Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.
Chapter 5:
The sun was shining high and bright in the sky, letting light fill the room. Shuichi woke slowly, his temples throbbing. He tried to sit up but found his arms to weak to support him and too much pain in his head, and worst of all, a wave of nasuea overcome him. He let himself fall back onto whatever he was on, unusually warm and comfy. He let his heavy eyelids reclose, trying to let sleep take him over.
'Ah, I hate hangovers...' he thought, feeling himself doze off.
He felt something stir on top of him. He ignored it, thinking it was a cat or something.
'But, wait...Hiro doesn't own a pet...'
He forced his eyes open, looking to see what was moving on top of him. He saw a pair of light brown eyes staring into his.
"Shu-chan? Where are we?"
"Ryu?" Shuichi asked, confused as to why he was lying underneath his idol like he was. "We are at Hiro's house. He had a party last night, remember?"
"Oh, yeah..." Ryuichi sat up, cringing and rubbing his head. "Owie..I haven't had a hangover like this in a long time."
Shuichi sat up along with him, his idol still in his lap.
"How'd we end up on the couch anyway?" he asked looking around and seeing empty beer cans and Smirnoff bottles littered around the room.
"I think we came up here to play Playstation." Ryuichi said grabbing Kumagoro off the table in front of him.
"Did we even play it?"
"No, we watched anime."
"Oh."
Shuichi sighed deeply, trying not to focus on his headache. He didn't feel right. He felt like he did something wrong, and this was the guilt of doing it. But, dammit, if he could remember what it was...
Images of the night before flashed into his head. He remembered K barging in and yelling at him and Ryuichi, he remembered seeing that flash of black hair...hearing Ryuichi's voice, their lips touching...
"Oh, God..." Shuichi said slapping his hand over his mouth, his stomach churning. He stood up abruptly, knocked Ryuichi out of his lap and onto the floor, and ran to the bathroom, emptying his stomach of whatever contents he had in it. He coughed and gagged as he puked into the toilet.
"Shu-chan?" Ryuichi said in a worried voice from the living room, getting himself off the floor and walking slowly to the bathroom.
Shuichi didn't hear him, he didn't hear anything. All he could see or hear was Ryuichi..kissing Ryuichi.
'Oh, Yuki, I'm so sorry!' Shuichi screamed inside. 'I'm so sorry!'
"Shu?"
Ryuichi peered into the bathroom, seeing Shuichi bent over the toilet, sobbing.
"Shu, is the hangover getting to you?" Ryuichi asked, kneeling beside his sobbing friend, Kumagoro clutched tightly against his chest.
Shuichi continued to sob, under his breath saying, "I'm sorry, Yuki.."
"Shuichi?" Ryuichi's voice had suddenly become serious.
Shuichi, noticing the change in Ryuichi's voice, looked up too see an even more serious Ryuichi.
"Shuichi, what's wrong?"
Shuichi glared at his idol, trying to find any word in his vocabulary that was mean, tantalizing, blameful, but couldn't think of a thing. They were drunk, it was a mistake. He knew that. He let the glare fall off his face and his head drop, still sobbing.
"Ryuichi..what was that kiss about?"
Ryuichi looked shocked. He hadn't thought about that kiss until Shuichi said something about it. He felt a wave of remorse overcome him. He knew he was doing wrong when he did it in the first place, but he was drunk, and he can't help his feelings for Shuichi..
"Shuichi...I-I'm sorry.. It was a big mistake. I didn't mean..."
Shuichi looked into Ryuichi's face, sadness and guilt etched in every crease of his young face. Shuichi fell into Ryuichi's chest and sobbed uncontrollably. Ryuichi, who was shocked by the sudden glomping, put his arms around the crying boy, trying to comfort him.
"It's my fault, Shuichi." he whispered in the pink-haired boy's ear. "I wasn't paying any attention to myself..or what I was doing. It's all me. Please stop crying."
Shuichi took a deep, rattly breath to calm himself down.
"I was drunk, Shu... Forgive me."
"I feel like such a cheat to Yuki now." Shuichi said in a low, sad voice.
