Lost without her; losing touch and hope.

"Ryan?" I hear a voice whisper in my ear. As I turn to see where it's coming from I here it again "Ryan?" this time getting more desperate. I turn to see a figure crouched huddling in the corner. I squint to see Marissa rocking holding her knees and crying, she repeats "Ryan, I need you and your not her, why have you let me go?" she grasps her stomach and I squint to see her precious face covered in bruises especially along her beautiful cheek bones her lips split and trembling and blood running along her head. I whisper back "Marissa, I would never leave you . . ." I get up from bed walking over to her she fades with every step I take and I get to where she was sitting she disappears and I hear her voice all around me "all, I need is you, all I want is to feel your warm touch but your not here." Her voice fades out and I wake up screaming her name "MARISSA? MARISSA!" I get quieter as my sobs of desperation take over and I collapse to the floor burying my head in my hands. "No, no I never let you go."

I compose myself and walk into our ensuite and everything reminds me of her. I look around the room remembering when we designed it together. I see all the beautiful old fashion vases and chandeliers and sign as I catch my reflection in the mirror. I barely recognize the person standing in front of me now. Sunken blood shot eyes, my baggy clothes from not eating anything since my baby was taken 2 months ago. I work like a programmed machine trying to block out my pain but it always catches me. As my eyes close all I can see is her hurt face and the look is her eye. That of a scared little girl desperately wanting to be loved. I close my eyes again and see that image and once again collapse on the cold hard floor as my tears slow I hear the rain beating down on the roof. It hasn't stopped raining since Marissa was taken. The skies break reflecting my hurt.

I slowly stand up bracing myself on our Jack-n-Jill sinks. I slowly walk back to our bedroom and lie on our bed and hoping to see Marissa lying there asleep but she's not. I grab her pillow and bury my head in it as I have many times before. I take in her scent and begin to pray out loud, "Lord, if you can here me please help me find my baby, I need her Lord, please, oh, please, I need her to be here with me. We're suppose to grow old together it's not suppose to be like this. Please Lord please."

I wake to the alarm going off and I remember I'm having lunch with mom, dad, Seth and Julie. I get up and head to the bathroom. I emerge 15 minutes later to the phone ringing. "Hello?" "Hey honey, it's Summer" I breath a sign of relief knowing that I don't have to pretend anymore "hey Sum" I said with an tired tone "hey baby, are you ok?" I take a deep breath and sigh as tears run down my cheek. I know I can be honest with her and I take a breath and answer fighting back tears "I . . .miss . . . Her" she sighs and I know that she heard me amidst the tears "you have a nightmare again didn't you?" "Yeah, I just want to hold her . . . I just want to wake up next to her, see her smile and smell her scent" "honey, I know Kirsten and I will be over in a few minutes to pick you up it'll just be you me and Kirsten. Everyone else is going to meet us back at mom's and dad's after" "ok" "Ryan?" "Yeah?" "I love you" "I love you too Sum".

I wait out the front of our home again remembering the first might time brought her here after we got back from our honeymoon in Paris, she loves it there. I turn and look at the entrance way outlines with roses and it's like I'm back at that moment. I watch as I sweep her off her feet carrying her though the door being careful not to hit her head. I remember the way she looked up into my eyes. Lost in thought I didn't notice Kirsten and Summer pull up until Summer is hugging me. With out even realizing it I was crying. She only holds me tighter. She slowly reaches down for my hand leading me towards the car, just the way Marissa does. And I wish that Marissa was here with me once again.

We walk into the diner at the pier as everyone looks up giving me that glance of sorrow that I am so sick of. As we sit I look around remembering all the times Marissa and I came here. The most vivid was when we came back here after we were locked in the mall I smile as sad smile as I remember when we sat here together throwing chips at each other.

Summer reaches across the table gently rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb, just the way Marissa does when I'm sad. I slowly pull away as I whisper "I'm sorry, Marissa does that and, and I promised I wasn't going to cry" they both look at me nodding understanding. Summer slowly pulls her hand back slowly rubbing her now very swollen middle.

Kirsten's cell rang as she expressed as sign of frustration. "Hey Sandy" "uhm, uhm, we'll be over in a few minutes" she turn and looks me in my eyes "That was Sandy, the cops called" "They found the person that took Marissa" "they, they found Marissa?" she shakes her head no slowly as a tear runs down her cheek "No baby, he said that she ran away" I hang my head and lift it to see Summer in tears. I gently reach my arm around her, "Sum, it'll be fine sshh, sshh it's ok at least she's not with him anymore" I'm slightly amazed by my sudden compassion. I rub her shoulder and she looks up at me nodding and wiping back tears "your right" "lets go"

I walk into the police station in to the room next to the interrogation room. The bastard that took my baby away was sitting just through the wall. I look into the one way glass dividing the two rooms the person sitting there I know all too well. I collapse on the floor Summer looks through the glass and sees the same thing I did. She drops to the floor next to me rubbing my shoulder rocking with me. "Excuse me Sir - Miss, my name is Sergeant Roberts" I look up and say, "Yes we spoke on the phone about my wife, Marissa Atwood" he continues nodding "do you know this man?" he points to the room next door. Both Summer and I shudder and nod, "yes, that's Oliver" he continues asking questions. "Can I ask how you know him?" "He and Marissa were close in high school for about 3 months, but he held her hostage and was sent to a correctional facility and that's the last time I heard of him we" Summer gently says, "it's been 5 years since we've seen or heard from him" both Summer and I nod as I whisper into her ear "that son of a bitch in there took my baby, and I don't know where she is" she nods. The officer continues "Thank you Sir, Miss he is in custody now and won't be going anywhere anytime soon" I whisper "thank you" he adds, "all officers and patrol cars are aware of the situation and are out looking for her" I nod and stand up Summer holds my hand as we go out to meet the others. I look at Summer pleading with my eyes for her to tell them, she understands perfectly and clears her throat as I look up to see everybody staring at us "um, it's Oliver" "Oliver took Marissa" everyone was silent as Summer started crying as Seth rushed over to hold her and feel slightly jealous at least Seth still has his wife with him and he knows his baby is safe I dont know where my wife is or if we've lost our baby. Sandy held Kirsten as she buried her head in his shirt. Julie walked over to me wrapping her arms around me and pushes her head into my chest, just the way Marissa does and I let a tear escape my eye.

We spent the rest of the day scouring the county for my baby; I will not give up on her, not now, not ever!

Hey guys, I know it was sad but things will improve slightly from here. Next chapter will be the climax. Will Marissa be found Alive or Dead? R&R you know you want to! ) xxx Shar-Lyn