Thanks to Annie, Miss-Mischief-6, american nymphadora, Bookybookbook and amanamanam for reviewing! Also thanks to DianeA. and Michela.77 for adding this story as a favourite :-)

I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I seem to have come up with all the new ideas, just none of them for this story! Lol, I've started about 4 different one-shots (one of which I've posted which is the only one that is actually finished) and I've started another two longer stories. Whether any of them ever make it on this website is a whole other matter.

Anyway, this chapter is the longest one I've written. I was going to make it two chapters but decided to just leave it as one long chapter. I'll stop babbling now and just let you read the story. :-)

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Ch 17: Fears, Confusion, Advice and Truth

"Lily, you can't avoid him forever you know." Marly said sternly as she and Lily walked back up to the castle from herbology.

"Not forever, just until we leave school and I never have to see him again." Lily had done a complete turn around since her discussion with Marly. "And anyway, I'm over him. I don't think I ever fancied him. I was just confused from everyone saying that he was in love with me and tricked myself into thinking I liked him." Lily said much more confidently than she felt.

Marly rolled her eyes. Lily was just scared and trying to make an excuse not to tell him. Lily had never really felt this way about a guy before and it frightened and confused her.

As they walked through the corridors up to the Gryffindor common room before dinner, Lily spotted someone in the corner of her eye. Turning around, Lily recognised the figure as none other than James Potter talking to a sixth year girl.

Stopping still and nearly causing Marly to fall over, Lily stared as the girl flirted outrageously with James who was flirting right back. Lily felt a pang in her chest that she couldn't identify. Was it disappointment? Anger? Hurt?

All of Lily's feelings that she had only recently discovered and had been desperately trying to forget ever since came rushing back with a thud. Lily had been sure that her feelings were only a result of confusion and meant nothing. They were simply a faze, or better yet, a figment of her imagination. Now, however, Lily knew she had been wrong.

"Yeah, you're so over him Lily." Marly said sarcastically startling Lily out of her staring. The look on Lily's face however made her regret her words.

Lily watched in dismay as the girl leant forward and kissed James quickly on the lips. Far from pushing her away like Lily had hoped he would, James smiled charmingly at her as she pulled away. Lily suddenly felt sick to the pit of her stomach and felt her face grow hot as her eyes locked with James'. His eyes were defiant as he stared back at her across the corridor.

"Oh, Lil. It's okay. I'm sure it meant nothing" Marly said sympathetically as she looked at Lily's pained face. She knew how hard it was for Lily to admit to her feelings and it didn't take a genius to see how much it pained her to have it thrown back in her face.

"Doesn't matter." Lily's voice was hard and gave away no emotion as she turned abruptly away from James and walked quickly down the corridor away from him. Marly had to run to catch up with her.

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Lily sat in an inconspicuous corner of the common room. She needed to be alone. She needed time to sort out her thoughts while a thousand emotions ran through her. James had hurt her badly but what made it worse was that Lily had fallen for everything she had vowed against. She had fallen for the popular, handsome Marauder just like every other girl had and she had been hurt the same way.

Lily felt used and betrayed but worst of all she felt ashamed. Ashamed of herself for falling for James. Ashamed for thinking that she might have been different from every other girl James had asked out. For thinking that she might have had a chance with him.

James had been the first guy Lily had ever fallen for, and the first one to hurt her. She knew now that she could never tell him how she felt. She had lost her chance long ago if she had ever even had one.

James watched her silently as a lone tear trailed down her face. He knew that her sadness was caused by him. The image of her as she made a mad dash away from him after witnessing him with another girl filled him with anger at his own stupidity. The look of hurt in her eyes was etched into his mind and guilt and regret poured through him. Bad had gone to worse, a feat James hadn't thought possible.

"Lily." James' voice echoed around the small and near deserted room.

Refusing to look up, Lily ignored James, hoping he would go away. Unfortunately, she wasn't so lucky. James reached out to take her hand but she jerked away from his touch.