Ryuichi felt his heart clench. He wanted nothing more than for Shuichi to recognize his love for him. But he knew that Shuichi's heart belonged to the heartbreaker novelist. Ryuichi mentally slapped himself for believing he even had a chance with Shuichi.
"I want to go home..I need to see Yuki." Shuichi said sitting up and wiping his nose on his shirt.
"Are you sure?" Ryuichi said standing up with Shuichi.
Shuichi nodded. "Yeah... I can't hold this from him. I just can't. I'm sorry, Ryu-chan. I'm such a horrible friend for going to rat you out...but I can't help it. I have never been able to keep a secret from Yuki." Shuichi said, tears forming in his eyes again.
Ryuichi shook his head, ignoring the throbbing in the back of his head. "No, you aren't a bad friend. It's okay if you tell him. It was a mistake. If I could take it back then I would but..." Ryuichi stopped and sighed, looking sadly down at the floor.
"But what?"
Ryuichi looked up at Shuichi. "I just want you to be happy."
Shuichi stared at Ryuichi. Shuichi gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Ryu-chan."
Ryuichi smiled back and nodded. "What a best friend is for, Shu."
Shuichi smiled wider at this, but it faded when Yuki popped back into his mind. Yuki was going to be so pissed...
"I had better get going and brace myself. Yuki's going to be super pissed." Shuichi said walking out of the bathroom. "See ya, Ryuichi. Tell Hiro that I went on home, okay?"
"Kay.."
Ryuichi watched Shuichi leave, more and more sadness gripping at his mind, heart, and spirit. When will Shuichi realize that Eiri wasn't the one for him? When?
---------------------------
Suguru woke feeling suprisingly rested. He sat up, yawned, stretched, and rubbed his eyes.
(a/n): Suguru doens't get hangovers. I just can't see him with one.
He looked around to see that he had fallen asleep in the basement. He shivered. He felt sweaty, sticky, cold, and his hips were stiff. He looked down to see a...a sleeping, naked Hiro beside him. He looked down at his own body to see that he was also in the nude.
"AHH!!" he screamed, startled awake beside him.
"Wha-what is it? What happened?!" Hiro said, still half asleep, looking blindly around.
Suguru grabbed the nearest piece of clothing he could find and threw it over his lower half (he just happened to grab Hiro's shirt). He ran a hand through his green hair and took a steadying breath. Hiro, starting to wake and come to his senses, saw Suguru sitting beside him, his shirt over him, a nervous look on his face.
"Suguru, why are you..." He looked down and noticed he too was naked. He looked back up at Suguru who had a deep blush across his face.
"Uh.." Hiro said, who started laughing nervously. "Well, um, looks like we had a busy night.."
Suguru gulped and nodded, his blush getting even deeper.
"Well, I guess we can take back what I said in truth or dare about not getting..well, you know what I mean." he said again running his hand through his green hair, gently untangling it with his fingers.
"Yeah.." Hiro answered, feeling himself blush as well. 'Well, I guess this is as a good a time as any to tell him...' he thought shaking his red hair out of his face.
"Um..Suguru, can we play one more round of truth or dare?"
Suguru Fujisaki looked at Hiro like he had three heads.
"Why?"
"Just ask me truth or dare."
Suguru raised his eyebrow at him. "Okay...truth or dare?"
"Truth. Now ask me who I have had a huge crush on ever since I met this person."
"Who have you had a crush on ever since you met them?"
Hiro was silent for a moment, blushing deeply, refusing to look Suguru in the eye. Suguru felt his chest constrict. He liked Hiro, yes, and through his head he kept picture Hiro telling him that he liked someone else..after what happened the night before, he was scared that he would say he didn't like him...
Hiro mumbled something that Hiro couldn't quite make out.
"Come again?" Suguru asked, looking at Hiro's red face. The red head looked over at his companion.
"I said that you are the one that I have had a crush on since I met you."
Suguru was silent for a long time. Too long for Hiro's comfort.
"But, if you don't like me back then I can understand that, I mean..."
Hiro's babbling was cut off by lips catching his. Suguru pulled back smiling at Hiro, a light in his eyes brighter than the red head had ever seen. He felt relieved.
"Okay, here's another one, Hiro. Truth or dare." Suguru gave him a mischevious look that made him like a school boy getting ready to steal a cookie from the cookie jar before dinner time. Hiro soaked in every moment.
