Chapter 2
Besaid- Lulu's House- Yuna and company are still trying to decide what to do about Wakka's hitchhiker and may have finally come up with a plan.
"Oh...I'll be right back." Wakka muttered hastily as Nature didn't just call, but shouted loudly in his ear and rang the bell marked 'Urgent'. The tension ran out of the room like three pints of beer through a drunk as soon as Wakka left the tent.
"That was so gross!" Rikku hissed, "Somebody has to tell him!"
"We can't, he'll totally freak." Tidus moaned quietly, in case his red-haired friend was still with in earshot.
It always happens. Start talking about someone and they come skipping around the corner. They also like to walk back into the room or you find them standing outside the door...listening. After that you can expect days of guilt, cold stares, glares, and the occasional bag of fresh or flaming animal excrement smeared down your front door. (The animal it comes from is proportional to what was said).
"Kimahri think friends should use ancient Ronso way to solve problem." The big blue humanoid rumbled, crossing his arms.
"And what's that?" Auron asked, even though he already knew the answer.
"Kimahri smash with fist."
"How about we ignore it and hope like the Farplane that it gets bored and...falls off." Lulu volunteered. She didn't want to endure months of dealing with Wakka running around screaming everytime something crawled or buzzed past him.
"You mean do nothing?" Tidus asked, wandering into the conversation late. He had been preoccupied with watching a bead of sweat make its slow, inexorable way down Lulu's chest. It brought back memories of Bevelle where he had been in a similar situation with a statue. Auron administered the Hand of Common Sense (which was a lot like the Hand of Justice, only with and upward flick of the wrist at the end) to the back of the boy's head.
Out in the night darkened jungle, some ways from the village, Wakka finished leaving Nature a little something to deal with (and a hapless explorer to step in later). As he cast around for a leaf or strip of bark, cursing under his breath, a large palm leaf appeared in his field of vision.
"Thank Yevon!" he moaned in gratitude as he put the leaf to good use. He turned to thank the good Samaritan, but there was no one there.
"You all going to bed already?" Wakka asked as he returned to his house to find his leaving. In fact they seemed to be scattering. There was a chorus of 'yeses'.
"You guys don't want to play a quick game of Sphere Break?"
"No. Thank you," Auron muttered hastily. "I have to ...um... go perform some secret Unsent...ritual. Later!"
"I've got to wash my hair!" Rikku squeaked.
"Well, how about Yevon Proclaims? Tangler? Oligopoly? Hexapods? Remorse? Oh! I got it! Homicide in the Night!" An electric shiver crackled up his friends' spines at the vision of encountering Wakka and his hitchhiker while playing Homicide in the Night in a pitch black tent.
"Kimahri take Yuna to tent. Now." That left Lulu and Tidus fidgeting in nervous dread in the center of the floor.
"Don't you dare leave!" Lulu, who lived with Wakka and therefore could not escape, hissed fiercely at Tidus.
"Uh..." Tidus replied. "uh...What's that? Coming mother!" he shouted, running off into the safety of darkness, head down and legs pumping like pistons, without a backwards glance.
"You..." here Lulu switched to a Guado phrase that roughly translated to "(One who is severely lacking in courage and is of uncertain parentage!)... Your mother's dead!" she snarled after him.
"I guess everyone's wiped out from exploring, ya?" Wakka commented, the little dust bunny in his mind repeatedly hitting itself over the head with a rubber mallet. "Guess I'll go to bed too."
Wakka rolled onto his stomach, wondering why the mattress felt so lumpy. (Okay, more lumpy than usual because straw, grass, and down stuffed mattresses can only get so smooth. Hey bunching happens.) Pondering this was enough to send the Aurochs Captain drifting off to sleep. During his last moments consciousness the blanket was tugged up over his shoulders and his hair was patted. "Thanks, Lu." Wakka mumbled.
Lulu spent two full hours staring expectantly at the hugbug. The unsuspecting fiend waved its antennae t her mockingly. The older girl had been seriously considering the insecticide properties of Flare. It wasn't like she couldn't toss a phoenix down on Wakka afterwards, of course she would have to rebuild her house. For now she was biding her time and waiting for Nature to run its course. Which come to think of it should be any time now….
The fiend looked at the Black Mage with growing unease as a malicious grin crawled slowly across her face. It didn't need words, being one of those grins that spoke for itself. This one said 'Haha. Nasty things are about to happen to you, and the best part is that you don't have a clue'. Ghastly possibilities surrounding the cause of the evil smile were looming up from the depths of Imagination when a rank odor filled the air. The fiend thrashed around as it found itself in the center of a miasma that smelled strongly of colon and the by-products of intestinal irritation due to the digestion of spicy foods.
This was what the Black Mage had been waiting for. Completely unaffected by the horrendous smell, Lulu hopped off the bed and went in search of her best skillet while the hugbug threw itself off the bed and attempted to locate an exit. The last thing the hugbug saw was Lulu standing over it, brandishing an iron skillet, and wearing a horrible grin.
The sounds of cracking exoskeleton echoed briefly in the night as Lulu made the island a slightly safer place to live
End.
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! By the way, you guys would tell me if I ever had a hugbug in my back, wouldn't you?