Author's Notes: Having introduced the threat we now meet the unlikely solution. Arson and Reiko are property of bustahead used here with her most kind permission and Zone is my own original character who is sometimes featured most generously by my friends in their stories. "----" indicates a scene change of sorts, and other than that, please give the characters a chance and enjoy :D.
----
Not so far away from the monumental events taking place upon Temen-Ni-Gru, a vampire was changing diapers.
Now, you might think this a bizarre thing for an undead bloodsucker to be doing, and this vampire would readily agree with you. Even though he'd been doing it for nearly 5 hours now, he could scarcely believe it himself still. In an effort to distract himself from the rather unpleasant task at hand, the undead creature thought back to the events that had put him in this situation.
It had been a good deed; he sighed, and instantly regretted the aroma the action brought to his attention. But it was always a good deed, with him, to shoulder the burden of others. It involved one of the young vampires who he sort of looked after, making sure they didn't do anything stupid like deliver paper rounds to the wrong churches or take their romantic interests shopping for coffins at normal retailers (good, upstanding undertakers who liked good, down-lying end customers, rather than ones who perused and tried before they bought, which unnerved most so much that even the industry-unique prospect of repeat custom rarely bought off their concerns).
A young vampire called Vlad, though whether that was his real name or a stylish one he'd adopted he wasn't sure, had startled a mother and her child in the park. He'd just not been looking where he was going, but the mother had gotten distressed, and said things, harsh things that had gotten Vlad upset, and things had gotten complicated, police had gotten involved. All in all the reminiscing vampire thought, the italics had had a Hell of a party that night and he had footed the bill.
Through hasty negotiations, disaster was averted, and the whole thing settled with a nice easygoing community service charge on Vlad. The only remaining problem was Vlad had had a rough time of it and it was perhaps best that he had a little alone time from humanity, just to cool his head. And so our current undead fellow had stepped up to cover it for him. It was only 10 hours, but still he thought the risk of Vlad getting landed with an irritating job that might incense him into some foolish act was too great.
He had turned out to be painfully correct.
So it was that this vampire, who had the name of Reiko, had come to his present situation of changing dirty nappies at an infant day-care centre. It would be a good time here to go into further detail on this individual, as he is in fact a fairly important person, and not just in the immediate sense of infant hygiene.
Reiko was, and still is, a vampire of pale complexion and dark dress. His black-brown hair hung in a crown of draping blades around a face which was darkly handsome, matching his muscled, built yet taught body. His clothing consisted of fairly casual if buckle-belted trousers, a shirt, an open-fronted coat and shoes. All in all it was a fair dress code that fell well within everyday standards, and just all happened to be black.
To this macabre if stylish collection had been added a rather detractingly plain and cheap white apron. While it was nearly the ultimate antithesis of every ounce of cool in Reiko's clothing, he wouldn't discard for blood, and this is a vampire we're speaking about here. For while it was tacky, and plain, and boringly white, it was his one cherished defence against the produce of his gurgling charges.
Now one might wonder what Reiko was doing here, not so much here as in changing babies' nappies, but here in this story, and you'd be well within your rights to do so. The reason, as some might have guessed, is because Reiko is that most controversial of beings, an Original Character (Exemplar Creatura). Viewed in many lights, heretics against the canon characters to some, and the cornerstone of fanfiction for their ability to support and flesh out the world beyond its official limitations to others. But none of this mattered to Reiko too much as between this and being a vampire, it was water (not holy mind) off his back as he was used to being misunderstood and hated on principle.
What mattered to him right now was getting through the day, as while he was actually extremely fond of babies, spending 5 hours dealing with the worst a lot of them could do was beginning to test his affection. Sighing, he nearly wiped his forehead with a hand, thought better of it, and moved on to the next child. As he did the infant's fat, smiling head lolled to face him, and Reiko stopped in his tracks, seeing the look in his eyes and the bulge in his nappy.
That look, he knew that look, he thought as his complexion further paled slightly. He'd spent enough time around them to recognise the look of a predator, the look of a being witnessing a victim walking haplessly into its lair, its trap.
