Cleared Chapter 4: The Terrible Song, a naruto fanfic

Chapter 4

I would like to thank for all your AWESOME reviews! They totally encouraged me and I still can't believe it! Seriously, the reason I'm updating so soon is because you guys are so supportive! I'd like to thank i-have-issues-deal-with-it for being my tenth reviewer and all my other WONDERFULLY COOL reviewers! You all get virtual cookies! Anyways, my new goal is to have 27 reviews. I'll try to make this chapter as funny as possible and you guys can tell me what you think about it –you can include CRITICISM, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, or just plain REVIEWS. Because if I reach my goals everytime, I'll guarantee that I'll update within 2 days, ok? Now, on with the fic!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd yell at Orochimaru for wearing purple lipstick and heavy eyeliner. Seriously…it's worse than Kankouro and his purple Revlon face paint –cough-make up-cough….

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"Okay, so what do you want to do now, Itachi?" Sakura asked as they all finished dinner at Ichikaru's. (thank you to MaoAyanamipl, one of my anonymous reviewers, who corrected my spelling.)

"Hmm…"Itachi sat thinking of the possibilites. He had always wanted to sneak into a bar. Seriuosly, in Konoha, if you're are really good ninja, you can sneak into ANYTHING. Seriously. I mean, if Naruto wants to peep at girls in the locker rooms and stuff, all he has to do is to transform into a girl. It's that easy. However, Naruto has other things on his mind at the moment –mainly Hinata, which is why he bumped into Itachi as he headed to his favorite ramen stand.

"Hey! What's your problem?" Itachi said, as he elbowed Naruto out of the way. Itachi was a little bit irritated that he lost his bet with Sasuke and couldn't finish his 65 bowls of ramen. As Sasuke had said, even Naruto couldn't eat that much. However, let us get back to the story.

While Itachi was thinking of what he should call this clumsy yet hungry blond idiot who had disturbed him, Naruto was wolfing down his 23rd bowl of ramen. Itachi suddenly had an idea.

"Hey! Ramen boy!"

Naruto managed to keep eating as he looked up to Itachi, acknowledging this amnesia-ridden ninja's existence. (yes, readers. Itachi's rank is now at about the same level as Konohamaru, basically because no one knows he's there yet…but let's move on with the story and not focus on Itachi's depression issues…it will probably make you depressed too, and then I won't have the hilarious climax we have all been waiting for.)

"What do you want?" Naruto asked, accomplishing only what people like Itachi and Chouji could dream of. He had just managed to chew on ramen and talk and drink the ramen-y soup at the same time without choking or being the target of various Heimlich maneuvers.

Itachi started speaking. "What's your record? Like what's the most amount of bowls of ramen have you finished?"

Naruto stopped eating and started thinking. At this rate, it will take about five minutes for him to reply, so let us focus on Sasuke here.

Sasuke had won his bet with Itachi and felt really proud of himself. However, he was getting quite bored, and after dealing with someone like Itachi all day and practicing what he would do if he was approached by a rabid animal in the outhouse at night, you could hardly blame him for falling asleep in his half-finished bowl of ramen. Hardly. Anyways, while Itachi was talking to Naruto, Sakura was trying to get Sasuke awake. She tried hitting him, slapping him, touching him (people, STOP THINKING WHAT YOU'RE THINKING…seriously, confuse yourselves…XD), but nothing worked. Then she thought of the perfect revenge for him..

She leaned up close to him, so close that she could smell his hair, which smelled like the air after a thunderstorm, and got even closer. Soon, her mouth was up to his ear as she whispered the magic word. (HA! You guys thought she was about to kiss him! Just wait and see what's going to happen…XD) She brought her mouth up and spoke so softly only he could hear her, and said, "Sasuke….tomatoes….red, juicy, plump, delicious, delectable tomatoes…"

And as you expected, Sasuke snapped up and started screaming unintelligible words. Actually he was just saying the word "tomato" but so fast that it sounded like "there's a dick up my toe…" Of course, Sakura had expected him to wake up but didn't expect that he'd be screaming something sounding like "there's a dick up my toe" so she started slapping him. Hard.

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Anyways, by this time, Naruto has remembered the number of bowls he had eaten and was about to reply but the GREAT UCHIHA SASUKE started screaming "there's a dick up my toe" and so he promptly forgot the number again and resorted to counting his fingers and toes. Luckily, Itachi had lost interest in Naruto by then (not that way, people…) and Hinata had arrived. Naruto instantly tried looking smart (and failed) and to cover up his mistake, introduced her to Itachi.

"Hey!"

"Hi.."

Blink.

Cricket.

Chirp.

"WHY CAN'T THE STUPID BIRDS SHUT UP!" It seemed as if Sakura had officially stopped slapping Sasuke.