"Go away Potter." It was the use of his last name more than anything that shocked James. It felt like an eternity ago when she had spat out this same sentence with venom. Now however, the words lacked their past hatred and her voice wobbled ever so slightly.

"Lily, what's wrong?" James asked softly. Lily felt her heart melt at his caressing tone but was determined not to show it. Maybe he did care. Maybe he really had meant what he had said in the library. But Lily wasn't about to risk being hurt again, just for a maybe.

"Just leave me alone." Lily stood up quickly but James hand flew out and grasped her wrist to prevent her departure. Lily felt a familiar swooping sensation in her stomach and struggled to keep control of her emotions.

"Lily," James said seriously. "I'm sorry. I should never have said all those things to you and I wish I could take them all back. But I can't, all I can do is apologise and hope you'll accept my apology."

"Nice sentiments Potter." Lily said scathingly. "But if you think I'm going to believe that you've changed, you've got another think coming."

"I have changed!" James protested, not for the first time. "Lily, you know me, you know that I've changed, you must." James said desperately.

"Oh, and flirting with and kissing random girls in the corridors is part of the new and reformed James is it?" Said Lily scornfully. James at least had the decency to look embarrassed and guilty. "Not that I care or anything." Lily added quickly, a little too quickly.

"How do you know that she was just a random?" Challenged James. "How do you know that I don't care about her?"

He instantly wished he could eat his words. He had been trying to prove that he had changed and wasn't just using that girl, but his words came out sounding like he fancied her. Which wasn't exactly what he had been aiming for Lily to think when he was trying to prove that he loved her.

"Because, either way you're a jerk." Lily replied hotly. "If you like her then you can't possibly love me like you proclaimed to, which means that you are just a liar. And if you do love me, then you can't possibly like her and are therefore just using her, which means you are still a jerk." Lily blushed and James looked stumped.

She was right, there was no way he could get out of this one without still being called a jerk. Which was worse? James contemplated quickly in his head. Being a jerk for lying to Lily or being a jerk for using a girl? Or should he just tell her the truth?

"Look Lily, you're right. I don't have an excuse for what I did. It was just a kiss and it didn't mean anything. I know I should have just pushed her away because I am in love with you, it took me enough courage to tell you so I'm hardly lying about it. And as much as I wish I had, I didn't push her away. I was angry at myself and upset and feeling just plain lousy. You'd just rejected me and it kind of felt nice to feel like at least someone wanted me, even if it wasn't the girl I wanted." James said hopelessly.

"And that makes it okay does it?" Lily retorted. "By saying your sorry, everything is okay again is it?"

"No it doesn't. What I did, either of the things I did, aren't okay. But as much as I wish I could, I can't turn back the clock. I was a jerk and I don't deserve your forgiveness but I'm begging for it anyway." His eyes were pleading with her and Lily felt herself soften. He sounded so sincere, so dejected and hopeless. And really, he could have almost any girl in Hogwarts, so if he didn't really like her, love her even, why would he be wasting his time trying to reason with her?

Lily felt her throat constrict. She didn't trust herself to open her mouth so she nodded. James' serious face broke into a bright grin.

"Friends?" He asked. Ultimately, friendship wasn't what he wanted but their time apart had made him realise that he would rather be friends with Lily than nothing.

Lily smiled in return and opened her mouth to say yes when something stopped her. Marly's voice was ringing in her ears. Tell him. What have you got to lose? Everyone was at dinner and the common room was empty (apart from them). It was now or never.

"No," Lily heard herself saying. "I don't want to be friends." And with that she reached up and pressed her lips softly to his. The kiss held a thousand meanings, forgiveness, courage, fear but most of all it was a question. A question that James quickly answered by kissing her firmly back. The kiss was short and sweet but still left Lily's head reeling when she pulled away.

"Oh." Lily blushed crimson as she noticed the gathering of students by the portrait hole watching in amazement. Someone in the middle of the pack started clapping and soon the room was filled with applause, cheers and whistling. Lily and James stood awkwardly in the corner grinning embarrassedly.

