Thanks to anonymous, szabatka2, american nymphadora, BeccaBex, messyblackhair66, Super Cara and Bookybookbook for reviewing. I've passed 50 reviews! Wow! Another thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story at any point! Other thanks to AliP, AllyCat-Dolphinlover, h4g and szabatka2 for adding this story as a favourite.

It's going to happen soon…very very soon, don't worry and please hang in there :-)

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Ch 16: So Close Yet So Far

The new term begun and the students returned from their holidays. Wormtail rejoined the Marauders, anxious to be filled in on everything they had done without him.

With the beginning of the new term, quidditch practice recommenced. James was kept constantly busy with numerous practices, Head duties and the mountain of work the teachers piled on the seventh year students.

Lily had graciously and patiently worked with James on his charms whenever their busy timetables allowed. Unfortunately for James, that wasn't very often.

"You're doing really well with all these charms now." Lily said brightly one evening as she and James sat in the common room.

James was bitterly disappointed that his plan didn't seem to be working very well and he was quickly growing impatient. Lily did not appear to be falling madly in love with him as he had hoped, nor had there been any repeats of their first session.

"It's not working. It's been weeks and nothing has happened." James said bitterly to Remus, three weeks into the new term as they sat in the Great Hall for dinner. He had filled Remus in on his plan and whinged regularly at the lack of progress.

"Prongs," Remus said wearily, "be patient. You can't make someone fall in love with you."

James looked sullen and didn't reply. Remus had been sympathetic in the beginning but was very quickly growing tired of James' constant moans.

At that moment, Sirius sidled up and sat himself next to James, loading his plate up with food.

"We've got a pranks night tonight." Sirius informed James eagerly with a mouthful of mash potato.

"Sorry, no can do. I've got rounds with Lily."

Sirius looked unfazed and gave a careless shrug. "So? Tell her you're sick."

"I can't, she knows I'm not sick."

"Fine. Make something up." A strange expression crossed Sirius' face as he spoke.

"I'm Head Boy, I have responsibility."

Sirius scowled. What is this bullshit? He thought. Since when did James care about responsibility?

"We'll do it tomorrow then." Sirius said huffily.

"I've got charms practice with Lily."

Sirius was getting really pissed off now. "Whatever." Getting up quickly, Sirius stomped out of the Great Hall, like that last day of term. James stared after him before shrugging and returning to his dinner. Sirius was just in one of his moods again, he'd get over it.

Later, as James climbed the stairs to his dormitory he heard angry voices. Curious, James stood back, listening intently.

"What's his problem anyway? He's turned into a right prat!" Sirius stormed loudly.

"He's just busy. It's not the end of the world." Remus' reasonable voice said.

"That's not the point! He can't just ditch his friends for some girl." Sirius sounded really mad. What? Wormtail and a girl? When did this happen? James pondered in disbelief.

"He's got Head duties Padfoot. And Lily just happens to be Head Girl." Wait, what was that? James felt anger boil inside him. Sirius, that stupid git, was talking about him!

"Yeah? Well what about his precious little charms practice with precious little Evans?" If James hadn't been hiding and listening to the conversation he was sure he would have punched Sirius.

"Lily isn't just some girl. Maybe James loves her?" Remus did not just say that! Hasn't anyone heard about secrets around here? James fumed.

Sirius scoffed. "He's wasting his time with her. She'll never go out with him. I don't see why he's still bothering with her." James was furious.

"Sirius –"

"This is all Evans' fault! James was fine before he became friends with her."

"Since when did you dislike Lily?" Remus asked in surprise.

"Since she started messing with James' head! Since James became too busy for his friends and chose to hang out with her instead! Since he become boring to try and show off to her! Since James turned into a prat all because of her!"

James couldn't listen anymore, he was boiling with rage. His hands were balled into tight fists and his breathing was heavy. He had to leave before he had the overwhelming urge to run in their and punch Sirius hard.

---

The next night James was sitting in the library with Lily as the common room was too crowded. James hated the library and went in there as seldom as possible but since Sirius was in the common room James was happy to be in the library. He still hadn't spoken to Sirius since he had overheard his conversation with Remus.

Lily had patiently helped James with all the charms they were studying so instead they were working on their potions essays.

"Excuse me, Lily?" A sixth year boy approached their table and James looked up with a scowl.

"Oh, hey Brian." Lily smiled kindly at him.

"Hi. I was just wondering if you would mind helping me with my potions? Everyone says you're the best student in the school!" He gave Lily what he must have thought was a charming, winning smile. Oh my God, thought James. The little twerp is trying to flirt with her! He fancies her.