Resigned to his fate, the vampire was unexpectedly spared as suddenly a sound reached his ears, one of salvation, a melody of mercy. It was the sound of the shift change bell. A rarely bright smile crossed his face as he walked right past the disappointed infant, throwing away the disposable apron and looking forwards to fresh air, home, and bed.
----
At the house to which Reiko the vampire, finally freed of his diaper-changing duties for the day, headed and called home, a scene of infernal carnage was unfolding.
The resident family had been happy, at first. Their new home was a nice, functional yet comfortable house. But ever since they'd moved in things had been getting, strange. Each day they woke up to find more and more of the furnishings of their abode replaced with wooden substitutes. It had been manageable, at first. For example though the husband had been fond of the glass and metalwork table, the wooden one that had one day taken its place without explanation sufficed.
But it had reached the point where the new appearances didn't even serve the purpose of the things they replaced. Such as the wardrobe that now stood where the shower had, and as if to add insult to insanity, faced the wall.
The wife had tried to cope when without warning the vacuum cleaner would take off through the ceiling while she was using it. Their only son had tried to be brave when, huddled up in his Sonic The Hedgehog covers at night, his dreams were filled with an accusing voice yelling "FAKER!". The increasing number of fireplaces in the home and tendency to find more and more useful kitchen units like the fridge replaced by overabundant ovens hadn't helped either.
It had all seemingly been building to some foreboding, unfathomable culmination, a day of reckoning, which had finally come.
Now the family ran around in mad panic as their overly wooden home was consumes by flames spurted forth from the numerous ovens, fireplaces and other agents of incineration. But there was nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. So starved (for the fridge had been replaced by an oven), exhausted (for the beds were now tables) and generally deprived (the toilet and shower were a wooden coat hanger and wardrobe respectively), the family collapsed, and were consumed by the flames as the vacuum cleaner circled above them like a vulture.
Reiko opened the door and stepped inside the house, slipping off his long coat and hanging it on one of a few pegs on the wall. With a soft sigh he walked into the lounge of this place that was effectively home. It was in fact a house he owned the deeds to which he used as a base, place to be found and to host acquaintances and friends visiting while he was in the Devil May Cry fandom, such as now.
Entering the large, cosy lounge he saw a familiar figure hunched in front of the TV, PS2 controller in hand. Walking over Reiko crouched down by the brown-haired youth intently focused on the screen. "What are you playing Arson?" Reiko asked, only mildly curious but sociably taking an interest. Arson, the hyperactive teenage devil-angel hybrid, who was like Reiko also an original character, swung his head round to look at him and yapped an eager reply. "Hey Reiko! I'm playing The Sims" he said eagerly, nodding vigorously and then tilting his head at the screen.
The vampire peered at it, and just made out a bizarre house of wood, a lot more wooden things inside, and an absurd number of cookers and fireplaces. Just made out not for any lack of vision on the vampire's behalf mind, but because it was hard to see through the rampant inferno engulfing the place, and its residents as well he noticed.
Were he speaking to almost any other person, he might comment that things didn't seem to be going so well. But glancing into the excited eyes of Arson, he could see that the seemingly naive hybrid had surpassed the principle goal of the game. Rather than raising a family successfully (as opposed to cremating them), he'd found a higher purpose, to have fun. It was a skill the seemingly innocently clueless teenager had a knack for, in his apparent stupidity often stumbling across a higher, greater cause.
Reiko gave a small grin and patted Arson on the shoulder gently, leaving his friend to enjoy the game with an "OK, have fun then". The happy hybrid nodded, returning his gaze from the screen, where proceedings were reaching a toasty crescendo, yelling back a friendly "Am doing Reiko sir!".
The vampire stood again, turned on his heels and walked out, aiming for the stairs at the back of the house. He chuckled ever so slightly as he heard Arson begin to sing behind him, "This fire is out of control, we're gonna burn this city, burn this city!". Despite the fact that the hybrid had managed to start fires in a full bath before and was a walking hazard come natural disaster waiting to happen, there was something endearingly fun-loving about him, even to the brooding-prone vampire.
