Shera's Diary

Chapter 12

Revelation

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

(All references to the name "Cid" by Eden in this chapter refer to Captain Highwind's father, not Captain Highwind. Just trying to avoid any confusion.)

Dear Diary,

It just hit me that I haven't written anything in here for a long while. In fact, judging from my last entry, it's actually been a few months.

We've just been so busy with the business. The captain is always flying or working on the plane, and the phone is ringing constantly with people wanting to make reservations or confirm their flights. When I'm not doing that, taking care of the house, or tending to Captain Highwind, I have to make snacks for the passengers on the flights, since it was a request made often during the first few weeks of service.

Things in town have changed like night and day since the captain's fight with Gregory and Stephenson. Just a day after that, the mail carrier had told me that the two men had packed up their things and left town that night.

For me, that was a huge relief, and the captain seemed pleased in his own way when I told him. They were just too dangerous to have around. I'm sure we weren't the only ones that were happy to see them go.

Furthermore, I can walk to the store and back without any trouble at all. I'm no longer scoffed at or scorned. People have become outright friendly to me. Again, thanks to Captain Highwind's influence.

The town honestly took his words seriously. They do, now, seem to look up to him as some sort of leader, which, admittedly, this town had been lacking. Like a pack of wild dogs, in a way, hungry for someone to be the Alpha.

People come by to ask him things quite frequently and he gives his input, despite how busy he is. I can't help but admire how much the captain is honestly able to balance.

Well, that's about all that I've got to report for now.

That's not entirely true.

There is one other small thing that's caught my attention.

Since we became extremely busy with the charter business, and the captain has to be gone overnight now, often at least once a week, his grooming habits have changed a bit.

Until a few weeks ago, he was always clean-shaven, and kept his hair in a typical military cut. Now, left to his own devices, he's let that all go a little.

Well, a lot, actually.

He only shaves about once a week now and his hair has grown out a bit and tends to usually look a little windblown.

I'm not complaining. Honestly? I think it suits him very well and…

He's simply amazing.

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Dear Diary,

Merry Christmas.

It's a white one, too. There was a good four inches of snow on the ground this morning when I woke up.

When the captain emerged from his room, I gave him a cup of tea and we went out into the family room. I didn't expect that he'd gotten me anything at all, but I had come up with a small token of my appreciation for him.

I pulled out a box from behind the couch and handed it to him. He turned his eyes up to me as he took it, looking a little confused.

"Go on, open it!" I said, sitting on the floor before his chair.

He nodded and tore off the paper, letting it fall to the ground. The captain glanced up at me briefly before opening the box. "Holy shit, Shera…"

I couldn't help but smile to myself as his expression changed to one of pleasant surprise. You see, over the past several weeks, he's been complaining about the radio unit in the plane not functioning properly. He hasn't had the time to get a new one, so I had taken it upon myself to go ahead and pick one up. "Is it what you wanted?"

Captain Highwind nodded and looked up at me, a smile playing upon his lips. "It's exactly what I wanted, Shera. I know this thing cost ya a small fortune, though…"

It hadn't been cheap, but well worth it after seeing the captain's reaction. It was a small bit selfish on my part to get it, too, since he now would have no excuse to not contact me during his longer flights. "It was nothing, Sir."

Once more he nodded and then set the box down on the floor. I watched as he got up and left the room for a moment. He returned a few minutes later and handed me something.

I looked at the box, seeing that he had clearly wrapped it himself. I recognized the blue paper from what was in the hall closet and there was tape every direction on it. Bless his heart, he'd tried, anyway. "Captain… you shouldn't have…"

"Just open the damn thing already," he grunted, landing back into his chair and leaning forward to watch me.

I got to the task and started to unwrap it carefully, peeling away the tape.

This seemed to annoy the captain on some level and he waved a hand at me. "Just tear the fuckin' paper, Shera."

I couldn't help but laugh and I did as told. It was a laptop computer, and I gasped. "Dear God, Captain!"

He frowned and shook his head. "It's for the business, that's all. I figured it would be easier for y'all to do the bookin' and all that on a computer rather than them ledger books."

Whatever his intentions for the gift, it was well appreciated. This would be a lot nicer than keeping the records all by hand. I was incredibly grateful and I, without really thinking about it, got to my knees and leaned into the captain, putting my arms around him in an embrace.

His arms closed around me in return, and I was instantly engulfed in the smell of cigarettes that always surrounds him. It was one of the most wonderful moments…

We pulled away from one another slightly after a few seconds, but still had our arms around each other. I found myself looking right into his eyes and suddenly realized what a compromising position I'd just put us in.

