Angst, Threats, and a Pedicure

"This is the location Maleficent mentioned," Sephiroth asserted as he walked towards the store before them.

"Huh? Wha- hang on a minute," Riku mumbled woozily. He stumbled clumsily about, his hands trying to steady his head and his vision. Teleporting in Sephiroth's manner felt almost as sickening as that day Riku had drained every drop of his father's secret alcohol stash and had decided to go for a boat ride. When his surroundings were finally becoming stationary, the teen stumbled to Sephiroth's side and glanced up at the store. Clothes. What a fitting name. "This place? Are you sure?"

"Yes. Let's proceed."

Crossing his arms grumpily over his chest, Riku followed his babysitter inside the store. Hordes of clothes covered the area, hanging from hooks on the walls, stacked on tables or shelves, or just discarded haphazardly on the floor. Each section boasted a name as fitting as the store's own.

"I believe we should begin in that area." Riku followed Sephiroth's gaze to a corner of the store entitled "Clothes for Those with Angst." From what he could see, most of those clothes appeared rather apocalyptic, dark, or just plain gloomy.

A couple of heads of pale hair peeked over the mass of merchandise. One appeared to have silvery bangs covering one eye. He held up a long, black cloak up that appeared identical to the one he currently wore. Riku couldn't tell if he was either seriously contemplating it or was lost in his thoughts. If he had any thoughts at all.

"Right… then we can go to the "Clothes for Murderous Maniacs" section next and get something for you," the teen replied sarcastically.

"Actually, we had to change it to "Clothes for Homicidal Psychotics" on account of a minor lawsuit," a cheery voice called from behind. The pair turned about to the sight of a rather chipper, young woman in a bright yellow sundress. A complimenting parasol was clutched in her small grasp. Her long, blonde hair streamed down her shoulders and stopped at the curve of her waist. She pointed to the nametag delicately pinned around one strap. "My name's Beatrice, but my friends call me Bee. How can I help you?"

"Well, actually, Beatrice, we-" Riku began.

"Please, call me Bee. Anyways, we have a great special on shoes today. Forty percent off the first pair, and the next one free. Oh, and, for a limited time, you get a free gift certificate for every dress you buy."

"Why would I buy a dress?"

"Oh, why wouldn't you?" she squealed gleefully. She grabbed Riku's hands in her own and looked to the store ceiling as if caught in a beautiful vision. "You would look splendid in one of our dresses! They would display your fine-looking arms and the exquisite legs that I'm sure those horrible, baggy pants are hiding. We even have ones that can truly bring out the color in your gorgeous eyes!"

"But I'm not a girl!" he protested vehemently, wrenching his hands from her grasp.

"You're not? But you have such long, stunning, delicate hair and such attractive eyes and such features that I assumed you were a girl… Are you sure you're a boy?"

"Long hair! What do you call this?" He grabbed a handful of Sephiroth's white hair, gesturing emphatically.

"Oh, please! He's quite obviously a male! And, sir, we do have a lovely sale on our brand name Sinister Coats today if you're interested."

"Riku, remove your hand immediately," Sephiroth said plainly. His threats were dangerous without even having to sound like it.

"I have here some lovely high heels that would really accentuate your legs," Beatrice continued, holding the shoes forth for their inspection.

"But I'm not a girl! And I have important business to do that I couldn't do in high heels even if I were a girl!"

"Nonsense. You can accomplish anything in high heels that you can in other shoes. You would merely have to be more careful and slower about it. But, in the meantime, your legs would look stunning, you would seem helpless and pitiable, and guys would hear you coming a mile away."

"But I am a guy!"

"Fine, if you don't like the shoes, at least consider this dress! It's a perfect compliment to your fine eyes!" Beatrice continued stalwartly, pulling more merchandise from seemingly nowhere. Perhaps that sundress hid much more than what he originally thought. "It's supported by a strap that goes around your neck and has a low back to show off that delicate flesh. And it-"

"Look! Beatrice!" he yelled, grasping her firmly by the shoulders. "I am not a girl! Don't you notice some important things missing? Don't you hear my voice?"

