Chapter 6

As the days passed, Legolas spent much of his time either with Aragorn or alone in quiet reflection. He now believed that he understood much of what had happened. Athelas would never be easy about her own future until Arwen's was settled. If she had cared nothing for him, if she had meant merely to refuse him, she would have been able to be calm about it. When her emotions were not involved, she was imperturbable. So she did care, but could not yet see her path. He had been a fool, throwing his own happiness away when patience might have won it for him.

Elrond's accusation, for Legolas regarded it as such, had stunned him. Anger against Elrond fought in his heart against the fear and apprehension that he had caused Athelas' more pain than her physical injuries. He blamed himself for pulling her back, for not understanding the fear that had caused her to run. He had been overcome by his own fevered emotions, and had lost sight of how it might seem to her, unprepared as she was. He understood her disposition, understood the need to think a situation over before coming to a decision, and what he had done was the one thing that would have unsettled her like nothing else. His only excuse to himself was that it had felt right. Never again would he let his own desires guide him like that. He would keep his feelings in check in order to spare her more pain.

Yet he longed for her. He cursed the separation Elrond had imposed. But he could not bring himself to explain himself to the Elf Lord. The feelings were still too raw, too new. There was no one he could explain his feelings to. Aragorn was quietly supportive, but did not press the young prince. He had had to come to terms with his own passion for Arwen, and sympathized. He reassured Legolas that Arwen was a skilled nurse, passing on her reports to him.

Athelas was recovering, but the head wound caused her to cry out in the drugged sleep Elrond had insisted on. Arwen was by turns reassured and frightened by the ravings. Athelas both cried out for Legolas and begged him to leave her. The confusion in her brain frightened Arwen. She began to dread that her friend would never regain her senses

Once she called out to Elrond, telling him she was lost and couldn't find her way. Elrond murmured words of comfort. Athelas settled back into her troubled dreams, but Elrond told Arwen his worries. "This is more than the effect of the injury. She is facing a crossroads in her path, and the fear of making the wrong choice is exacerbating it."

Arwen looked at her father. "Should we send for Legolas? She calls for him so often." But Elrond was unmoved.

"She implores him to leave as often as she asks for him. She may not thank me for it, but I still think it is best if he is not brought."

When she finally woke from her disturbed sleep, feeling tired but less shattered then she had, Elrond was with her. He had sent Arwen to rest, insisting that he was as able a healer as she was. Arwen had chuckled at that, and kissing her father, left the room.

Athelas stretched and felt her muscles protest. Elrond's kind face was above her, and she looked up at him with weary but lucid eyes. He pushed back her tangled hair, and kissed her on the forehead. "Welcome back." he told her, "you have been asleep for some days."

"Have I?" she asked absently.

"Yes, child, but the worst has passed. Your body is healing. How do you feel?"

"There is some pain, but it is bearable." Elrond looked at her thoughtfully.

"Do you remember what happened, Athelas?" he asked gently.

She closed her eyes, slowly started to speak. "I was running in a thicket. I tripped. I fell, and couldn't stop." She opened her eyes. "That is all I remember. Was I hurt badly?"

"You sustained a blow to the head that troubled me, but I believe you will suffer no lasting harm. You also broke your foot. Do you remember talking to me when you were brought home?"

"No." she looked out to the trees. "I'm so very thirsty, could I have a drink?" He looked sharply at her. She seemed to be herself. He handed her a cup of cold water and she sat up and drank it gratefully.

"My thanks, Elrond." she said. Then her eyes went wide as she realized what she had said. "Excuse me, my lord. The formalities seem to be so much bother right now." Elrond chuckled.

"Not at all, my dear Lady Athelas. Plain speaking may be best right now." Carefully, he posed his question to her. "Why were you running through a thicket?"

"I had to get away. I couldn't stay. I was afraid, you see."

Elrond sat down beside her and held her hand. "Athelas," he began softly. "You have been insensible for some time now. I understand the ravings of an injured person are not always to be relied on. But some of what you said has concerned me greatly. I realize that it may be difficult, but I must know what happened." Her hands started to shake. He held them more firmly. "No one will blame you for anything." he said.