"Okay guys, clear off. The show's over." James said a huge grin plastered on his face. The crowd slowly began to disperse as students went up to their dormitories and James turned back to Lily.

They stood in awkward silence before Lily had the courage to speak. "So, where does this leave us now?"

"Well, after that, I don't think I can go back to being just friends." James grinned cheekily at her and Lily blushed again.

"Are we…um…together now or what?" Lily stared at her feet as if they were the most fascinating and exciting things she had ever seen.

"Lily Evans!" James exclaimed in feigned shock, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Are you asking me out?"

"No. Yes. Maybe." Lily desperately wished she could stop blushing.

James wrapped his arms around Lily and whispered softly in her ear. "I love you Lily. And I want to be with you more than anything in the world."

Lily felt warmth and happiness fill her at his words. Suddenly she pulled back and stared at him with a look or fear on her face.

"James, I really really like you. But…but…I…" Her eyes were filled with sudden tears and she looked at him pleadingly.

"What's wrong Lily?" James made to hug her again but she stopped him. "Whatever it is, you can tell me." His voice was full of concern.

Tears spilled over her pale cheeks as she looked up at James in apology. "I know you want me to say it back to you but I can't. I don't even know what it feels like to be in love. I want to be able to mean it when I say it, not just say it because I feel I should or I have to. I'm sorry James…" Lily trailed off, her face white and scared.

James initial confusion at what she was talking about was almost immediately covered by a smile. James pulled Lily into him, her body pressed tightly against his.

"Lily," He laughed. "Stop worrying! None of that matters. Just being with you is more than enough for me right now." James kissed her quickly on the lips and Lily smiled up at him in relief.

"So, you're not going to break up with me?" Lily asked slightly worriedly.

James looked mock-thoughtful. "Well…" Lily swatted his arm playfully and he grinned. "Not on your life! I've waited for ages for this to happen, and I'm certainly not going to break up with you," James looked at his watch "after ten minutes of going out. Maybe after 20 minutes, but certainly not after ten." Lily swatted him again.

James leaned down slightly and kissed Lily ever so lightly on the lips still trying to figure it if was all real or not. After all this time, was he really going out with Lily Evans? As he pulled back from her, James smiled his biggest grin yet. Things couldn't get any better than they were now!

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A few minutes later, Lily entered her dormitory, a silly grin plastered across her face.

"You have some explaining to do missy." Marly grinned back at her and winked knowingly. "Congratulations." She pulled Lily into a tight hug.

"So…?" Clara was almost bouncing with excitement as she looked at Lily with wide, interested eyes. "Tell us everything!"

"There isn't really much to tell." Lily continued to grin, her cheeks slightly pinker than before.

"So, are you going out now?" Natalie asked, always straight to the point.

Lily nodded. Who would have thought that she would be going out with James Potter of all people? Lily still couldn't quite believe it herself.

"When are you seeing him next?" Clara asked excitedly.

'Umm, tomorrow at breakfast I guess." Lily said, looking over at Clara weirdly. What kind of a question was that? She saw him at breakfast every morning, why would tomorrow be any different?

"No silly! As in, when are you going out on an actual date?"

Suddenly, Lily was struck with a worrying thought. They hadn't really said anything about it. Should she ask him? Or was she supposed to wait of him to ask her? Or would it just kind of happen?

And what about tomorrow when they saw each other? Would she have to act different now? Would he kiss her? Did she want him to? What if people saw? Were they going to tell people, or keep it to themselves?

Lily's gleeful smile slipped from her face. She felt slightly sick and anxious. This was completely unknown territory for her. Sure, she and her dorm mates had spent hours pouring over magazines reading about the rules of dating, but they didn't really apply in real life did they?

Spilling out all her worries to her friends' concerned and intrigued faces, Lily had to admit that she desperately needed advice. And advice she did get. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite what she had expected.

"Lily," Clara said knowingly. "Now that you've got James, you need to work on keeping him. First thing to remember: keep him happy. James loves quidditch, right? So take an interest. Cheer him on at games, watch his practices, research past games."

