Title: Legally Sane

Pairings: HieixOC

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. I do own this story and my OC's.

Chapter Twelve: This Can't Be Good.

-Hiei's POV-

"Where's the onna?"

Those were the first words to slip past my lips after I'd taken in the pathetic state of the Detective and his oaf-like lackey. The two looked as if they'd been hit by a semi, and it was any wonder that they were able to stand upright in front of me.

I had just this moment returned after twenty four hours of pure unending torture, otherwise known as the 'Mating Season Bug' to find the Onna's house in a state of disrepair and a few of the Spirit Realm Defence Force stationed outside tending to my fallen comrades.

Irritation sparked in my veins when Yusuke and Kuwabara refused to meet my eyes, and remained uncharacteristically quiet. The feeling of unease I'd been harbouring since I'd left my solitary confinement grew tenfold.

"I will not repeat myself Detective."

The brunette fixed a weary eye upon me then, and I was quite surprised to find moisture glistening in those brown eyes of his- Guilt warring with regret. What was going on here?

"Hiei…You trusted us to keep an eye on Lydia for you…" he began, his tone defeated. "But, these guys were something else. I don't know who they are aside from some names that were bandied about…"

This long winded account was grating on my already frayed nerves, and I couldn't help but snag the boy by the front of his green jacket, my fingers creating mild burns in the fabric. I brought his face up, close to mine, and snarled.

"Where is she?"

Yusuke stammered something like; "I don't know…" and I saw red.

Luckily enough for him though, a soothing hand settled itself comfortably on my shoulder, and I raised my heated glare to stare into a pair of golden eyes.

"Yoko…" I spat irritably, giving the silver haired Yokai the once over.

"Sparky," came the cheeky response in a deep baritone, a mock salute offered. "I don't think the ningen can survive with the amount of oxygen you're allowing him."

I blinked, and glanced at the Detective, releasing him with a muttered curse once I caught sight of his blue lips and swirled eyes. Of course I wouldn't lower myself to apologise to the one who had allowed my onna to be kidnapped.

'Your onna…?'

'Quiet fox!' I snapped mentally, shooting him a glare, only to be on the receiving end of one of his reproachful looks.

I really didn't need his niggling voice in my head at this moment.

A flash of blue and pink caught my attention, and soon enough, the Ferry Girl had appeared at my side, breathless and pink cheeked.

I sent her a withering glare. "Your visit better not be social."

Botan blinked, and brushed a few minute specks of dust from the sleeve of her kimono. "…I have news on Lydia's whereabouts!" she finally said, quivering slightly from the famous glare of doom.

Yoko tsked at me, and slung a companionable arm around the deity's waist, his chin resting lightly on her shoulder. "Is that so?" he fairly purred into her ear, and I couldn't help the shudder of revulsion that snaked its way up my spine.

Botan flushed an indescribable shade of red and I could smell the attraction she felt for the demon rolling off of her in waves. It nauseated me. My onna never gave off such an obnoxious scent, despite her desire for me.

The thought brought me back to the task at hand, and I forced my way between the two, jerking the kitsune roughly by the front of his white tunic.

"This isn't the time," I growled warningly; "Save your bedtime activities for later."

He merely sighed, and stepped back with his arms folded across that pale chest of his. I averted my eyes, and he chuckled in a knowing manner.

I schooled my face into a bland expression, taking up my post in the darkest corner in the kitchen, mimicking Yoko's posture.

"I'm waiting."

"R-right!" the bluenette squeaked, pulling out a small black book from within a voluminous sleeve. "Koenma-sama has pinpointed Lydia's location…Though the area is reputed for strong demonic energies, he believes you shouldn't have too much trouble infiltrating their hideout…" she trailed off with a slight shrug, awaiting our decision on how to proceed.

"How much do we know about our opponents?"

Ah! That would be Kurama's voice, and sure enough, when I'd turned around, there he was standing there looking more than a little bit ruffled. Perhaps he had to put up a fight to regain his body.

"Well the two who nabbed Lydia were no more'n B-Class…One was a boar demon and the other was…Well, I'm not sure, but it was fast!" Kuwabara groaned from his position on the floor.

