I want to see the sky from above
Synopsis: Susan Sto Helit wants to die. Her Grandfather gives her opportunity to reconsider.
Chapter 2: The shadow of Death
Death was not in a mood for a long time, if time could do anything with his domain, where its pass was strictly prohibited. He was not in a mood, because he knew what was happening to Susan. She was his only family, daughter of his own adopted daughter and the apprentice he gathered during one of his numerous moods. He knew exactly what she wanted, but he couldn't imagine his existence without her. He made the mistake once, he couldn't let it happen again.
Susan wanted to die. She wanted to die, because she had nothing to live for. Her parents were dead, her friends, as far as she had some, were dead too. In the beginning her presence in his domain was interesting for her. She wanted to escape from her pity life, putting her back to everything boring around her. Now she wanted to die, because she missed everything she had, no matter how boring it was.
She gladly agreed to come here, but time passed faster than Death could admit it, she finally understood she was getting older, nevertheless she was not getting even a second older than her thirty third birthday, when she took her grandfather's bony hand and followed him to the white horse, snorting on her balcony.
Death observed her demeanour lately and he didn't like it. Perhaps he could let Lobsang come from time to time to visit her, nevertheless how irritated she was becoming after that. He knew Susan wanted to live, but he couldn't make the mistake again. He knew that if he let her go, she would become old woman and die, and he would have no one to talk with, to play chess and be around. He sighed deeply. Yes, he knew what was going on, he was achieving some human feelings, like selfishness and perfidy. He wanted to have Susan here for as long as he could but he knew Susan was unhappy. He had to let her go, nevertheless how desperately he wanted her stay.
SUSAN, MAY I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
She was in her room, sprawling on her bed, when she heard her grandfather's voice into her head. She sighed with boredom and stepped out of the room, following the white-black scull carpet leading to the study.
I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT, SUSAN, said Death when she entered. The distance between the large heavy door and Death's desk disappeared with a blink of her eyes. Susan looked at her grandparent's bustle.
'What are you doing, grandfather?'
I HAVE TO LEAVE THIS UNIVERSE FOR SOME TIME, answered Death, preparing his stuff. IT APPEARS LIKE THERE IS A MASSIVE CATACLYSM IN OTHER DIMENSION SO I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO. YOU KNOW, DUTY CALLS, I HAVE TO GO THERE AND BRANDISH THE SCYTHE.
His bony smile made her shimmer. She followed his steps uttering the marble floor. That was not the first time Death was going out of the universe, while she was here. The last time he was gone for very long time, he explained that there was a small double star collapsing somewhere, and some thousand live planets he had to do.
'What about the dead here, in this dimension?'
I WILL NOT LOSE MY SLEEP BECAUSE OF THAT, answered Death.
'But, grand…'
I KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL ABOUT THE DUTY AND I AM AFRAID I HAVE TO USE YOUR SERVICES FOR SOME TIME. I'M SORRY I HAVE TO BRAKE INTO YOUR PRINCIPALS AGAIN, SUSAN. Death looked at her, while he was marching to the large main gate. DON'T WORRY, I MANAGED EVERYTHING. YOU ARE MY GRANDDAUGHTER, I TRUST YOU WILL DO THE DUTY AS I WOULD. BUT DON'T WORRY, YOU WILL HAVE AN ASSISTANT. WHILE I AM AWAY, I WILL LEAVE A HELPING HAND HERE, SO YOU COULD COLLECT THE DEAD WITH NO PROBLEM. He looked at her, assuring himself she had understand what he was talking about. She sighed uneasily. Death stepped out. AND YOU… he turned to her, while exiting. …YOU COULD HAVE A VACATION AWAY FROM YOUR OLD GRANDDAD.
Susan watched him stepping into the colourless hurricane, converging at the doorsteps. He turned to her, blinked kindly and said: DO WHATEVER YOUR CONSCIOUS SAYS, SUSAN. HAVE FUN. WHEN I RETURN I WOULD HAVE A STRONG TEA WITH YOUR HOT RAISIN MUFFINS. UNTIL THEN YOU ARE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU NEED.
The hurricane closed behind him and disappeared. Susan sighed and closed the door.
---
The shadow was a toll figure as bony as Susan's grandfather, but there was a big difference – he had a face. It appeared when she woke up the next day, it was standing by her bed, looking at her from above, smiling.
'Who are you?' cried Susan, pulling her blanket up. The figure answered:
WHO ARE YOU?
Susan observed its stillness for some moment, then she remembered her grandparent's words and relaxed.
'Turn around, I want to dress up.'
TURN AROUND, I WANT TO DRESS UP, answered the shadow. Susan stared at it, then she smiled and said like to herself. 'What an idiot. Granddad gave me an idiot for assistant.'
WHAT AN IDIOT, repeated the shadow. GRANDDAD GAVE ME…
'Stop it!' shouted Susan and jumped from her bed, reaching for her cotton freek. The shadow opened its mouth to pronounce the words, but Susan's hand was faster. 'I guess, that is what you can't do – speaking your own words, but I have to manage with it. I used to be a hell good teacher. I will teach you speaking in no time.' The shadow stepped back at her angry stare. She sighed with boredom, and sat on the bed's edge, preparing to exit her room, pulling on her socks and putting on her black leather shoes. The shadow tried to imitate her, but as far as he had no socks and shoes, it was hard job. He followed her out of her premises, bursting into the kitchen, where Alfred already served breakfast.
