(A/N): Chapter 15! I have gotten really far into this. hehe. I just wanted to thank all of the reviewers! You guys rock! And, just keep reading! Yuki and Shuichi still have a lot coming for them!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation.

Italicized words are songs.

Bold italicized are songs.

Chapter 15:

He could feel the doubt overcome him, again.

No..stop thinking like that...

He was scared and confused, again. Again and again, just like it has always been. So much for the acceptance, so much for the supposed happiness he felt.

I want him..I want him soooo bad...I can't settle with just friends...I can't live without him being the one lying in my bed beside me, curled beside me...Shuichi...I need Shuichi...

Amber eyes shot open from their attempted and failed sleep.

I need to get away...I need to see him...

Throwing his feet over the bed and onto the floor, getting up, not caring if he bothered the sleeping man beside him, grabbing his cell phone from the bedside table, dialing a number as he approached the living room, wishing each ring he heard would be the last so he could hear that one, special, sweet voice, Yuki fell onto the couch, trying to calm his raging head.

"Yuki..you're calling awful late..."

Oh, Shu...

"Shuichi..." Yuki's voice broke.

"Yuki? Are you okay?" Shuichi asked, his voice filled with concern.

"No, Shu..I'm not."

"Yuki...what's--"

"I can't do this anymore, Shu..us just being friends. It's not enough. I want to believe that I can just be friends with you and things will be okay, but they won't. I...I need you more than I need just a friend.."

Yuki didn't care to stop the tears that were flowing down his face. He let them fall freely in hopes that every emotion inside would leak out with them.

"Yuki..."

"I don't want to be with Hikaru, Shuichi."

Shuichi choked back a sob. Yuki could hear Ryuichi asking Shuichi what was wrong in the background, which only added to the heavy feeling and the tears.

"I feel so...I don't know, I can't explain it. I'm not being fair to Ryuichi." Yuki said sadly, continuing to wipe the rivers on his face. "Ryuichi deserves a chance with you, to have all of you. I had my turn, I ruined it."

"Yuki...gomenasai...I don't know what to say..."

Yuki could hear Ryuichi asking Shuichi what was wrong again. He heard Shuichi shush him affectionatly and say that this was important.

"It's ok, Shu. I'm just..."

I haven't felt like this since the night I killed Kitazawa. I haven't needed anyone this much since then...

"Yuki, just breath, okay? Try not to think so negatively."

Yuki sat in silence for a moment. He didn't even notice Hikaru standing in the doorway watching him. Hikaru watched him with concern when he saw him crying, but then with jealousy and disgust when he heard what he was saying to Shuichi. He heard every word.

"I'm going back to New York, Shu."

"What?! Why?!"

"I have to get away. I don't want to feel like I am anymore."

"Yuki, what are you saying? Feel like what?"

"I've been lonely, Shu. You've helped, you really have, but something's still missing. I need to find what's missing."

"Yuki..."

"I doubt I will come back."

"You won't come back to Japan?"

"I can't do that to myself, Shu. It hurts too much. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't face Hikaru anymore without thinking..."

Without thinking of you...

"Without what?"

"Nothing... I just have to get away. I'm leaving first thing tommorrow. I'm sorry, Shuichi.."

"Yuki..." Shuichi was sobbing, which only added to Yuki's pain.

Angry tears filled in Hikaru's eyes. He looked at his lover in disgust. How could he? How dare he?

"Don't forget me, Shuichi.."

"Never, Yuki..I will never.."

"I love you...forever..."

"..You too, Yuki..."

Yuki hung up the phone. Shuich broke down in Ryuichi's arms. Hikaru stormed to Yuki and slapped him.

"What the hell is this?! You don't want to be with me anymore?! You want to go back to New York?! You can't stand being just friends with that brat?! You love that brat?! What the hell?!"

Yuki stared at the floor, ignoring the sting on his cheek. He didn't want to face his problems, it hurt way too much. But, he had too. He had to get rid of this burden.

"It's over, Hikaru." he said slowly, loudly, clearly. He looked up to Hikaru with fire in his eyes.

Hikaru felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. He looked at Yuki with the upmost shock, fear, sadness, and anger all mixed in one.

"Is this how it is going to end? You are going to leave me for that brat?"

"I'm not going after Shuichi. He deserves to be with Ryuichi. I'm going to New York and leaving all of this behind."

Hikaru chocked in a sob, ran to Yuki's room, gathered all of his things, and left. Yuki watched emotionless. He sat until the sun rose before getting up to get this things, call in a plane ticket, and make his way to the airport, leaving everything behind.

