Thanks to messyblackhair66, american nymphadora and tennisjock for reviewing the last chapter and anyone who is reading:) I'll probably have a new chapter up soon as I have a long weekend and will hopefully have heaps of time to write a few more chapters.

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Ch 7: Surreal

Slowly and wearily Lily made her way up the stairs to her dormitory. It was now nearly 8am, early by Lily's usual weekend standards and Lily was exceptionally thankful that today was a Sunday. She could not deal with going to a class right now, not in the state she was still in.

As Lily opened the door, something made hard contact with her small frame and she felt herself being pulled into a hug.

"Oh my god, Lily. I heard what happened. I am so sorry!" When Marly pulled away from the hug she looked at Lily closer. Her face looked tired and drawn and her eyes still red and puffy. Her bright hair was all over the place and her normally immaculate robes all creased and wrinkled.

"You look awful!" Marly exclaimed loudly before hastily backtracking. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Marly paused again. "I guess there's no point asking you how you are because of course you're not okay. Is there anything I can do?"

Lily could see that Marly desperately wanted to do something to help her but truthfully, there was nothing anyone could do to make her feel any better. In a hope to reassure her, Lily attempted a weak and very face smile but it ended up more like a grimace of pain.

"Oh, Lily!" Marly said sadly. "Just remember that I'm always here for you and I love you!"

Marly really was trying and Lily appreciated it more than she could say but still she stayed silent.

"Please talk to me Lil?" Marly sounded almost desperate now.

"I'm sorry, I just want to sleep, I'm really tired." Lily said in barely more than a whisper.

As she walked to her bed to lie down, Marly followed her. And for most of the afternoon, the two of them laid there, staring at the ceiling in silence. Marly desperately wanted to help Lily but could sense her need to be left alone. Lily was glad she didn't ask her questions and appreciated her company. It took some of the aloneness away and she grabbed Marly's hand and squeezed it softly. Marly squeezed back and Lily was glad to have a friend that cared so much and understood her so well.

Last night Lily had felt as if she would die from sadness. Today she felt as if she might survive on heavy life support which was a small improvement. Her parents were gone and her sister hated her but at least she had a friend who loved her like a sister and right now that meant more to her than anything. Right now, Marly was all she had left. The only person who she loved and trusted and who felt the same back.

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That night, Lily slept fitfully. She tossed and turned and cried out and each time she woke she had tears streaming down her cheeks. Over and over again she dreamed the same thing.

Lily found herself sitting in the backseat of an old blue Mercedes. She knew this car well, it had been there through her whole childhood. And there, sitting in the front seat were her parents, looking the same as ever. Lily's throat constricted at seeing them, so happy, so alive. She was so glad to see them!

"M-mum?" Lily croaked out. "Dad?"

When neither responded, she raised her voice but still they ignored her. When they continued to talk as if she wasn't there at all, even after she poked them and waved her hands in their faces, Lily conceded that she was little more than a ghost to them.

For less than five minutes, Lily sat and listened to her parents chat happily about all sorts of things: current events, the weather, Petunia, the list went on. Then disaster struck. As her father waited impatiently for the traffic lights to change, Lily saw a white car out of the corner of her eye. Before she even had time to react, the car ploughed into the driver's side of the car. It was like a nightmare. Lily's saw her father's eyes widen as the other car made contact with their's with brutal force. Lily could hear screaming, barely noticing that it was her own. The sound was deafening. As the car spun around like a ride at a carnival, Lily continued to scream.

Blood was everywhere, drenching her unconscious father's shirt and gushing from a wound on her mother's head. Shattered glass rained down and smoke and flames were billowing from their car. Through the smoke, Lily could no longer see the white car. Her lungs were filled with smoke and she could barely breathe.

