphere in the Academy just made me content about how the world was even though I had so many unfulfilled desires beyond the school boundaries.
Those things alone made me want to protect the Academy and everyone in it. That's why, every sullen day that I spent on that plethora of despair, I would deal with whatever hardships came my way because I knew I was there for a greater purpose in the future. I could use my Alice to protect others instead of just myself. I wouldn't be useless any more and I wouldn't be a burden to anyone! That's how I've managed to survive the time on the island.
Carefully, I swung my legs over the hospital bed and tentatively got up. Ouch ouch ouch… My whole body ached.
I glanced at the girl and my eyes widened in shock. I guess I must've activated my Alice in a natural retaliation to the pain because I felt…
"Barrier Alice?" I inquired uncertainly.
"Yeah, that's Chisa's Alice," Koko piped up. "She was the one who put up the barrier last night."
If possible, my eyes widened even more. "So that's why the barrier was put up so effectively… She was in the area… And she wasn't one of Reo's Shades-sans…"
Suddenly, I felt it again.
It was faint and only for a moment but I was certain of its erratic presence.
The black smoke.
"Mikan," Aoshi-san spoke up quietly. "You felt it too, didn't you? The black smoke."
"Eh? You know about it - ?"
"It was here in the Academy grounds last night as well."
"What – "
"Mikan," my father's voice was deadly serious. "All of you," he gestured at everyone in the room, "there's something you all need to know. Mikan," he gazed down at me balefully. "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. This is about our enemy."
"Our enemy? The Anti-Alice Organisation?" Yuu inquired.
"No, I'm afraid we're facing something even greater. That organisation is only a puppet for that person."
There it was again.
The black smoke… Stronger this time. I was sure of its presence. I could sense it in the next room, along with Fire Alice!
I threw the blankets off of me and sprinted to the door, ignoring my body's silent protest. "Mikan! Wait!" Ruka yelled.
I stopped at the doorway and looked at my father. "Tell me later, okay? I have to go see Natsume."
Aoshi-san nodded. "I understand."
I looked into his emerald eyes once more for confirmation before running down the hallway.
It was a promise.
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"Natsume!"
Panting, I barged open the door to Natsume's ward. He was on the hospital bed, an oxygen mask strapped to his face, no less. To make things even worse, his body was gleaming with sweat and his body was contorted in pain.
The presence of the black smoke was strongest here.
Kenta and Hiro came running behind me. "So the rumours were true…" Kenta conspired darkly. He eyed Natsume warily. "Kami-sama! The smoke!"
We stared in horror as a giant entity of black smoke swirled around Natsume, seemingly suffocating him.
"Wha… What is this?" Hiro asked no one in particular.
The whole room was engulfed in a sinister atmosphere. I felt raw, unadulterated fear clutch my heart and tears welled up in my eyes. What was happening to Natsume?
I didn't care if the black smoke was the result of another Alice or if it really was an evil spirit; I had to save him! He would've done the same for me.
Cautiously, I approached Natsume's bed with resolve in my eyes. I glanced apprehensively at the swirling black tendrils and gripped Natsume's cold hand.
I closed my eyes and summoned the white light; the same white light that could dispel any Alice at my will.
The atmosphere significantly lightened up (literally) as the ominous presence was dispelled. I smiled warmly; ready to greet Natsume when he opened his eyes but it didn't look like he was going to do so any time soon.
I sat beside him on the bed, clutching his left hand to my chest. He was calmer now; he looked at peace with himself.
"Let's go, Hiro," I heard Kenta say.
"Hai, sempai," Hiro muttered before snapping the door shut.
I looked down at my body to find myself garbed in a white, knee-length, spaghetti-strapped dress. It was very pretty with embroidered flowers at the hem. Someone must've changed me out of the filthy sweats and jeans I wore last night.
I glanced at the thick sheet of sweat on Natsume's forehead and sighed. I looked around the room for a spare cloth but there was none. Oh well. If it was for Natsume, it was worth disposing of this dress.
I ripped off some of the soft white fabric, folded it and used it to gently dab at the sweat on Natsume's face. He was definitely going to get sicker if someone didn't dry him off.
After wiping his face and neck, I noticed the way his white T-shirt clung onto his chest because of the sweat. I told myself to get up and look for a new shirt for him but instead I found myself staring at his, um, torso.
I guess I was pretty, well, engrossed because I didn't hear the door open until the "visitor" spoke up.
"My, my," a voice snapped me out of my trance-like state. "I don't remember assigning a nurse for Hyuuga-san."
Panicking, I whipped around, blushing furiously. "Um, um, gomen! I-I, ah, I'm a friend of his and I was just…" I trailed off as I recognised the man before me. I blushed even harder if that was possible.
Piercing lavender eyes and black hair. The man before me was definitely Hotaru's aniki. "Imai-san?" I glanced at his white coat and corrected myself. "Oh, I mean Imai-sensei. I didn't know you were working at the Academy hospital as a doctor. Thank you for taking care of Natsume-kun." I bowed politely.
