Ann's father told her four weeks after Danny was shot down the Air Force was getting ready to discontinue the search for him. Dad explained that the decision was made reluctantly, but with no sign of him it was determined that he either hadn't survived the crash or he'd been caught and was now a prisoner of war.
Danny's father was beside himself with frustration and asked his wing commander if he could continue the search on his own. His initial request was turned down, but he persisted and after a few days the commander changed his mind with the stipulation that Major McCawley would not fly out alone. And that meant that Dad would go with him.
Ann stood in the doorway of her parent's room as Mama sat at the foot of their bed and watched as he packed his travel bag. She could see how worried her mother was, but knew she wouldn't say anything. Ann understood how important it was to Dad to help his best friend find his son even though it meant flying into a combat situation. The major's son was missing and he wasn't about to give up on him.
She left them to say goodbye and walked to her room.
She sat down on her bed and on her nightstand, the snow globe Danny gave her for Christmas caught her eye. It sat in front of the picture of them from Senior Prom and she saw again how handsome he was in his full dress uniform.
"We'll find him honey, Rafe's goin' to see to that." Her father's voice from the doorway was gentle as he walked into the room and sat down next to her. He put an arm around her and Ann put her head down on his shoulder.
"I don't want anything to happen to you." She said quietly. "It's hard enough trying to deal with the fact that Danny is still missing but I don't want to have to worry about you too."
"You don't need to worry about me Annie; I'm an old hand at this sort of thing. I made it through two other wars without anythin' happenin' and I don't plan on it happenin' now."
"I know you don't, but I'm sure the North Vietnamese will have other ideas about that." She sighed.
"Mama told me you had a dream about Danny when you were at your grandparents and that's why you came home early." He stated. "Is that true?"
Ann nodded. "I don't want to have the same kind of dream about you."
"I know honey, I don't want you to either. So just keep a good thought for me, for Danny and his daddy. In a few days we'll all be home, safe and sound." He tried to reassure her and all she wanted to do was cry. Her father seemed to sense it and tightened his hold for a moment. "Your mama tries to put on a brave front so you kids won't worry, so I'm goin' to ask you to do the same for her. She's goin' to have enough on her mind worryin' about me and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't give her any extra reason to worry about you."
"Yes, Sir." Ann promised and sat up. "Just be careful."
"I will Annie." He answered as he stood up. "I need to say goodbye to your brother and sister before I go. We'll be flyin' to Okinawa and start the search from there."
"Dad, if the Air Force hasn't been able to find him, what makes you think you will?" She asked with a sigh.
"To the Air Force, Danny is just a pilot. He's a damn good one, but he's just a pilot. But Rafe's got more ridin' on this search because he's lookin' for his son." He said in way of explanation.
"And my heart." Ann said quietly, not thinking that her father might hear.
"That's another reason to keep a good thought honey because I'd wager that you have his heart too." Dad's voice was gentle. "I'll try to get a call through to you when we find him and let you know when we'll be home, all right?"
She nodded as she got up from the bed and put her arms around his neck. She felt his arms around her and he patted her back in comfort.
"You're a strong girl, just like your mama and you'll handle what ever happens." He said and Ann got the feeling that he was trying to prepare her for the worst possible outcome, but made a small concession as well. "Danny's a strong young man too, and he was well trained for this kind of a situation."
"I know he was. Hank told me pretty much the same thing."
"And he would know, wouldn't he?" He smiled.
"Yes, he would." Ann smiled back. "You better get going if you're going to say goodbye to Shelby and Tom."
"You are just like your mama." Her father's smile turned into a grin just before he turned around and walked out the door.
She sat back down on the bed and could feel a flood of tears behind her eyes wanting to spill down her cheeks, but knew they wouldn't. Crying wouldn't solve anything accept to make her miss Danny even more than she already did and worry about her father.
"Your dad is a fine pilot Ann." She looked up at the sound of her mother's soft voice. Mama looked awfully pale and Ann knew that it was taking a real effort to control her emotions. "Between the two of them they'll find Danny, I'm sure of it."
"How are you doing with this?" She asked as her mother walked into the room, sat down next to her and took her hand.
"About as well as the wife of a military pilot can. Dad and I tried to give you kids as normal a childhood as possible given the situation we were in. But the fact remains that we do live on a military base with all of the good and bad that goes with being the family of a serviceman. It should have occurred to us that one of our daughters would become involved with someone in the service and we could have prepared you for that possibility."
