Chapter 18

Yes, I'm about a month late on the updates but my parents signed me up for an art contest and I had to draw like 5 hours every weekend so I couldn't update…I seriously REALLY sorry you guys…:(

Anyways, I have been working on a new thing….if you're a fan of romance-angsty sasusaku, then check out my new collection of oneshots 'Perspectives'…I'm actually gonna update that one more cuz…I'm weird that way…XD…anyways, on with the fic, and I really hope you guys review cuz I have about 20 people who have this on their alerts but only 9 review…so yeah…I'd be really grateful if you would review….

IMPORTANT: There was a mistake somewhere in the previous chapters….Sai was the one who was supposed to be kicked out of the library and Itachi won't be Mercutio cuz Sai signed up before him cuz Sakura made him

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Otherwise, it'd be called Sasuke.

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Sai Mercutio

Jiraiya Romeo

Mr. F Juliet

Itachi Tybalt

Kakashi Benvolio

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"NOOOO! MY LIFE IS RUINED!" Jiraiya howled, his retinas burning everytime he looked at the picture of the man he was supposed to co-star with.

"I CAN'T DO THIS! MR. F WILL DRAIN MY INSPIRATION FOR THE NEW ICHA ICHA SERIES!!!!! IT'LL BE THE APOCALYPSE…SERIOUSLY, I'LL START WRITING 'BOYS GONE WILD' NEXT AND MY SALES WILL TANK!!!" Jiraiya started screaming as loudly as possible, and bashed his head into Tsunade's desk as he started running around, oblivious to the stares he was receiving from the others –mainly, Itachi, Kakashi, and Tsunade.

"STOP IT!" Tsunade yelled, smirking.

Jiraiya, seeing Tsunade's smirk, started shivering.

"You guys…" Jiraiya gestured towards Kakashi and Itachi, motioning them to step back, "I think Tsunade is going to do something bad…" Jiraiya trailed off, shuddering.

Tsunade's smirk grew even wider as she stepped closer to them. However, what was on her mind surprised all of them.

"I think I know how to get you guys out of this…here, listen."

The three men came in closer, and began listening to Tsunade's (evil) plan, which, luckily, did not really involve either of them.

Outside, Shizune listened in at the door, and caught the words 'play', 'Romeo and Juliet', 'Sasuke', 'Sakura', 'kidnapping', 'kiss', and 'Mr. F'.

Whatever kind of plan this was, Shizune reasoned, it was not going to be safe at all.

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( at the theater place w/ Sai and Sakura)

"Sakura, that is the last time I ever listen to you…seriously, you put me in THE most awkward situation ever…I mean…Mr. F was scary…and I have to make out with him!" Sai started screeching quietly in public so as other people wouldn't think that he was weird…not that everyone didn't already know that he had stolen Kakashi's Icha Icha volume one Halloween night and spent the whole night trying 'tricks' with some of his…er…girl…friends….insert awkward cough….

"Sai…do you really want me to go ballistic on you in public?" Sakura said dangerously, her hands clenching and unclenching so that her knuckles cracked every few seconds.

"Err…yeah…just forget I said anything…" Sai said, shrinking and suddenly walking slower so he would be out of Sakura's punching range, not that he hadn't seen Sakura's deadly fist flying a couple hundred of meters from her socket before.

Sai, trying to get rid of the awkward silence that had descended upon the two tried whistling, but after receiving a particularly deadly look from Sakura, stopped and went to humming. Sakura, trying not to care, walked ahead faster, but froze when she heard a familiar tune from Sai that brought back some rather dirty lyrics to her mind.

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca-Cola stock you are inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

At the mention of hash browns, Sakura inwardly puked and swung around, connecting her fist with Sai's already bruised face.

Thump!

Sai fell over, unconscious for the second time that day, and Sakura sighed, the millionth time that day.

"Great…" she said, slinging Sai over her back like a bag of heavy potatoes…or rather, like the Fedex truck that Sai had mentioned, or had brought to mind.

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(at Tsunade's office)

Jiraiya was presently hypnotized by the string of web codes that Tsunade had somehow made the computer screen show, and was now hacking into the Romeo and Juliet list of roles and actors.

"There!" Tsunade said, pleased with her work, "Now, Sasuke replaces you as Romeo, Mr. F is replaced by Sakura as Juliet, and Itachi and Kakashi keep their roles…"

Jiraiya sighed in relief, "Thank God, Tsunade…you seriously saved my life…"

Tsunade grinned, "But you know Jiraiya, you do owe me own right now, so I guess you better not publish anymore pictures of me in Icha Icha Paradise –it's hurting my role as Hokage, you know," Tsunade said sarcastically, but threateningly at the same time.

Jiraiya smirked.

"It's gonna be alright, Tsunade…I mean, with the pics that I'll get from Sasuke's and Sakura's numerous make-out scenes, I think this volume of Icha Icha Paradise will be a huge blowout…" Jiraiya sniggered, a perverted grin making its way across his face, "Just wait till the play –wait a sec…when is it?" Jiraiya asked, an eager expression quickly replaced with glee.

"Umm…." Tsunade scrolled down and clicked the mouse a few times, going back to the site of the Romeo and Juliet play, "Oh, it's in four days…get ready Jiraiya for the best day of your life!"

Jiraiya rolled his eyes, "Yeah right…like this will ever come close to the time I saw you naked…"

However, that was not the thing Tsunade was hoping to hear, and so the next thing that Jiraiya knew, he was flying out the window and landed in the Konoha Hospital on top of Sai, who was currently singing Bloodhound Gang's 'Discovery Channel/ The Bad Touch' all over again.

Jiraiya grinned, and started singing along with Sai.

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"
At the mention of 'Mister Coffee with an automatic drip', Jiraiya and Sai cracked up in perverted laughter, with a hint of 'ku-ku-ku-s' here and there.

A few seconds later, Jiraiya was in the psychiatric ward and Sai was placed in the Critical Care Unit. Outside, a loud yell could be heard from Jiraiya, who was presently screaming something that sounded like, " NO! I WILL NOT COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! AND I MEAN THAT BOTH WAYS!"

In her office, Tsunade laughed.

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Yay! I finished it and I actually feel proud of it –I think that this was somewhat funny, so that proves that I haven't really lost my humorous streak. Anyways, you might wanna check out 'Perspectives', okay? Please do, cuz I've been working really hard on that fic, and it'd be cool if you guys reviewed for that one too. Plus, I might upload a REALLY funny oneshot and it'll be TOTALLY sasusaku and yeah…it's gonna be really funny –I'm gonna call it 'Room 69'…anyways, push Mr. Review Button so he'll know and feel the wonders of the Discovery Channel too! XD

On another note, just in case you were wondering, I was listening to 'Discovery Channel' all the way through this chappie…XD…