Author's Notes: Again, up late in the day, sorry about that. I'll admit this chapter doesn't exactly advance the plot a whole load, it's intended more as a montage of humourous situations using the characters of the story, as well as a host of other people on the plane. After all, Arson, Hade, Reiko and Zone as well as countless others on a metal tube together zipping through the sky, you know that kind of situation can't pass without incident, it would be too great an opportunity missed XD. Anyway, enjoy :D.
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"Attention passengers, please note that the seatbelt, no smoking and no powers signs are now illuminated as we will be taking off shortly" the air flight staff said to the aisle. "Once we reach a stable altitude you are free to walk around, fill your lungs with cancerous smoke and endanger both the flight and the planet with reckless misuse of your various exotic abilities" she added with a sweet smile, and then she turned and left.
"She was hot, hey uke-boy, do you think I could get with her before we land?" Hade asked Reiko, much to the emotional detriment of the vampire, who clawed at his face in woe. Seeing this, Hade nodded sagely, "Sorry, you're right, that's a stupid question" he said. Reiko looked up in surprise, unable to believe Hade had seemingly just made an intelligent, humble statement. "Of course I could!" the mercenary suddenly bellowed, trying to strike a badass pose, but being restrained by his seatbelt, much to Reiko's secret delight.
Thanks to Hade's crude but effective ticket negotiation tactics, the four of them had gotten first class seats. Normally original characters ride economy, while authors and influential fans ride business, and lastly canon characters get first class. The seating was comfortable, with cushioned armrests, reclining chairs and various other luxuries that none the less did little to aid Reiko's key discomfort. They'd taken their tickets pretty much at random, but had still been allotted consecutive ticket numbers. By a cruel twist of fate, Reiko had ended up being seated with Hade, while Arson and Zone were in the pair of seats ahead of them.
"We're gonna fly!" Arson yelled happily, flapping his arms about so much, one would think he'd take off himself if not for the belt around his waist. Then again, he might just lift the whole plane off the ground.
Zone chuckled from besides him, "You're high enough already" he remarked, lounging back in his seat, which was of course huge to him. His belt covered pretty much the whole of his underside, and did little to hold him in place, but after getting the prettiest flight attendant to help him buckle it up, he wore it anyway.
----
The plane took off without incident, and once at cruising altitude Reiko excused himself from Hade and got up to, he claimed, stretch his legs, although really he just wanted to get away from being called uke-boy.
As he stood to leave, he saw a sugar-treat laden snack trolley roll down the aisle. Knowing what this boded, Reiko turned and ran the other way. Behind him, Arson and Zone noticed the food approaching them…
Once he had reached a safe distance, the vampire slowed down, straightened his clothing, and walked on with more composure. Passing some empty seats, he soon came across a most unexpected sight indeed.
"Tell me what you cherish most…" Sephiroth said with a ghostly whisper, staring into the eyes of Cloud Strife, his archrival. Cloud just glared back defiantly, the two in a deadlock, neither yielding to their most hated foe. "Give me the pleasure of, taking it away" the one-winged angel continued to taunt his nemesis.
"I pity you" Cloud retorted, a surge of defiance and new energy appearing in his Mako-changed eyes, "You just don't get it at all". This earned nothing but a disinterested humph from Sephiroth, who reached out…
"Seven of hearts?" the one-winged angel asked softly, his deadly, gloved hand lingering in front of Cloud.
"Go fish" Cloud replied, drawing his cards away from the outstretched hand, his face set in determination.
Reiko gawked as the two adversaries played cards in their seats, their expressions, determination and choice of words no different from when they duelled with swords. The only difference was, they were playing cards. Slowly, the vampire sunk into an unoccupied seat opposite of them. Then, he quietly cried.
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Back at Reiko's seat, Hade was getting bored; he hadn't hit on, insulted or killed anyone in over fifteen minutes, and was on the verge of going insane. He'd put his feet up on the vampire's seat, so if he came back he wouldn't be able to sit down, but without uke-boy to get annoyed at it, it just wasn't the same.
"That's it, I don't need no stinking stinko Reiko!" he suddenly yelled decisively, and jumping to his feet, set off in the other direction than the vampire went, looking for hot babes.
Passing several seats either empty or containing people who failed to meet his interest criteria as hot babes, the bounty hunter strode arrogantly on. He stood on Alucard's foot, spilled Lupin The Third's soda and shoved Vash The Stampede out of his way. All that without finding one hot chick, Hade thought dismally.
Finally he heard a female voice, and spirits rising, he shoved Yugi Moto out of the passageway, and charged down it towards the sound of salvation for his masculinity. The voice got louder, and it turned out to be two voices, which further raised Hade's mood. Finally he reached the source of the feminine voices.
