Author Note: I hope that you all enjoyed the first act of Wicked; The Piratical Version. Really, I don't know where I get these clever ideas from. Hmm...maybe the one side of my brain that is for creativity.
Jack: But, Aoife, where did I go in the play? And why am I singing?
Aoife: Jack, you're gonna come back. I promise.
Jack: Do I get to sing about rum?
Aoife: I don't think so...
Jack: Damn. This is a worthless piece of crap--
Aoife: Hey! (Slaps him hard)
Jack: Oww...
Aoife: That should teach you, you bloody pirate.
Pirates:(Sung) Every day the Wicked
Every day the terror grows
All pirates are on alert!
That's the way with Wicked-
Spreading fear where e'er she goes
Seeking out new victims she can hurt!
Giselle: Like some terrible commodore
Throughout the skies she flies
Bo'sun: Defamin' our poor Pirate
With her calumnies and lies
All: She lies!
Save us from the Wicked
Shield us so we won't be hexed
Give us warnin'
Where will she strike next
Where will she strike next
Where will she strike next
Elizabeth: (Spoken) Fellow pirates, as terrifying as terror is, let us put aside our panic for this one day...and celebrate!
(Sung) Oh what a celebration we'll have today!
Pirates: Thank goodness!
Elizabeth: Let's have a celebration the Lizzie Way!
Pirates: Thank goodness!
Barbossa:
Finally a day that's Wicked Pirate Free!
All: We couldn't be happier
Thank goodness!
Barbossa: And thank goodness for ye, Elizaeth, and yer handsome swain, our new captain of the guard. Now ye've been at the forefront of the hunt for the Wicked Pirate, haven't ye?
Jack: Not really, but I don't like to think of her as a Wicked Pirate.
Barbossa: Captain, how does it feel?
Jack: Frustratin'... but I became captain of the guard to find her, and I will keep searchin'!
Barbossa: No, bein' engaged!
Pirates: Congratulations!
Jack: This is an engagement party?
Elizabeth: Surprised?
Jack: Aye!
Elizabeth: Good, we hoped you'd be... the Wizard and I!
(Sung) We couldn't be happier
Right dear?
Couldn't be happier
Right here
Look what we've got
A fairytale plot
Our very own happying ending
Where we couldn't be happier
True dear?
Couldn't be happier
And we're happy to share our ending vicariously
With all of you!
He couldn't look handsomer
I couldn't be humbler
Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true...
Morrible: And Elizabeth, we're happy for ye! As Press Secretary, I 'ave striven to ensure that everyone knows the story of yer braverism! How I vividly
remember...
(Sung) The day ye were first summonded
To an audience with 'im
And although he wouldn't tell ye why initially
When ye bowed before 'is throne
He decreed ye'd hence be known
As Elizabeth the Excellent
Officially!
Jack: (Spoken) That's not how ye described it to me.
Elizabeth: Oh no, not exactly, but we'll talk about it later.
Barbossa: (Sung)
Then with a jealous squeal
The Wicked Pirate burst from concealment
Where she had been lurkin'
Surreptitially!
Gibbs: I 'ear she's got an extra eye that always remains awake!
Drunken Man: I 'ear that she can shed 'er skin as easily as a snake!
Scarlett: I 'ears some rebel sailors are givin' 'er food and shelter!
Giselle: Well, I 'ear 'er soul is so unclean, pure water can melt 'er!
Jack: What?
Crowd: Melt 'er? Please someone go and melt 'er!
Jack: (Spoken) Do ye hear that?! Water will melt her? People are so empty-headed they'll believe anything!
Elizabeth: Excuse me for just a tick-tock!
Jack: I can't just stand here grinning pretending to go along with all of this!
Elizabeth: Do you think I like to hear them say those awful things about her? I hate it!
Jack: Then what are we still doin' 'ere? Let's go, let's get outta 'ere!
Elizabeth: We can't leave now, not when people are looking to us to raise their spirits.
Jack: Ye can't leave, because ye can't resist this. And that is the truth, lass.
Elizabeth: Maybe I can't. Is that so wrong? Who could?
Jack: Ye know who could. Who has.
Elizabeth: Jack, I miss her too, but we can't just stop living. No one has searched harder for her than you. But don't you see? She doesn't want to be found. We have to face it.
Jack: Ye're right. I'm sorry, ye're right. And if it's gonna make ye happy, of course I'll marry ye.
Elizabeth: But it'll make you happy too, right?
Jack: Ye know me...I'm always happy. (Runs off)
Elizabeth: Jack! Thanks plenty dearest! He's gone to fetch me a refreshmen, he's so thoughtful that way!
(Sung)
That's why I couldn't be happier
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is I admit, the tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated, But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier...
Well, not simply...
'Cuz getting your dreams, it's strange but it seems
A little, well, complicated...
There's a kind of a sort of cost
There's a couple of things that get lost...
There are bridges you crossed you didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed!
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill lke you think it will...
Still...With this perfect finale
The cheers and the ballyhoo
Who wouldn't be happier?
Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true...
Well, isn't it?
Happy is what happens when your dreams come...
True!
Pirates: We love you Lizzie, if we may be so frank!
Elizabeth: Thank Goodness!
Pirates: For all this joy we know who we've got to thank!
Thank goodness!
That means the Pirate, Elizabeth...
Elizabeth: And finance!
Pirates: They couldn't be goodlier!
She couldn't be lovlier!
Elizabeth: I couldn't be happier!
Pirates: Thank goodness!
Elizabeth: Today!
Pirates: Today, thank goodness for today!