Title: Legally Sane
Pairings: HieixOC
Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho, I own not.
Shout Out: I'm sorry I didn't do this in the previous chapter...But the line 'The humanised version of Pumbaa' was inspired by the one and only Black Wolf Jaganshi Lover! Kudos to you my regular reviewer!
Chapter Thirteen: Good News! God is Real. The Bad News Is...He Hates You.
After my meeting with the 'Mastermind' of my kidnap, the blue creature that had been summoned had pulled a small knife from his boot, and began to cut the threads that bound me. Once free, I immediately scooted back, my arms covering as much of my exposed body as was humanly possible. Remember, I was removed from my house in the middle of the night and I wear rather skimpy pyjamas to bed in the summer…So you can imagine my slight mortification.
Baldric stepped back a bit, seemingly admiring his handiwork with his hands on his hips…But I knew better- And I threw the first available object (a pitifully small rock) at him when his gaze dropped lower than was necessary.
"Quit staring at me, ya damn pervert!" I snapped, eyeballing the underling with barely concealed ire.
He merely rolled his eyes at me, and sauntered off, his faded green robes swishing in a feminine manner…Damnit! Haven't I learned my lesson yet? If I wasn't careful, I'd start pondering his true gender, and then I'd get myself into deep shit. I winced inwardly at my previous altercation with a truly masculine looking woman- And despite his size, and harmless demeanour, he could easily be as strong and as fast as Hiei.
He returned a few moments later, a scrap of white cradled carefully in his outstretched arms. When he halted a little ways away from me, I arched a quizzical eyebrow at him, expecting an explanation.
"You are to wear this for the ceremony;" he stated monotonously, "And it is to be held within the next couple of hours."
I blanched.
Hold up! Did he say I was supposed to wear that?! I stared at him, hoping against hope that this was just a sick joke on his part, and those fleshy lips of his would turn up in a 'Ha-I-Gotcha!' grin that I was pretty much familiar with thanks to my younger brother.
I received nothing of the sort. In fact, he did entirely the opposite. His bushy eyebrows lowered, his forehead creasing with mild irritation. Was that an impatient breath he just took?!
I schooled my expression from one of incredulity, to an expressionless mask.
"…There is no way in the Three Worlds that I'm gonna wear that…" I paused, gesticulating wildly at the outfit laid out before me; "…That…Wait, what exactly is it? I can't tell."
Baldric remained where he was, slight pink tingeing his cheeks creating an almost violet tint due to the colour of his skin.
"The Boss said that we needed to make you look a tad more appetizing to keep the Elders' attention," he replied after a tense moment. "And it's a dress."
"That is not a dress!" I retorted hotly. "It's…It's…A scrap of cloth! How do you expect that to cover me modestly?! I'll be lucky if it covers my chest, let alone my entire body!"
He sighed, shaking his head slowly from side to side. "The Boss said you might not agree…" he muttered sourly, turning to place the 'dress' on a conveniently placed chair. "And he said, in which case, I was to dress you myself if you did not do it yourself."
My eyes widened significantly, my hands lifting up to ward him off.
"Oh no you don't…!" I began, rising to my feet. "You stay the hell away from me!"
Baldric eyed me, supposedly trying to determine whether or not I'd prove a challenge for him- Was I fast? Did the Yokai blood mixed in with mine give me any special abilities? Each thought passed through those glassy pink eyes of his, and I was suddenly reminded of Kurama's less than polite other half- That calculating glint was rather disheartening.
The silence stretched, the atmosphere heavy with uncertainty; each of us waiting for the other to make the first move; But I'd be damned if I was going to be the one to start it off- If he didn't come for me, then there would be no need for me to waste energy escaping.
He surprised me though, when he suddenly called out; "Turk!"
I frowned, my body as tense as a bowstring. Turk? Wasn't that the porker I'd assaulted with the aluminium baseball bat at my house? My eye twitched, and whatever colour I had regained from the shock of seeing the 'dress', I immediately lost.
Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
The floor shook, and plaster started to fall from the ceiling, peppering my dark hair with rust coloured particles. I hazarded a glance at the entryway to my cell, and gasped. There, framed in the awning was the Pig Man who had abducted me.
"What izzit, ya snivellin excuse for a demon?" he snarled, taking the steps necessary to fully enter the room.