"Dare." he said with a sneaky grin.
"I dare you to repeat what happened last night, only sober."
Hiro bit his lip. "Now, that's a dare I can't refuse."
--------------------------
Shuichi ran through his head what he would say to Yuki. He wanted to keep things as calm as possible, to maybe avoid getting kicked out again. His mind kept getting led astray to Ryuichi kissing him.
'Now it seems like I am putting all the blame on Ryu-chan. That's not fair. I don't recall kissing him back though...But I bet like anything, Yuki isn't going to fall for that.'
Shuichi sighed. He was at a loss. There was no avoiding it. He had to tell him straight up.
FLASHBACK:
"No, you aren't a bad friend. It's okay if you tell him. It was a mistake. If I could take it back then I would but..." Ryuichi stopped and sighed, looking sadly down at the floor.
"But what?"
Ryuichi looked up at Shuichi. "I just want you to be happy."
END FLASHBACK:
'Ryuichi looked really upset. I wonder what he meant by he wants me to be happy. I am happy with Yuki. I mean, we have our moments, but overall I am happy with his and my relationship. He's just a difficult person to interperate. Yeah, that's it. He's just a difficult person. He's hard to get to know. Him and I have been together for almost two years now. So, I have to be happy with him to stay with him that long, right?'
He felt himself get more and more nervous as he got closer to Yuki's apartment...well, THEIR apartment. Shuichi shook his head, the pain in his head had gone away after he puked his guts out at Hiro's. Yes, he was happy with Yuki. He loved Yuki, and Yuki loved him.
'Ryu has this strange look in his eye whenever he is with me. And he wants me to be happy, too...Stop it, Shuichi! He said you are his best friend. He is just being a friend to you, being concerned.'
He was so lost in thought he didn't realize that he was standing right in front of the apartment door. He put his hand on the knob pondering whether to go in or not. A huge feeling overcame him telling him not to go in, but another part was urging him to go in and face his lover. He turned the knob to find it locked.
'Lucky I have a key." he thought, digging through his pocket and pulling out his key. He stuck it in the lock, turned it hearing the click of the door unlocking, turned the knob and stepping in. He looked around seeing the apartment empty.
'He's probably working...'
Shuichi walked slowly over and sat on the couch drawing his knees to his chin.
'This doesn't feel right. Am I really as happy with Yuki as I say I am? I love him, yes, I do, but is my happiness real? He's mean to me, he throws me out, we argue all the time, the only time we really do get along is when we are having sex... Am I being true to myself? Yuki is an independant person. He likes it by himself. But we have gone a long way, Yuki and I..He's even stopped cheating on me. That has to count for something, right?'
Shuichi's ears when he heard a foreign noise coming from the back of the apartment. He heard two distinct voices, one he recognized and one he didn't. He got up and tiptoed to the hallway, listening hard to every sound that escaped from anywhere.
"Yuki-san, what are you waiting for?" It was a man's voice...and it wasn't Yuki's.
"Hold your damn horses." He heard Yuki's voice now.
"You are taking too long."
"Stop whining."
"Hnn.." There was a moan. Shuichi's heart pounded against his chest.
'No...no, it can't be..I have to be dreaming...PLEASE WAKE UP!' Shuichi closed his eyes tight and reopened them only to find himself still at Yuki's, more moans coming from the bedroom.
Shuichi tiptoed to it, his heart still beating faster and faster, threatening a heartattack. He peered his head into the dark room, just making out the sillouettes of two men, one he recognized as Yuki. The two forms were close, really close, touching each other close. As Shuichi's eyes adjusted to the darkness he could make the two out a little better. Yuki was removing the shirt from this tall, brown headed guy he didn't recognize.
"Oh, Eiri-san, you are really good with your hands.."
Yuki ran his hands down the man's chest, stomach, and down to the man's crotch where he began to play with his bulge. He pushed the man onto the bed, throwing his legs over his sides, kissing and biting his neck, hand still squeezing and massaging the other man's bulge. Yuki brought his hand away from the man's crotch to undo his zipper, kissing his down to his lower abdomen, pulling the man's pants down past his knees.
