Chapter 28 – December 28, 2006

He hated this.

The worst part was passing her in the hallways. She'd been animated and happy over Christmas, even in the following couple of days – something he liked to take credit for, even if it wasn't him – but he'd been there to witness the moment it all started to collapse. What scared him the most was the fact that he'd never seen anyone deflate that fast.

The last time he'd seen her that day was when she'd lost her temper at a poor lab tech and Mac had sent her home. The entire team knew this case had gotten to her, but only Danny knew why.

Flashback

From the second Danny walked into the apartment complex he knew it was going to be a bad scene. Hawkes, Lindsay, and Stella were all crowded around Mac, anxiously anticipating the moment they could start processing. Flack approached at the same time Danny did.

"Four dead and blood everywhere," Flack said, his eyes the only give-away to what he'd just experienced.

"What do we know?" Mac asked.

"Veronica Shutun came home to the apartment she shared with four of her 'class sisters' from Julliard to find the scene. Neighbours heard the scream and called us."

Danny stiffened. It was that moment all of the light left his Montana's eyes and he bitterly watched it go. He debated telling Mac to pull her, but figured that betrayal would be worse than any mistake he could ever make. For now he'd let it slide, but she was naive if she thought he wouldn't be watching her carefully.

End Flashback

She'd processed the scene on autopilot, collecting, bagging and tagging all evidence meticulously. Even Mac had commented on her thoroughness and she'd politely thanked him.

Back at the lab things started to go downhill. Fast. She didn't stop to eat or drink, didn't break from going over pictures or statements, clothing or evidence. She talked to no one, not even Danny and not even when prodded. He'd stepped back when she'd almost taken his head off for offering to pick up something to eat.

The blow up at the tech was the last straw.

He gave Mac the excuse of needing a break to rest his eyes, surprised when Mac agreed and suggested they all go home for the night so they'd have fresh eyes for the next day. Again, the thought of telling Mac to pull Lindsay from the case crossed his mind and again he dismissed it. He'd talk to Lindsay before pulling a stunt like that. He was stupid sometimes, but not suicidal.

He knocked gently on her door at first, getting more and more worried when she didn't answer. Finally, he resorted to the key she'd unceremoniously presented him with and stepped into her apartment. He breathed an unconscious sigh of relief when he heard the shower in the bathroom going, and knocked on that door too. The door gave way under his hand and he carefully pushed inside.

"Lindsay?" No nicknames or teasing was going to work here. She was hurting.

"Go away, Danny."

"Not a chance, Monroe. I'll go to the corner store to get whatever comfort food you think you might need, but there's no way you're going to handle this by yourself." He'd made a promise to her on Christmas Day to stick by her side and to make sure she never had to battle back her demons on her own. Now was the perfect time to prove he was serious.

"I'm fine, Danny."

"You're not," he said, only loud enough to be heard over the running water. "I made a promise to you and I intend on keepin' it."

"I just want to be alone."

He sighed. Honesty was always the best policy, even if it could get him slapped. "Do you know how many times I considered tellin' Mac everythin'?" His tone was conversational as he propped himself up against the bathroom sink. "I figured if he knew he'd pull you off the case for sure and you could concentrate on somethin' else that didn't hit so close to home."

"I'm fine," she repeated, though he could hear the tremor in her voice.

"You're not fine, Lindsay. No one could see a scene like that and say they were fine. I'm sure Stella, Hawkes and Mac are out somewhere gettin' themselves completely hammered. Pictures like that haunt you."

She would know better than anyone else. "I know."

He ran a hand through his hair like he had a million other times that day. "I want to be there for you but I can't if you're gonna keep pullin' back.."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Then don't, I don't care, I just don't want you to deal with it on your own." He was fine with whatever source of comfort she decided on, so long he was still here for her.

Finally she poked her head out from behind the shower curtain, red, puffy eyes more than visible to his investigative eye. "There's no way I can get you to leave?"

"Not this time." He would stand by her, through thick and thin and comfort her whenever she needed it knowing she would do the same for him. This time, it was her.

"Wait outside?"

"I'll meet you on the couch."

It took Lindsay half an hour to make it to the couch and Danny had a good idea that she'd spent at least fifteen of those minutes bawling her eyes out into her pillow. Her normally expressive eyes were dull and lifeless, their rims puffy. She thrown her still wet hair back in a clip and thrown on a pair of pyjama pants, a tank top and an old Montana sweatshirt. She stood at the end of the couch farthest from him.

"I'm tired, Dan. I think I'm just going to head to bed."

"Nuh uh. Sit."

She sat.

"Comedy or drama?" he asked, flipping through the channels of her television.

"If we're just going to watch TV I'm going to bed," she said the words coming out harsher than both of them knew they were meant.

"You go to bed you're going to have nightmares," he said stubbornly. "Comedy it is."

"Damnit Danny! What the hell do you want?" She wasn't angry at him, they both knew that. She wasn't actually angry that he hadn't listened and stayed in her apartment instead of leaving her alone like she wanted. Instead, the deepest part of her was glad he was here beside her. She watched his shoulders slump.

"I want to be able to make everythin' better," he said finally. "I wanna make sure you never cry and I wanna make sure that if you're going to cry you have someone to lend a shoulder. I wanna be a pillar of support for you like you were for me with everythin', but I can't do that if you won't let me. This is uncharted waters, Monroe, and I have no clue what to do."

She'd gotten so used to shutting everyone else out, pretending that there was no one who could possibly understand what was going on in her mind, but here was a man – for there was no other reason for him to be sitting on her couch wanting nothing more than to give her the moon and more – who was at a complete loss as to how to help her but was there nonetheless, willing to just be there, even if he couldn't help. Tears slipped unbidden down her face again. "I want it all to go away," she whispered tearfully. "I want to pretend this case never happened and that Veronica Shutun isn't going to be wracked with guilt over not being there. I want the pictures of the past and the ones of the present to stop overlapping each other and just get out of my head."

He tugged on her arm until they were side by side, though nothing more. "Do you wanna talk to Mac? Get off the case?"

She looked affronted. "No!"

"I'm sorry," he apologized immediately. "I just don't wanna see you in this much pain."

She whimpered and it was all the signal he needed to pull her across his lap, situating her where her head was pressed into his neck and shoulder and his arms were around her, holding her tightly to him. He felt the tears soak his collar and didn't say a word. She ended up falling asleep right there, crying until exhaustion took over. Danny carried her to bed, stripping down to his boxers and tank and getting in beside her. He would be there to soothe all of her problems away.

He couldn't think of anywhere else he needed to be.

I might have forgotten to mention moving these chapters up one…. Let me know if you like this one just as much. And here's to hoping they fix the alerts soon!