Baldric shook a little, though his voice was steady. "She refuses to don the dress, the Master wants her to wear."
"…Yeah, and?"
Baldric's eye twitched. "Your job is to keep her in line." When he was met with a blank look, he finally snapped; "Well? Get on with it, and subdue her! I don't care how you do it, just make sure she's docile enough for me to slip her into the garment!"
Turk's lips curled into a sinister grin, his tusks straining the corners until all his teeth were bared, each one dripping with black slime- I assumed it was saliva, and I mentally recoiled from the sight, averting my eyes for a fraction of a second.
"So, yer sayin I can do whatever I likes to reign her in?" he inquired, advancing on me with a glint in his eye.
"Basically- Just please refrain from marring her; A little mauling wouldn't hurt I suppose, as long as the flesh will be hidden beneath the cloth."
Turk nodded, and I stiffened in preparation, my eyes never wavering from his, despite the fact that his confidence was causing me to doubt myself.
'How the hell did I get myself into this mess?'
As if he'd received a signal he'd been waiting for, the boar demon lunged, with a hoof like hand outstretched, quite prepared to knock me back into the wall; without thinking I deftly sidestepped the attack…Well, I stumbled actually in a blind panic- His claws looked like they hadn't been trimmed in a long time, and I doubted they were hygienic.
He skidded to a stop a few feet away from me, a disbelieving expression on his face- He obviously hadn't thought I'd have the presence of mind to move, despite the fact that I was packing less weight than him, and thus had a tad more agility than he did.
Shaking himself, he launched himself at me a second time, his meaty arm swinging around, specifically aiming for my midsection. I barely had enough time to leap backwards, my feet gliding above the stone. His claws caught the front of my tank, ripping the material easily though they only lightly grazed my stomach- Not enough pressure to pierce the skin, but enough for it to sting a little.
"Wouldja jus keep still?!" he roared, his stale breath as well as a tidal wave of spittle hitting me full on in the face.
I gagged, raising my arms to wipe the bodily fluid from my cheeks. Big mistake, as I suddenly got a heavy boot thrust into my stomach, sending me flying through the air a few feet. My breath whooshed out in a surprised and pained gasp, and my eyes rolled up into my head from the loss of oxygen. My crumpled body hit the stone with a jarring thud, and I rolled over and over until I managed to jam my elbow into the granite, effectively slowing myself to a stop, though I lost the skin on that part of my arm.
I lay there, dazed and winded, my eyes opening a fraction.
"Pathetic…" he drawled. "An you couldn' keep this wisp of a thing in line, Baldric?"
"Well, if you hadn't noticed…The onna tops me by a foot…And I wasn't sure if she had any abilities due to the Yokai blood she was infected with."
Turk snorted.
During their little exchange, I managed to push myself onto my hands and knees, and had already begun my awkward crawl towards the exit. Sure, I looked rather wretched in my newly mutilated pyjamas, and sure I was seriously slow…But I had to at least try right? What could it hurt? The best thing I could do right now was buy myself some time, and Hiei would be more likely to appear at any moment. I heard the rapid approach of heavy footfalls, and I tried to speed up my pace.
"Where d'ya think yer goin?"
A heavy boot planted itself smack dab in the middle of my back, the weight causing my legs and elbows to buckle. I instantly ended up making pretty with the floor, my cheek pressed uncomfortably against the granite.
"Get off of me, you overgrown sausage!" I yelled, squirming all the while beneath his foot.
I soon found a hand in the tangled mass of hair on my head, followed by the excruciating agony of the strands being uprooted from my scalp as I was bodily lifted onto my feet. My hands wrapped around one beefy wrist, and I couldn't help the howl that sprung to my lips.
Turk smirked.
"Yer'll think twice before ya insult me, won'tcha?" he growled, his face mere inches from mine.
My vision blurred with moisture, and I turned away so that he wouldn't see the salty liquid welling up in my eyes. I'd rather die than give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry! I'd suck it up, and hopefully Hiei would turn up soon enough.
I felt a hand tugging at the hem of my shirt, and I shrieked.
"You filthy lecher! Stop it!"
I got a clip around the jaw for that outburst, and then the hoof continued its task of trying to undress me as quickly as possible.
Feeling the sting off both the slap and the intense mortification, I threw my head back and screamed.
