Hey everyone! So sorry for the long wait! I'm really proud of this chapter and hopefully I wont disappoint ya guys! So, flashback in Italics, there is some strong language. I'll be posting an epilogue type chapter soon. Hope you guys like it and reviews are always appreciated! So with out further ado, the story:
Brooke opened the door slowly, her eyes closed, knowing that the room had probably changed. It probably belonged to a little girl now. Brooke opened her eyes and there it was. His room. Exactly like he had left it. The bed was still unmade. His clothes were still scattered across the floor, including one of her shirts. It still smelled like him too.
Brooke walked around the room, not touching anything. She wanted to preserve it. Because in this room, it seemed like he would walk right back in and tell her to hurry her ass up. Brooke sat down on the floor, her back up against his closet doors. She did allow herself to touch the 'Keith Scott Bodyshop' hoodie he always wore. She grabbed it and pulled it up to her face and breathed in. She shut her eyes tight, praying that the tears wouldn't fall. She hadn't been in this room in almost 2 years, but it looked exactly how she had last left it.
"Brooke! Get up! We're going to be late." Lucas said as he looked over at the clock. Brooke grunted from under the covers. "Brooke, baby, you have to get up."
Lucas got out of the bed and threw on a pair of boxers. He then went over to Brooke's side of the bed and pulled the cover's down from over her head. "Cheery, you got to get up. We're going to be late for the game." he said gently as he began kissing her cheeks.
"Why can't we just skip the game? I'd rather lie in bed." Brooke said, her eyes still closed.
"Okay, we could lie in bed, my mom could come home, worried because neither of us are at the game. Walk into my room and find us naked together in my bed." Lucas said sarcastically.
"Chill out Lucas. It's not like you're gonna get me pregnant." Brooke said, holding back a laugh.
"Very funny. Come on. Up." Lucas said as he pulled back the blanket revealing a very naked Brooke.
"Lucas!" Brooke said as she tried to grab it back.
" You know, this is a very nice sight. But you've still got to get up. Come on, I'll let you shower with me." Lucas said as he walked over to Brooke.
"Really?" Brooke said cocking an eyebrow. Lucas nodded and leaned in to kiss Brooke, but she quickly dodged her head. "Lucas, I don't have time to make out with you, we're going to be late for the game!" she yelled as she ran out of his room. He just stood there for a moment before he heard Brooke.
"Are you getting in the shower with me or not?" He just smiled and shook his head as he headed for the bathroom.
"I can't wait until this game is over." Lucas said as he wrapped his arms around Brooke who was now in her cheerleading uniform.
"And why is that?"
"Because then I get to take your uniform off." Lucas said with a smirk.
Brooke laughed. "Yeah if your mom doesn't kill us. Remember, we're telling everyone tonight?"
"Yes I remember. But she'll be fine, and then we'll come back here and..."
"I don't think so. You got enough action today after school and in the shower."
"I thought that was to warm me up for the game."
"Nope, that was simply for your own pleasure." Brooke said as she turned around and kissed him. "Wait, where are the pants I came here in?"
They both looked around for a second, not finding Brooke's pants.
"I see your shirt, but no pants." Lucas said pointing to Brooke's shirt that was flung on the desk.
"Hm, we'll look when we get back. Come on, remember that whole 'We're going to be late' thing?" Brooke said as she skipped out of the room, dragging Lucas behind her.
Brooke just sat there staring at the room. Everything came back to her and as hard as she tried, she couldn't keep the tears back. It hurt too much. She knew that she should probably get out of there, Karen would be home soon, but she couldn't find the strength to get up. So, she sat there, crying.
It was too much to handle. She was in her dead boyfriend's room. This isn't how it should be. He should be on the bed, she should be next to him, and Wyatt should be on his lap. They should be there on his bed, as a family.
"You said that you wouldn't leave me! You sat there on that bed, me in your arms and promised you wouldn't leave me!" Brooke screamed.
"You said you weren't going to be Dan! That you were going to be better than him! But what did you do! You were selfish and stopped taking your god damn medication and played basketball! Did you even think before you did it! That you could die and leave me here to fend for myself? To try and live without you! Because I can't do it Lucas! I feel like a zombie without you! The only thing that keeps me going is your son! The son that you knew about! But decided to be an ass and still play basketball with a fucking heart condition! He doesn't know his father and it is all your fucking fault! If you had just took your fucking medication you would be here! You could have met your son and he could have met his father! He has a fucking right to meet his father but God forbid you let that happen! Now, I have to raise your son without you! And that is not fair Lucas! It is not fair to me and it sure as hell isn't fair to him! If it weren't for you I wouldn't have left Tree Hill, and I wouldn't be freaked out by the site of your mom! And I wouldn't be in your fucking room screaming at you! It's all your fucking fault and I hate you Lucas! I hate you!" Brooke screamed as she began sobbing uncontrollably.
