Shera's Diary

Chapter 23

Humility

By Kristen Gupton-Williams

Dear Diary,

Praise God in Heaven.

By the time I got in bed this morning, it was almost six. The sun was just beginning to brighten the eastern sky. Although I had doubted that I would be able to sleep, my exhaustion won out and got the better of me. Not only did I fall asleep, but it was such an incredibly profound sleep that an earthquake couldn't have roused me.

Nor the landing of an incredibly massive airship.

Subconsciously, I did hear it, and that roar and shaking was incorporated into my dream that, lamely, involved the clothes washer malfunctioning and chasing me though the damn house!

Fatigue can do some strange things to the mind, that's for sure.

However, when I heard the front door to the house open, I did wake up because it wasn't something my mind could interpret as anything other than what it was.

Cid had to be home.

My heart raced and I woke up instantly, practically leaping out of the bed. It was ten in the morning. I ran out of the bedroom and into the hall and then, at the other end of it…

Cid walked into my line of vision.

I began to cry in my happiness, and ran to him, but just as I reached him, he lurched forward and collapsed.

I caught him as best that I could, but ended up just being pulled to the floor with him.

I cradled him in my arms and looked down into his horribly drawn face. "Cid?!"

His eyes were barely open, bloodshot and spent. "Shera… I'm home…"

It was then that I looked at his body as I held him. His clothes were horribly tattered, and worse, bloodstained. "Oh God, Cid…"

"I'm… just tired…" he whispered to me, too proud to admit that he was horribly hurt.

I remembered how he had never once flinched or acted like he was in pain from any injury I had ever seen him take, so for him to be this completely devastated, I panicked. Not knowing what else to do, I struggled up to my feet and then did my best to get him up off of the ground.

It took all that I had to haul him up from the floor and I half carried, half pulled him into the bedroom. Once inside, he managed to climb onto his side of the bed, before just collapsing against the mattress.

I knew I had to get his clothes off of him to see how badly he was injured. First, I managed to pull his jacket off. The poor man cooperated as best he could, and we got his shirt off, too.

It was then that I saw what was really wrong with him. Just his torso alone showed multiple severe injuries. Bruises, lash marks, and lacerations, the worst of which started on his left side and wrapped around his stomach. It was terrifyingly deep and I was sure that he had just barely escaped evisceration. "Cid… I need to call the doctor…"

Normally, he was too proud to accept such help but this time, he offered no resistance, only opening one eye slightly, and then closing it again.

I picked up the phone on his nightstand, and immediately called the town's doctor. He quickly agreed to make a house call and I left Cid's side for just a moment to make some tea for him. Just as I was about to go to the bedroom with his drink, the doctor arrived. I led him back to Cid's bedside.

The doctor quickly assessed his injuries, and I set the cup of tea on the nightstand.

"Ms. Sakamoto," the doctor said to me, cutting away the remains of Cid's fatigue pants, leaving him in just his boxers, "I'm going to have to give the captain multiple sutures for these wounds. You may wish to leave."

I nodded slightly, prepared to go, until I saw Cid's eyes both open and land on me.

"Shera… don't…" he managed out, his voice dry. "Stay…"

The fact that he was so brave as to face all the things in his life that he had, only now to be seemingly afraid of being sewn up, touched something within me. I climbed up onto the bed, and sat next to where Cid was laying. He offered me a smile and took my hand before closing his eyes again.

The doctor got to work then, but I didn't watch what he was doing, since it made me a little queasy simply to be there. Instead, I kept my eyes focused on Cid's face, seeing him occasionally grimace as the doctor worked.

It took nearly two and a half hours for the doctor to finish suturing and bandaging Cid's injuries. When he was done, he pulled off his latex gloves and tossed them into the bedside trashcan.

I looked over as the doctor gathered his things. "…I…is he going to be all right?"

The doctor nodded and pulled out two vials of pills that he set on the nightstand. "As long as he takes those antibiotics for three weeks and doesn't over do it, he'll be right as rain. The other pills are for the pain, but I know what kind of proud man he is and I suppose he won't take them."

At that, Cid mumbled something to the effect of, "That's Goddamned right…"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at that and I got off the bed, and saw the doctor to the door. He told me that he would be back to check Cid's injuries and change the bandages in two days.

As if there's a cold chance in Hell that Cid won't have the bandages ripped off of himself by then.

In any event, I returned to the bedroom and went right over to his side. The tea I'd brought at the doctor's arrival was stone cold and I picked up the cup to go warm it, but Cid reached out and grabbed my arm. "Where're ya takin'…that…?"

"It's cold, Cid," I said quietly.

"Cold tea sounds real good right now, though…" he replied weakly, trying to sit up.

I instantly sat beside him and got an arm beneath him. Doing the best I could, I got the cup to his lips and he drank. It didn't take long, though, before he was too worn out to drink anymore and I laid him back down.

