Title: Legally Sane

Pairings: HieixOc

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do however, own my OC and the story itself.

Chapter Five: Curry and Zombies Just Don't Mix

It had been a full month since my impromptu visit to Reikai, and the inevitable meeting with it's resident ruler Koenma. In the short span of time that I had been there, I'd been enlightened as to the reason for my being targeted in the recent weeks prior to the meeting, and let me tell you…I have absolutely no faith in the Toddler's theory. My menstrual cycle indeed…Like that would have any affect on the lower ranks of the Makai. Really…

But that still didn't stop the fact that I was indeed infected with Yokai blood. Just before Hiei had fully dragged me out of Spirit World, I'd been detained by one of those ogres that served beneath the Toddler for a blood sample. Just to be sure, they had told me. A couple of weeks later, and our suspicions were confirmed. Now 'security' is tighter than ever.

As well as the 24/7 protection I received from Hiei; Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara often dropped by to relieve the ornery fire demon of his position. I swear, if they didn't, he'd probably have killed me off already- I guess he found me truly annoying. Then again, he never strayed away too far for too long, and he'd already be back by the time I'd switched off the lights and prepared for bed.

It was now Spring Break- My parents had hightailed it off to England for the duration a couple of days ago, leaving me and my irritating younger brother alone at home. This actually worked in my favour, but I wished they'd taken the brat with them…Fortunately for me, he was staying over at a friend's house this evening, so that left me with Mister Sociable.

"What is that foul stench eminating from your cooking pot, onna?"

The utter disgust in the demon's voice was fairly amusing, and I couldn't help the grin from curving my lips. I glanced over my shoulder, and saw him lounging nonchalantly against the doorframe, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle. He looked far too relaxed in my house.

"It's some sauce to go with the rice- I found the recipe in a magazine, and thought it might make an interesting meal;" I replied calmly, stirring the goop around a few times, my free hand reaching for the required reading material. "…One scoop of sultanas…A teaspoon of sugar…"

He snorted, and I felt, rather than saw him sidle up beside me, resting his hip against the side of the stove, his arms folded and brow furrowed slightly. Whether it was in contemplation of the concoction I was currently brewing, or the next witty insult he could think of, I couldn't say. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, I shot him a slightly frustrated look.

"What do ya want, Shrimp?" I snapped, my index finger lightly tapping the tumbler of spice so that a fine layer of 'dust' appeared and simmered atop the sludge in my pot. The way he was staring was slightly unnerving.

His eyes narrowed dangerously, and God forbid! Did his mouth twist into a pout?! "I'm an inch taller than you onna- And I suggest you guard that quick tongue of yours, else you'll find it joining those other ingredients in your pan."

I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Hai, hai…I know. I think I've heard many variations of this threat a thousand times Hiei, and yet my tongue is still waggling." And to prove my point, I stuck it out at him. Hah! Now what, bishie???

He remained silent for a moment, then his bandaged hand shot out in a blur of movement, and I found my tongue stretched out painfully. What the hell? The bastard grabbed my tongue! He smirked at the look of utter surprise that was plainly visible on my face.

"And now it's not."

"Ed o iei!" I yelped around the chunk of muscle protruding from my mouth.

Hiei shook his head slowly, taking a few steps back- Taking me and my tongue with him.

"Onna, you're far too outspoken for your own good," he stated without a trace of humour in his voice, and when his hand slipped into the open knife drawer at my side, my eyes widened in fear.

Holy shit! He wasn't seriously thinking of slicing my tongue off, was he?? One of his quotes floated into my head at that precise moment and I blanched-"Do no test my patience, onna. I promised that I wouldn't kill you. Fortunately for me, the fox didn't state that I wasn't allowed to maim you."

"I'm thorry iei! P'ease ed o!" I squeaked frantically, my hand wrapping around his bandaged wrist in an effort to still it's movements in my drawer.

"Who is short, onna?" He fairly purred this time, and I blinked.

"Od oo!" (Not you!) I replied promptly, careful to keep my drool from spilling out onto his hand.

His smirk widened and he grunted triumphantly, releasing my tongue and taking a step back. I stumbled back a few steps, my hands clapping over my mouth. Ow! I glared at the boy and promptly turned my back on him. A snicker sounded from behind me and I scowled. Bastard…

"Is it ready yet, Onna?"

"It will be if you pipe down and take a seat instead of distracting me!" came my snapped retort, my shoulders shaking with frustration.

He seemed to take the hint, and remained silent for the few minutes it took for the sauce to cook completely, and when I shot a suspicious look over my shoulder, I saw he was actually seated calmly at the table, and what was more…He'd set it up for two as well! Maybe he could be house trained…

"I'd cut that train of thought if I were you."