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Shuichi and Ryuichi didn't sleep the rest of the night. Ryuichi stayed up with Shuichi, comforting him, feeling the same pain as he was. Subconciously, he was glad that Yuki was leaving, but he wasn't really because Shuichi was so broken up because of it. All he knew to do was support Shuichi. Things would get better after a while, right?

The two sat on Ryuichi's (well, their) bed, Ryuichi leaned back against the wall, Shuichi drawn to his chest.

"Shu-chan..."

Shuichi shook his head and held on to Ryuichi tighter.

"I won't ever see him again..." he said in low, cracked voice. "I worked so hard to heal the wounds between us, and now he's...leaving."

Ryuichi squeezed Shuichi tighter. True, he had worked hard to mend whatever frays there were in his and Yuki's relationship. He wanted nothing more than to just be able to talk to Yuki, call him a friend. And, now Yuki was leaving. For good this time. It was too much for his heart to take. After all his hard work, it just all gets slapped right back in his face.

"I don't know whether to be angry or sympathize or allow him to leave...I just don't know..."

"Let him go, Shuichi. You want him to be happy, right? If it will make him happy, let him leave."

Shuichi looked up at Ryuichi, confusion on his face.

"I'm not just saying it to get him out of the way, no. But, didn't he say himself he wanted to find what was missing?"

Shuichi nodded.

"Let him get his head on straight, Shu. Okay?"

Shuichi nodded again, nuzzling his head in Ryuichi's neck.

I don't know what in the world I would do if Ryuichi wasn't here right now, to comfort and support me like he is. Hiro would give me good advice, but he would do whatever he could to get Yuki out of my life. He would want Yuki gone. Ryuichi just wants him to clear his head, figure out what he wants. He wants me to be happy, too. Gah, Ryu...thank you.

"I have to go to work.." Shuichi said, wiping his nose, trying to sit up, but Ryuichi held to him tight.

"It's Saturday, Shu-chan. You don't have to go anywhere."

Shuichi relaxed against Ryuichi again. He was comfortable with his Ryuichi, but he didn't want to just sit like that all day.

"Ryu-chan, can I invite Hiro and Suguru over. We all could just hang out or whatever. It'll get my mind off of things."

"Sure. Sounds good to me."

Shuichi smiled, Ryuichi allowing him to get up this time and grab his phone. He dialed Hiro's number, knowing Suguru would probably be with him.

"Mushi mushi, Hiro here."

"Hiro, it's Shuichi. Ryu and I were wondering if you and Suguru wanted to come over for a while."

"Sure, why not? What time are you expecting us?"

Shuichi looked over at Ryuichi. Both of them looked like crap, after staying up all night. Nothing a good shower couldn't fix.

"You can come anytime after an hour from now."

"Sounds good. See you then."

"Bye."

Ryuichi hopped off the bed and ran to his closet. He didn't have as much vigor as he usually does since he was tired, but he was ignoring it. He was going to make this day a happy day. He was going to make this day a day Shuichi will always remember. He didn't want Shuichi lingering on Yuki leaving, because that will just shatter him in the end. He wanted Shuichi to be happy, and he was going to do what he could to make him.

"You wanna get a shower first, or me, Ryu-chan?"

"You can go on if you want."

"Kay."

Shuichi grabbed some clothes that were layed on Ryuichi's dresser, not really looking to see who's they were (he and Ryuichi shared their clothes anyway), and got in the shower. Ryuichi stood inside of his closet, Kumagoro on his head, looking to see what to wear. After a while of contemplating, he chose just a plain black t-shirt and faded blue jeans. He heard Shuichi coming out of the shower, singing.

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

Ryuichi felt his heart sink at the sadness in Shuichi's voice. The song spoke truth. Shuichi blamed himself for Yuki leaving. Ryuichi fought off the urge to cry. It wasn't Shuichi's fault at all. Why would he blame himself? Poor Shuichi, he is so vulnerable, and so fragile. Not much unlike Ryuichi himself. Maybe, if they share their pain everything would go back to normal. He loved Shuichi and wanted nothing more than for that love in return. But, Shuichi does love him...right? He has said it out of his own mouth, he has proved him by taking Ryuichi for himself, by taking his life over. He loved him, right?

Of course he loves you, silly. Stop thinking like that.

