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Chapter Four:
One More Bullet

"Sydney, where are you going with this?" Vaughn asked.

She drew in a deep breath. "I cannot even begin to fathom what must be going on in your head, but let me be blunt. Vaughn, it is time for you to pull your head out of the sand and start to deal. Now, I don't know how exactly you are supposed to do that, but you are going to have to. There is an innocent baby in this equation, Vaughn. a baby that you played a very big part in creating. You are going to be a father, Vaughn and it's time for you to face up to that fact."

Vaughn's expression had hardened. "You've got no right."

"I am only trying to help."

"Did I ask for your help?" Vaughn asked through gritted teeth. "No, I didn't. So let me be blunt, Sydney. When I want your god damned help, I'll ask for it." With that he stood and moved down several rows behind her.

Sydney slumped back in her seat. 'That's what friends are for,' she couldn't help but think.

"So, he was pretty mad then?" Nadia asked, handing Sydney a steaming mug and then sitting down beside her on the couch.

Sydney nodded, tucking her feet up underneath her. "Furious…I should have never said anything."

"You did the right thing, Syd."

"You think?"

"I do," Nadia replied. "The awful truth is hard to hear at first, but after some time to think, it does all of us the world of good to hear it every now and then."

"You didn't see him, though. The look in his eyes."

"Just give Vaughn some time…" Nadia trailed off as the sound of the doorbell rang out.

"I'll get it," Sydney said, standing up and heading over.

"Some time," Nadia continued, "to gain some perspective and he'll-" she cut short as Sydney opened the door. Standing on the other side was Vaughn.

"Hi," he said, his tone almost sheepish.

"Hi…what are you doing here?" Sydney couldn't help but blurt out.

"I, uh," Vaughn paused, massaging the nape of his neck. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Um, ok," Sydney looked back at Nadia. "I'm just going—"

"I'll see you when you get back," Nadia replied, her eyes clearly saying 'I told you so.'

"Come on," Sydney said to Vaughn, pointing at the door. "Let's go for a walk."

Vaughn stood in the empty living room of his new apartment. There were no boxes of belongings to unpack, or old furniture to shift. He had brought nothing from his own home, instead opting to buy all the bare essentials brand new.

He stared out of the window onto the quiet street before him. The day was beautiful. It was just a shame that everything was tainted for him now.

'You are the father of this baby, Agent Vaughn…father…baby…father…'

Vaughn shook his head, almost violently, in an attempt to rid his mind of those echoing words. But he couldn't. He had fathered a child. And not with a woman whom he loved. With…her.

If only he had succeeded in what he wanted to do. Perhaps all that would have been needed was one more bullet. One more and all the problems that were pressing down on him would have been non-existent.

One more bullet.

There were ways, ways that could make everything better. Vaughn brought a hand up, rubbing his eyes, his mind racing.

One more bullet.

He straightened up. For the first time in days he felt as if there may be a little ray of hope somewhere in the future.

"I owe you an apology," Vaughn said as they walked, his hands deep in the pockets of his jacket. "You hit the nail on the head and I was not ready to hear it. I'm probably still not, but that does not excuse the way I spoke to you. I'm sorry."

Sydney gave a short nod. "I appreciate you telling me that."

"I should…I should have never allowed myself to get distracted on an op."

"What exactly happened?" Sydney probed gently. "I mean, I can sort of assume…if you don't want to talk about—"

"No, I'll talk," Vaughn paused, exhaling deeply. "It's like a real slap in the face whenever I see a pregnant woman, but there was something different about this one. For some reason she made me think if Lauren. Not once have I though about what she must look like carrying…our," Vaughn seemed to really struggle with that word, "child. But since looking at that woman, I can't get the image out of my head."

"Maybe," Sydney started. "Maybe you need a break. Go somewhere where you could really get away from everything."

Vaughn sighed. "If I thought that would help, I'd be out of here in a flash. But it won't. Work, on the other hand, gives me something else to focus on."