Other than the one embrace we'd had the night before the launch, we'd never really had any physical contact so to speak.

He swallowed hard and his eyes reflected something like uncertainty. There was instantly color on his cheeks. I froze, not knowing what to do.

I saw his eyes leave mine and look toward my mouth for a moment, before coming back up again. "Thanks, Miss Shera…"

"…and thank you, Captain…" I managed to whisper back.

Captain Highwind produced a faint, lopsided smile and then pulled his arms back, squeezing my shoulders lightly before letting them fall away from me. "Don't mention it."

I got back up, my heart still racing. "Yes, Sir. I'll get breakfast going."

"Sounds like a plan," he said back, picking the box with the radio back up and looking at it some more.

I know it's a silly fantasy, but part of me wonders if he had thought of kissing me in that moment. I guess I'll never know.

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Dear Diary,

I've wondered, now and then, what the captain's childhood must have been like and today, I got some insight into it.

Today was one of the Saturdays he wasn't out flying. I had just set the table for the captain's four o'clock tea when I heard a knock at the door. I went to answer, since the captain was in the bathroom washing up.

When I opened the door, I was at once terribly confused. I found myself staring at Captain Highwind, except with snow-white hair and a face that reflected an age of over sixty-five. "M…may I help you?"

The older version of the captain glowered at me, remaining silent. An older woman, who was to his left, stepped in front of him slightly, offering me a smile. "I'm terribly sorry, we should have called first. Is Junior around?"

God in heaven, I had no idea that the captain's parents were still alive. This had to be them… well, this man was surely his father if nothing else.

I stepped to the side and motioned for them to enter. "Oh, yes, please, come in. He'll be out in just a moment."

The old man still said nothing and strode in past me, followed by the woman. They stood there in the center of the family room, and I remained by the door, not sure of what I should do.

A few moments later, the captain emerged from the bathroom. I heard him walking down the hall, and he called out loudly as he approached. "Shera! There's no Goddamned soap left in the guest ba--"

He stopped dead in his tracks and fell silent when he saw our guests. The captain's entire body became rigid and he straightened up to his full height. "Momma… A….Admiral…"

I've never seen the captain look so horrendously uncomfortable. It didn't go by without my notice that he had called his father Admiral instead of Dad or anything else.

Finally, the older man spoke. "Is this how you treat your guests? You just stand there like a deer in fuckin' headlights?"

An observation, if I may. If the captain has a tendency to sound cold, to be downright biting with his tone, his father's voice cuts right to the bone.

The captain looked over to me. "Tea."

I nodded and went straight into the kitchen, putting the kettle on. The three of them soon followed and sat around the table. I placed cups before everyone and got them filled, then pulling out a plate of cookies from the counter and bringing it to the table before sitting down as well.

The captain looked at me. "Miss Shera, this is my mother, Eden, and my father, Admiral Highwind."

I offered up my most polite smile. "It's nice to meet the two of you."

The admiral didn't even look at me, but his mother smiled back. "Well, it's nice to meet you, too, Miss Shera."

I felt horribly out of place.

The admiral turned his vicious gaze over to the captain. "She's the one that botched your launch, ain't she?"

The captain flashed me a look, before dropping his gaze to the cup before him. "Yes, Sir."

Captain Highwind was clearly not himself in front of this man and I was feeling a knot forming in my stomach.

His father took a sip of his tea, looking at me briefly. "So what in the hell is she doing here?"

"She works for me," he replied back quietly.

"Well, send her home. This is a family meeting," the admiral growled.

I moved to get up, but felt the captain place his hand on my knee under the table, making me stay.

The captain looked at his father. "This is her home, Sir."

Then something interesting happened.

Admiral Highwind raised a hand abruptly and the captain cowered.

He cowered like a dog that's been hit before does when someone moves too quickly toward it. I wanted to honestly cry. This was not a side of the captain that I had ever been aware of.

The admiral's hand slammed down onto the table top, causing everything to rattle. "What the fuck? You let your launch get blown, and now you're gonna tell me y'all are livin' in sin with the bitch that ruined your life?"

With that, his mother stood up, taking her teacup into her hand. "Miss Shera, perhaps we should retire to the other room and let the men talk."

As reluctant as I was to leave the captain at the moment, I felt his hand leave my leg and I knew that he was indicating that I needed to go with her. I took my cup and retreated into the family room with her.

I sat on the couch, cradling my cup in my hands and Mrs. Highwind sat in the chair opposite to me. I could hear the admiral's voice continue to berate the captain, and the captain's occasional meek replies.