'Hurry Hiei…'
'Hurry Hiei…'
The frightened whisper flickered through my mind, and I paused long enough to land quietly on a nearby branch. The onna was in pain…The knowledge brought forth a wave of emotion that I was slowly growing accustomed to.
I lifted a hand to clutch at the area where the ache throbbed hardest, my eyes narrowing with discontent. The uncomfortable sensation there was new to me, and I didn't like it- It was like…Something was gnawing at an unknown place in my chest, and it was irritating to say the least.
I glanced down, catching sight of a small gathering of lower level Yokai currently sprawled out around the embers of a dying campfire from my perch atop a branch in a withered tree. A piercing shriek rent the air, and I barely restrained myself from giving away my position with the growl that threatened to escape my lips. My attention was soon snagged by the sudden silence, and then abrupt topic change from the demons below me.
"Didja hear that?" one asked, gazing at the mansion off in the distance.
"Yeah…Sounds like Turk's showin the ningen a good time," another responded with an unsightly leer, twirling a stalk of straw in his mouth.
"She's gonna be fodder for our visitors anyway….Might as well have some fun before the main event," another added, a snake demon with bright orange eyes.
'How dare they speak of my onna like that!' I mentally hissed. 'I'll slay you all!'
I sprung into action, leaping from my perch and into the middle of the small group, my boots crushing out the last of the blazing ash. They barely had time to utter a panicked yell before my katana was whipped out of its sheath and brought around to meet their necks. The blade slid easily through flesh and muscle, and several seconds later, four heads dropped to the ground with muffled thuds. Blood sprayed from severed stumps, bathing the grass in the red liquid, a few droplets splashing onto my cheek and cloak.
I slowly straightened from my attacking stance, shaking the remaining moisture from my blade before re-sheathing it with a flourish that few could emulate.
"Hiei!"
The familiar voice had me turning sharply on my heel, and I gazed dourly at the approaching Detective, his oaf and the fox. They came to an abrupt halt as their eyes fell on the bloody massacre behind me- And Kuwabara turned away, his face a slight shade of green. I snorted at that- Only girls would find such a scene nauseating.
"Seems you've started the party without us…"
Yusuke was the one to break the awkward silence, the brunette rubbing the back of his head nervously. I didn't bother responding, and I turned away from the trio, folding my arms across my chest instinctively- Only to grimace when my arms brushed against a sticky substance. Containing my disgust, I removed my cloak and watched as it fluttered to the ground.
"Have you ascertained Lydia's whereabouts, Hiei?" At my negative response, he suggested I locate her using my Jagan.
I lifted a bandaged hand to my forehead, slipping a finger beneath the pristine cloth. With a sharp tug, it came loose, baring my Jagan to the cool breeze that snaked its way around me. I closed my eyes not soon after, placing all my concentration into my unnatural third eye. In response the pupil dilated and glowed with energy.
Everything seemed so much clearer now.
I focused all of my energy into the Jagan, locating and locking onto the spiritual signal that was uniquely Lydia's, following the path it created- It was violet and pulsing with energy as well as something else I couldn't pinpoint at that moment. My breathing deepened and slowed as I continued to follow the ribbon of light as it led me downward; passing through walls and floors until I came to a small chamber that I was sure was at least a couple hundred feet beneath the earth we were currently standing on.
The scene I witnessed caused me to scowl.
The onna was being restrained by a demon three times her size, her body bare of all clothing. My eyes narrowed as rage started to build, causing me to tense. A much smaller demon was currently trying to force a skimpy piece of cloth up over her hips, the task made all the more difficult by the panicked squirming she was doing. The outfit, I acknowledged, wasn't appropriate for the whores that frequented the seedier taverns in the Makai- Let alone her.
Another alarmed yell ricocheted around the small chamber, finding its way to the surface and to the strained ears of the Reikai Tantei as well as my own.
"How dare they disrespect the onna!" I snarled once the sound trailed off into nothingness, my emotions getting the better of me for the first time since Yukina's kidnapping; "How dare they touch what's mine!"
My entire body shook with barely suppressed rage, and I could feel my demonic energy seeping out with each passing second. The fox remained unfazed by my reaction, though the other two were knocked back into a nearby tree by the powerful aura that suddenly engulfed my frame- The air cracklingwith black flames and electricity.
"Woah, Shrimpy's short-circuiting!"