"Didn't Legolas explain it all?" she asked him, staring down at her quilt.

He tilted his head to look at her. "I want to hear it from you."

"We spent a lovely day in the wood. On the way home I acted foolishly and ran from him. Then I stumbled and fell." She searched his face with questioning eyes. "What could I have said to make you think otherwise?"

Elrond sighed. "I am not your father, Athelas, or your closest blood kin, as we both know. But I have acted in that capacity for many years. I consider you as much a daughter of my house as Arwen. I have great affection for you. It is only that which would make me question you. Why did you run? Why were you afraid?"

Shame colored her cheeks. "I cannot tell you. Please do not ask me to explain."

"On the night you were brought home, you were somewhat coherent for a few moments. During that time you begged me not to blame Legolas. You told me you shouldn't have made him angry. During your delirium I have heard you alternately cry for him passionately and plead him with him in fear. I do not know what to think. And so, child, I must ask. Did he harm you?"

"Never!" she told him. "You couldn't honestly have believed that he ever would." She looked at him wonderingly. "You did believe it." she said, quietly.

"Athelas," Elrond began, but for the first time in her adult life she let her anger loose.

"You thought that my Lord Legolas, the most noble, the most honorable elf I have ever met could have done something like that? My Lord Legolas has never once offended me, Lord Elrond, and most definitely not in the manner you have implied!" She felt tears rise in her eyes. "Forgive me, my lord. I must have lost my wits entirely to say anything that would give that impression." The hot tears of pain and disgrace flowed down her cheeks.

Elrond gently wrapped his arms around her and she sobbed her anguish into the comfort of his embrace. Elrond patted her back and stroked her tousled hair. Athelas cried herself out and wiped her eyes on the back of her hand like a child.

"Athelas," Elrond said huskily, "forgive me, but I had to know. When you spoke of blame and anger I was frightened for you. I was terrified of what might have been done. When I asked Legolas he coldly informed me that his behavior had caused your injuries and refused to say one word beyond that. And your eyes, child, held so much torment."

Athelas pulled herself away from Elrond as her blood turned to ice. "My ravings caused my Lord Legolas to be accused?" she asked in a dreadful voice.

"I will admit that I was not gentle in my questioning. I also forbid him to leave Imladris. I will, of course, be offering my most sincere apologies to him immediately."

She thought of Legolas, reserved and dignified Legolas, being asked to explain his private thoughts and actions. She thought of his mortification in facing Elrond's implications that he had harmed her.

"I have lost him forever" she thought. Struggling to find words, she looked around her room in despair. After a moment, she had control of herself. She would not add to her disgrace or his humiliation.

"I thank you, my lord, for your concern. I am ashamed that my capriciousness has caused this most wretched state of affairs. I humbly beg forgiveness." she said, in a calm voice that was frightening to hear.

"It is I who must ask your pardon. I have interfered in your personal affairs, as well as those of our Prince of Mirkwood. I hope he has a forgiving heart."

"As do I." She thought of the look of coldness in his eyes, the anger. And after she had behaved so intolerably, Elrond had questioned his integrity. How he must hate her now!

Elrond did not like the look of loss in her eyes. "I will explain that you had no part in my suspicion of Legolas. He will not hold you responsible." He reached out to her, but she pulled away. "Let me help you mend whatever has happened between you. You are both young, Athelas. You can confide in me. I may be able to assist you."

"Thank you, Lord Elrond," she said in a restrained voice, "but I am afraid the details of this incident are best left known only to myself and my Lord Legolas."

"As you wish." he told her. "Shall I send for him? He has been most concerned about you."

She could well believe that he had! Unbidden, his face appeared before her, his icy eyes forbidding. Athelas was not a coward, but the idea of confronting Legolas terrified her. To see disdain on that beloved face, especially now, since she knew him alienated from her forever caused her soul to wither.