"So, you're living here?" she asked me, a smile upon her lips.

"I am, but the captain and I, we aren't involved. I have my own room, Mrs. Highwind," I said back, looking back toward the kitchen, my heart aching for whatever the captain was undergoing.

She followed my gaze for a moment and her smile faltered for just a moment. "Please, call me Eden."

I simply nodded, swirling my tea in its cup.

Eden got up from her chair and came to sit with me on the couch. "Shera, please don't be so tense."

I looked over at her. "I'm sorry, it's just… the captain seems…"

She set her cup down onto the coffee table and looked straight at me. "I know. Junior and Cid don't have the… easiest relationship."

"Junior? That's what you call the captain?" I asked, trying to relax a little.

"Yes, that's correct. My husband's name is Admiral Cid Augustus Highwind, and our son is Captain Cid Augustus Highwind, Junior." Her smile returned.

"Oh…" I tried to make conversation. "So, he's an admiral? Was he in the Air Force?"

Disregarding my question, she spoke, "Shera, can I ask you something?"

I simply nodded.

"I may have just met you, but with the way that you looked at my son, can I safely assume that you love him?"

My heart jumped into my throat. Am I truly that easy to read? Feeling that she had me pegged, I went ahead and made my confession. "Yes, I do, very, very much."

Her smile grew. "Then… I'm going to tell you some things, so that you can understand Junior better, because I know there are things he will never tell you."

I nodded, eager for any information about the captain. He never had mentioned anything of his childhood. "I would be very appreciative of that."

"It started when I was working as a waitress at a diner in Junon. There was a young airman that started coming in, having just joined the Air Force. Right away, I was taken with him." She looked up toward the ceiling, a smile playing across her lips. "He was such a beautiful young man, Shera… Strawberry blonde, ice blue eyes… I was smitten right away. He made a habit of coming in everyday and although he was a little off standish at first, he eventually warmed up to me and we started talking, seeing one another outside of the diner. Within a few months, he got orders that he was being transferred to Rocket and he proposed to me. The very next day, I found myself as Mrs. Cid Highwind."

I couldn't help but smile. It was clear that these memories were of her best times.

"In any event, we moved to Rocket. At the time, this town was used as a launch station for Shin Ra's small rockets, which were strictly used to put satellites into orbit. That's how the town had been named, since it had started as just a military establishment. Well, sometime after, there was a conflict that broke out between Wutai and Shin Ra. Now, Cid had already been promoted to Captain by then and he was deployed. My heart ached, but I knew that this was one of the risks of marrying a military man, and I accepted it, knowing the best I could do was to keep the home fires burning." She took a drink of her tea before continuing. "Two weeks after he had left, I discovered that I was pregnant. I called him and he was so happy… He took leave as often as he could to be with me during that time, and at the end of my pregnancy, he managed to get an entire month off so that he was there when I gave birth. When the doctor announced that I'd had a son… You have never seen a man more proud. He was overjoyed. It was the only time I've ever seen that man cry in the thirty two years we've been married."

I nodded. This didn't sound like the man currently sitting in the kitchen yelling at the captain at all. "I see…"

"He went back to his station, leaving me alone, although he called twice a day. Just a few weeks after Junior was born, I got a phone call… It was Cid's commanding officer. He told me that my husband's airship had gone down and that he was missing, presumed dead." Her eyes closed for a moment, and her shoulders slumped.

"Dear God… I can't imagine…" I whispered.

"It was the worst moment of my life, Shera. If it hadn't been for that baby boy I had, I wouldn't have been able to go on. That little boy was my life, though, so I did what I had to do. Five years after that call, there came a knock to the door. I answered and thought I was looking at a ghost. It was Cid… He'd been found in a prison in Wutai and rescued just a few days before. He was little more than a skeleton and…" Eden had to stop to wipe her eyes.

I felt a burn in my own, and a lump in my throat.

Her eyes then came up to meet my own. "He wasn't the same. Whatever he went through in those five years, I've never been told. He was changed, though. There was a shell around him after that, one I was never able to break through again. Even though Junior was only five years old, his father talked to him like he was soldier, barking orders. He… Cid… he took a desk job back here in Rocket and was eventually promoted to Admiral."

I looked down into my then cold tea. "I'm so sorry…"

Her voice became almost a whisper as she went on. Clearly, she didn't want her husband to hear. "Years went by, and I hoped, I had truly hoped, Shera, that Cid would turn back into the man he'd once been, but he didn't. It got nothing but worse as he aged, though and when Junior was only twelve years old, Cid became violent. He started breaking things in his fits of anger and then he turned on me and Junior."

