Friday night

So according to Clare, tonight should be pretty good after the appalling dress rehearsal we had last week. The curtain went up at 7.30. It was a totally amazing night - a dream, but almost painfully real.

I went to the Old Theatre straight from college. I had planned to walk down with Matt, but since he already looked like a guy his make-up shouldn't take as long as mine.

My wrist, thankfully, had recovered enough. I had done almost no writing all week and now the bandage would have to be taken off. I knew Matt and Andy were nervous about grabbing hold of it. Truth be told, I was nervous too.

I slipped in the back doors and moved down the draughty corridor to where I could hear voices. I pushed open the door of the old dressing room that had been used in hundreds of productions before this. Jackie and her friend stood waiting for me. Really, it was like an operation. They both smiled at me.

"Katie. This is Mandy. She's going to attempt to turn you into a guy."

Strangely, because I seldom like meeting new people, I liked Mandy instantly. She was younger than Jackie, perhaps six, seven years older than me. "Good luck!" I joked.

Jackie grinned at me. "Maybe you're the one who needs luck. Okay, I've got to go now; the others should be arriving soon. And I expect that at least once over the course of this evening I shall have to prevent Ricky from having a heart attack!" We could both imagine that. Jackie went over to the door. "You have two hours till tech. Good luck." She was gone.

"Okay Katie. Let me take your coat. Don't worry about a thing. You are going to look great!"

Half an hour later. I could hear the others banging about in the corridor and neighbouring rooms. There was a knocking on the door, but Mandy had locked it and completely ignored all noises. She kept up a stream of conversation that I could barely respond to. "So…First play huh? Or were you in the last? I don't remember seeing you. I helped out with that one too. Ricky really picks them, last time he wanted dwarves and stuff, for The Hobbit you know? All that make-up and paper-mache! Bit different this time!"

An hour later. Mandy finally let me look in the mirror. I don't know what she did ("my secret", she said winking), won't even begin to try and describe all the creams and hair products, but-I looked like a guy. "Wow! I even feel different!" She laughed at my amazement and that got me going. It was just like, finally.

I studied myself in the mirror. My costume was just a simple tunic and my face was still my face, my hair short, kind of floppy and blonde. But I looked like a young boy. I wondered how she would make me look like a thirty-two year old man and she read my thoughts.

"Your clothes should make you look bigger and some different make-up should make you look older. I guess Ricky had a slight Alexander in mind when he cast you."

"Thanks. It's really awesome!"

She leant back against the table, "Aren't you going to show everyone then?"

I opened the door. Everyone had spilled out onto the corridor. It was like the dress rehearsal, but oddly there was more laughter.

Andy was first to see me and grabbing Matt came running over, both dressed similarly to me in white tunics and sandals. "Hey Katie! You look really cool."

"Yeah." Matt agreed. "I feel like I should start calling you Alex!"

"Wait till Ricky sees you!"

Where Ricky was though, we didn't know. We went into a quiet room to escape the chaos of the corridor. We had barely been there ten minutes when Steve stuck his head round the door: "Hey guys. We're ready to do tech, so if you could go on up and-hey! Where did Katie go?" He laughed, "That's so cool. Anyway see you in a second."

We headed up to the stage. There was none of the chaos of the dressing rooms up here and it was way more organised than the dress rehearsal. Everyone stood grouped round and about, talking quietly. We went over to join Will and Clare, Clare in a long white tunic with a dark red robe over the top for the first act and Will in a dark cloak. They both exclaimed over me. Then others began to come over and it was a really great feeling: we were all about to do something really important and we felt really close.

"Okay guys!" Ricky jumped onto the stage. "Let's just run through the scenes with music while they sort out the lighting." I could see Jackie grinning behind him. "Is Katie here? Matt, can you go get her?"

"Sure!" Matt, smiling slightly, took my arm and pushed me forwards. "Here's Alex."

And at last, after all this, he said: "Oh God Katie! You finally look like a guy!" We all laughed.

There wasn't much time left as we raced through tech and we were just leaving the stage when we heard the sounds of people arriving behind the heavy curtain. We couldn't stop the grins; we were high on life.

After the bright lights and warmth of the stage, the back corridors were freezing and dark. There was silence now as we got prepared to go on. Quick smiles and whispered encouragement.

In the wings, next to Clare and Will, waiting for curtain up. Andy's voice across the hushed and darkened auditorium. The heavy curtain swinging upwards. Will and Clare leaving my side. The lights on stage coming on. Magic. Finally, after what seemed like hours, I walked on, from the front left and met Hephaistion coming from the back left. From the back right Ptolemy was coming towards us and Matt said: "Would you want me to let you win, Alexander?"

"No. But I promise you; one day I will beat you, Hephaistion." I gave Hephaistion a hard push, even as my Mother and Father paused in their argument.

I came off after the first scene, leaving Will and Clare still arguing. Matt and I had our arms round each other and we only dropped them when we were well into the wings. He took my wrist, "Ready for the next scene?"

"Sure." I was still in a daze. He shoved a bottle of water into my hands and I drank deeply.

Ricky's head appeared from out of nowhere. "Okay. You're on…now." He wasn't panicking now that it mattered.

I left the wings with Matt and approached Will. This was "The King lives" scene. It went surprisingly well. We were all so much in character that there were no pauses, even when Matt wrenched my wrist again I hardly noticed. The applause was amazing as the scene changed. We just stood in the wings, trembling from pain, exhaustion and exhilaration.

