Author's Notes: The first thing I wonder as I write these notes is, I wonder how many people get the silly puns and stuff I use for chapter titles XD. Hehe, anyway, sorry it's been posted so late, but here's chapter 15 :D. Two more cameos, and I know they can be corny, but I try to make them serve a purpose, or at least amuse, rather than just throwing them in senselessly and slowing stuff down. Hannah knows who she is, and Hade is another character of bustahead's. Lastly a thank you to Sin Oan, as something he said in a review inspired me for part of this chapter. I wonder where he's got to? Anyway, enjoy reading 8).
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After a brief interlude in which Reiko bid farewell to Keahi, and Arson stole some peanuts from the bar, the vampire and hybrid left the building and caught up with Zone, who was waiting outside. A little bickering ensued, but it was agreed that the electric shock he gave them was as fair as them dumping Artemis on him.
With the loose ends tied up, they began walking and Zone started to explain what he'd learned from Nevan.
"But that's right at the other end of the timeline!" Reiko yelled after Zone had finished, the vampire aghast.
Zone shook his head and shrugged, "Don't shoot the messenger" he retorted, feeling a little undervalued.
Arson rubbed his chin, contemplating the news. "So, in a nutshell, we head to the DMC2 fandom, find Matier, and she will definitely know how to defeat Mary Sue, right?" he summarised and asked the rodent.
Zone rolled his eyes and nodded, "Yes, thank you for reiterating that for the sake of the readers" he replied.
Arson blushed a bit and shuffled his feet, while Reiko gave the whole thing a doubting, dubious expression.
"Look, I'm probably the most eager of us to just go get even with Mary Sue" the hamster said agitatedly, "And, yes, this shows all the signs of one of those cliché detours designed purely to draw out the sequence of events and pad progression of the plot. I know those suck but come on, it's not that bad. We'll got to the DMC2 fandom, find Matier, which should be easy since it's a minuscule fandom, and she'll tell us how to defeat Mary Sue, then we come back and kick her ass. We're not like, collecting four keys from the four corners of the planet or anything. It's one trip there to collect info, return and implement it, OK? OK? OK".
With that said, Zone turned and not waiting for an answer walked resolutely on, determined that they get on with it. He wasn't fond of the idea of going to five different places just to get where they wanted to, but just one was acceptable to him. They needed one way of securing victory, so they'd make one trip for it. That was the gist of what Nevan had told him; she didn't know how to beat Mary Sue, but Matier definitely did.
Reiko and Arson watched him, and they had to admit, for a half-foot ball of fuzz he carried a surprisingly commanding air. The emboldened rodent was no great leader, but he was still noticeably more charismatic.
Then Zone slowed down, and looked back at the other two. Rather than something like "What's the matter, scared?", or some other taunt from the cocky rodent, they were surprised to hear a shy "Uh, how do we get to the DMC2 fandom?". Zone scratched his head bashfully, Reiko stared and Arson did an Anime face-pan.
After a short, awkward silence, Reiko spoke up. "Alright" he conceded, "It's reasonable. We'll find Matier, she'll tell us what we need, and we'll come back and use it" the vampire agreed, the natural leader of the group, although Zone's impulsiveness had helped set their direction. Thinking about the transport issue a moment, he added "It will probably be quickest to take a plane there, I think there's an airport in this city".
Arson, who was still on the floor, pulled out the peanuts he had stolen earlier and opening the bag, began eating where he lay. "Sho we cafph a plane, find an ofld laphy and we can fin?" he said between munches.
Zone was able to decipher the distorted question a little quicker than Reiko, and replied "Basically, yeah".
Arson's eyes lit up at the prospect of planes, which were fun, and old ladies, who often game him candy, and in one motion swallowed everything left of his snack, including the packaging, and jumped to his feet. "Awesome, we're gonna flyyyyyyy!" he cried, sticking his arms out like wings and running down the street.
The other two watched him vanish into the distance, and Zone looked at Reiko, "We gotta fetch him huh?".
Reiko gave a resigned nod, slightly more used to dealing with the hybrid's hyperactivity, and they went to retrieve him before he ate something volatile. When they caught up to him a few minutes later, he was still sticking his arms out and making plane noises, only now he was running on the spot, his head stuck in a jutting out drainage pipe. Reiko went to pull him out when suddenly a voice shouted "Wait, not just yet!".
Stopping in place, the vampire turned and looked across the crossroads they'd come to. He hadn't noticed it before, but in the shadow of a damaged building was an easel with a canvas on it, someone sitting behind it.
"I'm almost done" came the voice again, originating from behind the setup, and Zone went over curiously.
"Uh, what're you doing?" he asked a little uncertainly, walking directly under the easel. Behind it he saw a figure, wearing a white robe that obscured her features, although he could tell she was female, and by her voice, in her late teens at the most. She held in one hand an artist's palette and in the other a brush, with which she was making precise, calculated strokes on the canvas, or occasionally touching it to the palette.
"Just… Finishing" her voice sounded very concentrated, and with a few more strokes, she said "OK, done".