----
As the weary vampire ascended the stairs and the excitable hybrid enacted his own twist of the family barbeque, a third and final individual dwelt within one of the bedrooms upstairs. He was currently in an unusually relaxed and happy mood as he lay on the bed, reading a book and greatly enjoying the content. Reaching the bottom of the right-hand page, he turned to the next one, having to stand and use both his upper limbs to do so, before lying down again.
The reason for this is that this final original character is a hamster, a Syrian or "Golden" hamster to be precise. His name is Zone, and he is a white and golden-brown furred rodent, roughly six inches from nose to stubby, nearly nonexistent tail, and all modesty aside damn cute every bit of the way.
At this point, the reader might find themselves questioning the validity of the story, and feel urged to point out how ludicrous having a hamster in a tale of demons, devils and vampires is. If they did however, they would have to put up with a smart-assed abusive retort from Zone. The rodent would with little refrain snap back that he did not ask to be born such a limited being, and furthermore that he'd be damned if he'd be held back or give up a single goal of his for his mostly disadvantageous birth circumstances. So it was that many people's first impression of Zone was a cute, cuddly furball but little more, which was swiftly followed by a revaluation force-fed by the rodent's sharp tongue and almost limitless cheek and cockiness.
For you see, Zone is a truly ambitious rodent; he is fuelled and driven so much so that even his severe natural handicap does not deter him. He has a quick wit, a fast tongue, a smart mouth and a generally cocky attitude, all of which he is ready to employ to prevent people dismissing him as merely cute but otherwise useless (he was also not above abusing his cuteness if it would get him results, after all he reasoned, if he had to live with the many limitations of being a hamster he'd be damned if he wouldn't utilize the few benefits). The rodent was not without his flaws, humility came hard to him and he was prone to tread on toes, to stretch the saying, in pursuit of his goals. But while he was well aware he had his faults and made his mistakes, had to make great efforts to overcome his limitations and sometimes did things he regretted accidentally or carelessly, he would not give into the adversity and also he would star in this story, damn it.
However for the moment that charged, energetic side was dormant as Zone lay on his stomach on the pillow of a bed and read his chosen material eagerly.
Slowly and quietly the door swung open as Reiko entered the room. He'd picked the first bedroom from the top of the stairs, which just happened to be the same one Zone had chosen to relax in. The hamster looked up curiously, and seeing it was only Reiko he gave a quick nod before returning to reading. He was too calm and engaged to start a conversation that would most likely lead to non-serious taunting and banter; such was the enduring yet erratic friendship they shared.
The vampire however didn't notice the nod, in fact he didn't see the diminutive rodent whatsoever. Such was his urge to rest that his mind had reached the bed before his body, and he was already letting his senses turn off as he slouched forwards, intent on toppling onto the bed, completely oblivious to its small occupant as he collapsed like, well, like the dead.
A shadow fell across Zone and his book, and with mild irritation he looked up, intending to tell Reiko to get out of his reading light. He stopped short however when he saw the vampire tumbling towards the bed, turning slowly as he did, his head unknowingly angling straight for the prone rodent.
With a cross between a worried squeak and an annoyed curse Zone jumped up, easy for him since he had been lying on his front, and made to dash for a minimum safe distance. He almost made it, too. But though he got out of the way of Reiko's descending head, now facing the ceiling, he ran right over the book he was reading to do so. And just as he was about to make it off the other side of said book, Reiko's head hit the pillow and the bottom of it, making the opposite end jerk up.
The agitated Zone was catapulted in a small, tumbling parabolic arc, rolling his eyes and muttering at NC-17 level, straight towards the vampire's yawning mouth. With quick reflexes, the rodent put his four limbs out spread-eagle and caught himself facedown on Reiko's face, just short of being lodged in his throat.
Reiko's senses and alertness jolted back to him in an instant as something small and warm landed on his face over his open mouth. Reaching up to grab it in case it was dangerous, his fingers brushed soft fur, and a moment's confused thought revealed to him that for some reason Zone was lying over his open mouth. The vampire wanted to say something regarding this, but even if he could have done so without compromising Zone's position, the rodent beat him to it.