Growling darkly in the back of my throat, I turned to glower at the carrot-topped moron- Delighting in the terrified expression coupled with the girlish screech that spilled from his lips. I took a step forward, fully intent on pounding one of the many irritations of mine into the dirt, when a calming hand landed on my smouldering shoulder. The smell of lightly toasting flesh reached my nose, the scent rather intoxicating- And I paused.
"Now is not the time, Hiei…You must think with a calm mind if we are to save Lydia, ne?" Kurama's soothing tones managed to tame me somewhat, and I slowly relaxed, the Yoki I was exuding minimising little by little until all that was left was the smoking glint in my eyes. "The Red Moon is a mere sliver in the sky, and I doubt that the ceremony will be put off for much longer for fear that we may storm the place."
I shifted my weight from foot to foot, debating the kitsune's rationality- But the urge to kill was still thrumming through my veins, and if my blade did not meet the baka's flesh, it would only take up residence in someone else's gut, that I was sure of.
"Ch…Baka's not worth my time;" I grunted roughly, promptly flittering off in a blur of black, leaving my stunned companions in my wake.
'Hold on, onna.'
God hates me. That must be it. I mean, who else would be so perverse to place me in such a demeaning position? But what could I have done to invoke the Holy One's ire? I know I hadn't done anything truly terrible…No mass murders; I never skipped class…I rarely lied and when I did they were only small ones, not worth the trouble of setting me up for this prolonged fall.
I'll tell you now, I did not do anything to deserve being trussed up and garnished like a turkey on Thanksgiving…So why did I find myself bound hand and foot in uncomfortable hemp rope and dressed in something even Paris freakin Hilton wouldn't be caught dead in…Not even when she got herself shitfaced?
That was when my brain decided to produce an idea. Gasp! And we all know what that means…
He was jealous. Yes ladies and gentlemen, God is jealous of little old me. Why? Because I had a sexy fire demon, and he did not. Wait…If that was indeed true, wouldn't that make him gay? The thought gave me pause, and I conjured an image of a seriously camp male with outrageously short shorts, a Hawaiian shirt, knee high socks and hideous sandals.
I cringed, though an amused smile tugged at my mouth.
"Ya know, she looks rather tasty in that there getup…"
The pig demon's guttural tones brought me out of my musings on God's sexuality, and I glanced at him from over my shoulder.
I wish I hadn't.
Turk's tongue slid out of his mouth, curling around the corners of his lips which were upturned in a hideous leer. I shuddered inwardly, though I glared daggers at him. If looks could kill, he'd definitely be a pile of ash…No! He'd be reduced to mere particles drifting in the breeze of life, lonely and friendless! And when did the lout suddenly develop a sight American twang?
"What d'ya think, Baldric?"
The addressed demon merely shrugged his shoulders, "I don't think it makes much of a difference…You can't turn a sow's ear into a silk purse by simply dressing her up."
…What?! The freakin extra from that British children's show 'The Fimbles' just insulted me! How dare he?! My temper roared into life, and he recoiled when he sensed the waves of discontent rolling off of me in waves.
Yes, fear me puny weakling!
The clatter of boots against the cobbled steps halted the silent war between me and Baldric, and our gazes both snapped to the entryway where the Master was standing tall, impeccably turned out and with a hand absently smoothing at his grey hair.
Turk fell awkwardly to his knee, his head dipping in acknowledgement of the other's station, whilst his comrade dropped clumsily into a full length bow, his knees and overly long snout pressed tightly against the cold stone.
The Master barely gave the two a second look as he swept past them with an elaborate swish of his crimson lined cloak. He stopped abruptly in front of me, and squatted down to my level, a clammy hand gripping my chin in an iron grip and forcing my gaze up to meet his cool calculating eyes.
I met his stare head on in an act of misplaced defiance, and I received a sharp slap to my cheek for my trouble. My eyes watered momentarily, and I glared heatedly.
"You've done well Baldric," he admitted, leaning back slightly to get a better look at the 'attributes' that were placed on show. "…Not what you would call a real beauty, but she looks a damn sight better than when we first brought her in, ne?"
His eyes slid southward, taking note of my current attire. The scrap of silk provided scant protection from his lascivious gaze; the bodice was tight and pushed my modest bust up and out, displaying a small amount of cleavage, whilst the skirt barely covered my butt- Fortunately for me, they provided panties, so I didn't have to suffer the humiliation of wandering around bare assed in the windiest building on Earth.