"Oh, thank you Brian. Of course I'd be happy to help you. When?" Lily was too nice for her own good, James thought.

"Well, now if you're not busy?"

Lily was about to answer when James cut across her. "Well, she is busy. Or are you blind?" James said rudely, glaring at the sixth year.

Lily shot James an angry look. "Sorry Brian. Maybe another time. Tomorrow?" She smiled apologetically at him.

"Sure. See you then." With that, Brian left and grin plastered to his face.

"What was that about? Why were you so rude to him?" Lily hissed angrily at James as soon as Brian was out of ear shot.

James shrugged carelessly. "The little twerp was flirting with you."

"He was not!" Lily exclaimed but blushing slightly at the same time. "And even if he was, what would it matter?" Lily shot back at James.

James looked surprised at how annoyed she looked. "Because. He's a slimy little git. But I guess that's just your type." James said nastily.

Lily eyes narrowed to slits and she looked furious. "What is that supposed to mean?" The anger in her voice was enough to stop James in his tracks.

"I think you know what I mean."

"No, I don't. Why don't you enlighten me?"

"Does that other slimy creep on New Year ring any bells?"

"What? He was hardly a creep! He was really nice and I was just talking to him." Lily's voice was rising in anger and the other students were looking over in interest.

"Well, talking wasn't what he had in mind." James sneered.

"You are unbelievable!" Lily fumed. "And so what? What's it to you anyway? You're just a friend, not that you're even acting like it now!" Lily was seething and she wanted to hurt James in any way she could. She could tell her words had cut him but he was trying not to show it.

"You know what? Fine! I don't care anymore Lily!" James was furious now too. Sirius and Remus' words were flashing across his mind. 'She'll never go out with him!' 'She's not worth it.' 'You can't make someone fall in love with you.'

"I give up! You're right, we can't be friends. You said it yourself and you're right!" Lily's eyes widened in shock as James words lashed out at her.

"I love you Lily." James looked straight into her shocked emerald eyes. "But I'm nothing more than a friend to you, am I?"

"Every time I'm with you I want more than friendship. It takes every ounce of control I possess to stop myself kissing you and I can't do it any longer. If all I'm ever going to be is your friend then I don't want that. I've tried and tried to forget about my feelings for you but I can't. Friendship isn't enough for me and it never will be. So it's better if we just have nothing." James couldn't look at her anymore.

Lily felt numb. Her eyes filled with tears but she wasn't going to let James see. She wouldn't let him know how much he had hurt her. "So that's it then, is it?" It took all her control to stop her voice from shaking.

"I guess it is." He looked down and felt his eyes lock to hers. He couldn't pull them away. He could see her face fighting to keep her tears in.

"Fine." She pulled her eyes away, grabbed her books and walked away. As soon as she rounded the corner she broke into a run, desperate to be far away from him before she would allow her tears to fall.

Lily ran until she reached a familiar looking portrait hole, barely pausing to give the password. When she got into the room she collapsed onto the couch. She couldn't go to the Gryffindor common room. She had more pride than to allow the whole of Gryffindor house a view of her tear stained cheeks so she went to the next best place, the Head's common room.

There she could be alone where she wouldn't have to answer questions from her friends. Where she wouldn't hear the whispers of students about her tear stricken face and puffy eyes.

---

Some time around midnight Lily woke with a start. The candles around the room had been lit and a fire crackled merrily in the fireplace. Lily couldn't even remember falling asleep. Her stomach gave a loud grumble reminding her that she had missed dinner.

With a long sigh, Lily dragged her tired body from the couch. Wearily, she made her way up to her dormitory in a daze, falling onto her warm bed as soon as she reached it.

"Lily?" A voice whispered from somewhere to her right. "Lily, is that you?" Clara was whispering from her bed.

"Yeah." Lily whispered back, crossing her fingers and hoping not to wake the others.

"Where have you been?" Marly whispered furiously. Have they been waiting up for me? Lily thought in surprise. Her question was answered almost instantly.

"We've been waiting up for you." Natalie waved her wand and the candles all glowed. Lily could now see her friends all sitting up interestedly in their beds.

"Sorry to keep you up." Lily said apologetically. Marly waved her arm disinterestedly.

"We don't care about that. Where have you been? What happened?" Marly couldn't keep the curiosity out of her voice.

