I want to see the sky from above
Chapter 8: I want to see the sky from above
When a human has to decide wisely, sometimes it's something very important, too important even, a meaning of life and death. Those times when one has to take a hard decision he usually devotes too less time to think and rethink. Absolutely big mistake. The history has many examples for such easy taken decisions. The usual result is sometimes invisible, but sometimes it's fatal to the one taken it.
Susan had to think a lot while she was expecting her grandfather. She knew when he was supposed to come, she felt it. Not only looking at the shadow's behaviour, becoming really stressful and obviously undesired company. Susan could feel Death's arrival, she had some very special senses, inherited metaphysically from her grandparent. She could feel the death coming around her, taking its invisible position around her inner world.
She thought about what she wanted. She knew exactly what she wanted. Some years after her imprisonment into Death's domain she secretly made a list of the things she would like to do in her lifetime. Most of them were already done. The list was not long, written with her clumsy handwriting on a special made scull engraved paper her grandfather used to order in a little printing house in Lancre. Seven of the nine items were ticked off with red ink. The last two disgraced her with the lack of the tick by their right side. Susan looked at the paper and smiled. It was not important when and where they would be executed, it was just a matter of time. The final item stressed her much, but she really wanted it. And what Susan wanted should be done soon or late. Soon, perhaps, thought Susan. She felt it like that. She wanted it so desperately, from years, it was her biggest, and most frighten, wish. And she knew Death would try to make her reconsider, but she knew exactly what she wanted and her grandfather would never stop her. She knew that. He might try to press her, but he wouldn't succeed.
It was dark evening, when she heard the steps, coming to her study. She knew it was not the Ambassador or his boring wife, they went to the Opera house an hour ago. The servants were liberated from their duties for the evening. It could be the shadow, but as any shadow his steps were too silent to be heard by anyone except Death himself. It would be Death, but she knew he wouldn't bother himself in making any noise, preparing the mortals for what was coming after.
Susan lifted herself from the couch she was leaning on and stared at the door. The noise became louder, the steps were followed by sounds like falling, giggles and several shushings. The door swung open, letting two drunk men enter. One of them hit the floor and giggled idiotically while standing up. Sam lifted up Lobsang and leaned on the door weakly, slowly slipping down, followed by his bottle comrade.
Susan looked at them nervously and sat on the couch, leaning heavily on the couch's back. Their liquorish eyes fixed on her angry stare and giggled.
'Heer she ijs, paaal!' mumbled Lobsang, pointing his unsteady finger. 'Wee caiim to seae you, Susie! Ouur lithhhlee Susie!'
'Yeah!' answered Sam and tried to lift up, but unsuccessfully. Susan sighed deeply and put a hand on her dizzy head, lifting up.
'You are drunk!' she pronounced calmly, while coming to help them up. They made some insecure steps to the chairs nearby and sat heavily, giggling. Susan rounded her eyes and sighed again, sitting back on the couch.
'What are you both doing here?' she asked, fixing her eyes in Sam's and then in Lobsang's direction. 'And how the hell did you ever meet? Lobsang?'
Time sat comfortably in his chair and smiled nervously.
'Weiill, wee…'
'And you fought?' Susan moved closer, staring at their face bruises. 'What the disc have you done?'
Sam smiled and his winy nose wrinkled.
'Weel, Sus, you know…'
'No, I don't know!' cried Susan, staring at his deep eyes. Her stare was world famous with its sobering bite. Sam shimmered and leaned back on his chair, lifting his shoulders, looking at Lobsang's dry figure, still swaying in his chair. Susan sighed and rounded her eyes again, this time fixing at Lobsang's direction. Time puffed some times and turned his eyes to Sam.
'What have you done, boys?' asked Susan, lifting to open the window. The drunken smell was not very healthy in any circumstances, especially for a young woman in her position. The wind went into the study, blowing the curtains, bringing some fresh and definitely rot stench from the still waters of nearest Ankh.