"The 'it' was a girl, baka…" Yusuke interjected, bopping the aforementioned teen on the head.

I smirked at this, but it quickly flickered away. "If they were merely B-Class, why could you not defeat them? It couldn't have been that hard, could it?"

I voiced the thoughts currently swimming in my mind, and I couldn't hide the ire in my tone. Damnit. The Detective visibly wilted at this, and so did the oaf, yet this didn't bring me the sort of satisfaction I was used to.

Grunting, I turned away, and listened with only half an ear to the plan that was currently being laid out. I didn't need to know all the details; for when I got there I'd be playing it by ear anyway. I wasn't a team player, and I would get the onna back with or without their help.

'Onna…'

-Lydia's POV-

The first thought that ran rampant through my mildly concussed mind was that the earlier blow to my head had temporarily blinded me. I came to this conclusion after five minutes of trying to eyeball my surroundings, only to be greeted with a vast and unending inky void.

Now, being the mature person that I am- I'll tell you now that I did not panic.

"I'M BLIND!"

…Alright I lied. I screamed bloody murder, wriggling like a damn worm on the end of a fisherman's hook and I'm pretty sure I deafened those unfortunate souls who happened to be standing within hearing range. And that is when I noticed something else that set me on edge.

I couldn't move, either.

"…I'M PARALYZED!"

Cue the hysterical screaming. This pretty much lasted for another good five minutes, until someone put a hand over my mouth, effectively stifling my wails of discontent.

"For the love of Enma will you cease that pathetic shrieking?!" was hissed into my ear, and I flinched from the loudness of it all…To be honest it was most likely stated in a whisper, but seeing as my sight had been stolen, it seemed to heighten my hearing.

"Mmph! Mmph, mmph mmmmmph!" I retorted, narrowing my eyes.

An exasperated sigh escaped my capturer's lips, and with a rough tug, the thing that had been obstructing my view was removed. I recoiled as the sudden glare of unnatural light assaulted my retina, my eyes squinting until they were merely snake like slits. Though my sight was miraculously restored, the hand remained at my mouth, and I was finding it more than slightly uncomfortable.

My eyes opened fully after a few moments of spasms, and I cast a sideways glare at my self-appointed warden. It was…That strange man from the night before. No not the guy who looked like a Humanized version of Pumbaa from the Lion King. It was the speedy one who had tackled Kuwabara. My gaze bored holes in the back of his head, willing him to look at my face. It worked.

'Could you kindly remove your hand from my mouth?'- That was the message I was trying to convey with my eyes alone, an eyebrow arching quizzically.

He merely returned my look balefully, and didn't remove his hand.

My eye twitched.

'Alright, if you don't remove your hand, I can't guarantee you'll get it back.'- I glared with barely concealed irritation. Maybe he'll understand that.

His eyes widened, and he scoffed. Scoffed I tell you! So I did what any normal person would do when being gagged for no real reason.

I bit him. Hard.

"Fuck!" he howled, his hand dropping from my mouth as if it had been scalded. Unfortunately for him, I hadn't relinquished my grip on it, so I ended up with some of the flesh from his palm hanging between my teeth…

"Oh gross!" I immediately spat it out, my intense grimace of distaste followed by a comical display of me trying to cleanse my tongue by scraping off my taste buds with my teeth.

"What the hell did you do that for, wench?" he snarled, his voice high pitched and…Dare I think it? Feminine…?

I frowned, and gave him an appraising once over. Shoulder length green hair…Purple eyes…Chiselled countenance…Stocky frame…He looked male. But I've been known to be wrong in the past. My cheeks flushed at the humiliating memory that surfaced- One where I'd thought Kurama was female. Boy was I wrong!

I snickered lightly as the demon continued to spew a multitude of curses, some of which were in Japanese, the rest in a garbled language I couldn't quite understand.

"I did warn you," I felt compelled to point out, albeit smugly. "Though, when was the last time you washed your hand? It tasted like mouldy rice and burnt cabbages."

He paused in his ramblings to sniff disdainfully, drawing himself up to his full height. "If you must know…This fragrance is very expensive in the Makai. It's called Foot Rot. It's all the rage among the demonesses."

Eh?

