Chapter 7

Arwen spent her days with Athelas. Her body recovered quickly but her emotional state did not. Her serenity was gone. She fought to keep her composure, but was startled easily. The worry beads were never far from her fingers, and the dusty ivory grew shiny. Soon the only physical signs of her injuries were a slight limp and a delicate scar above her left eye. Elrond watched her intently. When she was cheerful, it was forced. She went about her tasks quietly but without enthusiasm. She very seldom sang and had not touched her needlework since the day of her fall.

Arwen was worried. Any attempts at conversation regarding Legolas were sharply deflected. Twice Athleas had simply stood up and left the room. When Arwen took her troubles to Elrond, he was unsure as to what to do. He felt his part in her situation keenly, but could not broach the subject with Athelas. She rebuffed any endeavor by him. His hope was that during her time in Lorien, Galadrial would be able to help her. He counseled patience to Arwen.

Arwen watched the deterioration of her friend with alarm. She became more frustrated as every attempt she made to reach Athelas failed. Finally, determined to get through to her before she left on her journey, Arwen formed a plan.

She came to her room carrying a small bundle of silver cloth. She had found it the day after the accident, and recognized it immediately. She had taken it to her own rooms for safekeeping, and Athelas had never asked her about it.

"Athelas," she began quietly, holding out the material, "will you be taking this with you? It is so near completion." She shook out the folds.

Athelas took the fabric from Arwen and ran her hand lovingly over it's surface. It was nearly finished, a high collared tunic, suitable for a male of high degree. It had been lovingly covered with intricate traceries of silver embroidery. She held it close to her cheek for a moment, then handed it back to Arwen. "You take it. Perhaps it can be altered to fit Aragorn." She turned away from Arwen and went back to selecting gowns for her trip.

Arwen turned on her friend with blue flame in her eyes. "I have lost all patience with you, Athelas! This is a gift for a lover! There is promise in every stitch. I watched you make it, I saw the dream in your eyes. This was made for Legolas, before everything fell apart between you." She shook the garment in Athelas' face, angrier than she had been in a long while. "And you would give it to Aragorn!"

"I have tried to respect your privacy, but you are suffering. You are mourning him, do you think I can't see it? I have been your friend for ages past, and you will not let me help you. Tell me what happened, let me comfort you. I don't care if you hate me for it later. But do not ask me to watch you grieve alone. I cannot."

Athelas furiously turned to face Arwen. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were brilliant with emotion.

"Tell you? Do you really want to know what I did? How I acted like a capricious fool and ruined hopes I didn't realize I had? How I let emotion overtake me and destroyed a friendship dearer to me than anything? One calm word would have saved everything, Arwen. One small explanation on my part, and I couldn't give it."

She began to storm around the room. Arwen was startled by the vehemence of her response, but also gladdened that at last Athelas was talking.

"Not only that, Arwen, but I, who have always prided myself on keeping my feelings under control acted in such a way that not only did I harm myself, I caused him to be blamed!" She crossed the room and brought her face close to Arwen's.

"Can you imagine the scene, my friend? Lord Elrond asking him if he'd harmed me? Do you wonder that he hates me now? Such humiliation it must have been for him! And him, perfectly blameless in all respects. I cannot forget the look in his eyes the last time I saw him. It haunts me! And do you really want to know what caused all this?"

Arwen pulled her shaking friend to the divan and sat down beside her. She wrapped her arms around Athelas. Athelas whipped the string of beads through her fingers so quickly they were a blur. She took a deep breath.

"I had decided that no matter what the future holds, I would not leave you, Arwen." she said quietly. She felt her friend suddenly freeze. "If you stay here with Aragorn, I will stay also. I will not leave you alone in a world of Men. You are my dearest friend, my sister, and I could not bear to have you utterly alone."

Arwen lifted her head and stared at her. Cold horror and indignation were in her eyes. "You could make such a decision without consulting me? You would take that upon yourself? Out of duty?"

"Do not look at me like that. It was not out of duty, it was out of love. The thought of you bereft of any elfkind around you dismayed me beyond measure."

Arwen spoke savagely. "You had no right to do that, Athelas."

She hung her head. "Do you think I do not realize that now? Let me finish, please. I had determined that if he, if Legolas ever tried to change the nature of the relationship between us, I would calmly explain my choice to him and ask him not to press me further."

"That's not what happened, then?"

"No."

"You blamed me, and he got angry at you. I can understand that."

"Arwen, please, this is hard for me. I don't think I could ever tell anyone but you."

"I simply cannot believe what you are telling me! You are a fool!"