Sam pressed his nose, wrinkling his face. Ankh had the best sober effect, known on Disc. He lifted up and walked to the window, closing it with a swing. Then he leaned over Susan and kissed her. She drew back, letting him know his closeness at this moment was strictly undesired. He lifted his shoulders and groaned in pain, pressing his arm. Susan picked up his sleeve to his shoulder, staring at the bruises. He looked at her and gently kissed her forehead.
'I am fine.' he said, hugging her tight. 'Are you?' His eyes fixed at her, sliding slowly down on her abdomen, letting her know he was already introduced with her special condition. She moved back and sat on the coach, taking the open book at her left, pretending to read.
'Yes, Sam, I am fine.' she said slowly, avoiding his eyes. 'Thanks to you I am fine.'
'I'm sorry.' said Sam and kneeled at her feet. 'Why didn't you tell me?' he asked after long consideration. She looked at him, smiled and pronounced:
'I was intending to tell you…'
'Everything?' stared Sam. She stared frightened. Then she looked at Lobsang, still sitting in his chair, pressing his fingers on his hawknose's arch. 'You told him?' cried Susan. Lobsang shimmered. 'How dare you!? Who gave you the right to…'
'Not him.' said Sam, putting a head on her lap. 'John did.'
Susan stared at his eyes, blinking nervously. 'He did what?'
Sam looked up and read her embarrassment. He stared at her for long time and said: 'I don't care, Susan. I don't have a shit who you are. I lov…'
'Don't!' cried Susan and stood up hurriedly. Sam startled. He followed her rapid pace around the study, his eyes trembled anxiously.
'Don't ever say that!' said Susan, coming close enough for him to hear her whisper. 'Never again! Do you understand?'
Sam stared at her for long time, then he sat on the floor, passing his shimmering palms over his pale face. Susan observed him for a while, then she went to Lobsang's chair and gazed at him from above.
'Lobsang!' she cried. 'What are you doing here? I thought I would never see you again.'
He lifted his eyes and moved his shoulders, saying nothing, but Susan was too well educated in the body language to read what he wanted to say. She moved closer to inspect the big bruise on his eye and smiled nervously.
'You are sick!' she said angrily. 'You are both very sick. Fighting? What for? Idiots! Coming here, as drunk as a couple of fishes? What do you want to demonstrate? How stupid and immature you are? It's obvious. You are the worst examples for any sot in the city. Go away! I don't want to see you until you fresh your minds enough. Get lost! Imbeciles!'
She shimmered nervously, inhaled deeply and staggered weekly. Sam jumped to hold her not to fall, followed by Lobsang, putting her to lie on the couch. Her face was pale, she breathed hardly, half closing her eyes.
'Susan!' cried Lobsang. 'Are you all right?'
She opened her tired eyes and answered dizzy.
'Do I look all right, Lobsang?' She fixed her eyes in his and lifted her hand, already embracing his bruise, smiling weakly. 'I am glad to see you again, Lobsang.' He smiled back, lifting her hand for a kiss. Sam stared at his mistress nervously, she stared him back and smiled. He hugged her tight. She shimmered, closed her eyes and answered the hug.
'I am not letting you go, Susan!' whispered Sam in her ear. 'Wherever you go, I go with you!'
Susan smiled nervously, her eyes watered. How could she tell him it was just a matter of time? Wherever she goes… She sighed deeply, looking at Lobsang, staying aside. He looked pale.
UHUM!
Susan opened her eyes. Death looked at her from above. She shimmered, staring at him. Then she closed her eyes letting the universe embrace her.
When she opened her eyes again, Death was sitting in his black chair, leaning over his black desk, lifting a peace of grey paper in his bony fingers, pretending not to see her at all. Susan sighed deeply, travelling her eyes around his dark study.
Death lifted his scull, pretending to be taken by surprise and smiled. The Shadow appeared from the deep darkness at his back, stood by his master and nodded uneasily. Susan closed her eyes, leaning weakly on the chair's handle.