'Good morning, Alfred' said Susan, sitting on her chair. The old man observed the tall figure sitting nearby with scared eyes. Then he sighed deeply and reached for another dish. 'I see you have met John.'
'John?' jittered Susan.
'Yes, master's Shadow. I haven't seen him since the last time master had to go on such a long trip. Good morning, John.'
GOOD MORNING, JOHN, answered the shadow and smiled happily.
'What is he?' asked Susan, coming closer to Alfred's ear. The old man lifted his shoulders.
'Just a shadow, I believe master had explained you what was he for.'
'Not at all' sighed Susan. 'He said I would have a company when doing the duty, but I thought…'
'You think too much' said Alfred. 'Don't!'
Susan fixed her eyes in his. Alfred shimmered, he had bad experience with Susan's stare before. She was not like Death, although she was his only grandchild. She was worse. He could talk to Death, he could even work on him sometimes, but Susan was a mistress he would never even think working for. The last few years she became the worst thought Alfred had in the morning. Meeting Susan on breakfast was an ordeal.
'Dou you want some eggs, John?' said Alfred, turning his attention aside from her stare. The tall figure nodded.
DO YOU WANT SOME EGGS, JOHN?
'Scrambled or poached?' asked Alfred. The shadow turned his head left, repeating: SCRAMBLED OR POACHED? Alfred nodded and made a step aside, already breaking the eggs in a big bowl. Susan sighed with boredom, let the fork on her unfinished plate and stood up. The shadow followed her, still sticking his fork into his sausage dish.
'What would I do with you, John?' asked Susan, sitting on Death's grand desk. The shadow tried to reply, but his mouth was too full to have any sound out. 'I guess I have to get accustomed with you, because granddad… I guess Granddad told you what you are here for… I wish he could have told me…' She blinked for several times, staring at Death's shadow, who watched at her with interest. 'Oh, bugger!'
She put her hands over her face and sighed deeply. The shadow came near and put a hand on her head, sighing with the same manner.
OH, BUGGER!
Susan turned her wet eyes to him, looking at his considered face. She pulled his hand away from her head and stood silently.
'I have to stay with you, so don't even think patronizing me, stupid shadow of Death. Don't even think acting as a good old chap, I hate it. Just stay as away as you could. All right? Fine!'
She made her steps to the other direction and felt the shadow's movement beside her. His black robe trembled when she opened the door leading to the Hourglass hall.
---
Binkey neighed from the stables and jumped in a full speed in the air, disappearing into the black. Alfred looked at the horse traces on the ground and sighed. A dark silhouette appeared in his back.
IS SHE GONE?
Alfred almost fainted away, staring at Death's figure. He took a deep breath.
'Why are you doing this, master?' he asked, when Death sat at the kitchen table. The bony man looked at Alfred's wistful eyes and sighed.
I HAD TO DO THIS, ALFRED. OTHERWISE SHE WOULD LEAVE ME FOR GOOD.
'No, master, you mislead yourself' said Alfred, serving him a cup of hot tea. 'She knows what is the best for her and she would…'
SHE WANTS TO LEAVE ME, ALFRED. Death's facial structure moved strangely, his eyeholes flamed with a blue light. SHE WANTS TO GO AWAY. SHE WANTS TO GROW OLD… AND DIE. AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. NOT ANY MORE…
Alfred looked at his master's face, trying not to put attention on the moisture on his front scull. He shut the oven's flames down and nervously sat nearby, massaging his palms. He couldn't look at his face. Death was… anxious, he could admit he saw it for first time. The last decade his master turned into stranger. When Susan came to live here, he thought she would stay for some time, not expecting Death would refuse letting her go. He observed their argues with raising interest, expecting to see them both fighting. But what happened next he didn't expect. Susan brought herself under the sway of her grandfather, he admitted he never expected that. Long time she refused to stay, then she obeyed Death's orders and turned herself into her inner world. After the last argument Susan Sto Helit became a different person. What Death did after was a shock. He put on the stables a prohibition for Susan, not letting the young woman cross even inch in its depths, prohibiting her have even a thought about escaping.
And now he let her go. What would happen next?
'Why are you doing this, master?' asked Alfred, staring at Death's nervous hands. The tall man moved up and made some steps away. He marched to the door, stopped at the doorsill and sighed dramatically.
WHEN SHE COMES BACK… He sighed hardly. …IF SHE COMES BACK… DON'T TELL HER I AM HERE. IT WOULD BREAK MY FIB LATER.
Alfred listened after Death's steps through the stone corridor, the sound his study door swung open and the gentle shut afterwards.
---
Susan let Binkey go and looked at the Shadow's face.
'This is Ankh-Morpork' she said, lifting her hand. 'I used to live her long time ago, as I said I was a teacher, here' she pointed at the building at her left, 'was my home. Let's see if my room is still to let.'
