"Okay, how does this sound: Dana, baby my god you are so fucking hot…I can not wait to lick your body Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas, I luh…..I….think your ass is hot. There is that good?" Itachi asked. He and Deidara had returned from the red tag sale and now it was time to write messages in Christmas cards.

"Hmmm….yeah, that's better than last year's card you sent her when you wrote the lyrics to that Ludacris Song, yeah." Deidara said.

"Now, here's mine, yeah: Dana, Merry Christmas from your favorite brother ever, yeah. Love Deidara." Itachi glared.

"Touching…."

"Damn it! Zetsu you can't write I hope you burn in hell in a Christmas card!" Kisame scolded.

"Well, I totally hate sending cards to my mom's friends." Zetsu argued.

"So….don't send them."

"Oh! Listen to my card to Deidara's mom: Diana, may you glisten like lights on the tree. You're beautiful. All my best, Sasori." Sasori had gotten into the egg nog that was in the fridge and until now, Deidara didn't realize Sasori sent his mom cards." Tobi, being the moron he was decided this was a good time to wrap his gift for his 'secret Santa' present. Here's who got who: Zetsu drew Hidan, Sasori drew Kisame, Kisame drew Deidara but traded Itachi so now Kisame had Tobi and Itachi had Deidara. Tobi drew Sasori, Deidara drew Kakuzu, Hidan drew Itachi and Kakuzu drew Zetsu. Now that the confusion has settled, back to the stupid thing Tobi did…. There was a giant crash in the hallway….it was Tobi's air compressor he had hidden in the closet for Sasori. There were three things wrong with this picture: One: Sasori didn't know what the hell an air compressor was Two: There was no room in the apartment for an air compressor three: No one knew what an air compressor did. Nonetheless, Tobi hefted it on his back to go wrap it.

"Hey, does this flow okay? Sasuke…..you're my brother….Itachi." Itachi asked Sasori.

"Well, other than the fact that you are stating the obvious and you don't mention anything about the fact that you bought him a snow globe in New York and that you apologize for fucking up his life and not giving him sex tips…..yeah I'd say that sounds good."

"Alright, that's what I thought too." Itachi answered. At this point Deidara had gone down the hall but the screaming that came from the bathroom made Kisame completely mess up one of the cards. Deidara came running down the hall with something in his hand.

"Oh my god! Is this YOUR doing, yeah? Hmmmmm? Is it? Look! Yeah!" Deidara shoved something in front of Itachi's face.

"Oh…….shit…….I really hope that's not my doing." Itachi said as he stared horrified at the two tiny blue lines before him. Deidara had just found a pregnancy test in the bathroom down the hall. It was kind of ironic since only a day before Deidara was rambling about having a baby. Itachi swallowed hard.

"Deidara…….get the phone."

"I knew it! I knew it was only a matter of time before you would knock up my sister, yeah! I told you to ALWAYS use a condom, Itachi, yeah! And now look what you've done, you've…"

"DEIDARA! Get the damn phone! GET THE PHONE DUMB ASS! Oh and I always use a condom!"

"Oh, this is going to take a lot more than a phone call to fix this….although I do get to be an uncle yeah. And that excites me….a lot, yeah!" Deidara said more than pissed.

"Dana, hey baby, listen…..are you pregnant?" Itachi had called Dana. Deidara had never seen Itachi that pale.

"Oh my god, I am like so not pregnant. Itachi, you and I always use a condom and I so always take my pill, yeah. Did you find that pregnancy test, yeah?"

"Yes." Itachi's voice was confused.

"That is so my friend Chloe's….Ha! She is so screwed, yeah. Because now she is like all pregnant and stuff, yeah."

"Dana….honey….don't freak the fuck out of me like that."

"Ooooooh, I'm sorry. Believe me….a baby is so not what I got you for Christmas, yeah." Dana laughed like the seductress she was. "Oh my god, when I like show it to you, you are going to….hey wait I have to go. Mom is screaming because she got her hair stuck in the blender again, yeah. Bye." And after that episode Itachi passed out in the floor. Deidara started pouting.

"You know, if Itachi would have totally knocked my sister up….I wouldn't have cared, yeah. I would have just played with their baby….god only knows Itachi would make a shitty dad, yeah." Deidara said sitting down to write cards again.

"Any kid of those two's would either turn out to be an evil genius or a fashion model with the IQ of a cheerleader." Sasori whispered to Kisame.

Back to the Christmas matters, Tobi had finally wrapped the air compressor only it looked like a 4 year old wrapped it. Later that night there were a few people coming over for egg nog and holiday cheer…basically the holiday cheer was Itachi trying to talk people into playing naked twister, Deidara wondering how the swirl got put into candy canes, Sasori getting so drunk he would pass out in puppet form, Kisame calling his mother. Zetsu hitting the shrimp tray, and well, everyone else would have to get into something themselves.