I had to ask the obvious. "Why didn't you leave him?"

"Shera… he was an Admiral for Shin Ra. If I'd tried, I would have lost custody of my son and, like an idiot… I still hoped he would change…" She lowered her gaze in shame.

I didn't know what to say.

"All I could do was put myself between Cid and Junior when he would go into his rages, trying to spare my son. The physical violence went on ... It wasn't constant… maybe once every three months or so but…" she paused and shook her head. "I just kept hoping he was going to get better."

I nodded.

"By then, Junior was fifteen. He signed up for the Air Force, lying about his age and left home." More tears marked her cheeks. "At that point, my husband started having seizures and he was taken to the hospital. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor… They operated and his life was saved, and it turned out to be benign, but it had damaged the part of his brain that controlled his behavior. All this time everyone had thought he was just suffering from post traumatic stress, when honestly, there had been something growing in his head…"

I reached over and touched her hand. "How awful…"

She looked at me again. "Junior… Shera… He's grown up without much faith in the world or people at all. He never really had any friends as a boy, and I know to this day he still keeps himself distant. Despite my best hopes, he has that same shell his father had when I met him. Before Cid disappeared, when we were first in love, when I first got through to him, I knew that I was the only one that had ever managed. The man that was inside had loved me more than anyone on the planet ever could have. If you've gotten through to my son, like I once had with his father, understand that he loves you. I know my son, when he's not around his father is a hard man in his own right, but…"

I think I understood what she was saying. "Your son can be very difficult, Eden. He can also be incredibly gentle and understanding, though, too. He's… he's saved my life, he picked me up off the street despite what happened with the launch… He's stood up to this entire town on my behalf."

"Because he loves you, Shera. It may take him a long time to come around and admit that, but I promise you that if you stick with him, it will be worth it." She offered me a smile.

"I will be here with him for as long as he will have me," I replied, my heart touched to hear these things.

"Then, be ready for one hell of a ride. I can only imagine how wonderful it would have been had his father, Cid, not had is mind ripped apart. It takes a special kind of woman-- Highwind men are difficult by nature, I think, but if you have the kind of personality that can tough it out through his rougher moments, I think you may just end up a very happy woman."

I smiled at her. I knew what she meant completely.

At that moment, the admiral walked in from the kitchen. "It's time to go."

Both Eden and I stood up, and she walked to her husband's side. The captain emerged from the kitchen and looked over at me and then his parents.

The captain's mother looked over to him. "Junior, Miss Shera certainly is a nice girl."

"She surely is," he said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on Eden.

"Well, we will see the two of you later," she said, starting for the door and opening it.

I threw caution to the wind and walked right up to the admiral. I offered him a smile. "It was good to meet you, Sir."

He looked down at me, his eyes so much like his son's. The fact that I was seemingly unrattled maybe confusing him. "Good day, ma'am."

I smiled once more as he retreated after Eden, closing the door behind him. My gaze turned to Captain Highwind, and his to me. "Are you all right?"

He nodded slightly, seeming to relax now that his father was gone. "Yeah. What'd Momma talk to ya about?"

I loved that such a hard man as the captain, at nearly thirty years of age still called his mother 'Momma'. I debated on whether or not to tell him what his mother had said, and remained silent for a moment.

"Well?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I walked over and looked up at him. "Captain, she told me everything."

The color blanched from his face and I wondered if I'd made a horrible mistake in telling him the truth. "She did?"

"Yes," I replied simply.

"I…" he sighed, letting his arms move back to his sides.

"You're afraid of turning into your father on some level, aren't you?"

The captain's eyes dropped away from mine. "I ain't like him…"

It was another moment with the inner Captain and I grabbed onto it for all I was worth. "No, you're not, not like how he turned out to be, anyway."

His blue eyes panned up to mine once more, and an eyebrow quirked.

"But from what your mother said about your father, before… what happened to him happened, I think you are. She said he was the most wonderful thing in the world back then, and I think you are now." I dared to raise my hand and place it on his shoulder.

The captain closed his eyes for a moment, and then reached up and across his chest, to lay his hand upon mine. "Shera…"

I smiled and got to my tiptoes, placing a light kiss on the captain's cheek and then walked back to the kitchen. "I know, she and your father were involved, and we're not. I'm only here for convenience, right?"

I could hear him catch some words in his throat and I knew that he turned to watch me walk away.

Something inside me felt incredibly good in that moment.

I know fate brought me here not for that rusting rocket outside, but for the wonderful man who almost died within it.

Oh Lord, I've been up until three in the night writing this all up! I better get in bed!