"Hello… Ladies?" Hade's enthusiasm ran headfirst into confusion as he beheld the people before him. One was a skinny redhead, a little on the young side but certainly old enough to show off to, and the other was, a puny boy, which disappointed Hade, who had expected two females.
Seeing someone new, the boy jumped up and eagerly introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Ash Ketchum from P-".
He was interrupted, however, by Hade's fist coming into sharp contact with his face. "Shut up" the bounty hunter demanded unnecessarily, since the teenager had collapsed into a heap several seats away by now as a result of the punch. Hade had hit him extra-hard since he had a girly voice and had gotten his hopes up.
"Thank you" Misty said with relief, who was grateful someone had finally shut up Ash, who kept making out of the blue statements about gym badges and being a Pokémon Master every 30 seconds. She had been on the verge of curling up into a foetal position when the strong, handsome stranger had knocked him out.
"No problem miss, I'm Hade" Hade introduced himself with a bow, which he broke into a badass pose.
"Wow, n-nice to meet you" Misty said, blushing as the mercenary struck another pose for her, the impressed redhead lapping it up. Hade was about to strike a third pose, when two things happened at once.
Firstly, Psyduck popped out of its Pokéball with its trademark call of "Psyiiiyiiyii!", as annoying as ever.
Secondly, Tracey Sketchit wondered onto the scene and asked Hade "Have you seen the snack trolley?".
With perfect synchronisation, Misty turned to her Pokémon and Hade turned to the sketch artist and they both yelled "Get lost tubby!". Misty walloped Psyduck with a gigantic mallet she produced from God knows where, making him retreat into his Pokéball, and Hade kicked Tracey in his chubby gut and sent him flying into the downed Ash. Panting in rage, the two turned back to one another, and stared in amazement.
Hade's jaw dropped, could it be that he had found a babe who not only liked him, but also shared his love for unannounced violence? Smirking with reinvigorated confidence, he began posing with increased fervour. This delighted Misty who watched, amazed, and cheered him on, her mallet nowhere to be seen.
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Back with Arson and Zone, the two had ambushed the snack trolley, and to the victors had gone the spoils.
Since Zone had no real use for his seat, a tall pile of various sinfully unhealthy yet delicious goods now occupied it to capacity. The hamster was sitting in Arson's lap as he and the hybrid ravaged the ill-gotten harvest of sweets and other goodies that they had reaped, the rodent's appetite all but matching Arson's.
"Mm we've gotta fly more often" Zone declared, punctuating the statement with an impressive belch for such a small creature. Flopping onto his back in Arson's lap, he threw aside the wrapper onto the floor, where it joined the other three left over from the cupcakes he'd eaten, each one roughly as big as himself.
Arson was too busy stuffing his face with chocolate to reply, both hands a blur as he filled his mouth to the limit before swallowing, his fingers a sticky mess. "My yummy is a delicious!" he declared hyperactively.
"I need a drink" Zone said in sugary bliss, sitting up and looking around for something to slake his thirst.
With a snicker, Arson picked up his cup of Coke and, pointing the straw at Zone, he squeezed it hard so the drink came squirting out the end like a hose. "Here, have some of mine" he said with a laugh as he did this.
"Hey!" Zone yelled as he was sprayed with the liquid, covering his face wit his paws as his fur was soaked.
Getting an idea after a moment, he opened his mouth and moved his arms out of the way, the jet of fizzy drink shooting straight into his mouth. Drinking it down greedily, the hamster gulped away as Arson laughed and fed him the entire bottle, Zone letting out a satisfied sigh when there was no more Coke left.
Arson reached down and poked the rodent's furry, and now wet stomach; "You're full!" he giggled.
Zone yelped as he was poked, feeling his recent drink slosh about inside him, and growling playfully he reached out a paw for something to grab. "Full of your drink" he retorted, grabbing hold of a strawberry and lobbing it at Arson's face. The hybrid yelped and covered his head with his arms as he was pelted.
Then, much like the hamster, he had an idea and opened his mouth, snatching the strawberries out of the air as they were thrown at him. Eventually Zone ran out of strawberries, and panting while Arson chewed and swallowed, he giggled despite himself. Arson chuckled back, trying but failing to bite down on it, and soon they were both laughing together, the two having a surprisingly good time enjoying each other's company.
At this point, Cloud Strife walked by dejectedly, in a thoroughly angst-ridden mood after losing at cards to Sephiroth. At the sound of laughter he stopped, and turned his head to see a kid with a hamster in his lap, surrounded by sweets, the both of them laughing happily and obviously having a really good time together.
Staring longingly, half because he envied the kid and rodent who seemed to be really enjoying themselves together, and half because Cloud was secretly a candy fiend, he quietly asked "Um, can I join you guys?".
