Title: Legally Sane
Pairings: HieixOC
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do however, own my OC and the story.
Chapter Three: Of Psychotic Canines and Sweet Snow
I'm hungry. No, scratch that. I am so fucking hungry that I'm seriously contemplating chasing a spider that's scuttling happily across my bedroom floor. I hate insects, so you can probably imagine the state I was in for that thought to have even crossed my mind at all.
Rolling onto my stomach, I propped my chin up on my fist, eyeing the creepy crawly with something akin to longing. A cool breeze fluttered in through my open window, and I glanced suspiciously over my shoulder. Nope, there was nothing lurking in the shadows; no monsters, and certainly no Hiei.
My eyes flickered over to the alarm clock beside my bed, the luminous numbers reading 3am. Wonderful, it was way too late to venture into the darkness of my kitchen- Mother knew full well of my habitual midnight wanderings to the fridge, and had placed 'traps' of a sort to alert her of my movements.
A sigh escaped my lips, and my gaze was once again arrested by the eight legged creature busy trying to clamber up the jeans that I had slung over the back of my desk chair. My stomach gurgled pathetically, and I disentangled myself from my sheets- Slipping onto the floor with unerring silence. Semi-crouched in the moon-bathed space around my bed, I gauged the distance between me and my next meal. My knees bent reflexively, my hands curling somewhat into the soft carpet beneath my bare feet. My tongue darted out to moisten my lips in anticipation…Three…Two…One…Pounce!
"Onna, what are you doing?"
I froze for the barest of moments, miscalculating my trajectory. The spider jerked out of the way instinctively, earning myself a one way ticket into the hard oak of my desk and its accompanying chair. The resounding thud that followed my hideous sense of grace and balance had me clapping my hands over my mouth to stifle the pained yell that welled up in the back of my throat.
I waited in silence for the shit to hit the fan, fully expecting my mother to come storming into the room, resplendent in hair curlers and ratty bathrobe complete with moth eaten slippers. The silence stretched for a beat or two, until a dry voice broke it.
"Onna, I asked you a question. What are you doing?"
Righting myself, I watched in barely suppressed disappointment as my meal became fast food…And it had already disappeared under the crack under my door. I turned my head and glowered at the dark haired demon, my cheeks flushed with slight guilt and shame at having been caught hunting a spider to satiate my hunger.
"…I'm stretching;" I lied glibly, pushing myself to my feet awkwardly. "Do you have a problem with that?"
Hiei merely grunted, settling himself comfortably atop the windowsill. I hobbled over to my bed, and seated myself at the end, my legs curled up beneath me. I frowned slightly, contemplating his sudden appearance.
"Hiei…What are you doing here? No, scratch that. How the hell did you get into my room?"
He stared at me for a moment. "The window was open."
I sighed in exasperation and slapped a hand to my forehead, another one of those infernal sweatdrops appearing at the side of my head in all its sticky glory. Of course. How could I have forgotten that I'd left my window open to allow easy access for Hiei in case of an emergency?
"Okay…What brings you to my room, Dwarf-chan?"
His eyes narrowed at my tone, and the sudden attachment of his nickname at the end of my question. His hand strayed to the hilt of his sword, and the smile I felt quivering across my mouth disappeared instantly.
"Do no test my patience, onna. I promised that I wouldn't kill you. Fortunately for me, the fox didn't state that I wasn't allowed to maim you."
I shivered at the cold bite to his words, noticing that he'd cleverly sidestepped my question with his intimidation tactics, and waved my hands in front of him in supplication. "Gomen, gomen…I forgot how touchy you were."
"Hn…" he snorted, his gaze shifting speedily around my room. "There are too many places for enemies to lurk in here," he muttered finally, folding his arms across his chest.
My eyes dropped to that particular part of his anatomy, and I hope to God he didn't notice the drool accumulating around the left corner of my mouth…He'd obviously been relaxing somewhere close, for he had forgone his cloak, and was now seated there in only those deliciously tight black trousers and a flattering tank.
The silence stretched out for a beat or two, only to be broken by the embarrassing squelch of hunger that came from my stomach. My cheeks reddened, and Hiei's eyebrow rose in silent enquiry. But he wasn't quiet for long.
"I know you ningen females think that starving yourselves to the point of emaciation will make you appealing to potential mates…But you're scrawny enough as it is."