Zone turned around and, looking up, saw, Arson with his head stuck in the drain. Or he saw a picture of it, but the effect was uncanny. The artist had used the bare minimum number of strokes needed to capture the image and not a touch more. There was just enough suggestion in the background to describe the buildings, and Arson himself was a form of colour and shape, which the mind completed into what the artist had seen.
Reiko, who hadn't moved all this time, heard the stranger say she was done, and shrugging momentarily, he gripped Arson's shoulder and with a few good tugs, freed his head from the drain with a sharp pop sound.
While the vampire guided a dizzy Arson over to the easel, Zone was finding out about the stranger. "So, you're an artist, I guess?" he asked, noticing that the canvas was thick with pages of paper she'd drawn on.
"Yep" the figure replied with a nod, smiling from the depths of her robe. "Name's Hannah, I usually do icons and stuff, but today I'm on a special challenge to paint one hundred never-before seen pictures from the fandom. When your friend there" she indicated Arson, "Got his head stuck in the drain, and didn't even stop running, it was too unique an opportunity to pass up" she explained, turning to a new page as she did.
At this point Reiko had managed to guide the stumbling Arson over to them, and sensing no hostile intent from the robed artist, he politely asked "Excuse me, do you know how to reach the city's airport please?".
Hannah held her brush to the side of her face in thought for a moment. "Yes, I did a few paintings there this morning, since it's not actually canon" she replied, stating the reason for Reiko not knowing where it was.
Reiko gave a small smile, glad they wouldn't have to spend ages searching the city, "Great, where is it?".
Hannah hesitated for a moment, and then replied "I'll tell you, but can you do me a little favour in return?".
Reiko paused, and glanced at Zone, who just looked back at him and shrugged, saying, "Well, what is it?".
"Let me draw you? I've never seen a group like you, and it'll only take a few minutes" she asked hopefully.
"Um, alright" Reiko replied uncertainly. It was an odd request, but the reward would save much more time.
"Great, thanks!" Hannah said cheerfully, readying her brush, "Could you guys just pose together, please?".
Reiko nodded and walked out into the street, taking Arson with him, who was mostly stable now. Zone followed, and suggesting they make the picture as cool as possible, got out his lightsabre. Reiko shrugged and followed suit, drawing his staff as Arson took out Dragon and Phoenix. The hybrid gave the rodent a lift onto his shoulder, and then stood by Reiko. Zone leaned on the vampire's shoulder casually from the slightly shorter teenager's with one paw, holding his active lightsabre pointing upwards in the other. Reiko held his staff leaning on the ground opposite of Arson, who had his twin flame swords readily by his sides.
Hannah grinned and began painting the three, the Temen-Ni-Gru directly behind them in the background.
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Half an hour later and, thanks to Hannah's directions, the three had reached the city's one airport. As the automatic doors opened, they were surprised by how busy it was, throngs of people moving about busily.
"For a place that barely borders on existing in canon, this place does some good business" Zone remarked.
Reiko nodded, but then wisely replied "Well, fans aren't canon either, so it probably prospers from them".
"Where's Santa?" Arson asked, off in a world of his own, both Zone and Reiko giving him a worried look.
The three set off into the hustle and bustle, Zone sticking between the other two to avoid getting stepped on. The airport was indeed very active, and anyone who has been to one should be able to imagine it. Groups of people crisscrossing the open spaces, long lines, rows of display boards and, you get the idea.
It took them a few minutes to find the ticket desk, because they in fact didn't find the ticket desk, but rather the queue leading to it. Reiko peered ahead, but even his sharp eyesight couldn't make out the start of the line, it was lost somewhere in the distance. "I guess we wait" he said, and they settled in for the long haul.
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"I thought you said this was the quickest way" Zone snapped irritably at Reiko, an hour and a half later.
"It is" Reiko replied dryly, lacking the energy for a sharper retort, his legs aching from standing for so long.
"What's the alternative, walking?" Zone muttered, sitting on a hot dog box from a snack they'd bought earlier from a vender serving people in the line. Reiko gave no response, and sipped Pepsi through a straw.
Arson was not part of this conversation, because he was busy filming a documentary on the nature and habitat of the assorted species of luggage that inhabited the airport with a camera he'd stolen from someone's baggage. "And here we see the lesser spotted Fuchsia Buck-Handled Briefcase, a rare specimen usually only found in secluded adult sleepover parties" he narrated, lying on his front holding the camera.
Suddenly there was a bustle from up ahead, and everyone took a step back, Zone having to move quickly to prevent his hot dog box come seat being stepped on. "I guess someone gave birth again" he said wearily…
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Finally, two snacks and five documentaries later, they were almost at the front of the line. There were only two people in front of them, but the person being served was being very pedantic and taking a long time.
"Look you complete non-entity of a background figure, I'm clearly far more important than you so stop disagreeing with me!" yelled the irate customer. He was refusing to even hear out anything the poor employee behind the desk had to say, and they were wishing he'd leave them alone to not matter in peace.
