AN: Yeah, my editor finally sent me back this chapter! Now you guys can read it! Hope you enjoy it. The next chapter should be out soon. I've just been re-adjusting scenes and things within the next few chapters so I have to make sure everything still flows smoothly. Should be done soon though. Anyways, enjoy!

– Chapter Nineteen –

Time and Sorrow

"Lucky the ground was so soft."

"I thought he was dead for sure."

"But he didn't even break his glasses."

Harry could hear the voices whispering, but they made no sense whatsoever. He didn't have a clue where he was or how he'd got there. The last thing he remembered was that he had been head to Gryffindor Tower to get one of his dueling books because Sirius thought it'd be great to give him so extra practice. But he couldn't quite remember what had happened after that. All he did know, however, was that every inch of him was aching as though it had been beaten.

"That was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life."

Scariest… the scariest thing… What had happened? Had Voldemort attacked and knocked him out or something?

Harry's eyes snapped open. He was lying in the hospital wing, no surprise there. The Gryffindor Quidditch team, spattered with mud from head to foot, was gathered around his bed. Ron and Hermione were there also, looking as though they'd climbed out of a swimming pool. But there was something very different and wrong with each and every one of them. They all seemed… younger.

"Harry!" said Fred, who looked extremely white underneath the mud. "How're you feeling?"

Harry's mind was in a whirl. He had no clue whatsoever of what was going on. What happened? What were all of them doing here? Weren't they still on Christmas beak? And if something had happened, where was Sirius? He would usually be here when he wakes up.

"What happened?" he said, sitting up so suddenly they all gasped.

"You feel off," said Fred. "Must've been – what – fifty feet?"

"We thought you'd died," said Alicia, who was shaking.

Hermione made a small, squeaky noise. Her eyes were extremely bloodshot.

"What?" said Harry, fully confused. What were they talking about? "What happened?"

For a moment, no one said anything. Hermione was the one to finally find her voice. "Don't you remember Harry? The match against Hufflepuff. You guys have been training for the match for almost ever. Don't you remember what happened? The Dementors?"

Harry stared at her dumbfounded for a moment. Match against Hufflepuff… a Dementor attack. But that can't be. That was two years ago, wasn't it?

The look everyone saw on Harry's face made them think he had remembered, so they continued. "We lost. Diggory got the snitch." Said George. "Just after you fell. He didn't realize what had happened. When he looked back and saw you on the ground, he tried to call it off. Wanted a re-match. But they won fair and square… even Wood admits it."

'Oh God. Cedric…' he thought sadly. They were talking about him. Harry couldn't handle this. What was happening? Why was he here? Maybe it was a dream? Some very weird dream. "Where is Wood?" said Harry, still confused. He was trying to figure out what had happened. Maybe that might help him.

"Still in the showers," said Fred. "We think he's trying to drown himself."

Harry put his face to his knees, his hands gripping his hair. Fred grabbed his shoulder and shook it roughly.

"C'mon, Harry, you've never missed the snitch before."

"There had to be one time you didn't get it," said George.

"It's not over yet," said Fred. "We lost by a hundred points, right? So if Hufflepuff lose to Ravenclaw and we beat Ravenclaw and Slytherin…"

"Hufflepuff'll have to lose by at least two hundred points," said George.

"But if they beat Ravenclaw…"

"No way, Ravenclaw are too good. But if Slytherin lose against Hufflepuff…"

"It all depends on the points – a margin of a hundred either way –"

Harry just sat there, not saying a word. How could this be? He was back in his Third Year. He had lost two years of his life. But how? How could all this be happening? It wasn't possible. Unless it was a time-turner, but that couldn't be it either. There would be two Harry's here if that were the case, not just him.

After ten minutes or so, Madam Pomfrey came over to tell the team to leave him in peace.

"We'll come see you later," Fred told him. "Don't beat yourself up, Harry, you're still the best seeker we've ever had."

The team trooped out, trailing mud behind them. Madam Pomfrey shut the door behind them, looking disapproving. Ron and Hermione moved nearer to Harry's bed.

"Dumbledore was really anger," Hermione said in a quaking voice. "I've never seen him like that before. He ran onto the pitch as you fell, waved his wand, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wand at the Dementors. Shot silver stuff at them. They left the stadium straight away… he was furious they'd come into the grounds, we heard him-"

"Then he levitated you onto a stretcher," said Ron. "And walked up to the school with you floating on it. Everyone thought you were…"

His voice faded away though Harry hardly noticed. He was too preoccupied. How could all this possibly be happening? He was slowly beginning to remember what had happened before he blanked out. He had been on his way up to Gryffindor Tower to get one of his Dueling books. Then he had begun to feel dizzy and sick. He had fallen; he could remember that, but then what happened? Someone had been there with him, calling his name, saying not to leave and to hold on, but who? He couldn't remember. What he could remember was that there had been a drawling, cold voice that had kept repeating the same words over and over again. Now what were they? Alu… Ardea… Avucinor Sarco.

