A Mission of the Commercial Variety

"Damn it!" Riku cursed. His blue eyes glared hatefully at the large spot of ketchup on his yellow top. Due to the peculiar sticky properties of the condiment, his pants were spared the damage. However, that hardly mattered as Riku's gaze dropped distastefully to the wine stain marring the blue fabric. He closed his eyes forcefully, refusing to let that ghastly memory surface.

"Oh, another stain! Let me help you with that, dear!" the omnipresent and ever helpful chief cook exclaimed. She began rushing through the doorway, armed with a napkin.

"No! You stay back!" Riku screeched, leaping from his chair. "I've a restraining order! Remember! I'll call Maleficent if you don't get the hell away from me right now!"

"Oh… shucks," she pouted dejectedly. She sluggishly turned and moped out of the room. "There's no need to bring that up again, sweetie."

"You just stay away and leave me alone." He grabbed his own napkin and wiped up the result of his less than desirable dinner manners. Unfortunately, rubbing with a vengeance could not eradicate the bright stain on his yellow shirt. The remains of the ketchup joined his ongoing collection, which also included spaghetti and grass stains. Where he had found grass to stain his clothes in was a mystery even he did not understand.

"What a shame, Riku," a familiar voice called from the doorway. The sinister form of Maleficent, in all her black and horned glory, soon graced his bedchamber. "Such an outfit will only make a mockery out of any deeds you hope to accomplish in the world. I'm certain Sora would hardly take you seriously."

"Well, they're the only clothes I have… not counting that horrible getup Ansem made me, and I am not wearing that."

"I was not suggesting such. I believe an alternate outfit is in order, but I would hardly wish you to wear that tasteless ensemble. Ansem simply lacks an eye for fashion."

"And I don't want one of those uniforms the staff has to wear either."

"Very well… How would you feel about an outing?"

"Outing? Like a mission or something?"

"You can hardly hope to accomplish much of anything in that stained mess. I was proposing a visit to a specially designed structure built for the convenience of purchasing items in one of the most efficient but brainless ways yet devised."

"Do you mean a mall?" Riku asked, rolling his eyes. Sometimes, Maleficent just liked to hear the sound of her own voice. It was more or less her only good quality.

"Mall? I believe it may have been dubbed such in passing… I will fully finance a journey to this "mall" if you are willing to go."

"Sure. Where's your garage in this big castle?"

"Garage?"

"You know… the place where you keep the car…"

"Car?"

"Never mind," he sighed with frustration. "How do I get there?"

"I have arranged a special companion to conduct you there and accompany you on your quest for new clothes."

"Like a paid escort?"

"No, the "escort" is downstairs waiting for me. I have managed to get Sephiroth to baby-sit you."

"Baby-sit! I'm practically an adult! I don't need a babysitter!"

"It's just a precautionary measure, Riku. It's those other people there I don't trust," Maleficent explained soothingly. "Ah, there you are, Sephiroth."

"You mentioned knowing where to find Cloud," the man said, leaning against the far wall of the room. His usual long locks of alabaster cascaded down his figure, adding a seductive sense of danger to his persona. Even if Riku grew his hair out longer, he knew he could never achieve the aura of foreboding that emanated from that tall form. He would always merely be sexy and full of angst, at most.

"Not him, Maleficent! Anybody but him!" Riku begged, refusing to even acknowledge Sephiroth.

"It's either him or her, Riku," she replied evenly, gesturing to the cook's hopeful face peeking around the door. The teen blanched at the sight of her, proving that he could, in fact, become even paler.

"No! Not her! Sephiroth is just fine. He's like a good… good… a good stranger to me. Practically family. Isn't that right?" He glanced back briefly at the older man.

"I only agreed to this request because it was said I would be rewarded with information on Cloud's location."

"That is correct, Sephiroth. I will tell you after you both return from the "mall" as we agreed."

"Very well then." He pushed away from the wall easily and proceeded to the doorway. Without looking back, he paused. "Are you coming, Riku?"

"Yeah, I'm coming," he grumbled in response.