Angered more by being held up than the mistreatment of the nameless member of staff, the person behind the customer, and in front of Reiko, snapped angrily. "Shut up and hurry up!" he yelled at the customer.
Reiko looked up at this, recognising his voice, and examining the person in front of him, asked "Hade?".
Turning around, the person's expression changed to one of surprised recognition, as he replied "Reiko?".
By now the person at the front of the line had rounded on Hade for insulting him, and bristling he demanded "And who do you think you are?!".
Hade turned back and first snarled, then posed boldly, "I am Hade! Infamous bounty hunter!" he declared.
"Oh, of course you are, how very believable" the person from the front of the line sneered, having produced a notebook and pen from somewhere. "I suppose you're heavily armed too, highly proficient in a wide range of weapons and hard as nails too, right?" he said, pen poised, his voice oozing with contempt.
Hade was oblivious to the sarcasm however and flexing his muscles replied "And loved by the ladies too!".
"Oh yes, naturally" spat the man, noting this all down with a vindictive jotting. "And I suppose you just happened to run into your friends here, by sheer coincidence right?" he continued, moving onto the trio behind Hade. "How wonderfully cliché, happens all the time in real life of course" he said sarcastically.
Hade wasn't quite sure how to respond to this, so after some careful thought, he struck another badass pose.
"And what do we have here, a vampire?" the man asked, looking at Reiko like something he'd stepped on.
Reiko winced at this person's continued molestation of the italics, and curtly replied "Yes, I am a vampire".
"Obviously" the man said, stabbing at his notebook with his pen like it had killed a close family member. "Melancholy and brooding, right? Misunderstood and actually a very good, righteous soul ring a bell?" he went on furiously, staring at Reiko like a heretic, "Don't answer, it's written all over you, how original".
Before Reiko could even defend his character, the man started on Arson, demanding "And what are you?".
Arson thought about this, then replied. "I'm Arson, I'm a half-devil half-angel hybrid" he said friendlily.
The man started frothing at the mouth as he replied, "Oh of course you are! Never mind that there aren't even any angels in the Devil May Cry universe, one copulated with a devil and the result looks human too".
Arson appeared uncertain at this, not sure if he was in trouble, so deciding to play safe he hid behind Reiko.
"Oh and what do we have here?!" he practically screamed upon spotting Zone, "A hamster, who can no doubt talk and think at human level, and has something to contribute to the party despite being so puny!".
Zone growled at this, not taking the insults lightly at all, one paw twitching with the urge to grab his lightsabre. "kiss my furry nuts" he retorted venomously, and then added "And I'll have you know I'm very balanced, I've got plenty of character faults, and am only a fraction as effective in combat as the others".
This did little to halt the advance of the raving lunatic, who was digesting one end of his pen while writing everything down with the other, "Oh yes of course, I bet there's so much depth to a smart-talking hamster".
The only thing holding Zone back now was not wanting to delay them while something was done about the corpse, having waiting in line long enough. "And who are you, besides a dead man talking?" he challenged.
In response to this, the man drew himself up haughtily, and replied. "I am Hellion Pride, the infamous critic extraordinaire! Through my blind flaming completely unsupported by explanation or advice I've done more for fanfiction writing than the people who created the canon in the first place!" He declared with smugness.
"I'm manly and well-endowed!" Hade shouted in the silence that followed, believing he had walked into some kind of exhibition where people showed off how awesome they were. He struck another badass pose.
The critic pointedly ignored him, and continued. "And I am disgusted. You're all terrible, the lot of you, unoriginal, unfunny and utterly worthless, how do you justify it all, how?!" he pointed at them accusingly.
Reiko, Arson, and even Zone recoiled from the sheer rancour of his allegations, challenging them all to give rational explanations for all their various unusual qualities, or be damned to the flames of criticism.
Given time (which they wouldn't have been), they probably could have done it. But before such time elapsed, Hade realised he'd been insulted, and turned to the critic. "Like this" he replied, and in one motion he drew a gun with a barrel the size of his forearm, and fired, reducing the critic's head to a fine red mist.
"Thank you" Zone said to Hade, as the headless body wavered in place and then, still tightly clutching its pen and notepad, toppled backwards to the floor. "No problem" Hade replied, spinning his gun stylishly and putting it away again, Zone a bit envious, having wanted to kill him himself, but also quite impressed.
Hade looked at Reiko, who was staring at him disapprovingly, but he left the vampire for a moment and turned to the desk. Kicking Hellion's corpse out of the way, he walked up to the counter and eloquently explained what he wanted. "Tickets!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the desk, slightly damaging it.
The nameless employee, who was even wearing a blank nametag, scrambled to fulfil his request, and in gratitude for getting rid of the critic, he even gave Hade free tickets. After some discussion, and more desk abuse, the same generosity was extended to Reiko, Arson and Zone, once Hade had talked to the vampire.
As the four left the counter, Hellion was pronounced dead by expert medical staff and carried off in a body bag. "So, what are you doing here Uke-boy?" Hade asked Reiko as they walked to their terminal, who rolled his eyes, having hoped the mercenary wouldn't try to catch up on old times with him.