Chapter 2: Tryouts; Sasuke the Cow and Neji the Sheep

"Tryouts Thursday afternoon, three p.m., be there or be square!" Kiseki growled. She handed everyone a copy of the script. "Ja'ne!"

Gai squealed. "I just know I'm gonna get the part of Juliet-chan!"

Everyone started at him.

"There is no Juliet. You're thunking of Shakespeare." Kakashi patted his creepy rival with living eyebrows on the head. Gai hissed and bit his hand. Kakashi screamed like the little girl he is.

"Whoa! Where'd Kakashi-sensei learn how to scream like a girl?" Kiseki and Naruto were amazed.

Lee did a weird happy-dance and started chanting. "Bite the old man! Bite the old man!"

"I'M TWENTY-SIX!!!" Kakashi (cougholdmancough) screamed.

X.x

At the tryouts:

"Alright, Gai. It's your turn." Kiseki sighed. There were only, like, twenty people in Konoha and yet half of them sucked at acting!

Naruto was half asleep. "Is it over yet?" he whined.

Kiseki shook her head. "Sadly, no."

Naruto moaned. "How many more are left?"

"Once Gai's done, it's Sasuke-teme and then Neji-kun. And then we can go to Ichiraku's!" they cheered.

Gai stepped up on-stage. Kiseki fought back the urge to scream like a little girl. He was wearing a pink frilly dress with a ruffled skirt (apparently, some moron told him the ruffles were very in right now) and a scoop-neck. It was sleeveless and he was carrying a bouquet of red roses. There was a pale green ribbon tied around the waist. He also wore a blonde wig with curls.

Overall, it was frightening.

Kiseki shuddered. Naruto's eyes were the size of ramen bowls. "P-please... just start it... the m-m-monologue..." Kiseki shuddered again.

The spotlight shone on Gai and the lights dimmed. "O Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?" (Yes, I have the book and I memorized this scene. I used it to try out for my school play!)

Kiseki whispered to Naruto, "I hate to say it, but he's actually kinda good!"

"He might actually get the part of the princess."

Apparently, Gai had been done for a while and he was watching Naruto and Kiseki discuss his acting skills. "Yosh! Everybody! The two lovers are having a passionate discussion! Ah, young love. YOUTH!" and suddenly, every ninja in town was snapping pictures of them.

"I don't get it. What's so funny?" Kiseki asked Naruto. Naruto shrugged. Sakura whispered something in their ears. I'm not gonna tell you what it was, but their faces were bright red. Just use your imaginations people.

I SAID USE YOUR IMAGINATIONS!

"Alright, people! Move it along! We still got two more people to go! Come on, chop chop!" Kiseki screamed, her cheeks still somewhat flushed. "NEXT!"

When the room cleared, Sasuke walked up on-stage. "Sweet llamas of the Bahamas!" naruto screamed, sounding exactly like Hermes Conrad from Futurama.

"What the ham sandwich are you doing here?"

Sasuke's face turned seven different shades of red. "N-no reason... my mom made me do this."

Kiseki looked at Naruto, then back at Sasuke. "Riiiiiiiiiiight..."

And then Sasuke sang Princeton's part of one of my favorite songs ever.

"What do you do with a B in English?

What is my life going to be?

Four years of college and plenty of knowledge

Have earned me this useless degree

I can't pay the bills yet 'cause I have no skills yet

The world is a big scary place

But somehow I can't shake this feeling I might make

A difference to the human race!"

Kiseki and Naruto made a record: They laughed for about an hour straight without needing to take a breath once.

Kiseki walked up to where Sasuke was when they were done. When she got there, she smacked him upside the head.

"OW! What was that for?!"

"For being an idiot! Now, run along, little girl. Play with your Barbie dolls." Kiseki pushed him off the stage.

"Wait- I don't have any Barbie dolls. Keep saying that and I'll tell everyone about those kids of yours."

"Of course you do. What kids?" Kiseki asked.

"The ones you and Naruto have." Kiseki slapped him across the face.

"I KEEP TELLING YOU WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDRENS!" She kicked him out of the building.

"Time for Neji's act. And why does everybody assume things like that about us?" Naruto scratched is head for a long time.

"There's no way you could be thunking that hard."

"I'm not thunking. My head's itchy!" Naruto insisted.

Neji got on-stage. He immediately ballroom-danced with his pet balloon, Kurt. His father said he couldn't have a pet. Then he started disco-ing. And, finally, he skipped off the stage. An explosion could be heard.

"I told you to get rid of the exploding birdseed." Kiseki shook her head. "Spongebob's gonna kill us!"

X.x

All of the tryoutees, as Kiseki called them, came back a week later.

Gai was the princess.

Kakashi was the goat.

Gaara was the cute little chipmunk with rabies.

Sasuke was the cow.

Neji was the sheep.

Tenten was John Lennon.

And Lee was Gary Coleman from TV's Different Strokes.

X.x