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Assigning Blame

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I'm not going to Marco's. I just told Craig that so he wouldn'r insist on my staying there. Sleeping on Joey's couch just to be closer to Craig, could I get any more pathetic?

I'm back at the dorms, going through that box again. You know, if I had any self respect left I really would just toss the thing in the nearest incinerator.

Okay, being that Christmas is usually considered one of the most depressing times of the year, given the high suicide rate and all, I think it's time I decide exactly what kind of hold Mr. Craig Manning has over me anyway.

What is it about him that made me fall so hard? Besides the obvious of course. The obvious being that he's tall dark and gorgeous and just happens to be an incredible musician. How cliche, I fell for the old boy with a guitar schtick. I am so disappointed in myself.

But despite that, I didn't fall for Craig because of those things. They certainly don't hurt, but come on, I am not that shallow. Besides, that's who Craig was when he was just my best friend's boyfriend. When he cheated on her and broke her heart and I hated him on girl principle alone. When they got back together and I reluctantly became his friend because of her, because of Marco.

No. I know what it was. It was Ash forcing us together through group. She was the one who betrayed his confidence and told me he was sick. She was the one who convinced him to go to group in the first place, not knowing I was going to be there. She's the one who neglected to tell me she was sending him there, to hear all about my little secret. It was her that insisted I go over ot his house and talk him into coming back with the whole 'everyone needs someone' line. It was her that up and left and guilted me into playing nursemaid. It was her that broke his heart and saddled me with taking the blame.

That's it, it's all Ash's fault. She told me time and time again how Craig just had this pull and yet she still left me alone with him. Wench.

Okay, okay. I know I can't legitimately blame it on Ash. Not all of it anyway. True, she did get us spending time together in te beginning. But after that can't really be attributed to her.

Like it or not, Craig and I are kindred. We're more alike in ways that have nothing to do with Ash, Marco, music, or even being sick. We think like. We fight alike. Hell we even feel alike; privately and way down deep. We're secretive, self-destructive people who brood too much and like to place blame.

Just bloody perfect.

So there you have it folks. I am insanely in love with Craig Manning because in his own little mixed-up Craig way, he's just like me. He's like, my other half.

Dear God, did I really just say that? Shoot me now, I'm stealing lines from overly sacharine pedestrian chick flicks.

You know what? Love sucks. It turns you into an idiot and makes you do things you would normally never do in your rational mind. Like throwing drumsticks at albeit somewhat skanky girls who are really doing nothing they're not being encouraged to do.

That's who to blame. That little sadist known as Cupid. It's all his fault.

And hey, if hormones had some cartoonesque poster child, they could be held accountable as well.

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I hear knocking. At seven a.m. When I don't have to be up for class until eleven. Somebody is going to die.

Half asleep, I stumble over and fling the door open. Craig and Marco are standing there, and if they weren't holding coffee, I would render each of them sterile.

"You're lucky I don't get homicidal until after noon." I tell them, turning and heading back to my bed. They follow, Marco griping about having to close the door.

I burrow back into my bed and Craig sits dwon beside my feet. "Craig, I do have chairs." I wave my arms toward the two, count em two, desk chairs in the room. Why must he continually do this to me?

"What can I say, I got used to your bed." he says mischeviously and Marco cackles from his perch upon Anne's bed.

"Jerk." Sorry, but I'm not at my best in the mornings. "Either give me caffeine or go away."

Craig hands me a cup and I sip it gratefully. I may give Craig a hard time, but he always manages to get my coffee just the way I like it.

"So El," Marco begins as he sips his own beverage, "I hear you were supposed to come over last night. What gives?"

I give Craig the evil eye that used to intimidate people, but he shrugs it off. "I can't believe you ratted me out."

"I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't lied to me." he says.

Oh, that's low.

"You woke me up at this un-Godly hour for a lecture? There's a really nasty name I could call you both right now, but I'm too much of a lady to say that word in mixed company." I mutter. This of course prompts more peels of laughter.

"What exactly do you two want anyway?" I ask.

"There's a wicked concert downtown tonight and you have to come with us." Marco explains.

I shake my head. "No can do. I've got the first of my finals in the morning. Nothing like partying till dawn to ensure a failing grade."

"Come on El, no one said anything about dawn." Craig crawls over to were I'm still aying under the covers and begins nuzzling at my ear. "Please."

"Stop it. That tickles." It does other stuff too, but like I said, I'm too much of a lady to say it.

"Tickle. Now there's an idea." he quirks his eyebrows at me, hands raised and poised to launch an assault on me. Marco is, as usual, being of no help whatsoever.

"Fine. I'll go. But I have to be back by midnight. No exceptions." I agree.

"Yes Cinderella." Craig remarks.

"That's Cinderscrooge." Marco says, pointing to the 'Death to Santa' screensaver flashing on my computer.

"Go away so I can sleep." I mumble, closing my eyes to pretned they are no longer here.

"Aye-aye Scrooge." Marco quips before exiting.

"Ho ho." Craig whispers in my ear as he climbs off the bed.

"Yes, you are." I shoot back.

I can feel the dirty look he's giving me and smirk in response. He merely scoff and heads on out.

It's almost too easy.

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