Cristina was out of options.
She snuck quietly into the gallery, ignoring the fact that it was closed, and sank against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest as she watched Burke operate.
'I don't want to see it again until July.' his words rang through her head, over and over again as if it were on some non-stop and torturous playback.
She looked down toward Burke who glanced up to her in the same smile, and she flashed him a false smile, giving him false reassurance, then trailed her eyes back up to the ceiling as she tipped her head back.
Cristina couldn't even bring herself to watch the repair at the fear that she might lose control of her emotions and she couldn't afford to lose control anymore, she'd already lost enough.
She'd lost her best friend because of her actions.
She'd lost her job.
She'd lost a closeness that her and Burke had fought for over 2 years.
She was losing everything.
"Dr. Yang..." a voice blared from the intercom next to her, interrupting her thoughts.
"Yeah?"
"Dr. Burke would like to know if you want to watch the surgery from a better vantage point."
She looked down to him, longing in her eyes and shook her head softly, "I can't. I have some...papers, I have to fill out for the chief. I just wanted to stop by for a second...to...y'know, see the surgery."
He watched as she rose from her spot in the gallery and stepped down to the window, peering in, not at his open chest but at him, her hand laid against the glass, her eyes sad, and he knew almost immediately what had happened.
Letting out a long sigh he returned to his work as her fingers gently left the glass and her gaze focused on the doorway rather than him, "Dr. O'Malley, would you like to close for me?" he offered, quietly.
"You want to let me close?" George stammered, applying a tighter grip to his retractor, "S-s-s-seriously?"
"If you think you can handle it, O'Malley. I'll be done in about 15 minutes or so, and I have some business to attend to.
"Absolutely, I'm your guy, Dr. Burke." he interjected, his heart beginning to race.
Callie wouldn't ever believe him about this.
"You're my guy, O'Malley." he repeated absently, working the rest of the surgery in silence, opting to let George take over the circulating calls to the nurse.
He was thinking about too many things, ruminating the possibilities that lie before him, the tools that he had, the methods he knew in being successful.
But nothing seemed to add up when he was formulating a way to get Cristina back, and the sense of powerlessness that had been growing within him for months finally began to overwhelm him.
Completing his last suture he nodded at George, setting his equipment in the tool tray, "I will let you take over Dr. O'Malley." and with that he left his OR, his mind focused on Cristina and what he could do.
He would be willing to give it all up if she could walk into an OR as a resident, if that's what would make her happy, if that's what would give her back the spark that he fell in love with.
He paused for a moment after he pulled the gown off of his body.
"That's it..." he mumbled, jamming his hands under the water of the scrub sink, his heart rate starting to increase, "I can't believe I haven't thought of that before."
He finished washing his hands hurriedly and went to find Cristina, then they would approach the chief together, he came to a stop just by the nurse's station where she saw her talking to Izzie.
"I guess I'll just do cardiology for the next few months, then I'll switch specialties. People do it all the time, and I just can't stay home for another 10 months or whatever it is." he overheard her, fake optimism lacing her bittered voice.
"Cardio can't be that bad, plus you can be home with Preston at night, doing boyfriend and girlfriend stuff or whatever." Izzie scoffed at her, "I've been thinking about switching too, from surgery, I just hate it, I used to love it...but now, y'know..." then her voice trailed off. Her face began to grow red from embarassment, "Sorry, I'm trying to talk about hating surgery and here you are busting your ass to get back into it."
"It's okay, Stevens. I can handle you not wanting to be a surgeon...it's not your fault that I got hit by a crazy drunk driver." and her eyes trailed up to Meredith who was conveniently crossing in front of her.
"Cristina.." Izzie began to chide her, then fell silent.
Meredith stopped and turned to face Cristina, "What did you say?"
"I said I got hit by a crazy drunk driver." Cristina stood, "I'm sorry...you hadn't heard? You must've been drunk when it happened."
Burke shifted uncomfortably, still standing a distance away from the three girls, unseen, trying to decide whether or not he should intervene.
"You told me that you weren't mad at me, you told me that you were thankful because you knew how much Burke loved you, that you knew that he was the most important thing to you in your life..." Meredith shot at her.
"Surgery will always be the most important thing in my life, and you took that away...but you weren't totally successful in taking it away because I'll be back, Meredith, and I will make your life hell as an intern."
"Whatever." Meredith scoffed, and quickly rounded the corner to find Burke.
"Dr. Grey." he mumbled, his heart aching from Cristina's words.
"Sounds like Cristina still has her priorities, doesn't it? Surgery first, as always." Meredith glared at him, an eyebrow raised, "Think about that the next time you feel like taking your frustrations out on me, Dr. Burke."
He walked away from her and around the corner to Cristina's side, "Are you ready to go him, Cristina? My other surgery got bumped, and I can finish paper work later?"
"Are you sure? I mean, I'm okay hanging out here while you do your paperwork. I need to fill out stuff for cardiology anyway." her voice was soft and sad, not the same voice that she'd used on Meredith.
Maybe she was just speaking out of anger, of bitterness towards the woman who took away everything she had.
Maybe surgery wasn't the most important thing in her life, and he really was, but she was just mad.
Burke put an arm around her shoulder, leading her away from the nurse's station, "I just want to go home."
A/N: Still more tonight.