Lily's mother was whimpering and calling her husband's name, shaking his limp hand. It was unbearable for Lily to see her mother's pain, watching her desperately trying to stir her unmoving husband. Her movements got weaker and weaker and eventually she too slumped over in her seat. Sirens sounded softly in the background and all Lily could do was cry as she watched her parent's lives slip away before her very eyes. She never even had the chance to say goodbye or tell them how much she loved them.

Suddenly, everything went black. Lily's scream echoed as she felt the wind rush past her. She was falling, faster and faster. Things loomed before her as she desperately tried to grab something to hold on to. But there was nothing, all around her was nothing and she kept on falling.

Lily woke with a start. Her body was covered with sweat and her breathing was ragged. Tears prickled her eyes and she reached for the glass of water on her bedside. It had been the same dream from the night before. The same horrible nightmare that played over and over in her head.

Lily sat up and looked around, grateful that she hadn't woken her dorm mates. Pulling her weary body out of bed, she quickly washed her face in the bathroom. The cold water soothed her and calmed her raging headache. Hecate mewed softly and wove herself around Lily's legs.

Returning to her bed, Lily pulled her covers up to her chin. Everything felt surreal. It was like being in a dream except it never ended. There was no escape, even in her sleep, the horrible truth haunted her.

A soft thump on her bed told Lily that Hecate was back. Closing her eyes, Lily drifted back into another fitful sleep, desperately hoping that when she woke up her world would be right again.

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On Monday, Lily didn't go to class. She still felt both emotionally and physically drained and couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. Since she had never turned up to the hospital wing, Professor McGonagall had come up to check on her as had Madame Pomfrey. Lily had been asked to spend a few nights in the hospital wing but she didn't want to leave her own bed and her friends, especially Marly.

Even though Marly had to attend classes, which Lily had been excused from for as long as she needed, she was always checking on Lily. Most of the time she was either asleep or staring silently at the ceiling or out the window. Hecate kept her company through the day, her warm fluffy body curled up next to Lily's.

Even if she had wanted to get out of bed, Lily was too exhausted. Her whole body ached and her legs couldn't support her weight. Marly constantly brought her food and books, neither of which she touched for nearly a week. Eventually, Lily managed to nibble on some dry crackers and sip some water. When faced with a whole meal the most she could manage was a few mouthfuls, mainly only to keep Marly happy and from forcing it down her throat, before pushing away the plate, looking sick.

Like most things, the whole school had heard of the tragedy and many whispered and gossiped. Many people were worried but none more so than Marly and James. James hadn't seen Lily since the night she had heard the news but had been constantly badgering Marly on her well being. Having no idea of the events of the night and of James' involvement, Marly ignored his badgering and gave nothing away. Marly was loyal and would not betray Lily's trust for anything. So she ignored all the many questions from people she had never spoken to in her life and carried on as normally as possible.

For nearly 2 weeks, Lily barely moved except to go to the toilet and wash. Even at a time like this, Lily still conformed to particular hygiene regimes. But apart from that, her days were spent sleeping a lot or staring out the window. She didn't think. She didn't allow herself to think. So she sat silently and watched as students through the window as they participated in their Care of Magical Creatures classes or practiced quidditch.

But not one thought relating to the incident was allowed to pass through her mind. It was too painful so she avoided it as much as possible. While most said that ignoring pain only made it worse when it finally was dealt with but Lily didn't care. She would do things her way and her way included trying to forget that anything had ever happened. At times it even felt like it had never happened. Like her parents were still alive and Lily forgot why she wasn't in class. And when she remembered she blocked it from her mind.

Since the night after she had heard to news from Professor Dumbledore nearly two weeks ago, Lily hadn't shed a tear. In fact, not a single emotion had occurred inside her. All she felt was hollowness, like all her feelings and emotions had been taken away and all that was left was a huge gaping hole.

Eventually, the time came for Lily to return to her classes. She had fully recovered physically and absorbing herself in her classes avoided the truth that much longer. It was becoming harder and harder to not think, to not feel and classes were the perfect distraction.