"Oh, I was in the Head's common room. James and I had a fight and I didn't want to come back here and risk seeing him." Lily said hoping to avoid more questions but unfortunately her words only sparked more curiosity.

"What was the fight about?" Clara asked interestedly.

"Oh, it was nothing." Lily said offhandedly.

"Don't give me that." Natalie said sharply. "We saw James stomp into the common room in a foul mood and we overheard the Marauders muttering about something."

Lily desperately wanted to go to sleep and did not appreciate this badgering session in the slightest. "Look, he just said he didn't want to be friends anymore because…because he loves me and I don't feel the same." Lily said the last bit in a rush and was glad of the dim candles as they hid her flaming cheeks.

"He what?" Marly shouted. Lily shushed her fervently.

"Oh my God, that is so romantic." Clara said wistfully and Lily couldn't help but think, what planet is she on? Romantic? Hardly.

"That arrogant selfish backstabbing jerk!" Natalie cried, outraged on her friends behalf. "How dare he? You're better off without him, Lil."

"Thanks guys, can I go to sleep now?" After much pestering, a few more questions and much debating, they were finally satisfied with her story and Lily was allowed to go to sleep. Exhausted, Lily was asleep before her head hit the pillow.

---

The following day was hell for Lily. She felt miserable and couldn't concentrate during class. All she wanted to do was bury her head under her pillow and sleep for a thousand years but instead had to force herself to listen to her professors, mix potions, cast spells and take notes.

James' day was probably even worse than Lily's. He felt terribly guilty for hurting Lily and was overwhelmed with his own self pity. He had thought that not being friends with her would be easier, without the constant reminder of what he couldn't have, but in fact it was harder. He missed their friendship and he missed her.

James would have done anything to turn back the clock but as his friends had repeatedly told him, he'd already made a complete arse of himself and there was nothing he could do about it now. Sure, he could apologize but Lily would of course turn him away. He would probably be lucky to escape without being slapped.

"You did what?" Remus had exploded when James had grudgingly told him.

James mumbled something incoherent in return.

"Prongs, you've just lost the girl you love."

"I know." James looked awful and Remus forgot his anger at his friend's incompetence for a minute and was instead filled with sympathy for him.

After a long silence, James looked up at Remus, despair and determination etched into his handsome features. "Moony, what am I going to do to win her back?"

---

Their evening rounds were worse than they had been when she had hated him, which was saying something. Instead of doing them together, they patrolled the school on their own, barely two words spoken between them.

When nearly two weeks had passed since the 'library incident' as it was now referred to as, Marly was sick to death of Lily's sulking.

"Okay Lily, snap out of it. You've been sulking for ages. Either tell me what's bothering you or move on." Marly snapped one afternoon.

Lily was silent for a moment. "I don't know what to think anymore. First it was easy, I hated him, I never wanted to see him again. Now, I'm not so sure anymore." She looked at her hands.

Then it all started pouring out and Lily was helpless to stop it. She told Marly all about how much she had grown to depend on their friendship, how miserable she was without him, Daniel's revelation about James being in love with her, the incident during charms practice and those weird times when she suddenly felt her pulse quicken, her face grow hot, how awkward and flustered she got, how she couldn't look him in the eye and that strange swooping sensation in the pit of her stomach.

"Lily, please tell me you didn't ask me to solve this for you?" Marly rolled her eyes dramatically. When Lily continued to look blankly at her, Marly took a deep breath. "You're in love with James."

"What?" Lily exploded. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

"Well, maybe love is too strong a word." Marly backtracked. "But you definitely fancy him."

"We are just friends." Lily said, shaking her head furiously. "Were friends." She corrected.

Marly looked at her sympathetically. "Do you really believe that Lily? Are you telling me that you haven't once thought about what it would be like to kiss him?"

Lily stayed silent, looking at her hands while a deep blush crept up on her face. Maybe Marly was right. Love was definitely out of the question, but did she fancy James Potter? Not even Lily herself could deny that he was incredibly handsome, funny, sweet, caring…oh God! Lily thought with horror. She did fancy him!

"See!" Marly yelled triumphantly. "You do like him!"

"What am I going to do? He hates me now." Lily's face was full of misery and Marly wrapped a comforting arm around her best friend.

"You can't fall out of love that easily. He's miserable without you Lily. For the past few days he's been roaming the castle like a zombie, he's looked even worse than you."

"Lily, be brave. Tell him. What's the worst that can happen?"

Lily knew Marly was right. Things couldn't get any worse than they already were. But did she have that Gryffindor courage to tell him?