"…But you're a guy." I deadpanned. Maybe he was a cross-dresser? A glance at his attire disabused me of the notion…What woman would dare prance about in purple latex trousers and a garish orange wife beater? …Were those flip-flops on his feet?

His eyes narrowed, and he flipped his shoulder-length hair…Over his shoulder, though it swung back to its original place. "I'm female," he retorted tightly after a moment of composed silence. "Can't you tell?"

I made a good show of thinking about it, cocking my head to the side whilst each eyebrow rose and fell at alternate times. If my hands were free, I'd probably complete the look of intense observation with a finger tapping lightly against my chin.

"Hmn…" I murmured thoughtfully, "…No, I'm afraid I can't. You look like a knuckle-dragging caveman. All you're missing is the grizzly beard."

He seemed stunned. Did he really find it that impossible that I couldn't tell that he was female?

Soon enough I found an enraged shemale in my face and his clawed hands around my neck. I choked reflexively.

"W-why you little…!" he spluttered

I squirmed in his grasp, my head tossing from side to side, making a mess out of my already mussed hair. My oxygen supply was rapidly decreasing, and the pressure on my throat only increased until I felt his extra sharp nails digging into the taut flesh there, drawing blood if the sticky liquid oozing down my skin was anything to go by.

"S-s-…top…" I managed to choke out.

"Humperdink."

The name was uttered quietly, but the tone sent shivers down my spine, and I felt myself break out in a cold sweat. Uh-Oh…

The green-haired fashion disaster blanched from his already grey tone to a sickly white; his hands trembling at my throat.

"Release her."

Humperdink released me without a second thought, immediately scooting back a few feet to show whoever it was that he wasn't likely to touch me again in the near future.

The ominous footfalls announced that the one person I probably didn't want to see was drawing closer. They were light, unhurried and from the sounds of it, he had an awkward limp. I twitched, and tried to wriggle out of my bonds, which, upon closer inspection…Looked like spider threads…

Okay, take a deep breath. Wasn't there a time that I had considered spiders as a crucial part of my diet?

…But then again, that spider was about the size of my palm- Whatever had made this…stuff…Has got to be the size of a freaking elephant! I whimpered pathetically at the observation.

A shadow loomed over me…What is it with people and their 'looming shadows'?! Do people like to point out the fact that I'm seriously short on a continual basis?! I bristled, but remained uncharacteristically silent. I'm not stupid- I know when I should keep my mouth shut, and now seemed to be a perfectly good time to practice.

The figure squatted, a pale hand reaching out to snag my chin in its icy grip, jerking my face this way and that, before staring into my eyes.

"So you are the one who will be leading our brothers out of darkness?" he murmured, more to himself than to me. "…Such a homely countenance." He added after a moment of silence, slight regret in his voice.

I scowled at that, and made a quick snap at his fingers with my teeth. The cheek of it all! How dare he kidnap me, and then disparage my…Less than adequate looks! I had enough of that from my relatives every Christmas and Easter- I didn't need to take this from a complete stranger.

"I'm so very sorry to disappoint," I retorted dryly, mentally cursing myself for breaking my silence pact. Oh well, now that I'd started I didn't see the point in stopping there.

He smiled vapidly at me, a wicked looking fang curling over his bottom lip, and I had the unsettling feeling that all was not right behind those golden eyes of his.

"Well, you're not here for decoration. We just need your blood at the ceremony."

He shrugged his thin shoulders and made to rise.

"Baldric?" A short blue demon with a snout appeared at the male's side. "Make the necessary preparations- The Red Moon is waning, and soon enough that little fire apparition of hers will be barking at the gates. We wouldn't want him to ruin the plans."

"Yes, boss…" came the nasal reply, and he watched the taller man stride off with graceful steps- despite his apparent limp, before turning to me.

I gulped, a nervous smile gracing my lips.

"Uh…Hi?"

-Kurama's POV-

He was tenser than usual.

I barely restrained the sigh that sprung to my lips, my gaze barely able to catch the apparition's movements as he flittered ahead faster than Kuwabara could blink. I had opted to give chase at a more leisurely pace, reserving my demon speed and strength for the battle to come. Despite Botan's assurances that the antagonists were only B-class and below, I felt it best to be safe than sorry.