"Sakura-san, right?" He walked past me and took out a thermometer from his coat pocket. A change of clothes was tucked under his arm. "With my Healing Alice, a doctor was the most promising career choice for me. I'll change Hyuuga-san's clothes." He noticed my eyes darting nervously between Natsume and the closed door. "It's okay. You can stay."
I relaxed and sighed in relief. I watched Subaru take Natsume's temperature and check his body for signs of ailments with glowing hands. I turned my back on them when I saw Subaru lift Natsume's shirt to change him.
"All done," Subaru said simply. "I'll go check on Narumi. That man isn't getting any younger and he shouldn't be running around the hospital like a spirited schoolgirl now." He stalked towards the door. As his hand rested on the doorknob, he turned around and looked me straight in the eye. "You need to rest too, Sakura-san." He added softly, "Please take care of Hyuuga-san."
"H-hai!" I acknowledged and bowed deeply to show my gratitude. Behind me, Natsume was stirring.
I sat beside him on the bed and waited for him to wake up but once again, he didn't. I guess he must've been really tired.
I stared at his cheekbones. Wasn't he eating enough? He had dark circles under his eyes too. He really deserved this time to rest so I made a mental note not to wake him up.
Subaru had removed Natsume's oxygen mask. His chest was steadily rising and falling to indicate that he was breathing normally.
As quietly as I could, I crawled under the covers and lay beside him.
I stared at his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful now, with his eyes closed and concealing the torment and anguish rampaging in his crimson irises; I don't think I'd ever seen him so content before.
His lips were parted slightly. I sighed. His lips…
I moved my body closer to Natsume and raised my head slightly to rest in the nook between his neck and shoulder. He stirred slightly and I giggled softly. Was my hair tickling him?
I closed my eyes and listened to his heartbeat.
When I kissed him last night… That wasn't the first time I tasted his lips.
I remember; it was Christmas Eve in my first year of the Academy. Everyone was going to start the countdown to open the presents soon and Natsume was nowhere in sight. I didn't want him to miss out on the occasion so I looked for him.
I found him sitting behind an enormous Christmas tree, isolated from everyone else. I sat beside him, opening my mouth to ask him to come join everyone else when he did it.
The same time everyone cheered and the fireworks exploded to indicate that it was officially Christmas, Natsume held my chin and placed his mouth over mine.
No mistletoe was above us nor did he ask for my permission to kiss me.
I had always considered Natsume a pervert, what with his incessant teasing about my panties, but when I felt his lips on mine…
His lips were so warm and the kiss was so innocent and child-like.
It was then that I discovered a new side of Natsume.
The very next day though, I was taken away to train.
How would I explain the kiss I gave Natsume last night? Maybe I was just starved for affection. Maybe I did it so I could find that side of Natsume again; to know it was really him to convince myself that yes, I was back at the Academy at long last.
How do I even explain how I feel about Natsume?
When he kissed me six years ago, was it supposed to mean that he liked me? It was the thing I thought about the most besides the prospect of returning to the Academy during my time on the Black Hole.
Whenever I thought about Natsume, my heart did loop-de-loops and sometimes I found my breath caught in my throat.
I knew I liked him… But how much did "like" extend to?
I wanted to be there for him always. I wanted to be the one he turned to when he was hurting inside. I wanted to be the one who eased his pain. I wanted to be the one whom he could talk to about anything. I wanted to be the one who comforted him; to make him feel better. I wanted to be the one whom he saved his smiles for; yeah, I wanted him to smile just for me.
I wanted to be the one who loved.
Love, huh?
What am I doing, thinking like this?
What did I know about love anyway?
I'm sixteen already but I know I'm clueless about matters of the heart.
I loved Jii-chan and I love Narumi-sensei (it's too early for me to decide whether I loved Aoshi-san) but I don't love Natsume that way. It was parental love.
I loved Hotaru but what I felt for Natsume… I wanted it to go beyond platonic love.
I like Natsume, right? But do I like him enough to love him?
Was I worthy of loving him? I wasn't just another fan girl, that's for sure. But… what did I want to be for Natsume?
I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me with those intense, calculating ruby gems of his.
A sob escaped my throat and tears spilled again. Baka, I don't even know why I was crying!
Natsume didn't say anything but embraced me; engulfed me in his arms. He stroked my hair and rubbed my back soothingly. Slowly, he was taking my pain away.
I wanted to be the one who took his pain away.
I wrapped my arms around his neck.
Right now, the black smoke didn't matter. Aoshi-san's announcement didn't matter.
I don't know what's wrong with me but I started wailing harder.
I was confused about my feelings. I liked Natsume, but was that all there was to it?
I wanted to be with Natsume all the time. I wanted to talk to him. It didn't even matter whether he cared about my problems or not. I just wanted him to be there to listen to me. I wouldn't care if he didn't have the solutions. It was enough that he was there with me. I wanted to keep him near me to make sure he was safe; that he wasn't going off on any dangerous missions without me to protect him.
I wanted to hide Natsume from the world; to protect him from the judging eyes of others and to prevent him from seeing the ghosts of his past.
I knew it was selfish of me.
Natsume didn't, and never will, belong to me.
That knowledge rang clear in my mind and it pained the very depths of my heart.