My cheeks suffused with colour, and I averted my gaze, finding the floor much more interesting than the demon before me. He chuckled dryly at my sudden bashful display, and stood up in one fluid movement, all cat-like grace despite that uncoordinated left leg of his.
"Well," he announced serenely; "I do believe it's time. Come, lets take our little sparrow to the tower- I feel the restlessness of our brothers, don't you?"
A gasp escaped my lips as I was hoisted up like a sack of potatoes, landing with a jarring motion atop Turk's shoulder, the wind knocked out of me for the umpteenth time this evening. Whilst I tried to recover my breath, I stiffened when I felt an unfamiliar hand slap my rear with a resounding thwack!
"Y-you sonuva b-…" the rest of my expletive was cut off, when a hand clapped across my mouth.
Moments later, it was removed, leaving a sticky substance from corner to corner- And I crossed my eyes to get a better look at what it was. My eyebrows knitted together in frustration as I sent a scathing look at the one who had taped my mouth shut.
"Remember dearest, Silence is golden…" he admonished with a slight wag of his index finger; "…But duct tape is silver, and much easier to come by!"
He laughed at his own joke, and I mumbled something about how lame he sounded, though it came out in a garbled mix of grunts and whistles.
Composing himself, he motioned us onwards, though that sly grin curled his lips as we ascended the stairwell- My final hour as it were, approaching with an unsettling speed.
'Where the hell are you Hiei?!'
Spirit: -sigh- Well, this chapter would've been a helluva lot longer if my dearest piece of technology had not spazzed out on my last night and erased all my wonderful work...Though to be honest, this version was better than the last if I do say so myself. You must all agree, despite the fact that you never saw the first draft. Such is my power of you, mwah! Anyway...I'm toying with two ideas; I'm not sure whether to do an uberly long and drawn out chapter that included the epilogue or put the epilogue in an entirely new chapter all by it's lonesome.
You as the reviewers, get to decide. One long ass chapter Versus Two chapters.
Don't forget; constructive criticism is appreciated, and complimentary reviews even more so!
To My Loyal Fans:
I know I never properly name and thank those who review my chapters, so here is where I will express my undying love for you all!
Ze Bishquet: My wonderful idol person . I love your work, and I must say I was extremely chuffed when you started reviewing my story. I totally love you. In a non-scary-fangirl way...-cough- And update yours too, ne?
ShadeSpirit: Yes, I have read your stuff, and I review constantly. Well I try to xD I enjoy your work just as much as Bishquet's, and I'm glad you take the time to read mine. Lots of luff to you too.
Zoe: I'm not even going to bother to name all of those little screennames you come up with, it'd give me a headache. One of my closest friends, you've reviewed every chapter and every story I've written as well as beta'd some of my chapters. Your quirkiness gives me IDEAS! Yes. You totally rock.
Sofie: You review just as much, my bestest friend in the whole wide world! I know you have a lot going on in your life right now, but you still put aside time for the reading of my chapters, and sometimes beta'd them as well. Snuggles for you love.
Incessant Embers: Your praise means alot coming from another talented writer such as yourself. I will get around to reading your stories when work stops putting me on 12 hour shifts.
Twilight Kumorichu: I think you've reviewed every chapter y'know...Thanks a lot, it means a great deal D
Era and Laceh: My coolest people ever. You two give me confidence and inspiration in my writing, and you give my link to other people too...xD The Spirit Brand will overtake the world mwah!
GuppiesWillOwnYou: You loved Baldric! You love my story! I LOVE YOU!
Lectaelf: You don't like the smut...But your criticism when you give it is constructive, and I thank you for it.
Nickielalalala...Etc: Dude, there are too many 'las' in your name. -sweatdrop- Anyway, my fellow pervert...Look forward to a sequel with an adult Lydia and a very infatuated fire demon mwah.
Inu Shojo: I'm glad my writing creates an empathic bond between you and Lydia...Lol.
Wow, there are so many people who review out there. And my hands are getting tired here, so I'll give you your mentions.
RoGMethos
Shadow-Ninja-Fay
Kikyo's A Bitch and Should Die
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AnimeFreak2306
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A Falling Angel
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...And that's all of them. My love goes out to all of you!