Shuichi sang his heart out. The song really seemed to hit home with him right now. After all, he had lost more than a friend. He had lost a part of him. Even though he and Yuki were seperated, even though he had come to fall in love with Ryuichi, he still loved Yuki, secretly wanted to be with him, and always had a part of him that will always be just for him. They say first loves always hurt the most, and they must be right. Shuichi had always been up and down, going through different girlfriends, but he wasn't as happy as he thought he was. Secretly, he knew that girls weren't his thing, because for a while he had a crush on Hiro. He thought he loved Hiro. It took a while, but he finally realized that his little 'crush' was nothing more than a fatal attraction. He knew he couldn't be with Hiro, he was his best friend, he was always there for him, but he couldn't fill the emptiness he still felt inside. Yuki was the one to do that.

He didn't understand what he saw in Yuki. He was cold, cruel, always kicked him out...ended up to be cheating on him...but apparently always loved him, just didn't realize it until it was too late. That seemed a bit wrong in Shuichi's eyes. How can you love someone without knowing it, and then find out what's in your heart when they are gone?... You don't know what you have until it's gone, that's what. Shuichi knew what he did have. He had an unstable relationship, he had many heartaches, but he still went back to Yuki. He needed Yuki. Really he did. He filled what side he didn't have. Shuichi wasn't strong, he wasn't full of pride. Sure, he could stand up for himself, and sure he could beat someone up if he needed to, but he did it all in vain. He was insecure about himself and his abilities. The only thing he knew he could do was sing. He wasn't good at anything else, that's for sure.

Hiro had the brains, he could go to med school like his parents wanted him to. Suguru could go on as a producer, heck he was a master at the synthesiser, he could write lyrics, make music...everything in that category. He could be a one-man band if he wanted. He wasn't even that bad of a singer. But, all Shuichi could do was sing. That's it. He barely passed school, it took him twenty minutes or more to get obvious jokes...he wasn't smart, but he wasn't completely stupid either. He knew that Yuki leaving hurt and hurt a lot, and would hurt for a while to come.

Ryuichi knocked on the bathroom door.

"Shu-chan..."

Shuichi, towel wrapped firmly around his waist (not that he cared, anyway), opened the door and allowed Ryuichi in. He could tell Ryuichi was troubled. He was tired, too. They both were: tired and troubled. Shuichi knew he should apologize to Ryuichi for having him stay up to take care of his sad, sorry form, and was about to, but the look in Ryuichi's eyes told him that it wasn't neccessary. Ryuichi stayed up with him on his own will, wanting to be by Shuichi's side no matter what the situation. Shuichi gave Ryuichi a small smile. Ryuichi returned it with a little wider one. He wrapped his arms around Shuichi's damp form, taking in his clean scents: hair smelling of strawberries, skin smelling of Mambo cologne.

Riiiing riiiiing riiiiiiing riiiiiing

"That's my phone.." Ryuichi said, reluctantly breaking his and Shuichi's embrace. He took a deep breathing, trying to clear his voice and sound as normal as possible.

"Mushi mushi. Ryuichi desu."

Ryuichi's face darkened as he listened to the voice through the phone. His eyes narrowed sadly, also angrily, his voice low and deep.

"I'm not sure I follow.." he said slowly. "...What's that supposed to mean? No... Nooo..."

Ryuichi fell to his knees.

"Idiot! What was he thinking? No, please!"

Ryuichi dropped the phone, face in his hands, sobbing. Shuichi, now worried and angered, picked up the phone.

"Who is this and what do you want?" he said loud and clear, almost threateningly.

"This has nothing to do with you. Stay out of it." Shuichi recognized K's voice.

"K, you have Ryuichi hysterical, what's going on? You're my manager for crying out loud, tell me!"

K was silent for a long time, leaving Shuichi to stare blankly at the sobbing Ryuichi. Shuichi got on his knees and tried to look Ryuichi in the eye, but he turned away. He saw Ryuichi was close to tears.

"Tohma..he...hired someone."

"Hired someone? Who? What are you talking about?!"

"Tohma hired Ryuichi a personal assistant."

"Who?"

"Not me if that's what you want to hear."

"Okay, well who did he hire? Just tell me, K."

"He hired Tatsuha."

"WHAT?!"

"He said it was best for him. Said he might get his act straight this way."

"K, he almost KILLED me, and Tohma is going to go HIRE him to WORK for RYUICHI!! What was he thinking?!"

(A/N): Ah, a cliffhanger! Hate em! But I had to do it! I was running out of ideas. SORRY! Please review! Updates will come soon! Wah, I am still crying because of Yuki!