He looked up to find that Ron and Hermione were looking at him so anxiously that he tried to remember what he had said to them. He didn't want to involve them in this until he figured out what this was.

"Did someone get my Nimbus?"

Ron and Hermione each shot each other a glance.

"Er-"

"What?" 'Oh, they're going to know something's up. I can't act like this very well,' he thought.

"Well… when you fell off, it got blown away," said Hermione hesitantly.

"And?"

"And it hit - it hit – oh, Harry – it hit the Whomping Willow."

'No big surprise there,' he thought. What he wasn't looking forward too was all the conversation that he'd had. He wasn't sure yet if his being here would change time and if it did change time, then he wanted to keep it to a minimal.

"And?" he said, trying his hardest to sound like he was dreading the answer.

"Well, you know the Whomping Willow," said Ron. "It – it doesn't like being hit."

"Professor Flitwick brought it back just before you came round," said Hermione in a very small voice.

She then slowly reached down for a bag by the foot of his bed and turned it upside down. Bits and pieces of his once faithful Nimbus fell out onto the bed in front of him and he tried his best to look devastated. But he really didn't care about that at the moment. He had much bigger problems then a broken broomstick and a silly Quidditch match. He needed to get back home.

The sun was just starting to set over the grounds of Hogwarts. The snow was glistening in the sun's orangey light and the wind was whistling softly through the trees. But this did nothing to sooth the worries and fears of one man who stood alone by one of the highest windows over looking the grounds.

He stood rigged and still, staring out into the distance, looking at nothing in particular. His mind was a whirl of thoughts and memories, most too terrifying to describe. He wished that he could just banish them all away and start out new, but knew that he couldn't. He was stuck with them. Stuck with the memories of Lily's death and how he had lost Harry. He had lost Harry twice. Once fourteen years ago and now again today.

It was still fresh in his mind. The fear, Harry's ridged form withering in pain, those emerald green eyes staring up at him with love and fear. He had been helpless. He hadn't been able to help Harry. He hadn't been quick enough. If only he had gotten there sooner then maybe he would have been able to stop it.

But he hadn't, just like fourteen years ago; he hadn't been able to prevent it. He had failed Harry again. He could still remember the cries Harry had made as a child when Voldemort had attacked them. They were as clear in his mind as though they had only happened minutes before.

Harry had cried when he had died, then again when Hagrid had pulled him from the house and wouldn't give him to Sirius. Harry had cried out for him and he hadn't been there to answer. He had been… gone… somewhere. Somewhere where there was nothing but a black void and the sounds of Voldemort's laughter and Harry's cries.

He shuddered at the memory. He had almost lost his mind there. It had taken him so long to get back and now he was losing it again. The only thing that had kept him stable all this time was Harry, but he had lost him. And now he had nothing. Nothing to hold onto. Nothing but misery.

"James?" James didn't move, didn't want to move. He just continued to stare out over the grounds, pretending that he didn't know Sirius was there.

Sirius sighed and walked towards James. He had been looking everywhere for him ever since Madame Pomfrey had declared that Harry was… gone. James had swiftly left the hospital wing upon hearing this and disappeared. He, Remus and Dumbledore had been searching everywhere for him, knowing that now was not a good time for James to be left alone.

"James?" Sirius said again, resting a hand on James' shoulder. "It wasn't your fault."

James didn't answer. He just closed his eyes and lend against the window frame, drawing away from Sirius. He wanted to be left alone. He didn't want to hear this from Sirius or anyone else for that matter. It was his fault. He hadn't been fast enough.

"James. Don't block me out. It's not good for you to be alone. You've worked so hard, don't push me away now." Sirius said, trying to get James to answer him.

James kept his eyes shut, but tears began to leak out from under the lids. "He's gone. I… I should have done something."

"You did all you could," Sirius said, gripping James' shoulder and this time he didn't pull away. "Harry could very well be dead now if it wasn't for you."

"He's as good as dead." Said James.

Sirius sighed. "You don't know that. We don't know that. We have no idea what's happening to him. For all we know, he could be having a very pleasant dream."

James shook his head. "How can he be? You didn't see, Sirius. You didn't see him lying there, withering in pain." His voice began to crack with emotion.

"James?" Sirius moved closer, forcing James to open his eyes and look at him. "Stop doing this to yourself. We'll get him back. But we need your help and you won't be able to help Harry at all if you fall back into another depression."

James stared out the window and sighed, trying to believe what Sirius was saying. "I just… I'm just so afraid that I'm going to lose him again. I've missed too much of his life as it is, I don't want to lose him now when I'm so close to having him back in my life."

Sirius nodded. "I know, James. I know. I felt the same way when I had to go into hiding."

James lifted his head to stare into Sirius' eyes. "But, you've at least spent time with him since then."

