Much of it blurred by. Light. Darkness. The pure white agony of the Embrace. Seed in and seed out. Learning the easy lessons the hard way and the harder ones in worse ways. It wasn't until events brought him home that the pace of life slowed enough for him to put things in a coherent line.
The nice vacation from it all. The lazy days spent swimming the reefs on Mon Calamari. His brief and surprising interludes with Danni. The many sent missives to Tenel Ka. Wishing her well and letting slop the love for her. Tahiri witnessed this all and went on the swoop ride of emotions that went with it.
The real surprise came with the exquisite detail in one specific memory. It was the night of the Knighting ceremony. There was a feeling of being kicked in the gut when he saw Tenel Ka again. She was dazzling him in her dress. Her diadem caught and reflected the light thousands of times over causing her face to be shadowed rainbow from his view point. She took his breath away and his heart ached with the love it held for her.
He was slightly hurt when he couldn't find her right after the exit, but consoled himself with the fact that he would see her at the reception later. Unfortunately for him he had trouble getting to her, she was keeping company with the politicians and council members. He resigned himself to the fact that she would be tied up with them most of the night. Upon that realization he attached himself to a wall, waiting and watching for her exit.
After a brief interlude with Jaina, he saw his chance. He bid those he was with good night and followed her out. "Tenel wait…"
She turned on him eyes flashing. "You will address me appropriately, Knight Solo. Protocol may have been breakable before but now it is not."
The hurt was brief. The confusion lasted a while longer. Just long enough that the Hapan Queen Mother made her retreat. As she turned a corner, he came to and asked himself 'What was that about?' Then he took off after her intending to get some answers.
When he buzzed her quarters, he fully expected that she would answer the door. Surprise registered when a man did instead. "Her highness wishes me to inform any who come here that she is not receiving visitors." Jacen just looked down his nose at the shorter man and pushed past him.
"You must leave."
He sensed Tenel's brief probe. On his end he got a hurried feeling from her. Then her voice rang out. "It is alright, Vecsu." She came to the door of her room. A bag in her hand. "Take this to the ship. You are not needed here at the moment."
"But it is improper for…"
Her eyes narrowed at the man. "You would do well to remember exactly who is in charge. You will go. " Her tone softened slightly. "He is a Jedi Knight. There is no question to his honor or mine for that matter. Are we clear?"
He bowed his head slightly and backed out of the of the entryway with the bag. She turned back into her room. Jacen followed even more confused now.
"Your highness, what was that about?"
She put her hands on her dresser and squared her shoulders. Turning her head to look at him over her shoulder she said, "Don't Jacen. Not in here where I know it is safe to speak freely."
"What is going on?"
She opened a drawer and continued to pack. "You know as well as I do that walls tend to have ears in public places. For you to address me in the familiar in public would insinuate that we are more to each other than we are."
He was taken aback at her statement. There was also a brief stab of pain. "The fact remains that we are."
Her deep breath shuddered out of her lungs. Then she turned to face him. "I know. Nobody else can though. It would compromise the tenuous peace that I have managed to eke out in the cluster." She moved loser to him.
He backed away. He was trying to get his bearings. Tenel had never in her life shown this much emotion. The last time he'd seen her she was going to but Vergere never gave her the chance. When he surfaced from that memory he found himself backed against the bunk. She was pressed against him.
"I wanted you to know before I went home, exactly how much I have and will miss you." With that she pushed him down and pinned him beneath her. His pulse was pounding in his ears as her head descended. Everything swirled into sensations, her lips on his with bruising force. Her teeth scraping along his jawbone, down his neck to his collarbone.
He vaguely felt his shirt leaving his waistband. Her hands quickly dispelled the notion that he should stop her. They felt wonderful gliding over his chest, down his ribs and back to his waist. Trailing still lower.
His eyes snapped open and his gasp was caught by her lips as her hand cupped him.
It was at this point that Tahiri detached herself from the emotion and just watched. The absolute beauty of the moment was not lost on her. It was the coming together of two halves. Not something to be intruded upon. Yet there was a reason Jacen was allowing her to see this. It finished rather abruptly and Tahiri found herself back on the couch in front of the holo.
She did not look to him when he re-entered the room. "What was that about?" She asked rather harshly.
"So you'll better understand this." A letter fluttered to her lap. "Go on and read it. Then you tell me who's got more hurt in the galaxy."
It was rather strange. As she read she heard his mental voice as he read it and Tenel's as she wrote it.
Jedi Knight Jacen Solo,
It is my duty to inform you that by demand of the masses, you are no longer allowed in Hapan space. Further more your family is but they are not allowed to land on any of the sixty-three worlds.
This decree came into being as it has com into light that the Queen Mother is in a condition that may be of some concern to those in the Jedi community. Shortly after Her taking of a consort she became with child, her consort voiced some concern over the relationships she had outside of the consortium. It has been cleared up, but he, fearing retribution for the lies he spread, asked the Queen Mother to protect him. In order to keep the peace she assented.
Any other Jedi shall be welcomed with open arms and helping hands. It is not them he fears.
Long Live the Galactic Alliance,
Tenel Ka
Queen Mother
Hapes Consortium
Jacen,
My hope is that whoever breaks the code on this letter will see the formality of it and go no further. In case you had not figured it out yet, Vecsu is my consort. He made aspirations on my virtue. After we got back to the cluster. He told the absolute truth of course, but I couldn't let them think that I had already abused the power that I have.
I made him believe the unborn are his. He apologized immediately. Then he forced my hand. Keep your eyes peeled though, his fear that you will defy the edict is great. I feat that he will send bounty hunters after you.
Enough about my sniveling other, I need to let you know my reasons for not telling you then. First is that I was being greedy. I wanted something of you to keep with me. I couldn't stand the thought of being so far apart. Which brings me to point two, My duties here are such that we will never have time for each other. No need to elaborate there.
As if those were not damning enough, I felt the need to protect you. My days would be even more agonizing if I were to worry about who's out to get you next. That would be unacceptable. My apologies for the pain I now put you through. But live well knowing that your progeny will be well protected by their mother.
My Love Eternally,
Tenel
Tahiri looked up tears in her eyes. "Jacen I…"
"Don't Tahiri. Shed no tears for me. My choice was made for me while I was gone. Yours basically for you." She gave him a quizzical look. "You still resent the fact that Anakin kept sending you away from him during the mission. It wasn't because he thought you were an incompetent child. It was more for the fact that he knew that he'd be completely ineffective if he lost you."
Tahiri was totally speechless at this revelation. She had never though of it that way. She had been so stubborn and irritated at her love it never occurred to her that he was trying to protect her. She reached over and hugged Jacen. "Thank you." She whispered as she brushed his lips with a chaste butterfly kiss. Then she was out of his consciousness.
His lips were buzzing and heart pounding. He opened his eyes and found himself in the same position he occupied before he started the journey. Sitting lightly on the edge of her bunk. His hands on her temples. The only difference between then and now was that she had a contented smile on her face.