I scowled darkly, my mouth twisting into a sullen pout at the insult. How dare he!? Who was he calling scrawny, the damn midget! Huffing slightly, I turned slipped off of the bed and stomped (as quietly as I could whilst still conveying my irritation) over to the door. Here, I paused momentarily, pressing my ear to the wood- hoping against hope that tonight would be the night that Keitaro would not make his nightly trips (yes plural) to the bathroom.
"Where are you going?"
I rolled my eyes, and whispered; "You're full of questions tonight, aren'tcha?" At the slight narrowing of his eyes, I quickly spilled the beans. "I'm getting something to eat."
His mouth opened to ask yet another question, but my attention was elsewhere- Elsewhere being on the prospect of something sweet and deliciously cold. "Hn…I think mother bought some chocolate ice-cream…" I muttered, cracking the door open as gently as possible- I knew how squeaky my hinges were.
I scuttled out of my room, leaping from one doorway to the next like a freakin Ninja on crack; my feet making little to no noise on the floorboards. With skill borne from many expeditions such as this, I slid down the banister to the ground floor of my house, landing with a tad more grace than usual.
'Cha! I'm so totally awesome!'
I tiptoed swiftly over to the kitchen, my feet naturally avoiding the cracks in-between the cool tiles (what a time to be superstitious…) and carefully poked my head around the archway- My eyes darting about from corner to corner in search of any cleverly hidden traps that my mother may have set for such an occasion as this. My trained gaze caught sight of the trip-wire that ran the length of the doorway, the thread leading upwards to a bucket balancing precariously atop the frame and part of the door itself. Other than that, the various other devices of entrapment were rather predictable, and I danced (cunningly I might add) around the newer and slightly amateurish traps.
"Mother's either grown terribly lax recently…Or she's picked up that annoying habit of underestimating me from Father again…" I muttered, still finding it immensely strange that all of her traps were visible.
I'd finally reached my destination…The Holder of All Things Nummy (a.k.a my fridge), my thoughts drifting back to the sweet, chocolaty surprise that was in store for me. My hand wrapped firmly around the handle of the fridge, quite proud of my sneakiness.
A noise off to my left caught my attention, and I turned my head just as I tugged the door open- An eyebrow lifting at the sudden appearance of Hiei. "How long have you been standing there?" I queried, frowning a tad at the moist sensation nudging the back of my hand.
Hiei of course, didn't deign to answer me, so I quickly shoved my head into the coolness of my refrigerator, expecting to pull out my tub of chocolicious joy. Instead, I came eye to eye with a slobbering dog head- And from the growl reverberating in the back of it's throat, it didn't look too pleased to see me.
Eyes widening in alarm, my entire body shot back a few feet from fright, my back hitting the cool marble of the kitchen island. I slid down the side until my butt met the cool tiling of the floor, hysterical noises making their way past my lips.
"Are you the Keymaster?" growled the psychotic canine, his jaws opening wide and heavily salivating.
"No…I'm the fridge-opener? Does that count for anything?" I replied hesitantly, eyeing the mutt with something akin to fear. Honestly, I was just about to pee my pants at any given second.
"Why are you here, if you are not the Keymaster, ningen?" it snarled after a tense moment of silence.
Now that question got my back up. A dog was questioning my motives for opening my own fridge? What was he insinuating?!
"Why does everyone feel the need to give me the Spanish Inquisition every time I decide to put on a few pounds?!" This question wasn't completely directed at the monster lurking behind the canned tuna…It was also directed at Hiei. His earlier comment on my weight still rankled.
The fire-apparition (or so I'd been told) peered curiously around the fridge door, an eyebrow raising at the monster who had me paralysed with fear. "You ningen's keep strange things in your boxes of ice…" he commented dryly, pulling his sword from his sheathe with a decided flourish.
I felt compelled to defend my species; "Generally, you don't see that kind of behaviour from a major appliance," I pointed out, trying to keep my voice from shaking. Damn that thing was scary!
Hiei grunted, and thrust his sword into the fridge, letting it press lightly against the creature's 'throat' (Where was the rest of his body? That was what I wanted to know!)
"Answer truthfully you pitiful Yokai, and I will make sure your death is a quick and painless one," Hiei stated, his tone monotonous, quite oblivious to my hand-signing that it wasn't a wise thing to say to a demon dog; "What exactly is this Keymaster you speak of, and why are you dwelling within this onna's box of ice?"
The dog growled menacingly, eyes narrowing to mere slits within the sagging flesh of it's face; "What makes you think I'll tell, you pathetic child?"