"I can understand cheering him on at games, I always cheer Gryffindor anyway. But go to his practices? I'd be bored stiff! And research quidditch? I have much better things to do with my time and I don't even like quidditch that much." Lily said simply.

Clara looked horrified. "Who cares? That's not the point! Pretend, Lily. He'll never know the difference. Do you know how many hours I've sat watching quidditch practices in the freezing rain, or listening to a guy drone on and on about the most boring topic in the world with a smile plastered to my face? Many. It's par for the course."

Lily was confused but decided not to question Clara. These rules sounded stupid to her but she wasn't going to tell Clara that. Clara lived by these rules, despite how many times they had failed her.

"Next thing you need to know: always agree with him. Even if he's clearly wrong, pretend that he's right. Laugh at all his pranks even if you think they're stupid. Watch and cheer at all his quidditch practices and games even if you're bored or you don't like quidditch that much. Pretend you love his friends even if you don't get on that well or you don't like them."

Lily opened her mouth to speak when Natalie cut across her. "That's stupid. If you follow those rules, guys will get bored. They feel too secure, they know your feelings for them, they feel like they have the power in the relationship. You need to have the power." Natalie said firmly.

"So, you're telling me that I don't act that way at all?" Lily asked, looking at Natalie who nodded. Clara huffed behind them.

"Natalie has a very different idea of how to keep a guy." Clara said in an I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong voice while she glared at Natalie.

While they normally got on quite well, Clara and Natalie were complete opposites, and times like now highlighted all their differences. Clara was like a sulky child who hated not getting her own way or being ignored while Natalie was bossy and loud and would always make her opinion heard even if no one wanted to hear it.

"Well Clara has the right set of rules for how to drive a guy away." Natalie snapped back. "Lily, if you want to keep James, you need to be unpredictable. You need to keep him guessing so he won't get bored." Natalie said, turning back to Lily and addressing her seriously.

"Dating is never simple. There are rules. Rules that work and rules that don't." She shot a look at Clara who was pointedly ignoring her. "The most important rule for keeping a guy is to never chase him. Play hard to get, let him chase you."

Lily looked confused but Natalie mistook her silence for understanding and continued.

"Rule number two: you must never let a guy know how you feel about him. You have to keep him on his toes all the time. Be mysterious, don't tell him too much about yourself. Always keep him guessing. He'll be intrigued by you."

"So I pretend I'm not interested even when I am?" Lily asked dubiously. She wasn't sure she was going to like Natalie's rules any better than she did Clara's rules.

"Yes!" Natalie exclaimed happily, shooting Clara a triumphant look. "Rule number three: be unavailable. When he asks you out on a date, say you're busy even if you're just doing your homework. No matter how tempted you are to accept, you must decline at least two dates before you accept one."

Lily rose her eyebrows is surprise. This sounded terrible! Natalie's set of rules were like treating your boyfriend like a piece of garbage.

"Rule number four: don't write to him, don't kiss him, don't ask him out. Wait for him to send you a letter. You may reply, but only after three days or you'll seem too eager. Wait for him to kiss you. You are permitted to kiss him back but you can't initiate the affection. And wait for him to ask you out and then follow rule number three."

Natalie was really getting into this. Every circumstance, every damn situation had an already planned response. Clara was still sitting huffily on her bed and ignoring Natalie. Lily was listening with increasing surprise and Marly (for once in her life) was completely silent, watching Natalie with a small frown on her pretty face.

"Do you think you have all of that Lily?" Lily nodded dumbly. She was more confused now than she had been at the start. Why was it all so difficult?

"Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen." Natalie added with a smile.

"That is the biggest load of garbage I have ever heard!" Marly suddenly burst out. They three other girls looked up in surprise at her annoyed face.

"All those rules, those planned responses and situations, all the lying, it's stupid! You either end up looking like an overeager, pretentious try-hard or a stuck-up, cold-hearted bitch." Clara and Natalie looked back at Marly indignantly.