Knowing that he needed to sleep, I went over to the window and closed the curtains to block out the afternoon light, for which I received a grateful grunt.

"C'mere…"

I turned to see that his left arm was raised up and I walked over, getting on the bed and laying at his left side, taking that hand within my own. "I'm so glad you're all right…"

"Saved the world…" Cid whispered, "all of us… We did it… that fuckin' thing is gone… ain't gonna hit the planet after all."

"I knew you'd do it," I said back quietly, rolling onto my side to look at him.

Even now, as beat up and tired as he was, he was the most wonderful thing I have ever lain eyes upon.

He produced a faint smile. "Well, it's what I had to do to get me to this."

I remained silent, not knowing what to say and recognizing this rare and gentle tone from him.

"I wasn't put on this planet to ride that rocket into space…" he said, his head lulling to the side and his eyes cracking open and looking at me, "nor to save the damn world…"

Still, I kept quiet. I didn't dare interrupt him, since there was clearly something behind his eyes.

"None of that crossed my mind. Not a damn bit of it. All I could think of durin' the whole fuckin' fight was gettin' back home to my Shera." With that, his hand tightened around mine.

I felt tears fall from my eyes. "Cid… all I thought of was you getting home…"

"So, I guess that means y'all weren't brought to Rocket to just work on the damn space program after all, ne?" His lips curled into a tired and lopsided smile.

"I've… hoped for a long time that maybe I was brought to Rocket just to be with you," I whispered back.

"Well… I think that's fair enough to say at this point. Now, I'm fuckin' tired and no offense, but you look pretty Goddamned spent, too." His eyes slowly closed again.

"I am."

Before anymore was said, we were both asleep.

He had saved the world.

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Dear Dairy,

I woke up to see that it had gotten all the way to seven in the evening. Poor Cid was still sound asleep next to me and I got up quietly and went out into the kitchen, knowing that I had to get something for him to eat. I just made soup and tea, figuring that it might just be the easiest thing for him to get down for now.

Once that was ready, I took it into the bedroom, and turned on the lamp. He stirred from his sleep reluctantly, but soon, his hunger got the better of him and he sat up. I just watched quietly as he had his dinner, the very act of breathing still seeming to take a great effort on his part. I did get him to take some of the antibiotics that the doctor had left, but as I suspected, he refused the pain medication.

He didn't argue about it, he just would not take them. When he was done eating, he made the short journey to the bathroom and then just back into the bed. Within a short while, Cid was asleep again.

I myself am still relatively tired, so I figure that I will stay up to about eleven or so, and then I will go back to sleep as well, so that I can get up and get him some breakfast in the morning.

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Dear Diary,

Five years I've been around this man and never will he cease to amaze me.

Yesterday, he seemed on the verge of death.

This morning, his alarm clock went off at six in the morning.

Six, I will say again.

I was facing away from him and just suspected that it had gotten flipped on accidentally somehow. I made no move and within five seconds, I heard him reach over and turn it off. I prepared to go back to sleep at that moment, but Cid groaned loudly beside me and I felt the bed move as he got up.

All right, I thought to myself, he's probably just going to the bathroom. I'll give it a little longer before I go out and start breakfast.

That wasn't it, though. Soon, I heard the shower running. Now, I knew the doctor had ordered Cid not to get his bandages wet, and yet there he was, apparently going ahead and taking a shower. I knew I was in no position to stop him if that's what he wanted to do, so I just rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, trying to get myself to wake up.

I heard the shower turn off after several minutes and the bathroom door opened. It was still fairly dark in the room since the sun wasn't quite up and the curtains were drawn, but I still watched as Cid walked from the bathroom and over to his closet.

Wearing absolutely nothing.

I about died and quickly closed my eyes.

I'd never seen him completely undressed before and I found myself blushing horribly, but I just tried to pretend to be asleep. After all, I figured he had only done that because for one, he was too tired and sore to care, and secondly, he probably supposed that I was still asleep.

Battered and beaten or not, he's an incredible specimen. I've often wondered how he can maintain such a physique without working out… I mostly had just seen his back as he walked, but… damn.

Either way, he disappeared into his walk in closet, and I heard him rustling around inside for quite a while. Still, I feigned sleep and eventually, I heard him reemerge from within and go back into the bathroom.

Soon followed the sounds of him brushing his teeth and doing other things. He even took the time to shave, which seemed really odd, all things considered. Then, I heard him walk back out, around the bed, open the curtains, and then sit beside me. "Shera…"

I opened my eyes and looked at him, instantly shocked. "Oh my God… Cid?"

I sat up, disbelieving what I was seeing. He had cleaned himself all up and he was wearing his dress uniform from back when he was in the Air Force. I'd never once seen him dressed up at all, and it was quite a surprise.

"Time to get up, we got shit to do today," he said simply, offering me a smile.

