Disclaimer: I don't own any members of The O.C.

Love Is Not Forgotten

Sandy: did something happen between you and Carter Kirsten: (with her back to Sandy) ugh don't do it like this
Sandy: just tell me
Kirsten: (turns around) is that what you really think
Sandy: is it so crazy, you have a close relationship with this man when we're going through a hard time and when he leaves you go on a bender
Kirsten: well nothing happened, the same way nothing happened between you and Rebecca
Sandy: why are you bringing that up again
Kirsten: again (moves closer) Sandy what do you think this is, what do you think Carter was about
Sandy: I want you to tell me
Kirsten: (looks at Sandy) you left me
Sandy: (looks at Kirsten) did you have an affair with him
Kirsten: you don't get it do you
(Sandy looks at her, Kirsten looks at him and then walks out of the kitchen)

Sandy: no...

Sandy stood there as still as a leaf. He didn't know what to think. Had he hurt her so bad that he pushed her into Carter's arms. He knew that they had been spending a lot of time together but he thought it was about the magazine but now he realised she wanted to spend time with Carter. Does she still love me? He repeatedly asked himself that question even though it scared him to death. All he wanted to do was make her happy and if that meant her leaving him to be with Carter then he would allow it. Feeling defeated he dragged himself up towards their bedroom and grabbed a small suitcase from the wardrobe. He collected essentials for the next couple of days until he could actually face coming back to talk things over with the boys about what was happening. As he was looking through the wardrobe he came across objects that reflected one of the happiest days of his life- his wedding to Kirsten. His fingers delicately traced the front cover of their wedding album. Opening the front page he saw Kirsten's sparkling blue eyes and radiating smile staring back at him. He gathered his suitcase along with the photo album and their wedding video and sat in the family room. He put the video in the VCR and sat on the couch watching the video and going through the photos. He couldn't stop the tears that were flowing down his face and landing on the photos. He didn't want to admit that he had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him. After watching the tape he picked up a piece of paper and pen and starting writing the hardest letter he ever had to write. He left the letter on the kitchen worktop. Looking around the house he made his way to the door. He opened the door and whispered "I love you forever and always Kirsten", and with that he left. He decided that he would go to the place where his life finally had some meaning- Berkeley.

At a bar

Meanwhile Kirsten sat in a fancy bar. She is touching her wedding ring. She lets go of her wedding ring and brings her hands up to the necklace Carter gave her. She unclasps it and drapes it across the napkin that the glass is sitting on. She strokes the pendant with her finger and looks at it for a few seconds. She throws some money down on top of it. When she gets in the car she quickly tries to phone Sandy to apologise but can't get any answer. She quickens the speed she's going at. All she wants to do is apologise and tell Sandy that she loves him, always has and always will.

She pulls up in front of the house and immediately notices Sandy's car isn't there. She runs into the house and shouts Sandy's name but there is still no answer. As she enters the kitchen she sets her eyes on a piece of paper with her name written on it. Her shaking hand picks up the letter and gradually opens it. Her heart starts to pound in her chest as she reads Sandy's emotional words.

Dear Kirsten,

I know the last couple of months have probably been the hardest we've ever had to face. I thought we were strong enough to conquer the problems we have but tonight I realised that I went too far this time. Wanting closure with Rebecca made you think I loved her but believe me when I say I love you more than anything in the world. I want to be honest with you so I will admit that I kissed Rebecca. I needed closure for what happens all those years ago but when I realised that I had to stop living in the past and concentrate on my future with you it was too late. I know that I'm not good enough for you. I've known all along, ever since the day I met you. For all these years I have tried not to let my insecurities about Jimmy affect me but I kept thinking that I was second best to Jimmy and that maybe you would have had the life you deserved if you hadn't had married me- the poor struggling Jew from the Bronx. My dreams came true the day I met you but your dreams were diminished the day you met me. I'm sorry I haven't given you the life you want but all I want is for you to be happy which is why I want you to be with Carter. I know that something went on , I could tell by the looks you gave each other and all that time you spend together wasn't all about the magazine. I know that I don't make you happy anymore so if you love Carter then be with him. He can give you the love and security that you are worthy of. I cant believe that I am actually writing this letter. I thought we would grow old together and become grandparents together. You know before Rebecca came along I was going to see if you wanted to try for another baby, hopefully a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed replicate of her mother but I guess I ruined that fantasy. I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I always will. Nothing could make me stop loving you. I'm going away for a few days to a place where I think you and me were both happy but when I come back we can talk about what you want to do about a separation or divorce and we have to explain what's happening to the boys. Be Happy Kirsten, even if that doesn't include me anymore. That all I want for you. Be Happy.

Love you forever and always,

Sandy xxxxxx