"You make it sound like the only way Lily can keep a guy is if she sticks to some stupid rules, lies to them and pretends to be someone she's not! Lily is more than capable of keeping James by just being herself. He fell in love with her for just being Lily, not for following some stupid rules a magazine says is the correct way to date. You should be encouraging Lily, being happy for her, not telling her how to act so that James won't dump her." Marly glared back and forth from Clara to Natalie, both of which who looked stunned.

"We didn't mean it like that." Clara stuttered nervously and looking apologetically at Lily.

"Yeah," Natalie chimed in, for the first time in her life looking at a loss for what to say. "We're sorry Lily, we were just trying to help. We didn't mean it to be offensive."

Lily gave them both a small smile. "It's okay. I know you didn't mean it that way."

She did appreciate that her friends were only trying to help but their rules weren't exactly what she needed. She was more confused than ever. Lily was also grateful for Marly's support and advice, which seemed a little more helpful. Turning back to Marly with a grateful smile, Lily was thankful for the first piece of useful advice she had receive all day.

"Lily, dating isn't always easy. Things will be awkward at first, there is no way around that. But just be yourself. If you want to ask James to Hogsmeade or somewhere, then ask him. He'll probably be thrilled that he didn't have to pluck up the courage to ask you first. And if you don't like something James loves, then so what? There will be things that you love that James won't like either."

"Yeah," Clara chimed in with a change of heart, obviously keen to try and make it up to Lily, "Marly's right. Guys don't like games and they never end well."

"That's right." Wow, Lily thought in dismay, Natalie must really feel bad for her to admit she was wrong! "I still can't believe you're going out with him Lily, I really am happy for you." Natalie beamed widely at her and Lily felt herself grin happily back.

"Aww, our little baby's growing up!" Marly added with a smile.

Amongst the group of friends, Lily was the baby of the quartet. As much as they all tried not too, they all worried about her the most, looked out for her the most and genuinely mothered her the most. As well as being the youngest, she was also the most innocent. At seventeen she had only just had her first kiss (that very evening in fact) while the others had long since had theirs back in fourth or fifth year.

"Sorry for yelling at you guys before." Marly said apologetically to Clara and Natalie who waved her apology away.

"Nah, you were right." Clara said humbly with a thoughtful look on her face. Clara's relationships never went well. Her longest had lasted two weeks the rest never making it past the first date, or incidentally, the first night together. The girls had spent many hours comforting a devastated Clara who could never figure out where she had gone wrong, why she had been dumped so easily. Now, she seemed to be slowly understanding.

"Chocolate." Natalie suddenly said, startling them all. "I think we are in need of a big block of chocolate, a tub of ice cream, a pile of cushions and blankets and some candles."

A smile slowly spread across four faces as comprehension dawned. The essentials. What every girl needed: comfort food and a late night of girl talk. The others were surprised that Natalie had been the one to initiate the evening.

Natalie normally didn't have much patience for the whole girly thing. On the times that she did participate in one of their girls' nights, she mainly stayed for the food and rarely spilled her secrets or shared her stories. For the most part, Natalie was a closed book. There was a lot about her that not even her closest friends knew. But she'd changed recently. They all had. Whether they liked it or not, in some way or other, they were growing up.

"Sounds like a plan." Marly said as she began to gather up blankets and pillows to make a comfortable mound for them to lie on in the centre of the room.

"I guess I'd better get the food." As Head Girl, Lily was the only one who had a reasonable excuse to be out of bed at that hour.

Half an hour later, they were all comfortably settled in the middle of the room, munching on a huge block of chocolate and eating spoonfuls of ice cream from the tub. Candles flickered around the room and giggles and whispers periodically broke the calm silence.

"How long have you and Michael been together now?" Lily asked Natalie curiously. Michael was a Hufflepuff seventh year and Natalie's boyfriend.

"Over six months now." Natalie answered with a smile.

"Well…" Clara probed but Natalie laughed and shook her head.

"I'm not telling anymore than I already have." Natalie giggled.

