Cristina sped down the highway, her neck exceptionally cold from the Seattle breeze encasing itself around her. She was used to her hair being there to shield the wind.
Nonetheless, she loved riding her bike anywhere, she felt free and alive, like nothing could hold her back.
Especially the four walls of their apartment, enforcing a cold reality upon her.
She shook her head angrily as she pulled into the hospital parking lot at the very thought of him trying to pay her bills for her. They'd had an argument about that, many many months ago that he would never try to do it again, as it made her feel like her mother.
She refused to live with Burke and sponge off of him as well.
Cristina Yang was a young, independent woman, and she wouldn't have some man just come in and start taking care of her and waiting on her hand and foot.
Something small and insignificant tugged at her, telling her that she wasn't being reasonable, that she wasn't giving him a fair chance, but she could see in his eyes that he thought she was weak, different, needy.
And she didn't want to be needy.
She crept towards the door of the hospital with trepidation, her heart rate and respirations increasing, she could hear her heart pounding heavily in her ear.
"Cristina?" a voice from behind her.
She spun to see Meredith jogging lightly to catch up with her, wearing her scrubs, and Cristina's heart sank.
Something inside of her wanted to see Meredith kicked out of the program and as pathetic and miserable as she was. Of course that wouldn't happen to Meredith, Ellis Grey was her mother.
And Ellis Grey was the best.
Cristina used to fantasize about the day that she would make names like Ellis Grey obsolete and when med school students would fantasize about becoming her.
"Hey, what's up?" Meredith questioned her breathelessly.
"I'm here." Cristina uttered at her, not even casting her a sideways glance.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know. You're all dark and twisty, you'll figure it out." she sighed, walking towards the stairs of the hospital.
Meredith followed her, "You seem different."
Cristina spun to face her, "Okay, I thought you took the elevator."
"You're taking the stairs." Meredith argued, "I wanted to talk to you. I haven't talked to you since you got to go home..."
"Well, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to you for another year, because for the next year, while you're doing surgeries and moving on in your residency, I'm at home suturing bananas and chickens. Do you know why? Do you know why I'm not talking to you? Would you like to guess why?"
Meredith shrunk away from her, "You forgave me." she mumbled low.
"I retract it. Now, go use the elevator, and I'll use the stairs, and we can go about our business."
"Cristina, you're not being fair." Meredith protested.
"Do you want to discuss what's fair? Let's discuss the fact that you plowed into me while you were driving drunk and you are here at work, getting off with no more than a little fine, some suspension time and a slap on the wrist."
"Cristina..."
"Let me finish, Meredith. We need to discuss this justice that you claim I'm robbing you of...you were on suspension. For a month, but you came back to the program? Me, I was trying to die in a hospital bed, more than one time, and I've been out of the program too long and I have to wait a year to try to re-enter the program, a brand new intern all over again." she continued, her voice frantic with anger and dripping with venom.
"I'm sorry."
"Words. Details." Cristina muttered, walking away from her, leaving her 'best friend' to ponder her actions on the stairwell.
She moved towards the Chief's office, and was within feet of it, pondering everything she could say to him to get herself back into the program, to shift her reality back from one of chaos and disorder to one of normality and semi-happiness, but she froze.
What if he said no?
What if she angered him into kicking her out of the program permanently?
She needed to tread lightly through these unknown waters, maybe she could work on her sutures for just a couple more weeks, then try to prove herself to somebody, the Chief, Bailey...somebody that would listen to her for just a moment, would see that she wasn't weak, that she was ready to come back.
Her mind trailed to Burke, and his restrictions on her practice.
She longed for normality in their relationship, to return to that comfortable place that they knew so well. To return to the days where she almost enjoyed his nagging for something more in their relationship, though she would've never admitted to it.
There was only one thing she could do to get that normality back.
Even if it meant hurting him in the process.
A/N: I'm feeling angry and bitter tonight.