Oops! I wish he didn't listen in all the time on my mental conversations…I had absolutely no privacy damnit! Sighing, I slipped some oven gloves onto my hands, and toddled over to the table with the pot of steaming goodness. Hiei remained in his seat, and focused completely on my movements; I reached for his bowl and piled some rice into it, followed by a ladle full of the brown goop. I placed the bowl in front of him, and did the same for myself.

Once I'd sat down, I glanced expectantly at my 'guest', my face full of hope and pride in my culinary skills (Note, that this is my second attempt at creating something in the kitchen since the ban. Don't ask…). My expression faltered slightly, as he eyed the meal with something akin to caution mingled with…Apprehension??

My eyebrow twitched.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer…" I hissed, and his eyes shot up to look at me, before falling to his food again.

Hiei picked up his chopsticks, and hesitantly scooped the questionable food. He sniffed elegantly at it, and then after a short pause, thrust the chopsticks into his mouth and began to chew. I watched on in silent satisfaction, my head nodding to some mental praise that I was currently giving myself until…

Hiei made a choking sound, and when I looked up, his entire face had gone purple. My eyes widened to the size of saucers, and I leant forward across the table with a hand outstretched.

"Hiei…? Are you alright?" I asked, my voice filled with concern.

The demon's eyes were closed, and it looked like he was about to puke all over the place. His hands immediately flew to his throat, and he clutched at it as his head tilted back, his mouth opening and closing like a fish that had been removed from the water.

Then I heard it.

'Onna! You poisoned me!'

"No I didn't!" I gasped indignantly, rearing back in my seat at the mental hiss.

'I can't breathe, foolish onna! What did you put in it? My throat is raw, and my eyes are sore!'

I blinked. What on earth could cause such a reaction…I hopped up, and snagged the magazine, my fingers quickly flicking through the pages until I got the recipe, my eyes scanning the words.

"…Lets see…Uh…" I was frantic. "Sultanas, sugar…Uhm…Curry powder…Jalapeno pepper…Uh-oh…"

'What? What did you do!?'

I laughed nervously as I rushed over to the sink, a glass in hand. "Uh…I might've put too many sliced jalapeno peppers into the mix. The recipe only required one thinly sliced… I like my food spicy y'see, so I used about six…But it seems you couldn't handle the flavour." I explained, filling it up with water. "It's kinda strange though, seeing as you're a fire demon and everything…I would've thought hot things would be welcomed…"

'Cease that senseless babbling, baka onna! Fix it, or I'll do something you'll regret' he snarled in my mind, his eyes open and bloodshot.

I shoved the glass into his hand, and mimed that he should drink it- And drink he did! He gulped the whole lot in one go, and released a breathless hiss, his death glare focused on me in all it's terrifying glory.

"K-Kisama…" he rasped after a painful moment where he had to swallow around the soreness in his throat.

Hiei slid out of his seat and slowly strode over to me with murder glistening in those fiery eyes of his; I backed away as I realised he'd snagged his sword from the back of his chair, the swish of metal being released from it's leather sheathe echoing in the quiet room. My heart sped up, and my body shook in terror. Uh-oh….

"H-Hiei…I really wasn't trying to poison you…So lets be reasonable about this, ne?" I rationalized, taking two steps back to his one step forward.

Soon enough, my back came up against the cool marble work surface, and I winced at the jolting contact. I was cornered. Sensing that there was no way that I could possible escape, Hiei darted forward until he was pressed tightly to my front, the light pressure of that wicked blade of his at my throat. My head fell back to create some space between the deadly weapon and my jugular, my eyes wide with fright and confusion. He remained like that for a moment, and the angered aura he'd projected before instantly vanished- Only to be replaced with something terribly different.

Puzzled by the sudden change in his body language, I hesitantly shifted in his grip. "H-Hiei?" I queried nervously, my tongue darting out to moisten my fear dried lips.

His eyes caught the action, and for a moment, it seemed that the pupils completely disappeared leaving a void of crimson. What the hell? He snarled, and crowded me into that small space between the counter and the fridge, and my hands automatically lifted to press against his chest, as if to push him away. The sword fell from his bandaged hand with a clatter onto the worn linoleum, leaving it free to cup my cheek roughly, calloused digits smoothing their way down the sharp angle of my jaw.

I looked up again, not having realised that I'd looked away in the first place, and was caught in a staring match with the furious fire apparition. Yet…He didn't look all the mad right now. No, he looked just as confused as I felt- But beneath that was an emotion I couldn't discern as it wasn't something I'd ever seen before. It seemed rather…Animalistic…Predatory even. He wasn't even looking at me with ire…He was looking at me as if I were his next meal!