"What's got Shrimpy's pants in a bunch?"

Kuwabara's voice broke the strained silence between the three of us, and from the sudden aura of irritation that enveloped Hiei…I could tell he was holding himself back from beating the guy for his stupidity. Yusuke had no such reservations however, and I released a short bark of laughter as the taller man jerked forward a few steps, his eye swelling at an impossible rate.

"Can it, dumbass! Short stop is ticked off enough as it is, without you opening that giant hole in your face!" Yusuke reprimanded roughly, never breaking his hurried stride.

"Urameshi!" he shrieked, stumbling to a stop with his hands on his hips. "We're takin this outside!"

"We are outside, baka!" the brunette yelled over his shoulder, leaving the other choking on his dust.

"This is not the time for arguments," I added warningly.

Kuwabara puffed his chest out for a moment, and then reluctantly caught up with us.

'It seems the Firefly is out of sorts…'

I rolled my eyes, speeding up a tad so that I was sprinting a few feet ahead of the troublesome twosome.

'You do realise that he would gut me for that comment if he were listening in…?' I retorted with a shake of my head. 'But you're right. He's been fighting against his instinct, and the Red Moon hasn't waned fully yet- He's still feeling the effects of it.'

A snort echoed in the back of my mind. 'And what of us, my dear Suiichi? Are we not feeling it too?'

'Yes, but we don't have anything to focus it on. Our instincts haven't picked anyone out for us this year…Or the last…Or the year before that. We don't feel the pressures that he does.'

I felt a swift breeze pass overhead, and glanced above to see the tails of Botan's kimono sleeves flutter in the wind as she sped past to fly aside Hiei. Yoko chuckled darkly in the back of my mind, and I realised that I was staring at a place I shouldn't have been. I flushed and snapped my eyes to the grassy undergrowth beneath my feet.

'That Ferry Onna has…Some nice attributes,' Yoko commented, humour tainting his words.

Damn, I could feel my irritating other half's smirk.

'Put your eyes back in your head. Botan is off limits!' I snapped back. 'We have a mission to think about, not how…Nice her attributes are!'

'Ah, but you do agree that she has nice attributes…' he murmured slyly, and I groaned in frustration at being caught out like that. 'Poor Suiichi…So innocent.'

'Oh be silent.'

He did as he was told, and I could feel the pout taking over my mouth. It seemed he'd gained slight control during our exchange- I shouldn't let him annoy me so much.

"Kurama!"

I blinked, and cast my eyes to the rest of the Reikai Tantei plus its assistant. When did they get ahead of me…? It was then that I realised I'd actually stopped to converse with myself at some point, and I sweatdropped.

"Sorry!" I called out, sprinting to their side at a speed that could easily rival Hiei's.

The aforementioned demon scowled at me, and I saw that he was being kept in place by Yusuke's hand at the scruff of his neck- And he was looking at me like that because I was holding them up.

'I'm sorry Hiei, I got lost in thought and lost track,' I murmured in his mind.

For a few moments, I thought he was sulking.

'Hn.'

I took that as his way of forgiving me, and I nodded solemnly at him.

"The gates to the mansion are just beyond the line of trees…" Botan fairly whispered, afraid that someone was listening in. "I'm not quite sure how you want to do this but…"

A hysterical scream rent the air, interrupting the worried Ferry Girl- And it was loud enough to wake the dead.

Hiei's eyes widened, then narrowed in fury, and before I could get a word out…He disappeared.

"Hiei! Don't be rash!" I called out into the wind, but I'm sure he was too far away to hear me right now.

Yusuke glanced from me, to Kuwabara and back again. "Well? What are we waiting for! Lydia needs us, and whether he'd admit to it or not, Shorty needs us as well!"

I nodded, and the three of us sped off into the dark, leaving Botan by herself.

Spirit:First off I'd like to thank those wonderful people who reviewed my chapters D I love you all. Seriously! Secondly, Legally Sane is drawing to a close. Two chapters left, including the epilogue. Hopefully this chapter was long enough to sate your appetites, and I promise to try and get the next one up before the end of the weekend. I'm going to make the last two chapters hideously long, so that the story can be wrapped up nicely.