She made a step to the high stairs leading to the low entrance door. The shadow stared at her with a lack of understanding. She arched her eyebrows. 'You are not expecting me to stay in the domain, are you? I've been there for many years, I need some fresh air, after all I have a vacation away from my grandfather and I will take as much possible as I could.'
She took John's hand and led him to the gate, already knocking on it.
'Who is there?' answered a voice, a small head produced behind the semi-opened door, staring at Susan and her company. The young woman sniffed and cleaned her wet nose with her dirty handkerchief. 'You are here for the room, aren't you? Very fast you are! Thanks gods I've put the label on time. Mr. Bertram's funeral was yesterday, I didn't expect someone to ask for his room so soon. Come in, come in. Let me show you around. This is the main room, we still gather here late at evening, mother insisted, gods bless her soul. Here is the drawing room, here is the kitchen, we have meals on this table. By the way the breakfast is at seven, the dinner is served at nine. The room is upstairs, let me show you…'
'Is Mrs. Apathy still well?' asked Susan, following the young woman upstairs. She stopped her pace, turned around and stared at her.
'Grandma died seven years ago, miss.'
'Oh, forgive me' sighed Susan. Her eyes darkened. When she went to her grandfather's domain Mrs. Apathy was still alive and not ill at all. How much time had passed… She looked at the woman's cantankerous face and tried to smile. 'I haven't been in town for some time; I didn't know she was ill…'
'Well, she was quite ill lately, thanks gods she passed away peacefully.'
Susan stared at her back, while they were climbing up the stairs. The woman stopped at some door and opened it with a full swing. 'Number eleven. Very cosy room, isn't it?'
Susan fixed her eyes inside. The memories floated her mind, she smiled and nodded.
'Not big enough for two,' continued the landlady with a tense look, covering them both with a lack of understanding and in great prejudice. 'I suppose your companion might need separate room. I have something in the attic, it has to be cleaned, but it looks quite comfortable.'
She led them upstairs again. The attic was a quite dusty and dark place, but it seemed John liked it very much. He followed Susan around the small round room, copying whatever she was doing. She observed everything with interest and suspicion. Finally she nodded and pronounced calmly.
'We will take both rooms.'
The landlady nodded in reply. 'The rent is seven dollars a month per each room, I insist for a double rent in advance.'
Susan thrust her hand into her hooded mantle and put some coins in the woman's palms. She stared at the gold for long time.
'I would like to pay for six months in advance if you have nothing on mind.'
'Cool!' said the landlady and smiled. 'As I said the breakfast is at seven…' She stared at Susan and laughed nervously. 'I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I am Rose Mildbird, I hold the boarding house. And you are?'
Susan sighed with boredom. She thrust her hand to shake Rose's.
'I am Susan Sto…' she cleared her throat. 'Susan Stow. And this is my… uncle… John.' She looked at the girl. Her face showed she was still expecting. Susan cleared her throat again. 'Me and my… uncle run a small business… we collect… things.'
'Oh!' cried Rose. 'You are one of those trifle merchants, my mother, gods bless her soul, used to say, "If you have to buy a good merchandise, Rose, go to the nearest trifle shop".' She giggled. 'What things do you sell?'
Susan stared at her. 'We don't sell…' The young girl looked at her with eyes wide open. 'We… collect… things' continued Susan, staring at the Shadow.
'Clever thing!' smiled Rose with a finger on her temple. 'Buy cheep and sell on much higher cost. You must be very rich…'
'Not at all' sighed Susan and followed the girl down. Not if I have to hire the same den as before, she thought. She turned around to see the shadow. He stayed at the attic's door with his eyes fixed in her. He pointed at his cloak, where a small hourglass appeared. Susan sighed and followed his disappearance.
---
Mr. Spunky Smileface stepped out of the blood pool his body was in and sighed deeply. He still held his knife, too sharp as it appears, and looked at his front. The woman in black waved with her scythe and separated the butcher's dead body from his undead soul.
'Wow, that is a sharp thing!' cried Mr. Smileface without care that his soul started fading and tried to touch the scythe. Susan removed it from his site and sighed with boredom.
'FOLLOW THE LIGHT, MR. SMILEFACE.'
The butcher stared at her with a lack of understanding, then he looked at the shadow at her right. It nodded politely. Mr. Smileface tried to answer but his face stared at the distance at his front, his eyes lightened and he disappeared.
Susan exhaled deeply and turned to the shadow.
'Let's go, John. We have nothing more to do here.'
The shadow smiled and produced another hourglass from the depth of his robe. Susan rounded her eyes and sighed. She thrust her hand to take his. The universe stopped existing for a second and them both disappeared in the night.
---
Death came through the wall into the room where Susan slept. He rummaged in her cloak, collected something and put something else in. He looked at Susan sleeping. His little angel, he thought, embracing her pale face from a distance. He summoned all his patience, watching her relaxed and happy sleep. He looked at his back, where his shadow was standing. He looked at John, stared at his face with angry look and sighed. Then he put a hand on his shoulder and disappeared. John sat at the nearest chair and thrust his legs to rest for a minute.
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