The brown headed man let out a cry of ecstacy at the feel of Yuki's mouth on his throbbing arousal. Shuichi felt his stomach turn his odd ways, he became dizzy, his heart seemed to completely stop beating. He fell backwards onto the floor, losing all control of his legs. He sat on the floor trembling in front of the doorway, watching the two men, one who was supposed to be his lover, have their way with each other.
The moans erupting from the room only added to the sickening feeling his Shuichi's stomach. His eyes never left the scene of Yuki and this man, he watching their every move, how both of them seemed to get their share... The two men lay in bed tangled together, breathing hard, foreheads touching, sweaty bodies still rubbing against each other.
"Not too bad." Yuki said to the brown headed man. "You suprise me, Hikaru-san."
"I try, Eiri." this Hikaru answered with a smile, kissing Yuki's lips lightly.
Yuki kissed him back, only this time on the nose. Shuichi felt sadness, jealousy, and rage build inside of him. Yuki only kissed HIM, SHINDO SHUICHI on the nose!
'What was I thinking?' Shuichi yelled at himself. 'It was bad enough that he was cheating on me with other women...but this time with a GUY! I guess I thought it was too good to be true that he had completely stopped cheating on me. I should have seen the signs before. He smelled different, not of perfume like he had before, but of cologne. I just thought it was something new that he had bought for himself, but there wasn't a trace of it in the bathroom, bedroom, anywhere in the house that smelled like that. I'm such a fool...'
Shuichi chocked back a sob, and forced himself to his feet. He had to get out of there before he got sick. He was just about to walk away when he heard his name...
"Eiri-san, where is that pink-headed brat that you live with at?"
"Shuichi? He's at his friend Hiro's house."
"What's he doing over there?"
"Hiro threw a little party, I guess, I don't know." Yuki answered gruffly.
"Has the kid still not caught on that you have been with me for so long?" Hikaru asked running his hand through Yuki's hair.
"No. He's dense enough as it is."
"Why are you living with him though? I know you like a little, but is it enough to live with him? You did tell me yourself that you liked me more."
"Because he won't leave, and I have gotten tired of trying to throw him out and him keep coming back. He ain't so bad after a while..keeps me occupied, and gives me the breaks I need, if you know what I mean." Yuki answered smoothly.
"I wish you would hurry up and give up on him so me and you can be official."
If Yuki said anything after that, Shuichi would never know because he ran out of the apartment before he could hear another word.
'I am such an idiot for actually thinking that...'
He ran without any knowledge of where he was going. He ran and ran without stopping, fighting with all his might to keep back the tears. He ran until he found himself in front of a mailbox that read '132141 Oikakete Dr.' (a/n): I made that up on the top of my head. He ran up to the front door and started banging on it.
"Coooming!" yelled a familiar sing-song voice.
The front door opened revealing Ryuichi Sakuma, Kumagoro perched on his head, his happy-go-lucky expression faded quickly when seeing Shuichi standing on his front step breathless and crying He as unable to hold back the tears any longer.
"Shu-chan? What's wrong? Did Eiri kick you out?"
"I don't want to hear his name ever again!" Shuichi yelled, his voice hoarse
"Come inside, Shuichi." Ryuichi said ushering him inside, taking him to the living room to sit on the couch. He ran into the kitchen that was connected by an wide, open doorway into the living room, to get Shuichi a bottle of water and some strawberry pocky. He had recently discovered from an episode at work when Yuki had kicked him out that pocky makes Shuichi feel better, if at least temporarily. He came back into the living room and sat beside Shuichi, handing him the water and pocky.
Shuichi took them both and automatically grabbed a pocky stick and stuck it in his mouth. He stopped sobbing, but the tears still fell like rivers down his face.
"What happened, Shuichi?"
"He has been cheating on me!" Shuichi yelled. "And for a while now it seems! I CAUGHT HIM! CAUGHT HIM WITH ANOTHER MAN! And he openly talked about me! He told that guy that the reason why he was letting me live with him was because that I kept him busy and gave him the breaks he needed, meaning I was an easy fuck to him. He said I was dense because I hadn't noticed that he was with that other guy before... And that guy he was with asked him when Yuki was going to finally kick me to the curb and make it an official relationship with him!"
