Oh wow, i reached 5 chapters. My attention span is progressing!! (It's in serious pain, though)

And as you readers probably sensed in the previous chapters, i still have no idea on what the hell i'm doing. So i'm trying to fix things up this chap, although it's 2 AM already. (sighs). It's almost Jan 1 and i haven't even finished reading 1 chapter of my History book. Classes resume on Jan 3. (sighs). School is so tiring.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway... back to the fic

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Cshapter 5

Even though she grew up not showing much interest in Alchemy, she knew more than most of her father's students, who died a great and noble alchemist.

She read his books and practiced alchemy; many days of her childhood being spent in the library or in her room.

She took the test in becoming a state alchemist, and failed.

She miserably failed.

In her perspective, she brought nothing but shame to her father's grave, so she swore to never use it again.

When her father died, when she failed the state alchemist test, when she killed her first person, when she was a soldier in the war of Ishbal, she kept a straight face without any trace of any emotion whatsoever.

He, however, was her superior, guiding her to the right paths and giving her someone to lean on.

A sound of a gun's safety coming off was all it took for anyone to fear her, but when taken that weapon away, she was none more but a vulnerable soul who, although not even speaking a word of it, only wanted a share of that love in the world.

When she was distraught and in pain, it was easy for him to see through that thick mask she painst on her face with a dull gray --- cold, hard and emotionless. All it took was a touch to melt her heart which was frozen with the sweet taste of denial.

All he had to do was look her in the eyes and smile, and she knew that she still hand someone to lean on. He would take her hand without her having to say anything, and that was all it took.

The morning she woke up, finding him in herbed, she gripped the sheets, desperately hoping it was a dream. She always remembered that whenever she would look at him and he would look at her, she would gaze into his eyes and be swept away. A few seconds later, of course, reality would ring back in. She had accepted the fact years ago that he was her superior, and she was her subordinate, nothing more, nothing less. But she was contented with that fact and clung to it like it was her only reason left in living.

That night, they had talked about Maes Hughes, stories of his and eventually, their pastimes.

Roy, with a little too much wine to drink, stood up, touched Hawkeye's cheek and looked her in the eyes before sighing. "I'd like to see that pretty face of yours without that mask" he said before sitting back down.

That night was a confession of all emotions, Hawkeye had talked about how she remained in the military to protect him.

The following days after that had been somewhat awkard for Hawkeye, she felt somewhat afraid of seeing the Colonel again and if anything else might happen after that, but nothing had changed after that night. The both of them had acted as if nothing had happened, both on duty and off duty. (Of course they very rarely spent time with each other off duty)

"I love you"

She had said these words to him, pouring all emotion out of her lips.

The three words she had always wanted to hear rang in her head --- although she was considerably drunk that night, she remembered every detail of it.

She had lied down on the bed, and whispered these words to what seemed like the stillness of the dawn.

These three words were what made that night so special, but it seemed so distinct that it only lingered in her mind without even having reached the borders of her heart.

All the other emotions which she had turned down for so long froze her heart with several layers of ice.

She thought she had finally killed them; those emotions she only regarded as useless and absurd. She thought that after years of neglecting them, they had finally dissappeared.

She was very incorrect. All these emotions peirced her heart with every unshed tear she kept welled up inside.

She patted her stomach and said to herself, "I hope you're okay there". A simple exchange between mother and unborn child.

She picked up the gun she kept on the table beside the hospital bed and looked at it's details through the moonlight -- they seemed so sharp and smooth.

It was the gun she used to protect -- a mere tool which proved useless as time passed. She placed it beside the heart monitor. The nurses had assured her that she was doing fine each day, Her temperature was okay and her blood pressure was fine, but was she really?

"Don't say that!" Kain Fuery had told her earlier that day when she brought it up, but that question was inevitable, wasn't it?

It's been 2 months but she was still confined to her hospital bed. It certainly was a miracle that she and her child...or children, as Fuery insisted, made it through, but right now, she was still struggling to be alive. All she wanted was for them to be born and to lead a happy life.

She had no worries about their future finances --- the father was a state alchemist for crying out loud. And one of such a high rank as well. She only worried if that child would even have a father --- or a mother even. At this moment she knew that she could do nothing but believe in Colonel Mustang's victory against Saramin. To feed him the exact same love and hope needed for him to strengthen his will.

She sighed. Ever since she was given the task of commanding troops in Saramin, she hadn't spoken to the Colonel. Not even once.

"And i thought you would be the first person i saw when i woke up" she sighed to herself. She thought of it as a silly dream, but her heart nevertheless clung to it.

"Roy" she whispered, while staring out the window. "Keep going"

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The buildings were all practically demolished.

The military soldiers left standing were bleeding, moving out of the area, while the first aid group took care of those lying on the ground, who were either dead or only a few minutes to death.

It wasn't easy for him to end the rebellion with his last attack.

It wasn't easy for him to bring forth that great a flame.

It wasn't easy for him to take those four shots on his back, either.

He fell to the ground with his palms holding him up.

"Arigatou" he coughed, closing his eyes. "You stayed with me throughout all this, didn't you? Arigatou..."

He coughed out blood.

All he wanted to do now was to return and see her. To see once again see that smile he rarely saw, and perhaps see his child too.

He was horribly injured, but knowing her previous situation, was probably much closer to withering away than he was, but still he could feel her sending all the love and hope to him.

He always thought of her as tough ---- nothing in the world could even make her budge. But that night, he saw through her eyes the many paints she uses to mask the shouts of her heart.

He seemed to be bleeding to death, and the pain of his wounds tingled throughout his body, but all he could care about at that moment was if she ate her vegetables for dinner.

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Yeah, i know, crappy ending, but i have to wrap things up.

And yeah, i did make him figure out that the kid was his. Has something to do with Chap 6.

I'm ending the story by Chap 6, and i've constructed a somewhat vague outline of what it will be.

Throughout the story i've been greeted by mental blocks and the fury of my extremely short attention span, so that's why i tend to slip off track.

I'd love to proofread this, but i've uncovered a 20 chapter fanfic earlier which i just have to finish, so please bear with me.

I know there isn't much in this Chapter, but i had to post it coz i'm running out of time. School will soon be starting (dun dun dun...).

and oh yeah, kme- chan, i tried to do more emo than usual but this is my emo limit. and shineh-sama, one word about this drama - ish fic to zel and the guys and your ass is screwed. i can't go YM or mobile so i left this message here.

and yeah, i had to repost this coz of this message for one of my reviews:

lili:It's such a sad story. I am sorry you end it so quickly too. It has a great potential for a longer story. So many questions need answers...so I guess you kill Roy...that would simplify it, wouldn't it...TT

Me: well actually, i don't kill roy. He's too cool to die :D. I actually DID have plans for this thing, i drafted an (extremely rough) outline in my mind when I wrote chapter 2 (which explains the Denzerou guy). Chap 1 was out of boredom,which explains cliffhanger. School is approaching QUICK. i only have 3 days left plus i still have some assignments to finish, so i really do have to wrap this up.

Please review. I don't mind flames and criticism. You can be as open minded as you want :D