Hiei bent slightly at the waist, and buried his face into the area between my neck and shoulder, and inhaled deeply. I flushed with mortification. He sniffed me! And from the sudden rumble in his throat, it didn't sound like he found my scent unappealing. I remained stock still, my hands still at his chest, though my fingers had somehow fisted themselves in his shirt. The fingers that caressed my cheek slid up into my hair tangling in the newly washed locks. I winced as a particular strand was tugged on. His free hand that had been resting atop the countertop clapped over my hip, pinning me in place, as one muscular thigh slid between my slightly parted legs and pressed upward.

I gasped as an unfamiliar heat radiated from where his leg was positioned, my cheeks flushing an even duller red from something other than embarrassment. He purred lightly, and I squeaked when I felt sharp incisors graze my ear.

What on earth was going on? One moment, he'd been furious with me at having almost 'poisoned' him, and now here he was molesting me in my own kitchen! Were demons always so temperamental?

"Uhm…Hiei?"

He gazed up at me questioningly with eyes a glazed cerise, and his face was just as flushed as mine. I frowned slightly at the sudden change in expression. This wasn't Hiei at all! Usually he was cold as ice, not the burning mass of quivering muscle he was now!

"Nani?" he cooed darkly, his lids drooping lazily to half-mast.

The question I was just ready to pose flew out of my mind as his leg slid upwards, the pressure from his thigh in a place I'd rather not mention incredibly insistent. Now I was a trembling mass of teenage hormones, and I couldn't suppress the low moan that passed through my parted lips. He smirked languidly, and leant in close, his mouth only millimetres from my own. I froze in anticipation, my eyes just as heavy lidded as his own…

Brriiiing! Brriiiiiiiiiing!

The spell was broken.

Hiei's eyes returned to normal, the pupils returning and dilating with shock as they roved my face for any sign of injury or whatever else he was searching for. With a strangled snarl, he pulled away viciously, and stumbled backwards a few steps until his hand steadied him against the dining table.

I slowly slid to my knees, my arms folded protectively across my chest. My mind whirled as everything came back into focus, and my face heated up with shame and…Disappointment?

Briiiing! Buzzzz! Briiiiiing!

What on earth was that noise?! Gnawing lightly on my lower lip, my head swiftly turned from side to side as I visually searched for the object that was causing such a ruckus. Where was it coming from.

Hiei, having regained some of his cocksure composure, pointed directly at my chest and announced; "Sounds are emitting from your bosom."

D'oh! I quickly fished around inside my sweater for the pocket of the tshirt I wore underneath, my questing fingers latching onto the mechanical device hidden there. I produced my beeper with a flourish, and glared dispassionately at the screen.

'Lydia! Help! At graveyard. Hurry! K'

"What on earth is the brat on about this time?" I growled irritably as I pushed myself to my feet.

Beeeeeeeeeep! Beeeeeeeeeeeeep!

My eyebrow shot up at yet another electronic noise, my gaze shooting to the scowling demon. Hiei patted at his own pockets for a few moments before removing what looked like a compact mirror from his back pocket. I snickered softly, and he snarled in response, flipping the top open.

"Hiei? There's a disturbance at the city cemetery, and from what I can sense, there are two humans caught up in it!"

I sidled up next to Hiei, and glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, isn't that Kurama?" I asked, receiving a sharp grunt from the boy.

"Hn. I'm on my way."

"What about Lydia? You can't leave her alone." came Kurama's worried response.

"Well I can't very well dump her in a dangerous situation to avoid another, now can I?" he snapped, edging away from me when he felt my breath on his neck.

"Did he say the city cemetery?" I piped up, peering intently at my beeper.

"Hai, I did. Why?"

"My brother just sent me a message saying he was there and needed hel-…" I cut myself off, and Hiei cursed. "Argh my baby brother is going to be eaten by demons!" I wailed. "I'm going to be grounded for the next century!"

"We're on our way."

Hiei snapped the compact shut and slid it back into his pocket. Grabbing my upper arm, he half dragged me to the front door and I toed my sneakers on, forgoing the use of a coat as I was sure I'd be working up a sweat just keeping up with Hiei.

My hand had somehow found it's way into his, and he raced off into the night with me in tow.

We arrived at the cemetery moments after we had left my house. Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara awaited us outside the gates, and Hiei thankfully slowed his pace to a trot. I ripped my hand out of his, and bent over double with my hands resting hard on my knees- My breaths coming out in sharp unsteady pants.

I distinctly heard a muttered; "Baka onna…So out of shape…" from the fire demon, and I sent a warning glance in his direction, which was only muted by the exhausted expression on my face. He smirked and strode up to his companions, and they began to discuss the situation between the four of them.

Two loud voices caught my attention, and I listened intently to the dialogue.

"We're gonna die!"- Someone I didn't recognise…

"Shut up Ichigo for Kami's sake!"- My brother?

"Where the hell is your sister?"- Ichigo, I supposed…

"Probably making out with that dude that's been hanging out at our place recently!" came the waspish retort.

I flushed, and everyone, sans Hiei looked at me.