Shuichi's head dropped in defeat. "I'm such a fool for actually thinking that maybe just a little bit Yuki cared for me. That maybe I had changed him..."
Ryuichi felt his heart twist for Shuichi. He was heartbroken and he didn't know what to do to make the pink-haired singer feel better.
"I haven't really been happy with Yuki. I wanted to think I was but I was just fooling myself. I wanted to think I was happy because he let me be his lover, I thought that meant something. But obviously it didn't and doesn't now. Last night...he told me to be careful...Be careful for what?! Watch the time that I come back to him so he can have his fun and when I come back use me?!"
Shuichi buried his head in his hands. Ryuichi looked sadly at him, rubbing his back in comforting sweeps. It was clear to Ryuichi that even the pocky isn't going to help mend this wound that Shuichi has just recieved.
Shuichi felt horrible. He felt used, betrayed, and alone. He didn't really know why he had come to Ryuichi with a situation like this. Usually he would go right to Hiro. But, Ryuichi being in his presence seemed to be comforting to the little pink-haired pop star.
"I'm so sorry, Shu-chan...I don't know what to say to you to make you feel any better."
Shuichi grabbed another stick of pocky and started sucking on it trying to fight back his tears. He allowed Ryuichi to pull him into his chest in a tight embrace, feeling that the older man's warmth was quite comfortable.
"I'm sorry you have to go through this, Shuichi-kun." Ryuichi said in a low, sad voice, now running his fingers through Shuichi's pink locks. "You don't deserve it... You don't deserve someone that will hurt you all the time..."
Shuichi gasped at the change in Ryuichi's voice. It was serious, yes, but it broke, too. Ryuichi was crying. He looked up at his idol, his eyes wide.
"Ryuichi..."
"I can't hold it back anymore, Shu... For a long time now, well, ever since we did that duet together back when your career was just starting, I felt drawn to you. I wanted to be your friend, I wanted to hang out with you all the time, you know, be close like you and Hiro are." Ryuichi looked into Shuichi's violet eyes. "Whenever I got the chance to be anywhere near you I was happy. I didn't understand why it was that way because I hadn't ever really felt attracted to anyone like I was you. I wanted to be Shindo Shuichi's best friend, his companion, never leave his side."
Shuichi felt his tears subside, his eyes growing wider as Ryuichi kept speaking.
"I know it's strange.." Ryuichi said, seeing the expression on Shuichi's face and turning away to look at the floor. "But, it's true. After a while I started getting what I wished for. We talked to each other the phone a lot, we would hang out on the weekends. The more time I spent with you, the more I didn't want you to ever leave. I can't even tell you of the countless nights I spent lying awake all night thinking of you every time you would come into NG depressed because Eiri kicked you out. I got angered with him, grieved for you, and didn't know what to do. I was scared, yeah, because I didn't understand my own feelings. I wanted what was best for Shuichi-kun, that's all."
He looked back up at Shuichi, who's expression had went from shock to almost sympathetic-like.
"I would constantly ask myself what you saw in that man. He was always so cruel to you and I hated seeing you get so upset because of him. I also got jealous. I would spend hours trying to figure myself out. That jealousy scared me..but, I realized that the reason I was jealous was because I knew that Eiri had your heart, and I could never have it as mine."
Shuichi felt his heart stop. Sakuma Ryuichi...wanted his heart for his own? He was jealous of Yuki because he wanted Shuichi's love?... Then...he felt his heart start to swell.
"I wanted you, Shuichi. It took me a while to realize it, yes, but I wanted you. I...I fell in love with you, Shu-chan."
Ryuichi bit his lip and looked back down at the floor. He didn't know if he could look Shuichi in the eyes again. He was afraid to know what Shuichi's reaction is.
"Ryu-chan?"
"Yeah?"
"Look at me."
Ryuichi slowly turned his face up to look at Shuichi. He was suprised to see Shuichi's expression was soft, still sad, but soft.
"I..I know I can't compete with a first love..that kind of thing I can't heal, but I at least want to try, Shu-chan."
"I'm not asking you to compete. What I am asking you now is to be honest with me."
"Okay."
