Chapter 5

Hey everybody! I sort of got tired waiting for all of the reviews (as usual…) and so I decided to update. I had a couple of pretty good ideas for this one and I wanted to fit it all in so I'm sorry if this chapter is sort of rushed. I'm going to try to make it at least 8 pages thought, ok? Anyways, my new goal is to get 31 reviews, okay? Here's the plan: when I update later on, the latest reviewer will get a big surprise, okay? (…and no, I'm not telling…you guys will just have to be the latest reviewer to find out…I probably will tell you guys next chapter though…XD) Now, ON WITH THE FIC!

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, I'd be able to have my own free Konoha forehead protector…however, I don't, which is why I'm saving up….

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That night…

Itachi and the others lay Sakura and Sasuke in Sakura's bedroom, with Sasuke on top of Sakura.

"I can't wait to see what happens!" Itachi said as he, Kakashi, and Sai exited the room and went home.

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That morning…

The sun was barely up when Uchiha Sasuke woke up. However, something felt…different. He turned around and lo and behold! Sakura was sleeping peacefully beside him.

What the heck happened last night?

Umm…I don't know…god, I have the WORST hangover ever….so do you…

Wait…I was drunk?

Everything is…circular….

What's wrong with you? You're supposed to be helping me out here! Hey, it's hard to think when you have to go and if you have a hangover…

Oh yeah…I have to use the outhouse…I hope there aren't any rabid animals there…

I hope something DID happen last night.

I don't know whether to be happy that I did it with Sakura or scared that she's going to kill me when she wakes up.

Shut up…I gotta go! Hey! I'm going to the outhouse as fast as I can, okay? Fine…

Sasuke ended the conversation with his Inner as he stepped into the outhouse. He was greeted to the smell of…well…rotten poop and tried not to hurl as well.

Anyways, Sasuke was just in the middle of "relieving" himself when his nightmares came true. He was humming the tune of "I Want It That Way" and had no idea why but vaguely remembered singing it a while ago when he glanced around and saw something in the doorway.

It.

Was.

A.

Squirrel.

Sasuke tried not to …um… how should I say this? I'm a girl?…..Sasuke tried not to mis-aim while he attempted to get rid of the abnormally large squirrel. Because Sasuke's hands were…um…"full" , he was "shhhooooo"-ing the squirrel in a try to scare it away. However, it wasn't working.

The squirrel got closer.

Sasuke activated his Sharingan….

It better not be rabid…(his Inner wasn't replying because it was too busy concentrating on…well…other things…)

…and saw that the squirrel was frothing at the mouth.

"Oh god…(Inner: Who is this "god"?) the squirrel is rabid…"

Apparently, Sasuke's voice angered the squirrel (what wouldn't anger a rabid squirrel?) and it came closer…

"Good squirrel….you're a good squirrel….why don't you go and eat some acorns and nuts….(that came out a little wrong if you know what I mean…XD)…"

Of course, that angered the rabid squirrel even more because it thought that Sasuke had said, "Bad squirrel…you'll never be a good squirrel…why don't you eat some acorns and not nuts because you're half nuts…."

Anyways…

The.

Rabid.

Squirrel.

Got.

Closer.

And.

Closer.

The bad news was that Sasuke wasn't done "relieving himself"….the good news is…that I'VE SAVED 15 OFF MY CAR INSURANCE! (oops…that's the gecko that says that and not the squirrel…)

The squirrel got so close that Sasuke could hear the squirrel mutter something unintelligible. Then, it promptly bit at the part of Sasuke that was exposed.

Yes, people…

The.

Squirrel.

Bit.

Sasuke.

THERE… (god that must be painful…that's why you should NEVER use outhouses, even if you're a girl because there might be flies living IN the toilet…eew…) Anyways, back to the story.

Fortunately, Sasuke had managed to relieve himself just in time and there was no mis-aiming anywhere, thank god, (Inner Sasuke: Who is this "god" you speak of?) and Sasuke managed to make it back to the cabin where he went to HIS room and away from the still-sleeping Sakura and tended to his where he was bitten. He promptly fell asleep.

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"SASUKE! WAKE UP!" Sakura was yelling. Sasuke immediately sat up on the bed, ignoring the pain that shot through his…um…wound. Sasuke listened for any hints of Sakura being angry or fangirl-ish.

Why isn't she acting differently? I mean, I'd act differently if I got laid while I was drunk.