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Hade stomped along the gangway furiously, further angered by the fact that there was no one to barge past.
"Stupid yellow rat!" he cursed to himself, looking around for something to knock over. Not seeing anything available, he opened the overhead storage besides him, took out several small cases, snacked them neatly, and then kicked them over furiously. "Stupid fat yellow dumb rat!" he reiterated for the slow of learning.
He'd been doing great, Misty was eating up his poses and he couldn't recall the last time he was able to show off so many. Then, like a little yellow harbinger of failure, Pikachu had wandered along. Immediately Misty's attention had switched to the adorable little cuddly animal, and Hade had been dismayed as she started to cuddle and stroke the rat instead of paying attention to him. He had been about to demand to know what was going on, when the petting had started to get more intimate, Misty kissing the Pokémon full on the lips. When her hand ran between his yellow-furred thighs, Hade had left quickly, severely disturbed.
Whatever, Hade thought to himself angrily, she hadn't been that hot anyway, and Pikachu probably had a much smaller dick than him too. He was so busy stomping along furiously, he almost didn't notice Reiko sitting in an empty seat when he passed him. The vampire had gotten his emotional problems out of his system for the time being, and had been enjoying a brief rest, until he was woken with a jab, "Hey, ukey!".
Frowning and opening his eyes, Reiko was dismayed that Hade wasn't just a bad dream, "Oh, hello Hade".
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Having consumed an alarming quantity of sugar, Cloud Strife had cheered up considerably. Between him, Arson and Zone, their supplies were running low however, and Arson volunteered to go and find more, feeling the need to be active with so much sugar in him. As he left, Cloud continued rambling to Zone now.
"Anyway, and then and then…" he said rapidly, pausing as he struggled to remember the next bit. "Um, oh yeah, and then I slashed him again, like this!" he said, making a complex motion with his hands as he did.
"Oh really?" asked Zone, who was a little bored with Cloud's story about how he first performed the Omnislash, which the hamster felt was better seen than told. However he had a fat candy cane between his paws, the red and white sweet length lying up his stomach, and licking it greedily, so he was still happy.
"Oh yeah, really, and then, I did my victory pose, like this!" Cloud declared, drawing his sword and spinning it round in his trademark fashion. The large sword cut into the overhead compartment, causing the bottom to fall out, dumping baggage onto the hyper ex-SOLDIER, as well as spilling his peanuts over him.
"Hehe, you're a nutcase" Zone commented giddily, also high on sugar, but more used to it and thus more in control, only prone to mildly increased cheap jokes and general silliness. Under the pile, Cloud moaned.
Arson meanwhile had located another snack trolley, but much to his frustration it was currently in use.
"What would you like sirs?" the stewardess asked the three gentlemen who all looked unusually alike.
"I'll have… This!" Big Boss said, snatching a bottle of soda water from the trolley with expert skill. Holding it in his hands, he gasped and began turning it over, examining it intently. "This is no ordinary bottled water. The lid cap has been filed down for faster opening, and the neck has been lengthened for increased grip. The conventional label has been replaced with a special material that won't come apart in your hands even if you spill the drink on it, and not only that…" he said, pausing to open the drink and take a swig, "Every drop of this water has been strained through the natural filtering of the mountains for over a century, producing freshness and purity on an unprecedented level" he finished, sighing with satisfaction.
Across from him, another one of the men shook his head. "You're so embarrassing to take out in public father" Solidus Snake said, the tentacles of his inadequately explained super-armour selecting an apple and a packet of crisps from the trolley. Opening the latter, the mechanical appendages began feeding him crisps.
"No one likes you Solidus" Big Boss shot back at his son, who worryingly enough looked older than him.
While the ex-president of the U.S.A. silently longed for a caring father figure, the waitress began to laugh darkly. Suddenly with a blur of motion, she threw off her costume and shouted "Brothers!", turning out to be Liquid Snake in disguise, however improbable that is. With another flourish of motion, he yanked the covering off of the centre of the trolley, to reveal a bottle of alcohol in a kettle, poking out the open top.
Solid Snake, the last of the three men the fake stewardess had been serving, gasped at this. "Kettled Beer!" he yelled in horror, terrified to come face to face with the deadliest mistake of the species; warmed beer.
"That's right brother, after 30 long minutes, this beer has been rendered undrinkable" Liquid declared villainously. His clone brother's eyes were wide with terror at this, but Big Boss seemed less impressed.
"Son, are you gay?" he turned to Liquid and asked, the blond man suddenly choking on his own laughter.
"What?!" he cried out in a mix of rage and confusion, furious that someone would even dare ask him that.