"Damn, you're just dying for a suck aren't you Gay-ko" Zone asked rhetorically, scoring a nice two-hit combo with dying and suck on the vampire and feeling secretly proud of his quick innovation. Reiko for his part rolled his eyes at the immature remark and considered rebuking it. However he didn't want to risk getting a mouthful of Zone, even if the rodent was in fact very clean and hygienic. Instead he wrapped his hand around the hamster's midsection and lifted him off of his mouth, just as Arson came into the room.
"Hey Reiko sir..." Arson bounced in full of a worrying kind of cheeriness, and we mean worrying like a kid enthusiastically playing with a sparkler in a fireworks factory. He trailed off however when he saw the compromising position the other two had gotten themselves into. After a moment's hesitation he averted his eyes, giggling into his hands "Hope you're using protection".
"You're the one that's going to need protection!" Zone snapped as Reiko ferried him from his mouth to the bedside table, the hamster irked at having his own innuendo and insult turned against him. "That one really fell flat" the vampire commented on the sub-par rebuke from the rodent, setting him down as he did. "Oh, cram it Dorkula" Zone replied, doubly annoyed that the vampire was right and that he couldn't think of much of a redeemingly witty comeback either. It wasn't fair he thought, a minute ago he'd been reading peacefully and now he had to have top-level material ready? "Tough crowd…" Zone muttered to himself.
Meanwhile Arson was trying to do a dance and cast the Protect spell from Final Fantasy on himself in misinterpreted response to Zone's threat. The hybrid managed to walk into the door upon completing the routine. Feeling the full impact of it he was convinced it was a magical door, since Protect halves physical damage. Not wanting to go hand-to-knob with a mystic portal right now, Arson quickly chirped out "Something's on TV Reiko sir!", and holding onto his shoulders, ran on the spot for a moment before escaping the room.
Zone and Reiko watched him go with equally perplexed expressions, and shook their heads in perfect sync without realising it. Reiko got up after a moment and went to head downstairs to the TV, after all if something had held Arson's attention long enough for him to deliver that message, it was probably at least somewhat important.
Before he left though his eyes caught sight of the book Zone had been reading, and scanned the cover with raising eyebrows. "Bazookas?" the vampire inquired, quoting the title of the book. Zone glanced at it, after a moment saying "Yes, that's its name" with more confidence than he felt. Lazily Reiko picked it up and looked closer at the front.
The cover was mostly filled by a slender, curved human woman barely achieving decency thanks to a huge rocket launcher covering her chest and everything between her legs, which she had wrapped around the thick, hard length of the weapon, the name-play in the title obvious.
Reiko listed off some of the promised content of the book out loud, "Nuns With Guns, The Best Thing About Big Barrels, 20 Best Firing Positions..." he quoted in a formal tone. Zone tried to look completely unphased and indifferent, and thanks to his fur covering the slight embarrassed blush creeping through his cheeks at the compromising evidence, pulled it off pretty well. "I like guns, so?" he challenged before Reiko could open the book and scan the contents page.
The vampire gave him a disbelieving look, but the hamster was stalwart and met the gaze unblinking and unflinching. After a moment Reiko rolled his eyes fractionally and placed the book back down, "Nothing". "Well, good" Zone said, not sure how to consolidate his minor victory without sounding overly jerk-like, but thankfully Reiko was already back to wanting to know what Arson wanted him to see.
After Reiko closed the door, Zone let out a relieved phew and rubbed his face with his paws to work out the tension. To his vexation vampires were naturally gifted in staring and while Reiko hadn't been going all out on him, it had still been hard facing down the potent evidence against him. Looking at the book, he decided he'd come out of that one well after Reiko caught him reading it, all things considered.
Besides, the honest truth was the rodent was really into guns, technological ones most of all, like lasers and stuff, but he had plenty of respect for say, a good solid rocket launcher. He couldn't help that the best firearm publications had a thing for splashing naked females all over the juicy merchandise any more than motoring enthusiasts who had to put up with women sprawled all over the front of sexy new cars. Zone was a warm-blooded male, albeit a six inch tall, furry one, so admittedly he found the women, a nice touch. But nonetheless, if he could wrap his tiny paws around something between those pages and give a good, firm squeeze, it'd definitely be a trigger, definitely he told himself mentally...