But you aren't acting differently are you?

Hey! You're finally back! Where were you when I got bit by that rabid squirrel? You could have…I don't know…done something….

Look, I had a hangover, and you do too, so you better tell Sakura to keep her voice quiet or else you'll be suffering big time…

"I'm waking up…" Sasuke tried standing up but felt a bit dizzy from his hangover….everything seemed…circular….(déjà vu, right? XD)

Sakura appeared at his door, looking as bad as he did, but she was still yelling. "Wake up!"

"You don't have to yell…you're getting as bad as the dobe…."

"I'm not yelling! This is just the result of your hangover. Everything will seem loud and…er…circular for the day. It should wear off in a couple of hours…" Sakura said. It was useful to be a medic nin sometimes.

"Anyways, I made a potion that lessens the extent of hangovers. Want some?"

Sasuke nodded his head weakly and made his way to the kitchen. However, he was unprepared for the sight of Itachi is a pink frilly apron with flowers on it.

"Itachi, that's worse than your old cloak…" Sasuke muttered. He received a bonk on the head that didn't help his hangover from Sakura.

"We're not supposed to talk about his past, remember?" Sakura hissed.

"Hmm?" Itachi was too busy flipping pancakes to listen to them.

"Nothing…where's that potion Sakura?" Sasuke was a little irritated that he just got hit in the head by Sakura.

She's supposed to APOLOGIZE!

Maybe she's just mad that you and her ended up….in the same bed….

She's supposed to be GRATEFUL! Do you know how many fangirls would die to be in the same bed as me? Scratch that. They'd die to be in my bed!

Hmmm…but more fangirls would die for Neji… Do…not…speak…about…him… What? He has a bigger fanclub than you…

Ok, shut up….

Sasuke ended his conversation with his Inner and took the potion that Sakura had handed to him.

"So…" Sakura and Sasuke turned to look at Itachi, "congratulations, you guys! I can't believe you guys had the guts to get it on last night…" Itachi snickered, putting his evil plan into action.

Sakura blinked. "Wait…what happened last night? I was in my own bed this morning….and no one was in it…especially Sasuke…."

Sasuke coughed, "I ….er…had to use the outhouse at dawn and then I went back to my room…" Sasuke looked uncomfortable as Sakura started twitching. This was not going to be good.

Luckily, the doorbell rang, saving Sasuke from an inevitable doom.

I will seriously love the person who just rang the doorbell.

Sakura got up and answered the door.

"Oh! Hi Lee! What's up?"

Sasuke face-faulted.

Hahahaha! It seems like the blossom of love is in the air! Oh how I love youth! You're beginning to sound like Lee, whom I do NOT love…

Sasuke was interrupted from his conversation with his Inner by a weird feeling that he was being stared at. He looked up. Apparently, Itachi's eyes were on the part of his anatomy that had been bitten by a rabid squirrel earlier.

"Sasuke…"

"Hn…"

"I know this may sound weird, but Tsunade said that I had a brother…"

"I know…I'm your brother…"

"Um…technically, I think you're my sister…" Itachi's face began turning red.

"WHAT did you just say?"

"Well, um…look down…"

Sasuke looked down, and saw to his embarrassment that he was bleeding THERE and it was leaking through his pants.

Thank god Sakura didn't see that…by the way, who is this "god'?

Right now, that's the least of our concerns. I need to make sure that there will be a new generation of Uchihas.

Again, Sasuke was interrupted from his conversation with his Inner. This time, it was because Sakura and Lee had entered the kitchen.

What do I do now? What if she notices it? However, Sasuke's Inner was frozen in fear of what would happen…

Anyways, Sasuke snapped out of his fear-triggered trance and heard Lee say that he was going to use the bathroom. Sakura, to Sasuke's surprise, did not object.

Sasuke stood up.

"Hey! Why does he get to use the bathroom? I mean, I was stuck in the freaking outhouse with a rabid squirrel that bit my…" Sasuke trailed off, not wanting to go into the morbid details.

"Where did it bite you? I can heal you, Sasuke, I'm a medic nin. You can tell me," Sakura said. She then started flushing and pointing at Sasuke's….um….lower regions.

"Sasuke, is it your time of month or something? Wait…that only happens to girls…Sasuke…are you a girl?" Sakura started twitching violently and was currently hyperventilating.

Sasuke started breaking out in a cold sweat.

Luckily, Lee chose this time to make a grand entrance into the kitchen.