Shuichi grabbed Ryuichi's hand. Ryuichi felt himself shiver at Shuichi's touch and a blush formed on his cheeks. He knew poor Shuichi was going to be hurting over Yuki for a while, but at least wanted to be there, he at least wanted to be a part of the healing process.
Shuichi took a deep, steadying breath. He was giddy and anxious for some reason.
"Ryu, do you really wish to call me yours?"
"Yes, more than anything in the world!" Ryuichi said, his eyes wide.
Shuichi smiled a wide, genuine smile. He felt somewhat relieved.
"Shu-chan, I want nothing more than for you to accept me as your...your boyfriend."
Shuichi's heart steadied, but still swelled. He felt warmer, happy...
"Sure."
"Sure? Sure? Sure as in sure, sure?" Ryuichi said getting exciting, the childish part of him coming out now.
"Sure as in, I'll be your boyfriend, sure." Shuichi said with a little chuckle.
Ryuichi never felt happier. He glomped Shuichi, hugging him tight.
------------------------------
Tatsuha hadn't came out of his room since the night before. He could still clearly see Ryuichi and Shuichi...the two kissing...
"DAMN!" he yelled.
He wondered if his brother knew that Shuichi had kissed Ryuichi.. Tatsuha knew all along that Eiri was cheating on him with some other guy, but he also knew that his brother liked Shuichi, even if he wouldn't admit it.
"Well, they were both drunk, after all, I could tell. Maybe I am just thinking wrong, taking things the wrong way."
He looked out of his window, the sunlight fading.
"I have to find out...whether that kiss meant more than just a drunk mistake.."
------------------------------
It was sundown now and Shuichi hadn't returned. Yuki sat on the couch his laptop in his lap, working on his novel. He wondered where the brat was. He said he would be back.. Yuki felt compelled to call Shuichi, but thought better of it. That brat knowing that he was concerned, no he couldn't do it. That would hurt his pride too much.
Hell, he couldn't resist admitting it to himself...yeah, he liked Shuichi, a lot. Sure, he had feelings for Hikaru, but he couldn't help but like his adorable, pink-haired lover. Many times he wondered whether he should break it off with Hikaru and stay with Shuichi, but his feelings for Hikaru overcame. He just couldn't help himself but to go back to him. He knew he should have just let Shuichi go a long time ago. Hell, he tried by kicking him out numerous times, getting into fights with him, but nothing would keep him away. Part of him didn't want him to go away either.
Yuki was confused over what he wanted. He growled at himself. He looked in the lower right corner of his screen and saw that he was signed on the instant messenger. He opened it up in hopes that Shuichi would be on. The only person he saw was Kuma-kun.
Kuma-kun: Eiri?
Eiri Yuki: What do you want?
Kuma-kun: i just wanted to say that you are sick. stay away from Shuichi.
Eiri Yuki: What do you mean 'stay away from Shuichi?'
Kuma-kun: just stay away from him. you have hurt him enough.
Eiri Yuki: What the hell are you talking about?
Kuma-kun: don't play dumb. i may not seem that big and bad, but i promise you, if you come anywhere near Shu-chan you will regret it.
Eiri Yuki: I think you are crazy.
Kuma-kun: he doesn't want anything to do with you anymore.
Yuki sat staring at the screen, his head buzzing. What the hell was this? Shuichi didn't want anything to do with him anymore?
Eiri Yuki: Is Shuichi there with you? I want to talk to him.
Kuma-kun: yes, he is and i don't think that is a good idea that you talk to him.
Eiri Yuki: Let me talk to Shuichi.
Three minutes of tortuous, virtual instant messenger silence.
Kuma-kun: yuki?
Eiri Yuki: Shuichi, what is that crazed singer talking about you not wanting to have anything to do with me anymore?
Kuma-kun: he's being honest... i saw you today yuki..with that hikaru guy...
Eiri's heart stopped in mid-beat.
Kuma-kun: i'm with ryu-chan now yuki. so you can be happy with that other guy.
Eiri Yuki: Shuichi, wait, I--
Kuma-kun has signed out.
(a/n): AHH Long, hard, grueling chapter, but I got it finished, and I am beginning the sixth. Woo, I am on a role!!! Thanks for reading. Please review!