Itachi, trying to break the awkward silence finally suggested his idea of sneaking into the bar. Needless to say, everyone agreed (even Hinata..XD) except a certain SASUKE….

As the group started making their way to the bar, they were stopped by none other than THE INFAMOUS INKPERV! (XD) Anyways, Sai joined the group and he was soon talking to Itachi.

"So…"

"Do you have that book you said you were going to show me?"

"Yes…there's also a little surprise in there. It comes from my own collection."
Itachi opened the book and saw a little orange cover peeking out.

"Hey inkperv, I never knew you were THAT much of a closet perv (if you guys don't get Sai's nickname yet, it's because Sai is an artist, therefore the ink, and a closet perv, therefore the perv, get it? XD)

"Well, the only reason people don't know is because if word gets around to Sakura, I'll end up paralyzed for life…"

"Really? Hmm…I wonder if Sakura has an inner perv…that would be payback for yelling at me about the negatives of bubblegum…" Itachi thought out loud to Sai.

"You're right…how about Sasuke? I bet he's drooling for Sakura inside."

"How do we find out?"

"How do we make it public?"

Itachi grinned. "I have an idea."

After a couple of minutes of planning, Sai spoke up.

"Itachi, it seems as if you're my new best friend."

Itachi smiled a knowing smile.

Anyways, the two pervs finally realized that they were at the bar and began to put their plan in action. Seeing Kakashi, Sai went and told him their plan. While they were talking, people moved slowly away from them, seeing as they were all pervs and were all giggling. Seriously people, it's a scary sight when pervs giggle over something. And what they giggle over might just scar your mind.

Meanwhile, Sakura was talking to Hinata and Sasuke was talking, or rather, insulting Naruto. After about an hour, Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi put their plan in action.

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Kakashi ambled drunkenly over to where Sakura and Sasuke were sitting. He leaned over to Sakura, "feeling her up". (don't worry people, this is NOT going to be a kaksak fic…seriously, I'm not like that…XD…sorry to all of you kakasak fans out there)

"How's it going, Saaakkkura," Kakashi dragged out her name, giving more proof that he was drunk.

Sakura turned the color of a plum, which is even more unhealthy. Seriously, she's a medic, and shouldn't she learn how to monitor her heart rate? Anyways, let us continue with the story.

"Um…Kakashi? What are you doing?" Sakura looked around for help, especially at Sasuke, who seemed to be ignoring her. However, we ALL know that he is having a debate with his Inner because of the way his face is turning red…and yes, as red as a tomato.

What should I do? Should I help her out? Or should I just let her handle it. I mean, she does have super strength and what if she hits me in the face instead? I'll be ruined! The Uchiha handsomeness will be ruined!

Yo! Think, dude. Of course you should help her out! She doesn't seem to be handling it really well, don't you think? Otherwise, Kakashi's butt would be on the moon right now. And about the face part, you can always ask Tsunade for some jutsus to heal that.

But it wouldn't be natural!

What wouldn't be natural? Kakashi's butt on the moon? Because I agree with you. If Kakashi was on the moon, then it'd be raining Itcha Itcha Paradise novels.

NO! I meant my face being handsome-nized again with some of Tsunade's jutsus. I mean, what if I grow a pair of boobs on my face instead? Because that's what most of Tsunade's jutsus are for –to grow boobs.

Sasuke…please…I'm embarrassed that you're my Outer. Seriously, just go help out Sakura.

However, Sai had already gotten there, much to Sasuke's dismay. (guess what? I'm building my vocabulary! Isn't that awesome? –cough-sarcasm-cough) Anyways, while Sasuke was debating with his Inner, Sai spiked both of their drinks secretly and also comforted Sakura, saying that he'd take care of it. Poor Sakura was already scarred for life after her old sensei started hitting on her that she agreed. After completing the first stage of the plan, Sai picked up the "drunken" Kakashi and walked back to where Itachi was sitting.

"I am NEVER going to do that again. Seriously, I know that Sakura has that whole thing going on, but she was my student!" Kakashi mumbled.

"Don't worry, Kakashi. It'll definitely be worth it when we see what happens, okay?" Itachi tried calming down Kakashi.

Meanwhile, Sasuke and Sakura were a little drunk. Wait…scratch that…they were VERY drunk. And because none of the PREVIOUS GREAT UCHIHAS had ever been drunk, this was a particularly new experience for our poor Sasuke. Let us take a moment to pity the Uchiha clan, who castrated those who ever got drunk. (but hey, no one's going to castrate Sasuke here, right? –winks-Seriously, then Sakura wouldn't be an Uchiha-making machine! XD )

Anyways, Sasuke started acting pretty scaring, considering that he was drunk. For an example, while Kakashi were on their second step, Sasuke started acting VERY OOC. Seriously. Now, let's get back to the story.

