20. Diary

(Between the Lines)

Word count: 1,055

It was common knowledge that Hakkai kept a journal while they traveled. As a creative person, it was easier for him to express himself in writing than speaking, and who was he going to talk to about anything, anyway? None of them would have probably been patient enough to sit down with him and listen to him, especially since he'd be talking about them. Also, they all knew what had happened, and they didn't need a recap. Eloquently put by Gojyo, he was "shit out of luck."

When they came back, Gojyo and Hakkai went back to the little house on the edge of the little town. They unpacked, put away their things, and then went out and bought several bottles of wine and a few cases of beer. They got completely drunk for several days and several nights, did a few things that made them stutter and ignore later, and then Hakkai, hung-over and terribly sober, started to clean. Gojyo sat back with one of the bottles and watched him for a few hours; then he grabbed the money they had leftover and went to the bar to gamble.

He came back the next morning to find Hakkai had fallen asleep half-on and half-off the bed, still fully dressed, and in the process of dusting the bedroom. Drawers were open, doors were unattached, and all of the light fixtures had been taken down. It was a mess, but it was the good kind of mess -- the kind of mess that comes with promise for something better.

Gojyo shut a few of the drawers and closed the closet doors. He threw the damp rag that had been Hakkai's duster in the kitchen sink, and then he pulled off his shirt, intending to go bed. One of the open drawers caught his eye on the way, though, and he noticed a thick, leather-bound book inside that he did not recognize.

Reaching down, he pulled it out, flipped it open, and squinted at the small, cramped handwriting covering the yellow pages. It took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the tiny print. He sat down on the floor, back against the bed, next to Hakkai's legs. Then he realized that the handwriting was familiar, because it was Hakkai's. The journal that they had all known about but cared less for must've been what he was holding.

Gojyo left camp again tonight, presumably heading into town. I suppose even being constantly surrounded by four men can't temper his hormones.

Goku temporarily lost the credit card today. Sanzo hit him several times and I tried to make peace and look for it, although I was hard pressed not to laugh. The two of them together are sometimes too much to handle.

I think it's going to rain.

That was it? That was the big diary? It didn't seem like anything overly interesting; just a dry account of things he remembered and had seen hundreds of times before and after. He flipped a page.

Gojyo and I kissed, but I don't think that it meant anything. Logically, he was probably just drunk or exhausted from the road and the fight with Kami-sama and needed some form of release. Really, I can't read into everything, especially when it concerns him.

Sanzo is still unconscious. It's becoming a problem. Goku is angry and I don't blame him, although it's times like these when I wish he would grow up just a little bit. Not anymore than that, though, because we need someone like him with us -- someone not completely jaded by reality and the seriousness of life; someone who can still laugh and joke freely. What oh what would we do without Goku?

I think it's going to rain.

We're almost there. It's unbelievable -- completely unbelievable. Instead of chasing the sunset, we've finally caught up to it. Only a little bit further from here. Will we make it? What a question -- we've come this far already; I suppose that even if we die, our corpses will carry on until we reach Houtou Castle.

Sanzo is quieter than usual. He smokes entire packs through in the span of hours, and he buys more and more each time we take a stop. Goku complains, but I think it's only to retain a semblance of normalcy. Even he feels our impending troubles...the end of everything, the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't like to think about Gojyo. He puts up a strong front, but I think that he's nervous. Aren't we all, though?

I think it's going to rain.

There were no more entries after that. Gojyo flipped back to the beginning, but there was nothing of interest; a sparse recounting of Chin Yisou, the fight in the desert, little moments in time between one fight and the next. Hakkai's style of writing was to include vague details and a few of his personal opinions, and then close it with the sentiment that it was most likely going to rain, even when Gojyo clearly remembered the events happening on bright, sunny days or clear, cool nights. He couldn't figure it out.

All of the entries were short, probably written in a little window of time before Hakkai went to sleep or immediately after he woke up. He mentioned all three of them in each, and yet he talked about Goku the most. Gojyo put the diary away in a drawer, feeling slightly offended -- wasn't he more important than that monkey? Hell, he was sleeping with Hakkai; why didn't he get that kind of recognition?

He heaved Hakkai completely up onto the bed and laid down next to him. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but found that he was unable. Slowly, it dawned on him that maybe Hakkai talked about Goku most because that was how he wanted to be -- that uninhibited, that carefree, that vibrant. Maybe he wrote things in short scenes because that was what stuck out to him most, and that was what he wanted to remember above everything else. Maybe he always wrote that it was going to rain because he was always expecting it to, no matter the circumstances.

Maybe Gojyo was going to finally start understanding Hakkai after all.