"I don't think this is something that you can prepare someone for Mama." Ann squeezed her mother's hand in a gesture of comfort.
"Perhaps, but as your parents it's up to us to try." She squeezed back and smiled. "It's hard to believe that my baby girl is going to be eighteen next month and starting college in September. I can remember when Dad brought us home from the hospital and it seemed as though everyone on the base was stopping by to congratulate us and get a look at you. I don't ever remember being so tired in my whole life, but at the same time I was so happy to have you."
"Is that when Gram came out to stay for a couple of weeks and she told everyone that they had to clear it with Dad before they could come see you?"
"I see you've heard that story." Mama laughed. "She did the same thing when Shelby and Tom were born and I was so grateful for her help. But by the time they came along, I didn't depend on her to help me the way I did with you."
"Ever since I can remember it seems that we've been at war." Ann commented.
"It hasn't been quite that bad, but I understand what you mean. Dad and I thought we were in the clear when we got married and then four years and two children later, we were at war for a second time."
"And here we are again, except it's our turn to fight. Dad and Major McCawley did their part and it doesn't seem quite fair that they have to go out into a combat zone again."
She felt an arm around her shoulders. "This is a very different thing Ann, you know that. Yes, they'll be in harms way and I imagine that Ev's beside herself with worry about it because her oldest son is missing and her husband is going after him. It would be hard on us if we lost Dad but if she lost them both because of this, well it's not something I can even begin to imagine."
Ann wanted to ask, "What about me?" But knew how utterly selfish it would sound.
"If something should happen to Danny you would grieve." She did it again; Mama read her mind. "But you're also very young and you would heal. You would never forget about him, as well you shouldn't but you would eventually move forward and meet someone new."
"Could you?"
Mama shook her head. "I couldn't because I've spent the last nineteen years with your dad and raised three children with him. He's the only man I've ever loved and I would have no desire to start over again, not at this point in my life."
"If something were to happen, I don't know that I'd want to meet anyone else."
She nodded. "I can see why you would feel that way. But you told me not long ago that Evelyn's mother lost a young sailor at Pearl Harbor but then she met Evelyn's father, fell in love and married him."
Ann put her head down on her mother's shoulder. "Are you saying that you think Danny didn't survive?"
"I'm not saying any such thing. What I am saying is that if by some awful twist of fate he doesn't come home alive, you need to be prepared to move forward. I can't imagine that Danny would want you mourn him for the rest of your life."
"I can't believe that we're actually talking about this." She sighed. "We don't even know what his situation is."
"That's true. But now you understand a little better what we go through when we have to say goodbye to the men we love. These are things that go through our heads because we have to prepare ourselves for the very possibility that we can't bear to think about. And this is something that you took on when you decided to get involved with an Air Force pilot."
"Was it easier before you got married or after?" Ann asked, not sure that she wanted to know the answer.
"It wasn't easy in either case. If something had happened to him during the Second World War I would have always wondered what it could have been like to be married to him. If I'd lost him during the Korean War I would have been a widow with two small girls and we might not have had the chance to have your brother. So it would be a matter of six in one hand and a half dozen in the other."
"It evens out."
"I think so."
"Mama, would it be all right if I drove over to the field and watched them take off?" Ann sat up and still felt the gentle presence of her mother's comforting arm.
"I don't see why not. Just make sure to have your identification with you." She was reminded.
"I wasn't planning on going inside; I just wanted to stand at the gate."
"Take it with you just the same." Mama's voice was firm. "With Wheeler on high alert again, you may not be allowed."
Ann nodded. "I'll make sure I have it with me."
"Good girl." And she stood up. "While you're over there I'm going to go to Ev's and see how she's doing. She's been putting on a brave face for Rafe, Sarah and Joe but she's starting to look awfully tired."
"All right Mama."
They walked together out of her room and Shelby and Tom were sitting together on the sofa and the two were quiet, which was unusual. Mama always joked that they took after Tom McCawley because they were so outgoing.
"Did you get to say goodbye to Dad?" She asked them.
"I wish he didn't have to go." Shelby commented with a nod.
"I know honey, I don't either. But Rafe isn't going to give up on finding Danny and your dad won't give up on trying to help." She told them. "That's the way they are."