Natsume was Ruka's best friend; Youichi's onii-chan; the Academy's silent protector and a pillar of hope for some. He was the object of admiration and respect for many students in the Academy.
It was selfish of me to even think about keeping him to myself.
What is love anyway? I don't want to just "like" Natsume; I wanted to be able to love him too.
But could I? Could I?
I don't even know my own feelings.
And even if I did, I was afraid to tell him.
I was afraid of rejection.
I mean, Natsume was devilishly handsome and there were lots more girls out there who mere much smarter and more beautiful than I am. I'm just some empty, abused shell of a child who let herself be used to benefit others. I'm nothing more than a living, breathing tool.
But if he used me, I wouldn't mind.
I knew about Natsume's hard past and how much he has suffered because of it. He was also being used by the Academy but he was more than just a tool. He was befriended by Ruka, admired by Youichi and loved by me…
I gasped and my shoulders tensed. I stopped crying.
"Mikan?" Natsume inquired softly. "What's the matter?"
I… love Natsume?
No, that can't be, I reasoned with myself. I'm too stupid to even know what love is. I can't even love my own father.
But you do love Natsume, my heart nagged.
Love, love, love…
"Hey, Polka-dots, what's wrong?"
I don't even want to think about that any more. It hurt me so much just thinking about my definitely passive affection for Natsume. The world was just way too screwed up; no, my own feelings were screwed up.
Imagine how much more hurt I would be forced to feel if I verbalised this. Especially with Natsume around.
I buried my head in his chest and listened to his heartbeat once more.
I guess this was really the first time I actually took the time to think about my feelings for Natsume.
I didn't care about the black smoke or the AAO. The biggest obstacle in my life was Natsume himself.
Kami-sama, was it appropriate to feel this way? I mean, knowing Natsume, maybe that kiss six years ago was just a joke…
The way he was tenderly holding me now… The way he was stroking my hair to pacify me… It was only because he felt pity for me.
No one could possibly love me; especially Natsume.
I was just an empty, broken shell of a girl. No one wants to recycle litter. My own mother doesn't even want me. I can't even love my father. What does this tell you about me?
All my life, I guess I've just been annoying and useless. The only thing I was good for was helping the Academy fight the AAO.
And then what? What lay in store for me when the battle was over?
I have no one to turn to.
Kami-sama, why does everything have to happen so fast? Before, I never really had to make decisions with such dire consequences but now… Is this karma's compensation?
Fate is never kind.
I pushed myself away from Natsume and looked at him in the eye.
My heart was beating wildly and my brain was screaming at me that there was no way Natsume would ever return my affections. I don't deserve him.
But on the other hand, I was never really good at using my head to figure things out. All my friends always made that very clear to me.
Am I the only one in love? I needed to know.
Haeret lateri lethalis arundo.
It hurt just looking at those crimson eyes of his. They were so beautiful it must've been a sin for a pitiful girl like me to be looking at them.
Kami-sama, forgive me for I'm about to commit another sin.
I cupped his cheeks and lightly touched my lips to his.
No reaction.
I was right then. He didn't feel the same way.
I gasped as I felt Natsume tighten his hold on my waist and deepened the kiss. He was kissing me back!
After what seemed like eons, I broke the kiss. I was going to suffocate if I didn't gasp for air.
I twisted the fabric of what was left of my dress. I felt one strap come undone. I was too embarrassed to face Natsume.
Natsume grasped my chin gently, forcing me to look into those eyes again. Maintaining eye contact was difficult.
"What do you feel for me?"
I looked away. The nerve of that guy! Why the hell was he asking me what I felt for him when I just showed him! Not on one occasion, but on two occasions!
"What's wrong? Are you afraid to tell me, little girl? I thought friends told each other everything."
Damn Natsume! Wasn't it obvious I wanted to be more than just friends? He was making this difficult for me on purpose! I huffed and voiced this out to him.
To my fury, he chuckled! "Hey, how dare you laugh at me when I'm pouring my heart out to you!" I glared at him.
He smirked. "Now there's the little girl I know."
"I'm not a little girl anymore, Natsume-baka!"
His smirk widened. He leaned in closer, pinning me against the wall and towering over me. "Of course. You're definitely not a little girl any more," he eyed my chest. I covered it, blushing. Pervert! "You're my Mikan."
Our attention was diverted to the doorway as we heard the clutter of a tray and the crashing of plates.
Spilled milk and broken cookies littered the floor along with broken china. We glanced up to see a raven-haired girl turn abruptly and hurriedly walked down the hallway.
I saw it.
The raw pain and disappointment in Hotaru's eyes.
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To be continued…This chapter was certainly full of Mikan's self-delusion, ne? But still, neither of them have actually voiced their feelings out yet.
Next chapter, there's going to be a little heart-to-heart between Hotaru and Mikan. Also, the identity of the person behind the black smoke will be revealed either in the next chapter. Also, what happened to Urumi and Persona…? Hmm…
Here's another challenge: whoever can give the best definition for the phrase "Haeret lateri lethalis arundo" will have the next chapter dedicated to her/him!