"Yes," said Sirius, "But not as much as I would have liked. Once I got him out of the Dursleys, we spent the most time together we have had since he was a baby, but those weren't the best times. Harry had been suffering then from all sorts of demons and even now, he still is."

James nodded, closing his eyes again. "I just wish that things hadn't turned out the way they did. Even if the only thing that was different was that you had never gone to Azkaban that would have been enough for me. Harry wouldn't have had to spend ten years with those bastards and he would have been happy."

Sirius nodded. "But, just because he wasn't happy then doesn't mean that he can't be happy now. Once this whole thing is over and we get Harry back, you and he will be able to be happy."

James snorted. "Yeah, that's if Dumbledore finally lets us tell him about me. He may not, you know?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed. "Well, Dumbledore may have some good reason for not telling him, but don't worry, we will tell him before the summer holidays hit."

"You think that will help? Even if Harry knows about me, there's still the issue with the Ministry. Dumbledore doesn't think they'll let me have Harry. They may just send him back to that Uncle of his."

"And if they do, Dumbledore will either find a way to get him away from there, or I'll just have to go in my dog form and pretend to be Harry's new pet."

James chuckled. "Oh, I bet you'd love that. You'd bite off a huge chunk of Vernon the first change you get-"

"Which will probably be right away, knowing how that uncle of his treats him."

James nodded. "I sure hope the Ministry doesn't do anything. I'm Harry's father. They have no right to keep him from me."

Sirius nodded and lend against the other side of the window frame. "Yeah, but you and me both know how much of an idiot Fudge is. He wouldn't listen to me when I delivered Dumbledore's message. He just waved me off as though what I was saying was nothing more then foolish nonsense."

James frowned. "But why wouldn't he let me have Harry? I can't think of a reason why he should keep him from me."

"Fudge thinks Harry's a nutcase, remember. That and he does not want to believe you're you. Besides. Fudge also sees Harry as a threat. Even though he knows what kind of a man Vernon is, he may just send Harry back there to get rid of him."

James sighed and put his head in his hands. "God, I hope not. Harry's been through enough; he doesn't need to be sent back there. If he is sent back there, the first thing I'm going to do is go there and kidnap him. I don't care what Fudge says."

"Well, Remus and I will back you up on that. Hell, that's what him and me were planning on doing this summer, but Dumbledore told us to wait. That man always seems to know everything," Sirius said.

"That's because he does, or if he doesn't he makes an educated guess which ends up being right most of the time," said James, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hmm…" Sirius nodded. The sun had set now and all that was left was an after glow. The grounds were starting to get dark and the torches inside the castle were starting to pop on.

"So," Sirius said. "Feeling any better, or are you just going to stay here for the rest of your life and sulk?"

James chuckled. "I wasn't sulking."

"Yes, you were," Sirius stated firmly.

"No I wasn't."

"Yes you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"Then what were you doing? I realize this is hard James, but you can't just let go of everything you've worked so hard to gain back. Remus and I won't let you do it." Sirius declared.

"I know," James said solemnly. "I just… I just feel like I've failed Harry… again. I've… barely had any time with him and it seems that in the small amount of time I do have I've screwed up and failed him somehow."

"You've never failed Harry, James. The kid loves you to death. Was I the only one who noticed how he used to cling to you all the time? And even now he still loves you. He talks about you sometimes asking what you were like and how things use to be for him when you were there."

James looked up at Sirius. God, he looked tired. "He did?"

Sirius nodded. "Remus said the same thing. Said that Harry takes it as a compliment when someone says that he's exactly like you."

James was speechless upon hearing this. He had never heard anyone say that. Did Harry really do that? But it was too late to find out now. He was gone. Who knew when they were going to get him back?

Sirius sighed upon seeing the looked on James' face. He could tell James wasn't fully convinced, but to fully convince him that it wasn't his fault would take time. He and Remus would have to work on that. They couldn't afford to lose James like they had almost lost him during the summer. That was the scariest thing Sirius had ever gone through. Not only the shock of his friend being back from the dead, but how close James was to losing it. He never wanted to go through that again.

"Come on," said Sirius, clasping a hand on James' shoulder. "I bet Moony is wondering where the hell we've got too."

James just nodded and let Sirius led him out of the room. He really wasn't in the mood to be out and about even though now that Harry was … well wherever he was, James could actually go out into the halls and out on to the grounds. He just wanted to be alone, but Sirius, being the annoying person he was, wasn't going to let that be possible.

'Oh well,' James thought. 'I'll just have to dye his hair pink while he's sleeping tonight, that's all.'

AN: Well, there you go. Hope you enjoyed it. Please leave feed-back for me. Did you like it, hate it. Do you want to see something happen in future chapters or like how the story line is progressing. Let me know. I need to gadge myself. Sorry if I spelt that wrong. We all know I can't spell to save my life. Anyways the next chapter should be out soon, until then...REVIEW!