When she woke up, she was all alone. The smell of the sanitary room nearly made her nauseous. No, that wasn't it. What was making her nauseous was the reality of the events that happened no more than an hour ago.

"Ms. Sidle, we are going to prep you for emergency surgery. I'm sorry but your baby's heart has stopped beating."

After that she only remembers crying. Now that she was awake she wondered where Grissom was. She last saw him holding her hand as the anaesthetics took her over.

Sara laid in silence. She wanted to crawl into a hole and hide from the world. To her at the moment the whole situation was embarrassing. It was like God's cruel way of telling her that she wouldn't be a good mother. Especially if she couldn't even make it through the first trimester. God where was Grissom.

He sat alone in the dark behind his desk. The blinds were shut, but his bottle of scotch was open. And half empty. He couldn't bring himself to see her. It was his fault that all of this had happened to her. To them. Grissom wanted nothing more than to hold Sara for the rest of his life. And the news that they were going to have a baby together made his life all the more worth living. The near silent knock on the door pulled him out of his subconscious.

Without asking permission to enter, Brass slowly crept in and took a seat in front of the desk. Neither spoke a word as he poured Brass a drink and another for himself.

"I shouldn't be the one to tell you, that you should be at the hospital with Sara." Brass took a drink.

Grissom quickly downed his and responded. "It's my fault all of this is happening to her. If I would have just told her sooner none of this would of happened. She doesn't deserve me."

"Why don't you let her decide that? She knows what she wants in life. Come on lets go. I'll drive you to the hospital."

Catherine was sitting with Sara trying to comfort her as the doctor informed her that her sudden stress had nothing to do with the baby dying.

"The baby wasn't developing right. It's was your body's way of trying to terminate the pregnancy. You will be able to go home later this evening if all goes well."

Sara thought that all of this was because of Grissom. His little 'didn't happen fling' with Terri while he was away was to blame. She still did blame him a little but she still wanted to be with him.

Brass appeared at the door. Sara smiled knowing that he was going to bring Grissom to her. But he was alone.

"Sara, I took him home. He was a little inebriated."

She just nodded and began to sob. Catherine stood and wrapped her arms around the shaking Sara. In a way they all knew why Grissom had gotten drunk, but then again, Sara needed him and he needed her.

That evening as promised Sara was released from the hospital. Catherine drove her to Grissoms.

As they entered, the townhouse was dark. Sara turned on the lights and it was then Catherine understood why she wanted to go there. Sara had practically moved in while Grissom was gone.

She went into the kitchen to make some coffee for them while Sara went into the bedroom to get Grissom. Catherine had been around the place before so she made herself at home making coffee and made Sara a bagel with cream cheese. After about ten minutes passed she began to worry about Sara so she went to investigate.

Catherine knocked before entering the bedroom hoping that all was well. All was not well. Sara sat on the edge of the bed sobbing uncontrollably. As she looked around there was no sign of Grissom. She sat down and put her arm around her and that's when she saw the crumpled note in her hand. Slowly prying it away so it didn't tear, Catherine took the note and read it.

My Dearest Sara,

I am so sorry for what happened. God knows that the one thing that I truly wanted in life was to have a life with you. The baby was a plus. But because of me, there is no baby. It's my fault. I hope someday you will forgive me for the pain I have caused you in the last few days. I never meant for any of this to happen. I want you to continue to live at my place, in fact I have taken the liberty of putting your name on the deed along with mine. Every thing is paid for so you won't have to pay rent. I have also made arrangements with my bank so that you can access one of my saving accounts. I hope that it is enough for you to live off of while you are off work. I will check the balance regularly to see if you need more. I feel it's the least I can do. I'm not leaving forever, I just need to take some time away to give you time to heal and forgive me. Upon my return if you don't want to continue to be with me after what has happened I can live with that. I will have to. I deserve to be in pain, not you. I love you so much that I cannot stand to see you in any pain, emotionally or physically. Please accept all of my offerings and use them to your disposal. I will be back as soon as I can.

Love Always, Grissom.

TBC