"Oh my gosh…" Lily said with a gasp.

"Did she…?" Clara added.

"Was that…?" Marly's eyes widened and stared at Natalie.

"Do my ears deceive me or did I just hear you giggle Natalie?" Lily asked, trying to suppress a grin.

"No!" Natalie could help but let another small giggle escape.

"Natalie!" Marly exclaimed with feigned-shock. "Don't tell me you're going to start turning girly on us? First you initiate a girls' night, then you giggle. We'll have you in skirts and wearing make-up every day in no time!"

Natalie tried to protest but was now laughing so hard that tears were running down her cheeks. Natalie was about as girly as Snape was nice. Her brown hair was cut quite short, but not unfashionably so. Not even an army of ten-thousand could force her into wearing a skirt and she wore make up about as often as Snape washed his hair.

"Ok Lily, it's your time to spill now." Clara said once everyone had calmed down from the shock of Natalie giggling and Natalie herself had gained control of her laughter.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Lily asked blushing ever so slightly.

"I mean, now that you and James are going out, we are going to want details." Clara explained.

"But, we haven't even been going out for a day yet, let alone gone on an actual date." Lily protested.

"I know, that's why we're not pestering you tonight. Tonight is a celebration." Clara said and smiled at a now pink faced Lily.

"To Lily and James. You are the cutest couple Hogwarts has had in a while." Marly smiled as the held the tub of ice cream up in a toast. Lily blushed a darker shade of pink as all four girls dug a spoon into the ice cream.

The room was quiet for a while, except for the munching of chocolate and the rustle of blankets.

"What if James thinks I'm a bad kisser?" Lily suddenly burst out looking worried.

The room burst into laughter. "Lily, don't worry so much. James is completely besotted with you. You could just about do any appalling thing you wanted and James would fail to see fault." Marly said.

Lily relaxed slightly but still looked anxious. "But what if he goes to hold my hand and I'm so nervous that my hand's all sweaty? And when he kisses me, what do I do with my arms? And do I have to sit next to him at breakfast now or in class? What if he –" Lily broke off by a pillow hitting her square in the face.

"Stop worrying!" Clara laughed as she watched Lily's startled face. And before she knew it Lily had thrown a pillow right back at her. In no time at all, pillow were flying in every direction and the room was full of squeals and giggles and laughs.

With a full blown pillow fight in process and many more hours of trying to wheedle information out of Natalie, reassuring Lily, hearing the latest gossip about the castle from Marly and getting first hand stories of Clara's latest dates to come, the night was going to be far from boring. And to think the evening had only started. Never underestimate the power of true friendship, or a night of good fun.

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Wow, that chapter really was long! Anyway, messyblackhair66 made some good points in her review which I just wanted to clarify and rectify for anyone else.

The girl kissed James simply because she liked him. It was just a casual flirt in the hallway (well from James' point of view anyway). She was nothing more than a member of the James Potter Fan Club who wanted his attention and wasn't afraid to get it. Whether or not it meant anything to her can be left up to your imagination. Same for if she was hurt or didn't care about Lily and James getting together. And what happened to her? She is just a nameless character who has no real significance except to give Lily one more reason to doubt why she should go out with James. She probably just went back to life as normal, or she spent hours crying to her friends and eating chocolate over her 'heartbreak' from James. I'll leave it up to you to decide.

And secondly, messyblackhair66 also seemed (rightly) surprised at how quickly Lily forgave James. Reading over it again, I realised that Lily probably was a little too forgiving, especially when she has been anything but in the past. So I have also gone back and re-written/added onto their conversation so it hopefully seems a little more plausible.

Thanks to messyblackhair66, I really appreciated your review and your comments. Constructive criticism is always appreciated and needed so I can improve the story and my writing. If anyone else has any questions about any part of the story, feel free to stick them in a review and I'm happy to answer, and change if necessary, anything people don't understand. So, thanks again messyblackhair66, please keep up the reviews :-)

Btw, sorry about the really long author's notes in this chapter!