It was getting hard to breathe again. It hurt so much. Brooke could feel her heart shattering. She hated him in that moment. Hated everything about him. Hated that had cheated on her. That he had promised he wouldn't leave her. That he promised her that he wouldn't make her cry again. Promised that he would save her. But he broke all those promises and hurt her. He always hurt her.
After a moment she felt arms wrap around her. She never cried in front of anyone except Lucas or Peyton. But she just didn't care anymore. She didn't have Lucas and Wyatt didn't have a dad. Wyatt didn't deserve this to happen to him.
"I didn't mean it Karen. I didn't mean it." Brooke said after what seemed like hours of crying.
"He knows you don't Brooke." Karen said rubbing Brooke's back.
"I'm so sorry Karen." Brooke said as she sat up and wiped her cheeks dry.
"For what?"
"For not seeing you when I came back to Tree Hill last year. Or running away from the record store yesterday when you were looking at me." Brooke said quietly, trying to avoid looking at Karen.
"It's okay Brooke. Your hurting." Karen said trying to comfort the girl who was in obvious pain. It was also incredibly obvious that Karen wasn't going to make the pain go away. The only thing that would ever make the pain go away wasn't there and never would be.
"I had a boy." Brooke whispered so quietly, and so softly Karen had barely heard her. But those were the words Karen had longed to hear for the past 2 years and she was holding the girl she had longed to hold again ever since she saw her across the street from the cafe last year.
"Lucas knew. We had his name picked out already because Lucas was sure it was going to be a boy." Brooke said, a sad smile forming on her lips. "His middle name is Keith."
"Keith would have loved that." Karen said, not wanting to press the subject, but just let it flow. She knew this was hard for Brooke. Hell it was hard for her. She would allow Brooke to tell her as much, or as little, as she wanted.
"Yeah. It was his idea. Whitey picked out his first name though. Me and Lucas had tried to pick out a name but it wasn't working. So Whitey said Camilla liked Wyatt." Brooke said softly, her tears beginning to slow.
"Wyatt Keith Davis?" Karen asked making sure she got the name of her only grandson right.
"Scott. Wyatt Keith Scott." Brooke said. Her smile turned into a happy one at the mention of her son. "Oh, crap." Brooke said as she released from Karen's embrace.
"What? What is it?" Karen asked, worried. Maybe Brooke was thinking this had been a mistake and would leave again. Karen was praying silently in her head that she wouldn't run again.
"Wyatt. I left him with Whitey. He has to be freaking out right now. I've got to go." Brooke said standing up, grabbing her purse that was on the floor next to her.
"I'll drive you. You'll get there quicker." Karen said standing up as well. Brooke nodded and she and Karen left the house.
"I fucked up." Brooke said after a few moments of silence in the car.
"With what?"
"Peyton. She found an ultrasound of mine and I wouldn't explain it to her." Brooke said guiltily.
"Peyton doesn't know you had a baby? But wasn't that her in the record store?" Karen said completely confused now. Maybe she was starting to see things.
"That was her. It was from before." Brooke said simply.
"Before?"
"The pregnancy scare. It wasn't a scare. I got an abortion." Brooke said, her head down, tears were threatening to fall again.
"Oh." Karen said quietly, shocked.
"I didn't want to. My parents found out and made me. So I told Lucas I lied." Brooke said, a few tears spilling from her eyes. "I should have told them no. I'm sorry Karen."
"You have no reason to be sorry Brooke. You were young and scared and your parents had basically pushed you into a decision when your judgment was clouded." Karen said trying to comfort her.
Karen grabbed Brooke's hand and gave it a small squeeze. "He wouldn't blame you Brooke. He'd be a little upset but you shouldn't feel like he'd think any lesser of you because you got an abortion."
"I don't know why I freaked out on Peyton either. She just wanted to know if I had been pregnant before. I just... I didn't want her to be the first to know. No one was supposed to know. On some level I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it quiet forever. But it should have been Luke to find out first. I haven't said it out loud to anyone. Except you." Brooke said as she looked out the window.
She was starting to feel better. Getting all this off her chest. This is what she needed. To talk to Karen. The women who was like a mother to her and was the mother to the love of her life, her Broody, her Lucas. Saying all this to Karen was as if she were telling it to Lucas. It helped.