"Listen to the extent of my folly, then. As I said, I was quite calm about the path I was choosing. I knew what I was going to say to him, I had even rehearsed it. He would not have been angry, you know him better than that."

"So what did happen?" Arwen asked, furious, but also curious as to how this scene played out.

"I ran away." Athelas said softly.

"You ran away. He declared his love, and you ran away." Arwen threw up her hands in exasperation. "Why?"

Athelas sat very still for a moment. When she spoke, she kept her head down and her voice was so low Arwen could barely hear her. "Because when he held me, I forgot everything I had ever meant to say. I forgot about you, my kin, my life. I would have left you and walked through Mordor to stand beside him."

Arwen shook her gently. "Why can't you ever do things the easy way? Why, in the name of all that is green and good didn't you just tell him? Why run?"

Athelas answered softly, "I did not know what to do. I was confused, I was overcome by my feelings. I wasn't sure what was best for me to do." She raised her head and looked at Arwen levelly. "And I ran because if he had touched me again, none of it would have mattered."

The two friends looked at each other for a long while. Slowly Arwen began to grin. "You really are absurd. We could have celebrated the marriage by now." She shook Athelas lightly again. "Once you explain all this to Legolas..."

"I can't." Athelas cut her off. "He made it very plain that he would never be in a position to be refused again. Arwen, you didn't see him. He was terrible. His eyes..."

"I will tell him." Arwen said simply.

"You cannot. Please, Arwen. Let me have my way in this. I understand him, his feelings on this."

"No, Athelas. You do not understand his feelings, or any others. That is what has brought you to this." She stood up. "I will tell you the plain truth. You have always been so afraid of strong emotions, denied them in yourself for so long that you do not recognize them anymore. You have been living a great love, built over years, and you did not see it. You made a choice that not only affected you, but others, without one word to anyone. Do you think for one moment I would let you throw happiness away because of my desires?" She looked at the dark head, bent over her beads.

"You must understand yourself before you can understand another. I can well believe you were terrified by your desire for him, if you thought you could let him go without any consequences to your heart. Anyone who has seen you with him comprehended your love, and you didn't. I believe you must tell him the truth."

"It is not that easy, my friend. What your father said to him, based on my lunacy! He must hate me now. He has been embarrassed and humiliated beyond all measure!"

"Do you really think so little of his regard, to believe that he would give you up over a misunderstanding?"

"This is more than a misunderstanding, Arwen! You don't understand! It was there, between us, an aching, I wanted him so badly! And yet, I rejected him, out of my own stupidity!"

"Then you must swallow your pride and send word to him."

Athelas began her tortured pacing about the room again. "It is not possible. He made it clear that things between us have changed."

"Listen to me, Athelas. You love him. You will pine for him, you will grieve, until all your strength is gone. You owe him the truth. You owe it to yourself. You have always counseled me to think about things, to plan. But life is not planned! Life is wondrous, life is to be lived! All the planning in the world did not save you from making the gravest mistake of your life!"

"I admit it. But there is no way to rectify it now."

"I say there is. You must not give up hope."

"Hope!" Athelas snorted. "Hope left Imladris the same time he did. He could not wait to leave, to be away from all that had happened to him."

"He was called by his father, Athelas. You are being unreasonable. He loves you, and you alone."

Athelas stopped her march about the room and gaped at her friend. "He does not, I tell you! He left without one word."

"Were you so charitable towards him? Meeting him with Father present? Athelas, think! Your first reaction was understandable. I can imagine how shocked you must have been by his declaration and your response, when they did not coincide with your well thought out designs. But this, this is sheer stubbornness and imbecility! Write to him, send him a message. Anything to heal this break! The feelings you have for him will not disappear with time. They are real. Feel them! Allow them to be part of your life."

"I am afraid, Arwen." she said simply. "I have hurt those I loved most by doing what I thought best, and now I do not trust my own judgement. All I can do is to allow this to pass."

"It will never pass! You will love him forever, I know you. I know the doubts and fears you faced as a child. I know the peace you have found in reticence. I also remember the girl who was not afraid to show her emotions. You must allow yourself all of life, Athelas. Please, please, send to him!"

"I can't, Arwen. You did not see him when he left me. Any hope I may have had is dead. He will never be troubled by this again! You must promise me!" Athelas tugged at her worry string so hard it gave way, scattering beads about the room.

"If you promise to think on what I have said, I will promise." Arwen said, bending to help Athelas gather the fallen ivory beads. Hastily Athelas promised, preparing to repair the string. Arwen slipped one into her sleeve. But Aragorn makes no promise, she thought to herself with a smile.