I STILL DON'T HAVE MY MUFFINS, SUSAN. AND THE TEA. said Death, moving his eyes around Susan, pretending like nothing had happened. He was not a good actor. At all.
'Grandfather?' sighed Susan.
Death moved his head slowly, still not looking at her.
YES, GRANDDAUGHTER?'
'Granddad…' Susan's voice shimmered. 'Why did you… drag me here?'
Death looked at her, lifting his eyebrow.
I DIDN'T DRAG YOU HERE, SUSAN. I JUST MOVED YOU WHERE YOU SHOULD BE, GRANDDAUGHTER.
'What if I don't want to be here, grandfather?' asked Susan with trembling voice. She avoided his stare, blinking nervously.
I THOUGHT YOU LIKE HERE, answered Death with no passion in his voice. I THOUGHT YOU AGREED TO STAY HERE. IN OUR LAST… CONVERSATION YOU SAID YOU AGREE TO…
'I said I agree to stay here until I find this place… undesired… any more…' answered Susan. Death stared at her.
YOU SAID SOMETHING ELSE, SUSAN! Death lifted up slowly, coming nearer. Susan stood up too, fixing her angry stare in her grandfather's front scull.
'I am NOT staying here, grandfather!' said Susan. Her eyes buried into his eye hols.
YOU ARE STAYING WHEREVER I SAY, GRANDDAUGHTER! Cried Death.
'No!' Susan came nearer.
YES! Death came nearer too.
'You can't make me do something I don't want!... Grandfather!'
I AM YOUR GRAND PARENT AND I SAY WHATEVER I THINK IS BETTER FOR YOU! shouted Death, already pressing her nose with his nose hole. AND YOU OBEY!
Susan didn't even blink. Death stared at her long time. Someone should win, no one of them would let yield under the other one. Under any other circumstances they would laugh at each other, letting the other one to understand how stupid it all is. But not now. Everyone of them had something to loose. Each of them had to win under any circumstances.
Susan's eyes watered. She swallowed her tears, fighting with the fear her grandfather put in her head. She knew what he was doing. He was using 'the' stare. The one that made the mortals shimmer in horror. But she was Death's granddaughter. She couldn't just let him win. She strained every nerve she had and stared him back. Death shimmered slightly, almost invisibly for anyone but Susan. She smiled inside and let him know his weakness has been observed.
She detached from his stare and walked out, turning back.
'I am not staying here even a minute more!' she whispered angrily and walked to the door. Death was very fast. He barred her way, obstructing her path by his heavy bony body. Susan tried to wind round, but he made her understand she was not going anywhere. If she wanted to continue her path she should pass over his dead body. She smiled nervously.
'You can't stop me, grandfather.' she said weakly. 'I am going out. With or without your consent.'
Death barred her way again.
NEVER, SUSAN! He cried. YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU GO OUT IN THE WORLD.
'Yes, grandfather…' sighed Susan. 'I will grow old and die.'
YOU WILL NOT GROW OLD, SUSAN, answered Death anxiously. BUT YOU WILL… DIE.
She fixed her stare at him and sighed deeply, closing her eyes. Death looked at her nervously, already reaching for her. She leaned back and shivered dizzy. Death caught her not to fall, but she repulsed his hold, drawing back.
'How much time?' she sighed weakly, stepping back. Death moved after her, still reaching.
AFTER THE CHILD IS BORN, he said. NOT LONGER AFTER THE CHILD IS BORN… SUSAN…
She put her head into her palms and sighed deeply. Death made a small step at her direction.
YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING, DIDN'T YOU? asked Death. WHEN YOU… TURNED THE HOURGLASS… YOU KNEW WHAT IT WOULD BRING… I GAVE YOU OPPORTUNITY TO REST FOR A WHILE, SUSAN. NOT DO THIS! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU ARE NOT DEATH, SUSAN! YOU ARE A HUMAN, A MORTAL. NO MORTAL SHOULD DO THIS, SUSAN! YOU KNEW THAT! AND YOU STILL DID IT! WHY?