"What?" I yelped, "We have not been making out!"

Hiei looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I silently fumed. Wasn't he the one who molested me? And wasn't he the one who recoiled in disgust when my pager went off??

"I wish you were a little nicer to your sister! It's your fault she's not coming!"

"How is it my fault?! You were the one who had to kick a gravestone!"

"Yeah, but who had to insult the zombie??"

"Shut up Ichi-…"

There was a dull thud followed by a frightened yell.

"Ichigo! It's got me!"

I froze for the barest of moments, my fear momentarily paralysing me. When my brother cried out again, this time from pain, my body sprung into action of it's own free will, and I sprinted past the surprised group and into the darkened cemetery- Forgetting my intense fear of the dark and of course the graveyard itself.

"Lydia!"

"Onna!"

The calls of my companions faded off into the distance, and all I could hear was the panicked beat of my own heart, and the heavy footfalls of my sneakers against the tarmac. Would I get there in time? Was he already horribly wounded? The questions ran frantically through my mind, followed by the few favourable memories I had of my younger brother. Another shriek spurred me on, and I turned a corner, skidding slightly as the tarmac turned into gravel. I caught myself before I went down, my hand grazing along the rough stones, before I launched myself upright.

Barely pausing for breath, I glanced worriedly around the clearing. A soft scuffle of something trying to escape the clutches of something else followed by a series of squeaks had me turning to my left, and I burst through the trees to find…

"Lydia! Help me!"

My brother shook his leg a final time, freeing the limb momentarily before he kicked out at the face of his attacker. He scrambled up and away until his back hit the trunk of the tree behind him, and he sent me a petrified look.

I hesitated. I mean, if it had been just the one person, I wouldn't have had any trouble whatsoever in defending my junior sibling- It's just a little unnerving for a group of decaying zombies to suddenly all turn on you unanimously; especially when most of their faces had already rotted off, leaving shadowed skulls in their wake.

I trembled mightily as they all began to wobble over in my direction. Using this as a means of distraction, my sneaky asshole of a brother decided to take his leave, dragging a shocked Ichigo with him.

"Keitaro you dunce! Why'd you have to yell my name like that?!" I shrieked hysterically as I leapt back a few paces. "And where the hell do you think you're going, you little snot?!" I added on a roar of anger.

Another step back had my foot snagging on an uprooted root, and I landed painfully on my butt. And still they advanced. I felt around for anything that could protect me long enough for Hiei and the others to arrive. My hand raked across something thick and wooden, and I winced as a splinter slid into my palm.

Bingo!

I leapt to my feet and brandished the stick as if it were a sword. "Stay back! I have a stick and I'm not afraid to use it!" I yelled, waving the stick in front of me frantically. "Don't come another step closer! I mean it!"

The mob seemed to subside for a moment, each looking at the other for some sort of guidance. To kill me, or to totter off back to their graves and sleep peacefully until the Apocalypse arrived? I was hoping for the latter, but when they all surged forward in a mass of undead fury and bloodlust, it was obvious they'd chosen the former.

My stick couldn't keep the writhing group at bay- I'd managed to knock the heads off of two, but my little rampage came to a halt when it finally got stuck in-between a creepy bastard's ribs… I sweatdropped, then screamed as I was tackled to the floor and dog-piled.

"Hiei!"

I cringed, curling myself into the foetal position as the hundreds of rotting corpses slowly crushed me into the earth beneath my body. I covered my mouth and nose with a free hand and closed my eyes as tightly as possible. Was this the way I was going to die? Crushed to death by the walking dead? How ironic…

I heard the shouts of my guardians, and the spark of hope was relit. The hand that covered my mouth raised despite the crushing weight, and I slowly thrust it out between to sludge-like bodies and waved it like a signal for them to see.

It worked a charm. I heard the calls of various attacks, and I squirmed into a smaller ball, if that were even possible to protect myself from them.

"Rose whip!"

"Rei gun!"

"Rei-ken!"

The multitude of bodies disappeared around me, and I flinched when Kurama's rose whip got a tad too close for comfort. A lot of the zombies had gotten out of the way, and were currently trying to overwhelm the three, but a few remained doggedly at my side, their fleshless fingers scraping at my legs, and tearing at my hair.

I screamed as one finally got it's hands around my throat, but the noise died out as he exerted more pressure on my windpipe. I grasped at his wrists, my head shaking from side to side as I tried to break his grip. It was no use!

That was when I felt a sudden rise in temperature. I cracked open an eye, and barely caught the flash of black heading straight towards me. Hiei? The world around me darkened, and I gave into the comforting oblivion, just as I heard the yelled attack…

"Jaō Ensatsu Rengoku Shou!"

Spirit: Yosh, another chapter down! Sorry for the wait, mina-san! Thanks to all who reviewed!