But she must face him, give him the opportunity to reproach, to censure her. She must also apologize not only for her own foolishness, but Elrond's attitude toward him. Feeling desperation descend on her, she tried to delay the inevitable.

"My lord, of course I will see him, to ask his forgiveness. But I beg of you, do not let him come until this evening. I fear the strain of this conversation has left me exhausted."

"Of course," he said, getting up. "You should rest. This evening will be soon enough to come to any understanding."

They would definitely understand each other after this interview! Athelas groped for some sense of calm, of acceptance. There was only grievous pain and anger. She would lose control of herself again, and make things worse between them. She looked at Elrond with fresh grief.

"I would ask a favor of you, my lord." she said.

"Anything, dear one." he told her.

"Would you attend the audience between my Lord Prince and myself?" He started. "I do not yet feel secure in my state of mind. I do not want any more unpleasantness to arise. She reached for his hand. "Please, Elrond."

He was instantly alert. "Are you still afraid?" he asked her bluntly.

"Only of myself." she told him. "Will you come to me a few moments before he does? It will be such a comfort to me."

"He may not wish to have me there, Athelas. But there will be other opportunities for you to have the privacy you need to settle this matter."

"No, Elrond." she told him, looking back out at the trees. "After tonight, I will never see my Lord Legolas again."

Elrond sought out Legolas himself, instead of sending for him. He felt the full import of what he had done, but was honest enough to admit to himself that should the same circumstance arise, he would do it again.

He found Legolas wandering in the garden. He went to the young elf and bowed low, something he rarely did. Legolas saw the relief on Elrond's face and felt his heart lift. It was going to be alright! Her spirits had not been irreparably damaged by his precipitousness. Perhaps Elrond had even helped her to find a way through her dilemma.

"She has reassured you?" he asked Elrond, his voice carefully neutral.

"She has. I apologize to you, Legolas, son of Thranduil. I have offended you most grievously. I implied wrongdoing where I now believe none existed. I do not ask for forgiveness, realizing that may be impossible, but for understanding. It is my hope you are never faced with such a situation yourself."

Legolas inclined his head politely, but his mind was racing. "May I see her now, Lord Elrond?" he asked.

"She has requested a meeting with you later this evening. This morning's discussion was difficult for her and she is fatigued. She is still fragile, both in body and spirit. I ask that you consider that during your interview with her. Speaking plainly, Legolas, since neither of you will discuss the particulars of the affair between you I am in ignorance, but something has disturbed her greatly. I ask you not to upset her further."

Legolas was taken aback. What did Elrond mean? Was she still upset with him? Even frightened? What had Elrond told her? He looked at him with questioning eyes.

"She is a daughter of my house, Legolas. I will act in her best interests. I will send for you when she is ready."

Arwen came to help Athelas bathe and dress. Arwen was excited that her friend would soon be able to solve whatever it was that vexed her so. She wanted to arrange her hair, but Athelas refused, preferring to wear it loose. She took no interest in her clothes and decided on a plain but comfortable robe. She declined any ornamentation at all. Arwen became worried. Athelas' had always enjoyed looking her best. Of course her friend's spirits were low, but Arwen hoped that this meeting would raise them.

Athelas had asked Arwen to go to a certain old trunk and recover a small rosewood box for her. Athelas has rummaged through it to find and old and worn string of ivory worry beads. Arwen had not seen the beads in ages, and knew that her friend was deeply troubled about something. But Athelas would not confide in her. She asked Arwen not to press her. Arwen trusted that when the time was right, Athelas would unburden herself.

Elrond came and sat with her while she waited. He discretely tried to persuade her to reconsider her attitude. She could not find it in her to explain that it was Legolas who would not want to see her. She absently ran the beads through her fingers, making small clicking sounds with them.

"My lord," she began, looping the string once again, "I have come to a decision. When I have recovered sufficiently, I shall go to Lothlorien. I would like to spend some time with my family there."

Elrond was surprised. She had never before made a journey without Arwen. But he saw the wisdom in it as well. He began to discuss the arrangements with her, suggesting the size of her escort, the length of her visit.

