Chapter Three

"I don't know how much more I can take," Buffy exerted as she sat on her bed, baby in her arms and a phone attached to her ear.

"Buffy, it's only been five hours," Willow replied. "My baby's hardly cried at all."

"Maybe Jewish babies are better babies. Then again this thing has 333 DNA in it."

"I'm sure it'll get better."

"Thanks for the positivity Will but I don't think I'm gonna hold my breath for this one." Buffy glanced over at her clock and saw it was 10:58. "I'll talk to ya tomorrow."

"G'night Buffy."

"Night." Buffy hung up the phone, partially crushing the baby in the process which made it cry. Buffy made a noise of sad annoyance and tried cradling it.

Joyce opened Buffy's door and saw her holding the plastic doll. "Is that going to cry at all hours of the night?"

"God I hope not." The baby's crying stopped and Buffy made a silent 'yes' motion as if she would wake it up. She gently placed it on one of her pillows she put on the floor.

Joyce walked over to her daughter's bed and sat down at the end. "It's a proud day when a mother gets to see her daughter taking care of a crying baby doll."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Just a little bit."

They both smiled and Buffy curled herself up under the covers. "Thank you for never getting me one of these things when I asked for one."

"To be fair I had my own saneness in mind when I decided not to get you one for Christmas."

"Mom, not in front of the baby. As far as she knows Santa is real."

"You want her to find out the same way you did?" she asked.

"Yeah, dad really should have thought about that before leaving me home all day to sign for my gifts from FedEx."

"I didn't marry him for his brains."

Buffy's smile faded away. Even though Spike was the most horrible person in the tangible universe, at least she had a partner. Too bad for Willow. Then again she didn't exactly jump at Buffy's offer to swap. "Night mom."

"Good night Buffy." Joyce rose from Buffy's bed and turned the light off before shutting her door.

The next day at school Buffy made sure to catch Spike at the beginning of the day. She figured she'd corner him at the library. Unfortunately he wasn't there but his dad was. "Oh, hello again."

"Hi Mr. Giles. Do you know where Spike is by any chance?"

"He ran to the car to grab something. He'll be back in a moment."

"Oh, well I have a thing to get to but could you give him this for me?" Buffy handed Giles the baby doll. He handled it awkwardly as if it were a real infant that he didn't want to hold. "Thank you." She rushed out the doors before any objections.

Buffy ran to her locker and quickly retrieved the books she needed from it. "Hey Mommy Buffy. How's the parenting going?" a male voice spoke.

"No crying past eleven last night and I just pawned it off on Spike. Well technically his dad but he'll give it to Spike." Buffy shut her locker and was wearing one of the biggest smiles Xander ever saw her wear.

"That bad a night?"

"I had dreams about it coming to life and killing me and then I dreamt about it growing into a mannequin teenager. 'Bad' doesn't even begin to cover the creepiness of those nightmares."

"Well little Matthew didn't give me any nightmares."

"You named it?"

"It is a baby." Xander looked down at his son and started making baby faces.

"Doll. Baby doll," Buffy reminded.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't give it a name like a real baby."

"This coming from the guy who used his oxygenless backpack as a carrier for it yesterday." She started heading to her first class and Xander followed.

"Hey guys," Willow said as she walked towards them. "How did the rest of your night go?"

"No champagne wishes and caviar dreams for me," Buffy answered.

"Me and Matthew were fine."

"You named yours too? I called mine Joseph." The red head was smiling happily at her bundle of joy as well. He was safely cradled in her arms. "What's yours called Buffy?"

"I didn't name it?"

"Why not?"

"Because it's a doll."

"But what if Spike names it? It could end up being Bertha or Hamlet," Willow said.

"Hamlet's a boy's name."

"Yes but you're assuming he's read the play." They went single file into their first class of the day; History.

The first half of the day went pretty smoothly. None of the various students carrying babies had any troubles with them crying as they sat in class, not listening to their teachers. At lunch everyone was talking how "bogus" the assignment was and how many times they dropped them.

"Can you believe how much talking is going on about this project?" Xander asked as he sat down. "It's like on a celebrity front page news level."

"I know. Jenny Calder was talking about how her dad found it in her room and threw it in the attic because he thought the dog pulled it out of one of their storage boxes," Willow said.

Xander's brunette partner came walking over before he got to tell them the story he heard. "Sorry for breaking up your loser convention but I'll only be here for a minute." She turned to Xander and held her hands out to him.

"Well okay, but people may talk." Xander stood up and gave her a hug. She held her hands up in disgust and didn't hug him back. He smiled at her and sat back down.