I winced at the tone, my gaze still trained on little Hiei. He merely stood there, a fist propped up on his hip, whilst his free hand exerted pressure on the animal's throat. I don't know if the dog was smart enough to retract his statement, but the sudden darkness that enveloped Hiei's toned body was beginning to freak me out!
"I'm feeling generous this evening…The onna has offered me some of her sweet snow;" he paused a moment, my enraged cries of "You bloody liar!" fading into nothingness as he pinned one of his famous death glares on me. He continued; "So I'll ask you again. What exactly is this Gatekeeper you speak of, and why are you dwelling within this onna's box of ice?"
The demonic dog head seemed to consider his choices for a moment; quick, painless death in exchange for information, or slow and painful one in which he'd inevitably spill the bins to halt the agony of it all?
"The Keymaster opens the Gate," the demon finally muttered sullenly, a tad peeved that he'd been forced to do something against his will.
"I think we've gathered that much," I interjected dryly, sidling over to Hiei after I'd pushed myself to my feet. I peered over his shoulder, feeling less anxious than I had before. I guess the dark-haired apparition was handy to have around.
Hiei snorted disdainfully, the blade pressed even deeper into the creature's flesh. "Care to elaborate?" he hissed, irritation causing his eyes to narrow.
"The Keymaster opens the Gate between Makai and Ningenkai," he ground out, flinching.
"Alright, if she is indeed the 'Keymaster', why are D-class Yokai attempting to eat her?"
Yes! The million dollar question! I nodded vigorously, leaning even closer (if that was possible) to Hiei, without plastering my flat front to his muscled back. Quite a feat if you asked me…
The monster seemed to think about that, and after a few quiet seconds, he shrugged. Well, shrugged as best he could without the use of shoulders he was just a head in the fridge. "That, I am not too sure about. The one who sent me only wanted me to question her, and should I deem her to be the Keymaster, I was supposed to bring her back with me."
Bring me back?! Where? Through that mini spiralling void that his head had poked through? "I highly doubt I'd fit in there…"
Hiei quickly shot out his last question, his patience waning; "What are the requirements of a 'Keymaster'?"
"She has to be a ningen, who has been infected with Yokai blood," came the prompt answer.
Hiei glanced over his shoulder at me, and I shrugged. To be perfectly honest, I was clueless. The only 'Yokai' I'd seen were the two that had attacked me recently. Other than that…No, there couldn't have been anything that could have infected my blood with their own.
Hiei finally nodded, "As I promised, your death will be a quick and painless one." With those parting words, he drew his sword upwards in a graceful curve, decapitating the demon dog from wherever his body may have been.
Blood shot outwards from the severed stump that I guessed used to be his neck, and I had to swallow the lump of bile that had risen in the back of my throat. No matter how many times I had seen this happen over the course of the last couple of days…I still couldn't get used to the sight of blood and gore.
Despite my attempts at stalling the inevitable, once the pang of death and slowly decaying meat reached my nose, I turned away and retched dryly onto the floor beside the island. A hand absently stroked my shaking back, a moist cloth thrust against my face in an effort to calm me down. I seriously hate puking.
Once my heaving had stopped, I managed to turn my head to survey the damage to my kitchen, only to find that it was eerily clean. Nothing of the demon's death remained, and in the haze of hysteria that was beginning to blanket my mind, I thanked God that my parents wouldn't have had to walk in on this particular atrocity.
Hiei sheathed his now shining blade, and turned to hoist me bridal style into his arms, his cloak (When he'd retrieved it, I'd never know) draped comfortably over the both of us. Feeling more than a little exhausted, I rested my head against the warmth of his chest, my eyes drooping closed from fatigue.
"I think it'll be best if we stayed at Genkai's for a bit. You're obviously not safe enough in your own home;" Hiei commented, and I mumbled something incoherently in return.
The next thing I knew, we were both 'flying' through the air, the cool breeze chasing off the nausea that had settled in the pit of my stomach. My last thoughts before I drifted off into the Land of Nod was that I never did get my ice cream.
Spirit: And another chapter down! Sorry it took so long to post...I got writer's block, and it took me several 'creativity excercises' with my Beta for me to churn out this chapter. Well, now we know what's up with the whole Spook Radar going on alert around Lydia. Lets see what happens next. Y'all know the drill, constructive criticism is welcomed, and complimentary reviews even more so!