Susan didn't answer. She was shivering. Death came to support her, hugging her deep in his bony hold. She lowered her palms and stared at him. He made a surprise step back.
'At last!' she cried, laughing hysterically. 'At last!' she yelled, lifting her stare at the endless wall, moving high into the deep dark space leading to the ceiling.
'Free… at last!' she whispered. Death stared at her nervously. She made a step away from him and rounded his strong dark figure.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SUSAN? cried Death. Susan didn't answer, already opening the door.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? cried Death again, following her rapid detraction.
DON'T DO THIS, SUSAN!
Susan didn't stop. She rushed into the hourglass hall. Death followed her. She disappeared behind the corner. Death followed her steps. He couldn't see her, but he knew where she was going.
The door to the Hidden room was open. He rushed inside, while Susan was reaching for the only hourglass put there. When he came nearer she was staring at the sand in its upper part. It was moving slowly, the golden thread was frozen in its fall, keeping his strength for later. She pressed the hourglass in her hands and put it in her dress's pocket. Death stood at her front, shaking his head in silent hysteria. Susan looked at him and leaned closer, hugged him tight and whispered in his ear:
'I will see you soon, grandfather.' She kissed his bony cheek with the gentlest kiss a granddaughter could give to her grandparent. 'I will see you soon…'
Death stood still, when she moved away. He stood still, when he heard Binkey's neighing. He stood still when the shadow came nearer and stared at his eye hols. He stood still when John sighed deeply and disappeared.
When Alfred came to tap his shoulder he shook his scull and walked slowly to his study, locking the door behind him. Alfred stood at the door long time, then he sighed deeply and slowly moved away.
Death leaned on the door with absent eyes, and looked at the place Susan was sitting some minutes ago. There were some things she left behind. A woollen stole, a flower embroidered napkin, a silver hairpin and… a piece of paper. Death kneeled to take it. It rustled while he was unfolding it. He put his eyes on Susan's handwriting there.
'Things to do:
1. To escape from granddad's domain for a while. (tick)
2. To eat a headcheese sandwich from Mrs. Toxaemia's store. (tick)
3. To have a beer at the Drum. (tick)
4. To get sick from the beer at the Drum. (tick)
5. To rent the same room in Mrs. Apathy's boarding house. (tick)
6. To go to the Opera house again dressed with that hideous dress I bought especially to make Lady Sybil laugh. (tick)
7. To fall in love. (tick)
8. To have a child.
9. To die.
---
It was early in the morning when Susan woke up. The baby in the cradle slept calmly. She put her gentle hands over his little head, took his tiny fingers and pressed them tenderly. The clock over the fireplace ticked peacefully. The other clock, the one in Susan's head ticked threatening. She looked at the hourglass put by the silver candlestick by her bed and sighed. Her eyes watered. She looked at the baby again and wept.
Sto Helit was calm in the morning. She remembered how boring she used to find that quietness when she was a child, how desperately she wanted to make it much more messy, unpredictable and wild, while she was making her childish troubles and how angry and happy her father was when she pretended being ashamed of her actions while staying at his front.
Now she felt the quietness of Sto Helit double, even triple more depressing. She knew what would happen soon. She stared at the sand falling through the rift in her hourglass. She already felt the dizziness. Some weeks earlier when the child was born, she felt it for first time. Her time was to come. She knew that. The sand in the hourglass didn't let her forget what will follow very soon. She used to press her uneasiness, the strange beats of her heart, not letting anyone find out the pain she was feeling.
But now… It was a matter of time and she knew it. She closed her eyes.
GOOD MORNING, SUSAN.
Susan shimmered.
'Good morning, grandfather!' she whispered. The baby in the cradle crowed, Susan stared at her son, a tear fell from her eyes and moistured its gentle skin.
'You came to take me, grandfather?' she pronounced uneasily.
The Grim Ripper nodded.
YES, SUSAN.