"Do you think they'll find him?" Tom asked with a look of concern at Ann. "He's been gone an awful long time."
"I hope they do because there are a lot of people that want him home safe and sound." She answered. "Why don't you two come with me over to the McCawley's? I think it would do Ev some good to see friendly faces."
"What about Ann?" Shelby asked and sounded unusually petulant.
"Your sister has other things she needs to do so she won't be coming with us." Mama explained to them as she walked to the side table by the front door and pulled a single key out of a small drawer. She motioned to Ann to join her before she put the key in her hand. "Take care of this because it's the only spare we have. When you get home please put it back in the drawer."
"Thank you." She smiled and hugged her mother. "I thought I'd drop by Danny's quarters on my way home. I haven't been over there since last week and I'm sure his plants probably need to be watered."
"That will be fine Ann. Go get your purse and get a move on, you don't want to be late."
"Yes Ma'am." She answered and walked back to her room to get her purse. She checked to make sure that her military identification was inside before she walked back out to the living room and found her mother ushering her brother and sister out the door.
"Do you have everything you need?" She asked as she stood by the open door.
"Yes." Ann said as she looked again to make sure she had her identification; she did.
"We'll probably end up having lunch. You'd be more than welcome to join us if you like, but I'll let you decide."
"Thank you Mama. If it's all the same to you, I'd like to go down to the beach when I get home."
She nodded. "It's a lovely day for it."
Ann said goodbye to her family and it didn't take her long to reach the field. She couldn't see any aircraft out on the tarmac and began to worry that she'd missed them.
"You haven't missed them Annie." She heard Hank's voice and turned around as he approached her. "Commander Allen called our squadron commander and he called me to say that Dan's father was going to Okinawa to look for him. It seems as though you had the same idea I did."
"It's silly, but I thought that if I could watch them take off it would mean that Danny was going to come home." She shook her head with a smile.
Hank put an arm around her shoulders. "It's not silly Ann, it's hope. And we can use all the hope we can get right now."
"Do you think they'll find him?"
"I wish I knew the answer, but I don't." He told her honestly. "But in the meantime, it looks as though Major McCawley and Major Walker are getting ready to take off."
He pointed as two jets rolled out of a hangar and headed to the runway. She watched as one stopped short of the runway and the other rolled ahead to the start and bounced to a stop. The flaps dropped as the engines were opened up and a moment later began to roll down the runway. Ann held her breath, not knowing if it was her father or Danny's that was taking off and watched as the jet reached the end of the runway and lifted into the air.
Moments later the second jet followed the first and disappeared into the clear blue sky.
The takeoff was much louder than Ann expected and her ears were ringing with the echo of it. When she watched Danny and Hank take off five weeks earlier she'd been inside and hadn't gotten the full effect of the powerful engines.
"It always sounds so much different from here." Hank commented. "I don't get this perspective very often. I sure wish I were going with them though."
"I'm sure you do, but there is a reason that they want you off rotation Hank." She tried to sound reasonable.
"I know that Ann, but it doesn't mean that I have to like being left behind. My best friend is out there somewhere and I don't know where in the hell he is."
"If anyone can find him, Major McCawley can."
"That's what I'm counting on." He sighed. "They've got good weather all the way to Okinawa so they should make it there in good time."
"And they'll start the search again tomorrow."
"Then I'm hoping that it won't be too long before we hear something." Hank added. "So now that you've watched them take off, are you going to head home?"
She shook her head. "Not yet. I'm going over to Danny's quarters to check on his plants and air the place out. I haven't been over there since last week. What about you?"
"I was going to talk to my squadron commander and let him know that Danny's got more help coming. I thought that since he told me about this, I should let him know that they're on their way."
"I'm sure he'll appreciate that." She paused for a moment. "Are you going to let Evelyn know?"
"I hadn't really thought about it." He sounded a little defensive and Ann wondered how much he had thought about it.
"I'll tell her if you want me to. She should know about this too."
"That's fine." And he cleared his throat. "I'm going to get out of here. If you need anything, call me."
"I will, you know that." She assured him as he grasped her hand for a moment before he walked away.
Ann still didn't know what was going on with Hank and Evelyn. Without Danny there to keep her in the loop, she was completely clueless. But it wasn't because of that that she wanted him home.
She wanted him home because she needed him.
But mostly it was because she finally had to admit how much she loved him.
She loved him.