"But your focus on work is starting to falter."

"Sydney," Vaughn stopped his steps. "What happened at the club won't happen again."

"I'm just worried. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"How about this?" Vaughn said. "If I believe that there is a slight chance that I may not be able to perform at 100 per cent, for whatever reason, then I wll pull myself off active duty."

"You promise?" Sydney asked.

"I promise," he replied.

Vaughn's answering machine was flashing when he walked into his apartment after the walk with Sydney. Pressing the play button, he headed towards the fridge, but stopped when he heard who had left the message.

"…this is Dr Emery. I've left several other messages, but you don't seem to be replying. If you get this could you please contact me at the hospital? It is important that we talk. Thank you."

Vaughn swallowed hard. He had hoped, that by ignoring the messages, that Dr Emery would back off. However, that did not seem to be the case.

He had two options. Delete the message and then wait a day or two before the doctor's next hone call. Or he could call her, talk and get whatever the hell she wanted out of the way.

'It's time for you to pull your head out of the sand…'

Vaughn shook his head. It had to be Sydney's voice, didn't it? Sighing, he picked up his phone. May as well get this over and done with.

"Yes, hello…I need to speak with Dr Emery…Michael Vaughn…" Impatiently, he drummed his fingers on the bench to as he was put on hold.

"Agent Vaughn?" Dr Emery's voice came over the line.

"Yes."

"So you finally got my messages?"

"What is it that you want to discuss?"

"It's Ms Reed," Dr Emery said. "I would like to deliver the baby sometime in the next week or so. I need your consent to perform a C-section, when we believe the time is right."

Vaughn was in no way ready to hear that news. "What…what do you need my consent for?"

"Technically, you are still her next of kin. And being the father, I thought that you would want to be aware of what was going on with your child."

"Oh…well, then do whatever you feel is right."

"Do you want to be present?"

"No," Vaughn answered very quickly. "Just let me know when it's over."

"Ok then, Agent Vaughn," Dr Emery replied. "You should expect to hear from me soon."

Vaughn stood, almost frozen, outside the closed door. The contents within his jacket pocket felt heavy and that troubled him somewhat. Initially, this decision had brought some relief, but now, he was feeling just as compressed as ever.

One more bullet, or in this case, morphine. Lauren lay, unconscious, on the other side of the door and all it would take was one injection for all his problems to go away.

Gripping the doorknob, Vaughn went to open the door but then stopped. He wasn't sure if he could go through with it. Lauren, he did not have an issue with. But he would not only be getting rid of her.

And Vaughn was not sure if he could live with that on his conscience.

'This is it- make your decision. Just remember, whatever path you choose, it will make an impact on the rest of your life.'

Vaughn's grip on the doorknob loosened. It suddenly occurred to him that he was considering something that Lauren would do without second thought. And he was nothing like her. He was not that person at all.

Limply, Vaughn dropped his hand to his side, turned and walked away from the door.

As soon as Vaughn ended the call with Dr Emery, he knew that he could no longer ignore what was happening. And given the promise that he had made to Sydney, the next step was obvious.

"Dixon, may I have a word?"

The older man looked up from his desk. "What is it, Vaughn?"

"I, uh," Vaughn cleared his throat. "I'd like to request being taken off active duty."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't want full leave, but I don't think that I should be out in the field at the moment."

"Ok then," Dixon leaned back in his chair. "May I ask what brought on this decision?"

Vaughn hesitated. "I received a call from Lauren's doctor. She said…she…" he paused. "It's a matter of days…and I am in no right frame of mind to concentrate on ops. I would never forgive myself if I endangered another agent."

Dixon nodded. "Fair enough…there should be no problem in processing your request."

"Thank you," Vaughn said, and then turned to walk out of the office.

"And Vaughn," Dixon said after him.

"Yeah?"

"If you need anything else, we are all here."

"I know," Vaughn said quietly, and then walked out of the office.