"You have a cold or something?"

"Just look!" He lifted his shirt, revealing his pale, bare torso. From all the training he had been doing, his body appeared slightly muscled now.

"But if you buy the dress, you can get a free certificate for a manicure or pedicure!"

"What would I do with-"

"Buy the dress, Riku."

"What!"

"Buy the dress."

"We've been over this already! I'm a guy! I don't want a dress!"

"But I want a free pedicure. Buy the dress." There was a subtle hint of warning in his deep voice.

"But I-" He choked on his words as he caught that insane berserker's look in Sephiroth's eyes. He sighed and reached for the dress. "Fine. I'll take it."

"What a beautiful woman you'll be!" Beatrice chirped happily.

Two and a half hours later, Riku was staggering out of the store with his purchases in hand. Sephiroth followed with his usual graceful step. He had decided to wear his new purchase rather than carry it.

"I can't believe you let them sprout a wing from your back," Riku grumbled, collapsing on a bench nearby.

"It has an elegant mystery to its ebony feathers." The lethal figure reached back gently and stroked one feather tenderly between his gloved fingers.

"Yeah, I'm sure Cloud will be very jealous when he sees it, Sephiroth."

"You are the jealous one. This single wing is better than all your purchases put together. The best item you bought today was that dress."

"Shut up," Riku snapped. "I think I might save it for Kairi, now that I think about it. She needs a little more variety in her wardrobe."

"How hypocritical of you. You just purchased four exact replicas of the very outfit you are wearing now."

"Minus all these stains, including that wine stain that was all your fault, Sephiroth."

"When you are finished whining, you can come find me at the nail salon, using that invaluable certificate."

"Yeah, that pink will look so pretty on your toenails, Sephie," Riku snickered.

Instantly, a dark, stormy cloud covered the surface of the mall's ceiling, against all possibility. Strange, vaguely operatic music burst forth from the background forebodingly. Sephiroth seemed to have gained feet of formidable and intimidating height. The baleful, pernicious miasma of death that clouded the air was heightened by his fully extended wing. The nightmare's fatal glare fell upon the figure frozen before him. "You will call me by my given name."

"Yes… of course… Sephiroth," Riku breathed, hardly daring to move. Whoever this Cloud person was must be either a seriously brave guy or completely stupid to have faced this time and again. Though, Cloud had probably had wit enough not to call his nemesis Sephie.

With a final shudder, his wing folded back into place. Stray feathers danced through the air. Wordlessly, Sephiroth turned and walked with an assassin's poise towards the nail salon. Riku shivered at the warning chill left in the man's wake.

"Are you sure you don't want some heels to go with that dress?" Beatrice called from the entryway of the store. A look was spread across her face that could almost be dubbed smug if not for her innocent demeanor and presentation.

"I told you before. I am not a girl!"

"Of course you are, you big sissy!"

A.N.: So… I finally triumphed over my writer's block and accomplished what I set out to do! What an epic quest! What the heck is up with this chapter? There is absolutely no point to it… besides messing around with Riku and Sephiroth. If I'm dead tomorrow, it's because Sephiroth has butchered me alive. I'm sorry, Sephiroth! I love you! If it weren't for your demented obsession with death, ruling the world, and your mother… Don't be too mad if I didn't stay in character with him… I haven't ever played any Final Fantasy games (if you don't count the Kingdom Hearts series), but I did buy that Advent Children movie. Anyway, it matters not! For I am the mighty ruler here! I control the keyboard! Mha ha ha! Umm… just don't tell Sephiroth… Oh, and brownie points for those of you who've actually read this far and figured out that the person in the Angst section was Zexion. I was going to make a reference to Hatsuharu from Fruits Basket, but I decided I didn't want to after all. Well, thanks for putting up with me so far. I seem to be drifting further and further from the original storyline, but we'll fix that soon enough… I think. Please, review! Thanks!