I do not own any of the characters from The Phantom of the Opera, although I do rather enjoy borrowing them from time to time. I also have no claim on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy; I certainly hope that all will take this parody with the humor in which it was intended.
A/N Did everyone vote today???? I did, not that I really liked either candidate. This is another very goofy chapter that was a lot of fun to write, I hope you like reading it as much as I did writing it. Let me know what you think in the reviews. Oh, and thanks to those of you who have read my friend's work Unforgiven, I think it is one of the best new stories on the site.
Author – ToryD
Beta – MJMOD
The Science of Love
Chapter 6
Erik descended the stairs in his new tight fitting jeans that Carson had said hugged his butt to perfection. Erik shook his head in astonishment at the inane importance of having a good fitting pair of jeans. But as all of the Fab five had assured him, it was high on the list of what was attractive to women. Now all he had to do was to get Christine to look at his butt.
"Good morning Erik," Nadir called out as he folded his paper at the foot of the staircase. "I assume you are ready for our meeting this afternoon."
"Of course," Erik said as he headed for the kitchen for his breakfast.
Nadir frowned as he noticed that Erik's hair seemed to be a bit stiffer than when the professional hair stylist fixed it. "How much of that stuff are you using on your hair?" he asked as he reached out and touched one of the hardened spikes.
Erik slapped Nadir's offending hand away as he scowled in irritation. "Christine seemed to like it," he said with a smug look on his carefully made-up face.
Nadir refrained from further comment as he followed his boss into the kitchen.
"Good morning ladies," Nadir greeted mother and daughter as he took a seat at the large wooden table.
Marie turned briefly form her pan of poached eggs to smile at Nadir, "Good morning."
Meg continued to stare into her cup of coffee without looking up. "Morning," she mumbled under her breath.
"What's with you?" Erik asked inelegantly.
"I had to stay up half the night listening to Christine tell me how sweet you are," She said as she looked up at him with bleary eyes.
"Really?" Erik asked in an excited tone that rivaled any fourteen-year-old girls.
Meg eyes began to focus on Erik as he slid into the empty chair beside hers. "Jeez!" she cried out with an exaggerated alarm. "How much of that stuff are you using?" she asked with a wrinkle of distaste marring her pert face as she took in his porcupine hair.
"Shut up Meg," Erik said as he glared at an overly amused Nadir.
Meg turned her attention to Nadir. "Do you have a comb?" she asked expectantly.
Nadir frowned, as he wasn't sure that he wanted his comb to come into contact with the glassy hardness of Erik's hair.
Seeing that Nadir was hesitant, Meg prodded him a little more forcefully. "Comb Nadir!"
With a slight jolt to his frame, Nadir reached into his inner jacket pocket and gave up his beloved comb.
Meg snatched up the comb from Nadir's outstretched palm with a peevish look. Standing up, she walked to stand behind Erik. Placing the comb into the front roots of Erik's hair, she was instantly met with a steely resistance. Frowning she tugged with a little more force which only earned her a sharp groan from Erik.
"Ouch!" Erik winced as Meg pulled ruthlessly at the unmoving comb.
"It's stuck," she said with a surprised tone.
"Well get it out before Christine gets here!" Erik ordered as he endured her painful administrations.
Placing one hand on his forehead for leverage, Meg pulled with a sharp vicious heave, which resulted in a loud cracking sound. Holding up the freed comb for inspection, her face took on a look of alarm as several of the teeth were missing.
"My comb!" Nadir whined as he saw several gaps in its once uniform pattern.
Marie's lips were twitching at the antics of the three. "Meg, sit down and finish your breakfast. Nadir, help yourself to coffee. Erik dear, please come with me," She said as she removed her apron to hang it on the hook by the large bookcase that held her cookbooks.
Erik rose and followed Marie without question.
Marie opened the door to her rooms and motioned for Erik to take a seat at her vanity. Walking into the bathroom, she picked up a fluffy white hand towel and dampened it before she returned to Erik.
Placing the damp towel atop of his hair, she began to rub the hardened spikes into submission. "Erik, you have certainly made some changes over the last few days," she remarked in an offhanded way so not to embarrass him.
"Do you think Christine noticed?" he asked with an anxious look in his green eyes.
Smiling, Marie reached down and patted his shoulder. "Yes, dear. I think that she did notice. That is what I wanted to talk to you about," Marie said in a more serious manner.
Erik stiffened at the tone of Marie's carefully worded statement.
Feeling the tension in her boss, Marie hastened on. "Erik, both you and Christine have led a very difficult life. I think that it would be wonderful if you two began a relationship," she said with a kind smile. "But what I did want to say to you was to not change who you are in the process."