We stayed silent until we reached the dressing rooms and then we erupted in laughter, just anything to let out our feelings.

Mandy pulled me to one side, saying: "Well done! Now time for stage two!"

I never really thought honestly that I could look like a man, but when Mandy was finished-"Oh help!" I gasped. "It's unreal!"

Mandy laughed modestly, "Only from a distance. Eyeliner, quick. Stay still." The break was over.

On again. Word perfect through the scene with Roxanne, I mean Louisa. Will said that it was almost too good, considering who I was. He swung my cloak around my shoulders and pushed me on again. Steve tried to kill me, it was fine, wonderful. Well, it was lucky that it was the end of the act because we were hysterical and had to fly down the stairs and leg it back to the corridor before we could let out our shrieks of laughter.

Mandy left during the interval, wishing me good luck as she literally flew out. "Darling, you are doing great. I want to watch the rest from the front. Keep it up. Eat something."

Our main group collapsed in my dressing room. Still hyper but tired and hungry. We ate ravenously until Jackie poked her head round the door to tell us to get back to the wings.

Looking back, the whole performance seems perfect. It wasn't, but that doesn't matter because the memories are amazing and we stuck with it and made it work.

We stayed in character through the second act and only felt the pain of the characters, not our own physical pain. When Hephaistion died I knelt by him as he said: "I worry for you without me."

With tears tickling down my cheeks I sob: "I am nothing without you." Sal accidentally knocked me. I fell backwards onto my wrist, but the tears that pricked my eyes and trickled down my cheeks were for a dead friend, a lost love. I regained my balance as I got to my feet, shouting at Andy who stood steady as a rock.

When it was my turn to die we were all exhausted and our movements were slow, like moving through syrup, but it was solemnity for a king who had been greater than any other. The curtain swung down and we were up straight away, pushing the bed and props aside. The house lights came up as the rest of the cast spilled out of the wings and onto the stage. Suddenly it felt like the volume had been turned up-I could hear the thunderous applause, everyone laughing. I could see Ricky hugging Jackie in the wings.

Andy and Matt grabbed my hands, Matt incredibly gentle with my wrist, and we dashed up to the back of the stage. The curtain came up and we were running forwards. I could see Tess and Tom, my eyes drawn to them, and caught her eye. She grinned and raised her eyebrows at Matt next to me, I pretended not to notice. Ricky and Jackie eventually came out on stage and more applause met them.

The curtain hit the stage for the last time and we stood there in stunned silence. People could be heard leaving and it felt like a dream. Andy dropped my hand and turned to Will and Clare. I could feel Matt looking at me and he took both my hands. Our eyes met for one long moment and I thought of the kiss in the church hall…

Steve was the first to really move. He let out a half strangled cry and Ricky hurriedly put his finger to his lips. Suddenly we all wanted to scream and shout. Matt dropped one of my hands and Andy promptly grabbed it as well as Clare's, who in turn grabbed Will's. Linked like this we fled down the stairs to the dark corridors where we literally shrieked and screamed. It was a release of tension, to breathe again. Matt did not let go of my hand. Ricky looked shell shocked and Jackie said to him: "Looking forward to doing it again tomorrow?"

Ricky grinned widely, "Oh yeah! It's the best feeling in the world. I could never get tired of it."

Next thing we knew the back rooms were beginning to be filled with parents and well wishers. My parents were away so I drifted away as Matt and Andy were dragged off. But I had visitors of my own. Tess and Tom had not forgotten me. I pulled them into a corner of my dressing room, away from Clare and Will. Suddenly I was silent. I really wanted Tess to understand everything without being told. It's like being asked what's wrong and saying nothing because you don't know what's wrong. I just wanted her to know. And, of course, she did. "Hey Katie?" she said, "That was totally awesome!" And she held up her hand which I slapped with laugh. Then she just gave me a huge hug and whispered in my ear so that Tom didn't hear: "I think he likes you. Even if you look like a guy."

"Do you really think?" I murmured.

"Of course." She straightened. "So, well done. So I guess you can tell me all about it tomorrow."

I glanced at her. "Huh? Tell you about what? When?"

"Tonight, idiot, at work! " And she winked.

It was a short visit but it made me feel okay, like everything wasn't necessarily going to flatten out again.

I began to take my make-up off slowly and then Ricky stuck his head round the door. "Hey Katie, Will, Clare, are you coming to get something to eat?"

"What time is it?"

"Ten thirty, but somewhere will be open. Hurry up."

I like it that he doesn't think we'll say no.

Will goes off to join the guys and Clare only takes five minutes. "Hey," I turn to her, "Go on without me and I'll be up in a second."

Then I'm alone. I try to get it off as fast as I can, then give up and change my clothes. I'm making a second attempt when Matt comes in.

"Hey. I just volunteered to find you. What's keeping you?"

I laughed. "Waterproof eye make-up!"

"You look pretty with your eyes big and black like that. Better now that you look like a girl again.

"I am a girl!" I said indignantly.

"Maybe that's why you look better!"

"Okay, I'll trust you this once." I grab my bag and turn, bumping into him.

"Like I said before, you being a girl is working for me."

And when he kissed me again, there was no one to look and no one to laugh.

Then he grabbed my hand and I suppressed a yelp as it was my sprained wrist and, apologising all the way, we made our way to where the others were waiting. As we headed off down the street I had never felt so close to anyone, with Matt's hand on my sleeve and Clare, Andy and Will all talking at once.

There, I said we were always alright on the night.