Legolas paused outside her door to compose his thoughts. Surely once he explained that he understood her conflict, though not her fear, she would forgive him. He would wait for her to be ready. As he entered the room, he was startled to hear her last words, "It shall be as you suggest my lord. A year or two in Lothlorien will certainly be most beneficial."

He was halfway into the room before the significance struck him. Elrond was sending her away. The smile faded from his face. Elrond still didn't believe him! He looked at Elrond with disgust.

Athelas saw the ferocity in his eyes as he stared at Elrond. She shuddered. How much more must he loathe her, the cause of his humiliation! She couldn't look at him. She gazed down at her beads instead. They ran fast and frantic through her fingers. Their chattering caught his attention and he looked at her.

She looked like a child. Vulnerable, frightened. Had he done this to her? Her calm repose was gone. Her eyes were down, refused to meet his. His anger dissolved as he regarded her. He would be gentle, composed. Once Elrond was gone he would reassure her with tender words.

"My lord Elrond, Lady Athelas." he said formally. She didn't lift her head. He glanced pointedly at Elrond.

"Lady Athelas has requested that I be present during this interview," he said calmly.

Legolas felt his rage engulf him. Naked fury was on his face. He would not forgive Elrond for that. That Athelas herself was unsure of herself, afraid of this meeting, never crossed his mind.

"As you wish, my lady." he said, unable to dull the edge in his voice.

"My lord Prince," she began, raising her eyes to his. "Allow me to apologize for all the offense my foolishness has caused. It has never been my intention to cause you any grief or worriment. I am ashamed of my behavior towards you. I understand that during my recent insensibility I have caused Lord Elrond to implicate you for my misdeeds, and I humbly beg your pardon for having subjected you to such a great insult." She looked down again, unable to bear the storm in his eyes.

He fought for control of himself. The last time he had followed his heart he had frightened her. The intensity of his feelings now would terrify her. He would be tranquil. He would not bear his heart to her before Elrond. He would find a way to speak to her alone, tonight if he could. He would play Elrond's game.

"My lady, I have taken no offence from you." he said, granite in his voice. "I am pleased to see you recovering and I must apologize for creating the circumstances that caused this sad occurrence. I hope you will continue to heal quickly and without further mishap."

My love, he wanted to cry out, forgive me for causing you all this anguish!

"I understand Lord Elrond's motive perfectly." She froze at the distaste in his voice. "Please be assured that I will in no way repeat the behavior that induced this unhappy state of affairs."

She raised her face to him. Not your behavior, beloved, mine! she wanted to cry, but she had no voice. He saw the sorrow and bereavement in her eyes.

"I shall keep you from your rest no longer. Good night, Lord Elrond, my lady." He bowed deeply and left the room.

Athelas waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps in the hall. Then she turned to Elrond. "I thank you, my lord, for staying with me. I do not think I could have faced him alone."

Elrond was horrified by what he had just seen. He had never been as reserved as either Athelas or Legolas, but the undercurrents of anger and heartbreak in the room had disturbed him greatly. His presence had destroyed any hope of reconcilliation between them.

"Athelas, I beg you! Let me bring him back! Speak to him alone. His anger was for me, not you. Do no let this be the end of your friendship!"

Athelas played with her beads and looked out the window, fighting back her tears. After a long moment she turned to Elrond with unspeakable sorrow in her eyes, but a face full of unyielding decision. She had made her mistake and Legolas would never give her the chance to repeat it. He had said so himself. Her path would now lay with Arwen.

"Dear Lord Elrond," she said, in a voice full of calm despair. "I believe that neither I nor my Lord Prince have anything more to say to each other."

Legolas was circling Imladris, running as he had not done since he was a child. He had to lose the anger, the fury inside him. He ran, unthinking, unfeeling. He must plan, he must find a way to her. He was in this state when Aragorn found him, sent by Elrond. An urgent message had come from his father. Legolas was summoned home. He silently slipped away in the pre-dawn light.