"Sakura! Your bathroom speaks of YOUTH! Yosh!" Lee then started blushing, looking at Sasuke.

"Oy Sasuke! What is the matter! I heard that you were with Sakura last night but I didn't think that you'd go that far! Or that Sakura was that…pushy! Wait…" Lee scratched his head. "Isn't that only supposed to happen to females?" Lee began panicking. "NO! It cannot be! Sasuke is a girl and Sakura is a boy! NO! This is so UNYOUTHFUL!" Lee started crying, with rivers of tears streaming from his face.

Sasuke started to explain but ended up yelling himself.

"NO PEOPLE! I AM A GUY AND SAKURA IS A GIRL!"

Lee got out of his crying state, "Then why are you bleeding…" Lee looked down at the spot where a big splotch of red was appearing on Sasuke's pants.

"BECAUSE I WAS BITTEN BY A RABID SQUIRREL IN THE OUTHOUSE! I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO USE THE FREAKING BATHROOM, SAKURA!"

Everybody sweatdropped besides Sasuke at the mention of rabid squirrels.

"What? It really happened!"

Lee, convinced that Sasuke was telling the truth, declared, "YOSH! I have a plan! Wait right here!" He then rushed to the bathroom, leaving behind a laughing Itachi, a scared Sakura, and a VERY embarrassed Sasuke.

"Um…Sasuke?"

"WHAT?" Apparently, Sasuke was still ticked off.

Sakura backed up against the wall near Itachi, who wasn't paying attention at all since he was too busy laughing.

"I'm sorry I thought you were a girl…"

"Hn…"

Thankfully, Lee had come back from the bathroom with….

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If you want to know what Lee came back with, you're going to have to read the Author's Note. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I'M SO EBIL! (ebil is evil in my language…XD) So, here it is:

Anyways, my new goal is to get 31 reviews, okay? Here's the plan: when I update later on, the latest reviewer will get a big surprise, okay? (…and no, I'm not telling…you guys will just have to be the latest reviewer to find out…now, ON WITH THE FIC!

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Anyways, where were we? Oh, I remember.

Thankfully, Lee had come back from the bathroom. However, he was holding a big bag of Always™ maxi pads, the overnight ones.

"Yosh! I have the youthful plan! Sasuke will use these youthful pads that I got from Sakura's youthful bathroom!"

"And what will I do with them?" Sasuke managed to say through clenched teeth.

"You will use these useful objects to stop the leaking!" Lee declared, oh so youthfully.

Sakura and Itachi stared.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Zap.

This time, Sakura didn't even bother to yell. Apparently, she had installed an electric thing around her yard that fried every bird that came to close.

"Looks like we're having fried chicken for lunch, you guys," smirked Itachi.

Sakura managed to smirk, too. "That sounds like a good idea, Lee. Sasuke, why don't you put them on?"

Sasuke managed to restrain himself from puking his guts out.

"Sure…"

He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, waddling like…well…a chicken. (it sorta goes well with the chicken/duck/cockatoo hair, doesn't it? XD)

Sakura and Itachi started another giggling fit while Lee looked on, not getting it.

"Don't even say anything," Sasuke glared at the three of them, especially Lee, for making him do the unthinkable.

Naruto better not find out about this… I wouldn't be thinking about that now…

Oh yeah…I have to think of my Uchiha pride….

Umm…no…why don't you CHANG E YOUR PANTS FIRST!

Apparently, Sasuke was still wearing the stained pants.

"Great…" Sasuke headed to his bedroom to change.

Meanwhile, Sakura went outside to check on what kind of bird she managed to fry.

"Looks like we'll have to eat out for lunch, you guys," She said as she came back in and as Sasuke came out of his bedroom in some new jeans, "It seems like it was only a pigeon…"

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Sakura ran outside again and the others could hear her scream from outside that she had a fried chicken. It seemed as if they were eating lunch at the cabin after all.

Itachi finally stopped giggling. He turned around to the stove as he smelled something weird…

"HOLY SHIT THE PANCAKES ARE BURNING!"

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So, what do you think? I REALLY want to have 33 reviews, and as you read in the author's note, the latest reviewer gets a big surprise in the next chapter, okay? Anyways, please REVIEW and tell me what you think, ok? You can COMMENT, ASK QUESTIONS, OR JUST PLAIN SUPPORT ME, okay? Anyways, till next time! Ja ne!