Erik looked up into her concerned face as he reflected on her words. "But I want her to notice me," Erik said with his insecurity plainly there for her to read.
"Then let her notice you, Erik, not someone that others are telling you to change into," Marie said wisely.
"Why would she even deem to look at me if it wasn't for all of this," Erik said resignedly as he pointed to his newly changed form.
Marie felt her heart pause at the look of unhidden pain on Erik's face. Placing the towel on the glass topped surface of the antique vanity, she reached out and lifted Erik's downcast face so that she could look directly into his hurt-filled eyes. "Listen to me Erik," she said to him in a soft voice. "Christine is not the sort of girl who cares about perfect features, or perfect clothes. What she cares about is how genuine and caring people are. And you my dear boy have just about the biggest heart I have ever seen." She said with emotional tears filling her eyes. "You just need to relax and show her who you really are," Marie said with a knowing smile.
'But, what do I say to her? When I am around her, my heart starts to beat faster, my palms begin to get sweaty, and I can't concentrate on anything to say," Erik finished in a rush of fretful words.
Marie reached into Erik's damp hair and began removing the small bits of Nadir's comb. "She is a sweet girl Erik; she is probably just as nervous around you as you are around her."
"I doubt that," Erik said self-mockingly.
As Marie pulled the last broken piece out, she picked up her brush and began to gently work through the thick clumps of Erik's hair. "Oh Erik. I have an idea. I have tickets for tonight's performance of the Nutcracker that I was going to force Meg into attending with me. But why don't you take Christine instead?" Marie offered with a gentle smile.
"Take her out by myself?" he asked agitatedly as though his world was about to come unglued.
"Yes, just the two of you," Marie responded as she began to run her fingers through Erik's hair. "I know that she would love it."
Erik frowned at the thought of being alone with Christine. "But," he began only to be silenced by Marie's upheld hand.
"Take this first step Erik," She said with an encouraging look. "I promise you that Christine will not disappoint you. Trust her Erik."
Looking towards the floor, Erik considered what could be his very first date. "How do I ask her?" he said with a nervousness that touched Marie's heart.
Marie knew that Erik as tongue tied around Christine so she had already thought of her answer to this predicted question. "You can send her a dozen red roses, with the invitation written on the card." Marie suggested.
"Flowers," Erik said thoughtfully as he rose to pace the small room. "Yes, that way I won't mess it up!" he said as a bright smile spread across his face. "Will you help me write the card?"
"Of course," Marie said as she smiled proudly.
Erik's mind was spinning at the thought that he might actually be taking Christine out on a real date. "What if she says no?" he asked with wide-eyed horror.
Shaking her head Marie approached Erik. "She won't," Marie said knowingly.
"But," Erik began only to once again be silenced by Marie.
"Come on let's order the flowers before you change your mind," Marie said as she reached for her address book.
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"Erik has been working very hard on the project over the last several weeks," Nadir informed the group of distinguished looking men.
"What has been the preliminary predicted outcome to your research thus far Erik," Robert Saunders asked as he began the discussion on the innovative science of alternative fuel cell research.
Erik continued to think of the night ahead as he stared unseeingly at the Persian carpet under his feet.
After an uncomfortable silence, Nadir called sharply to his distracted boss, "Erik!"
Erik was pulled abruptly away from his thoughts at Nadir's intrusive bellow. "Sorry, what were you saying," Erik said with a bored tone.
Nadir gave Erik a warning glare as he tried to salvage the meeting. "Robert was just asking about your preliminary findings," Nadir said pointedly.
Erik anxious to end the meeting so he could find out if Christine received his flowers began to rattle off a multitude of hard to follow statistics. "As you know the world's fossil fuel resources hold a finite quantification. Hence the study for alternative viable inexpensive substitutes. I have come to several conclusions on this topic. Firstly my immediate concern with the widely availability of derivates needed to produce an inexpensive, environmentally friendly executable fuel. Secondly, the alternative energy source needed to be cohesive with the multitude of the immense vast usages of the present day and into the future endeavors of our society. So with the two significant factors identified, I set out to hone in on several sources of possible compatibility with our two main objectives." Erik said in a hurried intelligent tone that had the other four men in the room nodding in agreement for fear of looking dumbfounded by their fellow colleagues.
"I identified three resources that are widely available to the world's population and have true scientific merit in their application to our objectives. The first candidate performed extremely well in the initial phase of testing. The reliability of quality production ranged from the 86th to the 93rd percentile. We performed twenty-two separate tests on the alternative fuel and found that all test were successful, with some variations on the statistical anomalies of the varying criteria of the test subject matter." Erik said as he concluded his explanation on his first round of testing.