"The baby dog boy."

"You mean Matthew?"

"You named it Matthew?"

"Finally, someone agrees that naming these things is stupid," Buffy said with a hint of relief.

"My child is not gonna be named Matthew. His name's Dean."

Relief gone.

"Dean? That like bean but with a 'd.'"

"It's cute and adorable and so his name." Cordelia snatched him from Xander's arms and held him in hers. Xander's face looked a little sad and angry that she took him so angrily.

"I'm not going to fight with you in front of him." Xander pulled the bottle out of his backpack and handed it to her. "Here. You're gonna need this."

"Thank you. You can continue your Dungeons and Dragons conversation now." Cordelia gave them a quick smile, turned on her heels and walked away.

"Dean?"

"I surprisingly think it's cute," Willow admitted.

"Come on. Buffy, back me up."

"It isn't real. What does it matter?"

"This may just be poor guy perception but you seem extremely moody about this project," Xander observed.

"Yeah, is something wrong?"

"Yes. I think this is stupid. All these students are students. They have homework and tests to study for and instead we're caring for dolls that cry whenever they feel like it and won't stop for half an hour."

"This has nothing to do with your partner?" Xander glanced around the room for the bleach blonde but didn't see him.

"No. Yes. Well no because I just… I was thinking about my parents last night. It's just scary because this is a thing that could happen to me and I don't want to be alone like my mom."

"Don't worry about being alone Buffy," Xander said, putting his arm around her. She looked at him with her pouting face. "Me and Willow are going to live with you. Don't you know that? You do have the best house out of all of us and we actually get along with your mom."

Buffy smiled. Can always count on Xander.

At the end of the day Buffy was stopped at her locker by Spike. "Haven't seen you all day. Gotta say, I enjoyed it," she said as she opened her locker.

"Thanks for the care package you left with my dad this morning."

"It is your turn." Buffy started emptying her bag of its contents.

"So how am I going to get this to you?" he said, motioning to the baby in his arms.

"Surprised you're actually holding it."

"What am I supposed to do, shove it my book bag?"

Buffy gave a hint of a smile. "We can meet somewhere. Or you can drop it off at my house."

"Where do you live?"

"1630 Revello Drive."

"All right. I'll drop it off tomorrow."

Buffy was a little hesitant. How have they not argued yet? "Great."

"Just be sure to bring it inside. Don't want a bad grade because a cat used it as a littler box."

There we go. "Unlike you, I'm a responsible person."

"I'm responsible. Nothin's happened to her yet."

"'Yet' being the key word."

"Right now, I'm going to be the grown up and walk away from this." Spike headed towards the library, baby in hand.

"Oh yes, walking away is very mature!" she yelled after him.

"No yelling in front of the baby," Spike replied.

"I hope you get hit by a bus." She stormed out of the school and started heading home.

The next day there was a knock on the Summers' household door at nine in the morning. Buffy ran down the stairs, toothbrush in her mouth and pajamas still on, and opened the door. She rolled her eyes when she saw the familiar face of her project cohort.

"One baby as ordered," he said, handing her the girl in one of those carriers that doubles as a car seat.

"You bought it a carrier?"

"Well we're gonna have it for three weeks and it's not safe to let it just roll around the backseat." He removed the bottle from his pants pocket. "Don't forget this. Now remember, when she cries, that means there's something wrong."

"Feel free to evaporate demon spawn." Buffy slammed the door in his face and returned upstairs.

"Oh no. Again?" Her mother stated. "I was hoping he would hold it for the rest of the project. Not that that would be fair but I must say it's creepy how real they look. And they also cry?" She did a quick shiver from the creeps she was getting.

"I know. There goes my Saturday." She rinsed out her mouth one more time before leaving the bathroom. "At least I have something to carry her in."

"Is he taking her tomorrow? You have a day date with your father tomorrow."

"Oh no, I forgot!"
"Call him."

"He's not home, he had something to do, that's why I have her."

Joyce replied, "Well tell his dad."

"I don't have his number."

"This is where phone books are handy."

"Okay Miss State the Obvious." Buffy ran downstairs and zipped through the pages to 'G.' Luckily there was only one Giles, not that she figured it was a popular name. The phone rang three times before someone picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Giles? This is Buffy, Spike's partner for the health project."

"Oh yes. How can I help you?"

"Well I have an appointment to hang out with my dad tomorrow and I can't keep the baby, so can you ask Spike if he'll pick her up tomorrow morning?"

"Certainly. Can I get your phone number?"

Buffy told him her number, said thank you for the fifth time and hung up the phone. If he doesn't call me, he's dead!