Sai walked up to Sakura, who was more than a little drunk.

"So…Sakura, what's up?"

"Nuuuthiing much….how about youuuu, Sai?" Sakura winked at Sai flirtatiously.

While Sai fought down the urge to throw up at flirting with "Ugly", he proceeded as planned.

"Nothing…so, Sakura, tell me about your life so far?" Sai couldn't think up of ways to flirt since he hadn't read the third installment of how-to-make-friends-and-girlfriends. However, he was trying his best to make Sasuke act OOC and jealous. And guess what? The good news is that Sasuke was acting OOC. The bad news was that he wasn't jealous…yet.

Anyways, people started getting scarred for life. Seriuosly. Sasuke had gone over to Kakashi and Itachi and half-dragged Sai over there. Then, because Sasuke was drunk, he was super-strong (don't ask me why) so he somehow dragged the three to the dreaded place…

It was true. It was happening. It was mind-scarring. Sasuke was now officially drunk.

How do we know? Well…

Sasuke dragged the three guys up onto a platform in the back of the bar usually reserved for karaoke nights. He beckoned to the confused bartender and somehow forced him to change tonight as karaoke night.

Then, Sasuke stood up and started singing, and managed to force the other three to sing.

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Before you reach the terrible song that Sasuke is about to sing, please read this author's note. XD

Anyways, my new goal is to have 27 reviews. I'll try to make this chapter as funny as possible and you guys can tell me what you think about it –you can include CRITICISM, COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, or just plain REVIEWS. Because if I reach my goals everytime, I'll guarantee that I'll update within 2 days, ok? Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

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recap

Then, Sasuke stood up and started singing, and managed to force the other three to sing.

End recap

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You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way

But we are two worlds apart
Can't reach to your heart
When you say
That I want it that way

By this time, Itachi was in the fetal position, Sai was sucking his thumb, and Kakashi was on autopilot, spouting out random sentences from Itcha Itcha Paradise that I probably shouldn't type out or the rating for this would go up. However, Sasuke kept on singing, and no, I'm not going to type out the rest of the lyrics –my mind has already been scarred enough.

The audience started clutching their heads as Sasuke started on the second verse…

"Please!"

"Stop!"

Finally, Sasuke's song ended and everyone was basically scarred for life. However, Sasuke was too drunk to care. Kakashi, Sai, and Itachi were still suffering from severe brain damage, but their plan DID sort of work…

"SASUKE! THAT WAS THE BEST!" Sakura yelled. She had begun playing strip poker with a very drunk Hinata and Naruto. The game wasn't going anywhere though, because Naruto and Hinata were too busy making out. Seriously, Hinata should drink more often because she hasn't fainted yet. Anyways, Sasuke started having weird feelings because although Naruto and Hinata were making out, they were still winning the game so Sakura was basically topless…and yeah…I won't go into the details.

Anyways, Sasuke had the bright idea to join and jumped down from the stage and started playing…and losing…seriously, although an Uchiha is great at everything, it's different when he's drunk. That's why drunk Uchihas get castrated –to prevent them from failing anything…well..back to the story

Sasuke and Sakura were having a grand old time while Sai, Itachi, and Kakashi were recovering.

"We…are…never…going…to…spike…their…drinks…AGAIN!" Kakashi stated, panting from the effort to restrain himself from screaming like a girl.

"You're…right…"Sai said, between gasps. Unfortunately, he had been screaming like a girl moments ago.

"So, what song should we sing next? How about Barbie Girl?" Itachi asked, completely recovering from The Song That Shall Never Be Mentioned.

"NO!" Sai and Kakashi yelled in unison.

"I …uh…think it's time that you bring Sakura and Sasuke home. Our plan to hook them up together sort of worked now that they're playing strip poker (see! That's their evil plan! They were planning to spike their drinks to see what would happen. Unfortunately, it sort of backfired. XD). But we'll help you carry them home, but here's the plan…We lay them both on the same bed and tomorrow morning, have them think that something happened, got it?"

Itachi smiled. It was going to be a long, fun night.

Needless to say, all hell was going to break lose the next morning…

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So what do you think? This chapter is eleven pages AGAIN! Seriously, you guys are making me work! Anyways, REVIEW! Remember, my goal is to have 27 reviews. If I don't reach it, then I probably won't update till I'm bored…but I'm sure you already know that by now –it's a win-win situation for you guys. But still, I'd really like to hear what you think and if you can come up with any suggestions, PLEASE tell me.

Anyways, the next chapter will …well, the ending of this one already gave it away, right? But I will add one thing: it's going to be Lee to the rescue!