"Oh come on Liquid, everyone knows it's true" Big Boss continued on regardless of the enraged looks Liquid was giving him, "You're blond, effeminate and have a British accent despite being my clone son, which means you should look and sound just like me. What's more when you had Solid Snake's girl at your mercy, you never did anything to her, and you're living inside an old man's body now of all things!".
Liquid just stood there aghast as his sexuality was questioned by his own father, lips trembling. However, before he could do anything, like rebuke Big Boss, admit it or even break down crying, Arson's patience had run out. Seeing that the stewardess was a fake and that the snack cart wasn't coming any closer had pushed him over the edge. "That's it, I've had it with these motherbleeping Snakes on this motherbleeping plane!" he screamed, transforming into his devil form and unleashing a torrent of fire.
The inferno consumed the three clones, although Big Boss was able to dive out of the way, used to facing flames after his battle with The Fury. Changing back into his regular form, Arson dusted his hands together and grinned in satisfaction, and stepping over the charred, moaning forms of Solid, Liquid and Solidus, apprehended the cart. Turning it round, he ran them over with it and headed back to Zone and Cloud.
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"So she chose the yellow rat over me, me! Hade! What do you think of that!" Hade asked rhetorically.
Reiko's eye twitched. After Hade had rudely woken him up, they had began walking back to their own seats, since the plane would be beginning its descent soon. The entire way back, the mercenary had been telling Reiko at great length a lot of things he didn't care to hear about, and his patience was wearing thin.
"Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more, completely ridiculous, I thought so!" boomed Hade, responding to the reply Reiko had never given. Suddenly the vampire snapped; he could take no more. Wheeling round, he opened his mouth to tell the loud, arrogant, stupid brute exactly what he thought of him once and for all.
However, just as he was about to launch into his reply, the pair of them were run down where they stood. The culprit was a blonde-haired blur with his purple top up over his head. As he stampeded over them they caught his garbled speech, "I am Cloudholio, are you threatening me?! I need Mako for my bunghole!".
Unsteadily the two got to their feet, having been disorientated by the impact, and staggered back towards their seats. As they approached them, they spotted Arson coming the other way with the new snack trolley.
The two converged in the middle, by their seats, but any kind of exchange that may have taken place was put on hold as all three were stunned into silence by the sight taking place before them in their own seats.
Still sat where Arson had left him, Zone had been alone after a sugar-intoxicated Cloud had pulled his top over his head and ran off babbling. However he wasn't alone now, the rodent lying against the back of the seat and letting out happy sighs and moans as two sets of hands rubbed and petted the hamster all over.
"Oh he is just adorable!" Rebecca Chambers squealed, medic from S.T.A.R.S. of Resident Evil notorioty.
"I know, he's so cute" agreed Jill Valentine, the fellow S.T.A.R.S. member asking "Whose a little cutey?".
Zone giggled, and responded "I am", smirking shamelessly as the two women just ate it up. They had been lavishing him in adoring attention for a good while now, and all he had to do was be cute and soak it up. The hamster arched and sighed, closing his eyes and slumping back as one hand rubbed his furry tummy, another his head between his ears, and the last two stroked his sides. This is the life, he thought blissfully.
Just about then, the signs indicating passengers should return to their seats illuminated, and an annoucnement came on explaining the same. Pouting, Rebecca and Jill realised they'd have to leave, neither of them or Zone wanting them to. "Mm, thanks for your time, ladies" the rodent said politely after accepting it, giving the best nod of apprecation he could while so sprawled out, smiling to both of them.
"Aww, he's so nice" Rebecca said, rubbing his tummy faster and leaning in to kiss the rodent farwell.
"Don't be a stranger, Zone" Jill added, also leaning in, and the rodent's tiny furry head was all but lost between sensual female lips as the girls kissed him on each fuzzy cheek at the same time, then left waving.
Zone waved back as they returned to their seats, and then slumped back, a happy blush glowing under the tan fur of his cheeks. "I lobe being me" he sighed, only then noticing the others staring, "Oh, hey guys".
"Hey!" Arson replied, his good mood completely invincible, so long as he possessed the snack trolley.
"I'm fed up of being outdone by rodents!" Hade screamed. Then he stomped back to his own seat to fume.
Reiko watched him go, and turning to look down at the euphoric little furball, gave him a sly grateful wink.
Zone giggled and, not being able to give a thumbs up, just nodded in return, Reiko going to sit down and buckle up. The vampire was looking forwards to enjoying Hade's angry silence, a welcome break for him.
Arson meanwhile gently nudged Zone, who silently moved back over to his own seat, still feeling warm all over inside and out from Jill and Rebecca's petting and kiss. The hybrid flopped down into his chair and began distributing the contents of the snack trolley between him and the hamster. As they dug in, neither of them noticed Cloud and Sephiroth battling, with swords this time, on the wing just outside of their window.