"I cut myself." Brooke said quietly, still looking out of the window. Karen stopped the car.
"What?" Karen said extremely shocked. She couldn't hide her angry tone. Karen knew it hurt when Lucas died, but she had a son to think about. Brooke had so much left to live for. Karen grabbed Brooke's wrist and looked at them. "There is nothing here."
"It's because I wasn't stupid enough to slice my wrists." Brooke said not looking at Karen.
"But you were stupid enough to cut yourself?" Karen asked as she brought Brooke's face up to look at her.
Brooke still wouldn't look her in the eye. She couldn't. She didn't want to see the anger, the sadness, the disappointment. She knew it was stupid of her to do it, but for a while it made it go away. Sure, not for long, but it helped. "I..." she tried to get out, nothing coming out of her mouth.
"Brooke, look at me." Karen said as Brooke finally looked at her. "You have a son to think about. You have to many people that love you here and that need you. Lucas wouldn't have wanted you to do that to yourself. You are above that Brooke."
"I know. It just, it made the pain go away for a little bit you know. It still hurts so incredibly much everyday Karen. Sometimes, Wyatt will look exactly like Lucas. Like a freaking carbon copy and I just want to break down and cry. And I don't want to look at my son and want to cry. I don't want it to be hard to talk about Lucas or to talk to you." Brooke said as she removed her wrists from Karen's hands. "It shouldn't be like this. Two years Karen. Two years later and it still doesn't hurt any less."
Karen nodded. It started getting better little by little for Karen, but for Brooke. There was no way it could. Her healing time was obviously a lot longer. "You've stopped right?" Karen asked as she began driving.
"I haven't cut myself for almost a week. I was so tempted too though." Brooke said as they pulled up in front of Whitey's house. "Are you ready to met your grandson?"
"As ready as I'll ever be." Karen said as they exited the car and walked up to Whitey's house. Brooke went inside without knocking.
"Wyatt?" Brooke yelled as she entered the house.
"Momma!" Wyatt yelled as he ran to Brooke. Brooke immediately picked him up and hugged him tight.
"I'm sorry I left you baby. I didn't realize I'd be gone so long." Brooke said as Whitey entered the room. She mouthed a 'Sorry' to Whitey and he just smiled and shook his head, not caring that she was late. "I have somebody I want you to meet."
"This, is your Grandma Karen." Brooke said as she pointed to Karen who was just smiling at the sight of Brooke and Wyatt. "She is your Dad's mom."
"Hi." Wyatt said shyly, waving at Karen.
"Hey there Wyatt." Karen said as she waved back.
"Do you want to go play at Grandma Karen's? Then you can meet your other Aunt." Brooke said to Wyatt.
"Aunt Hawey?" Wyatt asked.
"Nope. This is your Daddy's sister. Aunt Kirsten." Brooke said. Wyatt looked like he was thinking. He looked like Lucas in that very instant. Brooke formed a small smile on her face. It wasn't a happy smile, but a sad one. Karen noticed this and frowned herself. She too had noticed how much Wyatt looked like Lucas at that moment. She loved it, even though it hurt. What hurt even more was to see the broken girl in front of her.
"Brooke, why don't Wyatt and I play with each other while you get his things?" Karen asked, stepping towards Brooke.
"Okay." Brooke said uneasily. She looked at Wyatt who clung to her. "It'll be okay baby. She's nice. Like Aunt Haley." Wyatt loosened his grip and then went to Karen. Karen, Wyatt, and Whitey went into the kitchen and Brooke went into the living room to gather Wyatt's things. Brooke sat down on the edge of the couch, picking up Wyatt's toys that are scattered around it. She put them in the diaper bag and then grabs his blanket. She walked into the kitchen, and leaned into the doorway taking in the site before her. Karen looks up and notices her there.
"I think we should go now. You have something you need to take care of do you not?" Karen asked Brooke as Whitey smiled at them.
Brooke nodded and went over and gave Whitey a hug.
"Thank you." She whispered in his ear.
"Anytime." Whitey said before they pulled out of the hug. "I expect to see a lot more of you now Brooke."
"Of course Coach." Brooke said with a small smile as her, Karen, and Wyatt walked to the car.
"Karen, how do you do it?" Brooke asked after they had sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Do what?" Karen asked as they stopped at a red light.
"Live without Keith. Raise the child you have with him, without him?"
"I'm not going to lie to you Brooke, it's hard as hell. It hard when I did it with Lucas and hard this time. I think, maybe the second time around it was a little harder though. I had lost Luke too." Karen said as they began driving again.