Instantly, a fear cropped up in my mind. "Cid… you didn't accidentally take too many of those pain killers the doctor gave you, did you? I mean… you're still too hurt to be doing anything and… why are you wearing that?"

His expression indicated that I had missed something obvious. "Because I ain't got a suit and I hate tuxes. Get your ass up and put on somethin' nice. For the record, I ain't had none of them pills, either. Need my mind clear today."

I just stared at him.

Cid got up and headed for the door to the bedroom.

I got to my feet and decided to protest. This was all just unacceptable considering his condition. "Cid! You get back in bed right now!"

He stopped with his hand on the bedroom door, and slowly turned back to face me. "You're jokin', right?"

"You're too sick to be doing whatever it is you're thinking of doing right now!" I said, trying to sound somewhat authoritative to him for once.

"I told you that when I got home, I was gonna make you an honest woman, now let's go get shit taken care of!" he shot back, seeming somewhat annoyed.

"What does that even mean?" I crossed my arms over my chest and stood my ground. His antiquated sayings didn't always make the most sense to a born and bred city girl like myself.

His expression absolutely fell, and his hand fell away from the door and back to his side. "Shera… It means I wanna marry ya."

I suddenly felt like a moron. "R…right now? Today?"

"You got a better time in mind?" he asked, one of his eyebrows quirking.

"N…no, I just… this is awfully sudden…" I managed to get out before…

Before I lapsed into a moment of tunnel vision, my ears started ringing and then…

Well, there wasn't much of an "And then" because apparently, I'd passed out.

Next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor beside the bed, my head pounding and feeling myself cradled in Cid's arms, being shaken gently.

"Shera?!"

My eyes opened, and I found myself looking up at him. "Cid…"

"Goddamn, woman, you just dropped like a rock there! Scared the shit outta me!" His face betrayed the fact that he was honestly worried.

The haze in my mind started to clear and I sat up slowly, still feeling dizzy. "M…marry me right now?"

"Shera… you get stupid over the last few months?" he quipped back, his tone indicating that he was joking and not meaning to offend me at all.

"No, I'm sorry, it just caught me out in left field." With that, I managed to get back to my feet.

"…you do want to, right?" he asked, suddenly sounding unsure.

"Of course I do!" I replied, watching as he stood back up as well.

Cid offered me a nod. "All right, then. Go get dressed. Look… I know you probably wanted some big fancy weddin' but… I just want us to be hitched. If I had to wait any longer before we did anythin' else, I ain't sure I'd make it."

I felt a blush come to my cheeks. "…if you're talking about sex, what difference does it make if you've already done it before?"

The color absolutely drained from his face and his mouth opened for a moment, but he said nothing.

My blush got even worse then, as I wondered if I'd just screwed up and assumed incorrectly. "Cid?"

He went over and sat on the edge of the bed, hanging his head. "Shera, I lied…"

"What?" I went over and knelt on the floor in front of him.

"…I lied." His eyes came up and met mine, his expression full of shame.

I was horribly confused, and I'm sure it showed. "Cid?"

"I did go home with four different women back in the day like I said, but each time…" his voice trailed off and he looked to the floor again.

I reached out and placed a hand on his leg. "Each time what?"

"I…" He paused for a moment, and shut his eyes. "I… couldn't actually… commit to the act when we got to that point. Consider it… a massive equipment failure…"

I couldn't help but notice how his voice cracked, and I found myself leaning a little closer to him.

"…I couldn't do it. I couldn't fuckin' do it because I didn't… have any feelings for 'em. It just wouldn't work for me."

I kept my eyes on him, realizing what he'd just said, but needing a moment for it to sink in. If he had humbled himself to me before with his admittal of having feelings for me, doing this had just absolutely humiliated him.

"So, you're saying…" I couldn't quite bring myself to say it.

He lifted his head and looked at me, his face now red and his eyes looking dimmed. "I'm a fuckin' liar… I ain't never… I'm a…"

Captain Cid Highwind, Jr., now thirty-two years of age, was a virgin. If I hadn't just passed out a few minutes before, I may have done so at that moment.

I moved forward and embraced him. Hearing that had made me the happiest woman on the planet. "Oh Cid…"

His body tensed within my embrace. "You… you ain't pissed?"

"Why would I be?" I pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I love you either way, it's just now… you're going to be… just mine…"

He offered me the most grateful smile I think I have ever seen. "I love ya…"

"And I love you. Now, I'm going to get dressed and we can head out, if you're really feeling up to it." I stood up again, reaching forward and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I could have a compound fracture of my femur right about now, Shera, and still be ready to do this," he said with a grin.

I couldn't help it and I outright laughed at him before turning and walking toward my own room.

The notion that Cid is possibly one of the only men on the planet that can equate sex with actual love is just… mind-boggling.

The more I learn of him, the more I'm realizing that his outward act toward the vast majority of the world is just that-- an act.

Oh dear, there's something I have to go do before I finish this entry…