"The second resource though not widely available to the world's population is indigenous to the North Americas. We performed the same testing on this subject as well, and found that it did perform only slightly more reliably than our first candidate. The cost factor was a definite improvement as the production of this source was forty two point three six seven two percent with a median of fifty eight point seven three less than our first more widely available source. There is one slight drawback to this source that in my opinion with further research could in all probability be resolved ultimately, is the time factor of production. In this possible resource, there are several derivates that need to be measured in a time continuum that is necessary to the quantitative quality and consistency of the chemical reactions to produce an elevated enough quality to ensure a serviceable product as an end result." Erik said with a look of cool understanding.
Nadir's eyes sent Erik a warning sign that he was losing the group of financiers with his overtly high browed explanations.
"And lastly, our third candidate failed to meet the majority of the criteria that we set out to obtain with our two main objectives." Erik said with a slight wince. "So gentlemen, we have two very viable alternatives in which continued testing is compulsory in our efforts to uncover the next utilizable energy discovery," Erik said with a satisfied look of conclusion.
Robert glanced at his other two colleagues, seeing that they each were nodding their heads in agreement, Robert immediately got to his feet and crossed to Erik's chair as he held out his hand. "This is wonderful news Erik," the older man said as he congratulated himself on his look of understanding.
Taking Roberts offered hand; Erik rose and tried to think of a way to exit the room. "Thank you, now if you will excuse me, I have an experiment in progress that I need to attend to," Erik said bravely as he received a threatening look from Nadir. Shaking hands with the two other men, Erik made a hasty exit out the door, leaving a discontented Nadir in his wake.
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Christine was in heaven as she inhaled the sweet fragrant buds of the twelve perfect red roses that Erik had so thoughtfully sent to her along with an invitation to the ballet.
"Did you bring something with you to wear?" Meg asked as she lay on the bed with her chin on her linked hands.
Drawing in a gasp, Christine realized that she hadn't brought anything that would be appropriate to attend a function such as the ballet. "No," she said with a disappointment that showed on her beautiful face.
"Well we'd better get going then," Meg said as she hopped up from her reclining position.
"Where?" Christine asked with a bewildered look.
"Macy's," Meg said with a sigh as she grabbed hold of Christine's arm and dragged her towards the door.
"But," Christine began not sure that she should add any additional purchases to her credit card.
"No buts Christine," Meg said with a firm tone. "This is my Christmas present to you, so just shut up and come on."
Christine's face brightened at her friend's generosity. "Thank you Meg," she said as she gave her friend a quick hug.
"Yeah, yeah," Meg said dismissively, slightly embarrassed by Christine's show of affection.
As they made their way towards the staircase, Christine remembered that she hadn't accepted Erik's invitation. "Wait!" she called out to stall Meg."
"What?" Meg said with a roll of her eyes.
"I need to see Erik before we leave," she said as she ran back to her room to look in the mirror.
Sighing, Meg pulled herself back towards Christine's room. Standing in the doorway, she watched Christine as she sprayed her favorite perfume. "If we don't leave in the next fifteen minutes, you'll never make it to the ballet," Meg said in warning.
"Just let me find Erik," Christine said as she rushed out the door. "Where do you think he is?" she asked Meg as they rushed down the stairs.
Erik was just rounding the hall from his meeting with the Rochester group as Meg and Christine descended the stairs.
"There he is," Meg said pointedly as they came to the bottom of the staircase.
Christine smiled up into Erik's face as she reached his side. "Erik, thank you for the beautiful roses. I adore them," She said as she reached up and gave him a light kiss on his cheek.
Erik felt warmth fill him at her radiant smile. "You're welcome," he said as he looked at her with an intense longing.
Meg seeing that they could stand there all day just making eyes at one another decided to get the show on the road. "I'm taking Christine to get a new dress for tonight," Meg said in an effort to get Christine's attention.
"You would like to go with me then?" Erik asked with a surprised look.
"Yes, I'd like nothing more," Christine responded in a sweet voice that filled his heart with joy.
"Great, umm, that's good. I will like that," Erik's confidence began to falter as he stood in her presence.
"Me too," Christine said happily instantly putting Erik at ease.
"You won't be going anywhere if we don't get to the store," Meg said overtly.
Not taking her eyes from Erik, Christine nodded. "I'll see you tonight," she said as she began to walk towards the closet for her borrowed coat.
Feeling a little bit foolish standing there just staring, Erik nodded as he turned on his heel and headed off in search of Marie for some pointers on how to act at the ballet. As he rounded the entrance to the dining room, he stole one last glance in Christine's direction. As his gaze encountered her downcast eyes, he saw a slight blush grace her cheeks as she had just been caught staring at his butt. Seeing her quickly averted eyes, Erik's face broke out into a huge grin as he had just come to realize the extreme importance of a good pair of tight fitting jeans.