Brooke nodded, taking in what Karen had just said. She waited a moment before she replied. "I know that you loved Dan back then but was it harder when you lost Keith while you were pregnant? Knowing that he loved you back? Despite the fact that you lost Lucas afterwards?"
"Brooke, I can't answer these questions for you. Yes it was harder, Keith died. I'd never get him back, but I've started to work past it. Your still hurting. I can't tell you how it make it hurt any less. " Karen said as she pulled up to Larry's. "Now, go and fix things with Peyton. I'll take Wyatt with me over to Deb's."
Brooke looked up at the house knowing she wasn't ready to do this. She then looked back at her child and knew she didn't want to leave him.
"Brooke, he'll be fine. Go and fix things with Peyton." Karen said as she pushed Brooke out the door.
"Hey Best friend." Brooke said shyly as she stood in the doorway of the living room, tears already forming in her eyes.
Peyton looks up to reveal her red swollen eyes. "Brooke, I am soooo sorry. I shouldn't have pressed it. I.." Peyton began to apologize until Brooke waved her hand at her, signaling her to stop.
"It's my fault. I over reacted. It's just... I didn't want anyone to know." she said, whispering the last part.
Brooke walked over to Peyton, sitting beside her on he couch. She was taking deep breaths, anything to make the somewhat nauseous feeling go away.
"I.. I wasn't going to tell anyone about it. And if I ever did, I wanted it to be to Luke. But when he died, I just assumed I'd never tell anyone. But then you found the ultrasound and I freaked. I wasn't ready to open that up again. But then, I told Karen. I said it. For the first time I said it. And that scares me." Brooke said as her voice began to crack, tears one blink away from falling.
"It scares me because it means that he isn't coming back. He is gone and there is no changing that. But what scares me even more is that I know I'm forgetting him Peyton. I can't remember all the things I used to. Like his laugh. Peyton, I used to know his laugh, now I can't even fathom what it sounds like." Brooke cried as she rested her head in her hands.
Peyton sat there, letting Brooke cry. She really didn't know what to say. What could you say to this? What could you possibly say to your best friend who is grieving over the loss of her boyfriend/ father of her child to make it better? 'I'm sorry' or 'It'll be okay'? The lies she had been feeding her for the past 2 years? Peyton couldn't say those things anymore because she knew they were empty promises. She didn't know if things were going to get better. If Brooke would return to the way she was. Sorry obviously wasn't helping. So she did what she could do. She sat there and protectively wrapped her arms around Brooke, letting her sob into her shoulder.
This wasn't like the other nights where Peyton had held Brooke as she cried. This was a night of moving on. Brooke slowly but surely told Peyton everything. How Lucas had proposed( Brooke never told anyone), how she cut herself( Peyton held her tongue. She knew that she had no right to judge Brooke for what she did during times of weakness. God knows Brooke didn't judge Peyton during hers), talked about the abortion and how she regretted it( Peyton squeezed her tighter when she mentioned this), how she had finally talked to Karen( to which Peyton let out a huge sigh of relief) and finally, how guilty she still felt.
"I was going to break up with him." Brooke said through her tears.
"What? Why? When?"
"After the wedding. The night I went over to break up with him. I was going to break up with him but he already knew I was pregnant."
"How?"
"The pregnancy test at the wedding. He thought it was mine. God Peyton, I feel horrible about that. I was going to break up with him and leave."
"Why Brooke? Was it really that horrible to tell Lucas?"
"He had so much left to do Peyton. I knew he would still go places but he wouldn't have gone as far as I know he could have had he not been tied down at 18. I didn't want to take that from him."
"Brooke, he loved you so much its ridiculous. Taking you and his child away would have been harder for him to take. Loosing you would have killed him."
"Yeah, well, loosing him did almost kill me." Brooke replied.
Peyton sat there, taking Brooke in. "Listen to me." Peyton started. This was going to be the last time she said this. "He wouldn't want you to be like this. He would want you to suck it up and be the Cheery he knew and loved. He would want you to be a great mother to his child and want you to be a great woman in life. Stop feeling like this Brooke. If you feel like you need his forgiveness you have it Brooke, you have it. You've had it all along. He knows you can't remember everything. He knows that your going to go a day with out thinking about him in the future. And he is fine with that. He will ALWAYS love you and he knows you will always love him. So suck it the fuck up and live life the way he would want you to."
Brooke and Peyton walked into Deb's and find everyone located in the living room.
"Better?" Karen asked as Wyatt came up and hugged Brooke and Peyton's legs.
"I'm getting there." Brooke said with her true dimpled smile.