Disclaimer: I own none of the characters within.

Author's Notes: AI YI YI! I am SO bad at updating this story. I cannot apologize enough. Seriously. However, I have gotten a new dry erase board and on it will be a constant reminder to be working on this story. Seriously. I love you all, thank you so much for all the great reviews.

PS- Lavender, I've never been proposed to before. I'm flattered. ^_^

PPS- *slaps forehead* I can't believe I wrote a feel-good chapter! But it happened. I guess you guys all get a little breather before we take the unstoppable plunge into… *deep announcer voice* The Valley of ANNNNNNNNNNGST!!! Read. Enjoy. Laugh. Beware. :D

"You are the audience. I am the author. I outrank you!" --- The Producers

~

Sneak, sneak, sneak.

Even though there was no way anyone would spot him, Pietro felt absurdly naughty, creeping around Bayville and causing all sorts of mischief. This must be what it felt like to be a God. Like Hermes, that one mischievous guy. Or Eris. The spirit of discord and chaos! Yes! That was it!

He did a little dance at his remembrance of this obscure fact.

His feet struck the pavement with the volume of timpani drums.

They'd get him out of this soon enough, sure. Had to keep promising himself that. In the meantime, had to keep busy. Had to think of all the things he regularly did in Top Gear.

He had vague memories of running up a skyscraper, and further back running up and over a ten-foot fence. Fun. Maybe… just maybe…

Wandering over to the nearest building, a bank, he stared at it long and hard, as if judging a race he was about to run. Then carefully, tentatively, he set a foot on the wall.

Before he could think too much about it, he ran a few steps up the wall and waited to land on his back and break his spine.

He stuck.

Pietro Maximoff was standing at a ninety-degree angle to the pavement. Just like Spider-Man.

"Spider-Man!" he giggled.

Taking a few steps higher and singing the 'Spider-Man' theme music, he suddenly froze, overwhelmed by the dizzying paranoia that his gravity might return and he would plummet helplessly to the street below.

He beat a hasty retreat to the sidewalk, but the panic didn't end. Panic. Panic.

Need Wanda.

Must be at the Institute by now.

Setting off at a run for the Mansion, he slowed down and forced himself to walk as slowly as possible.

Had to give them time.

~

The Oreos didn't stand a chance.

It was like sending the Pillsbury Doughboy to fight Godzilla. One by one they bit the dust, or rather, Fred bit them, until those yummy little chocolate cookies had all but vanished.

Everyone was watching him in fascination as he consumed what must have been a whole package. The X-Men were fascinated, anyway; for the Brotherhood, this was quite normal. Nothing out of the ordinary if Freddy tucked away half the pantry in one sitting.

As if he could sense them all watching them, he stopped. Milk dripping comically off his chin, one cookie in mid-transition from plate to mouth, he glanced around at them all uncertainly. Nudging the plate with three lonely Oreos on it in Jean's direction, he grinned at her.

"Cookie?"

Shockingly, she managed a polite smile while shaking her head. With a shrug, he finished the last three off without mercy. Scott felt strangely sorry for them.

Ororo, lingering in the doorway and being the expert she was at reading faces, didn't miss the longing look Todd gave the last Oreo as it went down the hatch. Clearing her throat pointedly, she suggested,

"Does anyone want lunch?"

Lance looked about to proudly refuse, but Todd and Fred gave him pleading, puppy dog looks, and he sighed in frustration.

"Sure." He mumbled.

The weather goddess smiled inwardly. She may not be able to take these boys in for good, but as long as they were in her care they would be treated like royalty. And she had heard the sad story of the Maximoff girl; she was set on helping her as well.

"It'll be ready in ten minutes."

~

Seven minutes later, the teens that were so accustomed to eating their meals around a dingy old table were being invited to sit down at a feast that looked positively royal. Todd gaped shamelessly, while Lance stared at the floor. He'd seen spreads like this before in his previous stay with the X-Men. Wanda was nonplussed, and Fred looked on the verge of weeping with joy.

Slipping into one of the chairs, Todd patted the seat of it curiously.

"This is velvet, yo!" he cried.

"Velour." Ororo corrected with a smile. Then, awkwardly, "I'm sorry, Mr. Dukes, but the chairs—"

"No problem." Freddy assured her. "I sit on the floor at home, too. Don't make no difference."

Sure enough, even sitting on his rear Fred could easily reach the table. Todd elbowed Wanda, who was sitting next to him.

"Very resourceful, huh?"

"Yes," she answered absently.

She felt a niggling panic in the back of her mind, some kind of dizzying vertigo that wasn't overwhelming but was still there.

Pietro, of course.

Of course it was him. At least he was still alive.

Todd's voice broke her thoughts.

"Do we just help ourselves, then?"

"Sure, man." Scott encouraged. "Dig in."

They all cooperated with surprising efficiency, passing the plates of sandwiches and chips from hand to hand until everyone had been served. The Professor wheeled into the room and to the head of the table to join them, where he helped himself to a turkey sandwich.

Except for the chewing, you could have heard a pin drop. And even then people were chewing as quietly as possible.

"So, uh…" Scott began gamely, but it died before he finished it.

Chew, chew, chew.

"S'pose you don't have many silences back at your place." Logan commented.

"Nope." Todd agreed over a mouthful. "Never a quiet moment with Pietro in the house."

"Man, whenever no one has anything to say at the table," Lance cut in eagerly. "Pietro always told this one joke…!"

"Lance." Wanda growled in warning.

"C'mon, it's funny!" Fred defended.

"Tell it," Scott requested. "I wanna hear."

"Okay, okay," Lance took a deep breath before posing this interesting question: "Why is rape impossible?"

"Lance!" Wanda barked.

Todd was already giggling when the rock tumbler delivered the pun.

"Because a woman can run faster with her skirt up than a man with his pants down!"

Wanda moaned in defeat and dropped her head into her hands. Scott's mouth popped open into a soundless 'o', Jean blinked in shock, and Evan snorted so unexpectedly that he shot moo juice out of his nose. Todd cackled insanely and Fred chuckled.

"That was… that was…" the X-Man called Cyclops was at a remarkable loss for words.

"Interesting." Jean finished with a strained smile.

"I got one." Logan said out of the blue.

"Huh?" said Todd.

"Huh?" said Fred.

"Huh?" said Lance.

"HUH?" said the X-Men.

"What's the difference between a woman and a light bulb?"

The others glanced at each other nervously before Wolverine answered his own question.

"You can unscrew a light bulb!"

Lance giggled. Todd giggled. Evan piped up.

"Hey, I got one! What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?"

"I dunno!" Todd crowed. "What?"

"Anyone can roast beef!"

There was a long, long moment as they all tried to sort this one out. Suddenly, Professor X guffawed and slapped his forehead in amused disgust. The others followed suit as they all figured it out. Evan smirked proudly. Ororo whacked him on the back of the head playfully.

"Evan Daniels!" she scolded. "Really!"

"Hey!" Jean called out. "I got one!"

Everyone stared at her in horror, and she busted out laughing.

"I'm sorry, I just had to say that! The looks on your faces!"

Scott nudged the redhead, while Wanda finally peeked out from the refuge of her fingers with a tiny smile on her face.

~