She sighed deeply, still staring at her child.
'Make me a favour, grandfather.' she said anxiously. 'Take care… of Sam.'
I WILL, GRANDDAUGHTER, answered Death.
'And tell his father he has a wonderful child.'
YES, SUSAN, said Death.
'Tell him also… I loved him too…'
Death nodded.
'Don't let the child play with dangerous toys…' wept Susan, leaning over the baby.
I WILL NOT LET HIM PLAY WITH DANGEROUS TOYS, SUSAN. sighed Death nervously.
'When he will be big enough lead him to the world. He has to know his father.'
YES… SUSAN.
She stared at her grandparent's eye hols. He came nearer, leaned over her and sat by her site, taking her head in his lap. She hugged him tide, pressing his bones with her arms.
ARE YOU READY, GRANDDAUGHTER? he asked. She looked at the baby again, reached to embrace it for last time. The baby stared at her, read her scare and cried.
She nodded.
Death took her in his arms and hugged her tide. She screamed frightened. He looked at her.
I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, SUSAN, said Death with his grim voice. YOU WANT IT SO MUCH. AND NOW… I GIVE YOU… THE FREEDOM YOU DESIRED SO MUCH...
Susan looked up, fixing her eyes in his eye hols. The sparkles inside made her feel sleepy.
'I am ready, grandfather.' she whispered. 'Lead me. I want to see the sky from above.'
Death sighed.
YOU WILL… SUSAN…
He moved up, stretched his bony arm, already holding the scythe. Susan took a deep breath. Death moved the scythe gently, his other hand took her hourglass, stared at it, following the last sand grits falling down. Susan felt the uneasiness taking her body. She looked at the child. It stared at her. She smiled.
Death sighed deeper than before.
Then he turned the hourglass.
Susan smiled again.
---
Sam Vimes Jr. was in his Obscure office, trying to read the last reports. Seven years passed since Susan's disappearance, but he still couldn't fix his attention in his doings, while he was left alone. The darkness of the study made him shimmer. Again. How could he forget about her? He tried. Many times. No success.
He sighed deeply, trying to put attention into the paper in his hands. The report about his former secretary's death was not interesting. Found in a small village at XXXX. New name: Vermin Freak. Position: Clerk in the municipality. Dead: by accident. Yeah, right. He smiled. Seven years searching… The cause of all his problems. Deserved something worse than falling into a timber mill.
She must be dead by now, he thought. She must be dead… John came to visit him some years earlier telling him he has a son. Said he would be able to see him soon. How soon? When? He learned how to fix into the shadows, picking out what was hiding in the darkness, hoping the boy will set off the shades and walk, saying: 'Hallo, father'. But it didn't happen. Seven years… Seven years of waiting and staring into the night…
The door knock made him come to his senses.
'Come in.' he cried. The clerk entered.
'Excuse me, sir. There are those people… They say you are expecting them…'
Sam moved his eyes, trying to remember if he had planned any meeting the same evening. He might, of course, he was not himself lately.
'Let them in.' said Sam and leaned back in his chair, preparing to welcome the next boring meeting with the next boring people with the same boring conversation.
The clerk moved out. Sam closed his eyes for a second. He already imagined the first sentences, coming out of his new visitors. 'Good evening, Lord Vimes. We came a business to do.'
When he opened his eyes he saw two silhouettes, almost blending with the darkness. He fixed his eyes to discern them from the shadows. The silhouettes came nearer. So near, but he still couldn't set them apart from the gloom.
'Good evening… father.' said the boy. Sam Vimes startled, staring at the face, shining with its childish smile.
'Good evening… Sam.' said Susan and removed her cowl.
THE END
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Well, that's it. Finally. I hope you enjoyed it, because I really did. My friends say this is the best 'drama' thing I have ever wrote, but I'm not very sure. The truth is that I wrote this story because I lost a bet. Advise: never play chess if you are not quite prepared to lose.
Thank you for being with me. I would be glad if you review.